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children of bodom

anyone wanna read my story?

36 posts in this topic

"You shouldn't be here, old man.", he snapped. "This is no place for an old man."

 

The old man ignored him.

That is something straight out of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.

 

Blood...his blood....blood........BLOOD

 

...and bits of sick.

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"You shouldn't be here, old man.", he snapped. "This is no place for an old man."

 

The old man ignored him.

 

Your editing loses a lot of the impact from the full version of that scene:

 

"You shouldn't be here, old man.", he snapped. "This is no place for an old man."

The old man ignored him.

"Are you deaf as well as old?", snapped Solo.

"He did well.", mused the old man. "If only I had had more time to teach him. If only he wasn't hell bent on revenge."

"What the hell are you mumbling about?", snapped Solo, grabbing the old man's arm. "Now come on, get out of here!"

The old man shot him an icy stare.

"Never do that again, young man!"

The old man snatched his arm away, and began to walk on

Edited by Woyzeck
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I apologise to both yourself and Radcliffe for ruining such a crucial scene.

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It's not very good but without criticising it line for line I'm just going to leave you with my favourite couple of lines. It's a beauty which shows just how to calm down a girl who thinks she's being stalked.

 

 

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I think you show a lot of potential, keep writing and improving. You'll get there.

 

thanks. it's nice to know someone out there likes it.

 

i don't want to be a writer i just do it as a hobby. i know its pretty shit by my mates and family like it

 

as for the big chicken. all i can say is that comes from my nan who always says "I ve done you a big Chicken". my mate still says it when she cooks for her kids

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I think you show a lot of potential, keep writing and improving. You'll get there.

 

The whole anti-drugs thing didn't work out, then?

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Beastmaster is on Skull Island, studying the giant apes there. Stingray is now running an electronics firm

 

I love that Beastmaster is studying King Kong while Stingray is managing Dixons.

 

Funniest goddamn thing I've seen in ages.

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How to paint a high-octane action sequence with words.

 

The droned leaned over the desk. He pointed his finger at the woman
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