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The Snip


Steve Justice

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Read it wrong. This is for CIRCUMCISION..

 

I watched this documentry called "Shocking Africa: The Last Taboos" once, and this African tribe lobbed off their tribesmen's foreskins with a big fuck-off machete. They stretched it out over a tree-stump and chopped it off. Lets hope the NHS is better than that.

 

In all seriousness, I'm sure it'll be fine.

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Yeah I figured most would be too young to have had it done. Just thought I'd throw it out there on the off chance.

 

The thought of it worries me. Not sure why, although it may be the thought of going under the knife in general. I've been forunate enough not to have had any operations at all so just knowing I'm putting myself in that situtation worries me. Having it done is not an issue because it's a decision my wife and I have come to and at the end of the day it needs to be done (we have our reasons). The other thing that worries me, and this may come across as a little silly, but I'm worried about how it will affect sexual needs, i.e. will I still have them? Is it like when Austin Powers had his mojo stolen?

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I had it done last November. We had talked about it for a while, I have 4 children and decided that the family was complete. My wife regrets it as our youngest is about to embark on his first steps. I am glad I did it as I really can't see me bringing any more children into the world, and if I do want children in the house again then there are plenty that need fostering or adopting, and I don't think I would love foster/adopted children any less or my own children any less because of it.

 

I had to have general anaesthetic as I had also had a growth of a cerbacious cyst on my nutsack. It was a day procedure and apart from a bit of pain and swelling all was ok. Until... The weekend after the operation I got the wild shites and as my ballocks where on the swollen side I think I smacked them off the loo seat a few too many times. By the Wednesday it was like walking round with 2 spanish red onions stuffed in my boxers, both in appearence and feeling. I went to the doc and he smirked and said 'all vasectomies hurt' before looking and exclaiming 'Oh my God!'

What had happened is the wound inside the scrotum had opened and I was bleeding into the sack. The scanned me to make sure it had stopped and it took another week to return to anything like normal.

 

A few people say 'I had it done and was back at work in the afternoon' but I guess it's different for everyone. I found life easier after the op if I wore 2 pairs of boxers, the outer set being close fitting as the dangling feeling caused pain. Turning over in my sleep made me yelp in pain as I often squished them between my legs and soothing warm baths made my black and blue tender friends all floaty and eased the pain.

 

After you have it done you have to provide 2 emmisions, which plainly speaking means knocking one off in a jar. The first time the pain of letting it loose was agony so I never provided a sample for the 2nd time. Plus they wanted the specimen within 15 minutes of ejaculation so that means wanking in the hospital car park as the clinic is 45 mins from my house.

 

Day to day now I don't notice any difference, allthough I never got the all clear I am confident it worked as we've not used any other form of contraceptive, occasionally you can feel the little lumps where the tubes have been cut. If you can opt for general as I can't imagine the feeling of a surgeon removing long strings of spaghetti from you gonads as being particularly appealing.

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Crux's post there is my favourite of the day so far. It's horrifying, it's graphic and it also has the hilarious "wanking in the hospital car park" bit of light relief. Fine work indeed.

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I have a mate who had the chop while his Mrs was pregnant with his daughter, she said if he didn't she would have an abortion. She's since become his ex-Mrs and had at least 2 other kids with different Dads. In fact I don't think any of her 7 or 8 kids share a Dad!

 

EDIT: Just read Crux's post and now my balls are tingling :(

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If we're talking uncomfortable testicle stories I have one, although it's not 'snip' related. I developed a testicular taution somehow (not quite sure how, but I was doing the 'crotched on the ropes' spot a lot at the time) and had to go in for surgery to fix them. They opened them up, untwisted it, and then attached it to the wall of the scrotum to stop it happening again.

All pretty horrible, but it got worse when I got home the next day. They'd put me on some pretty strong painkillers, so I took a load (despite having not eaten for a few days due to the pain) and headed off to bed. Next thing I knew I was woken up by my head spinning violently and I proceeded to projectile vomit over every surface within reach. I don't know if anyone here has really projectile vomited before, but it's not just a stomach thing, this is full body convulsions and shit, which within a few heaves tore both the stitches INSIDE and OUTSIDE. I don't know what it feels like to have your testicles grabbed and ripped from your body, but I'd wager it feels pretty damn close to how this felt.

Anyway, I rushed back to the hospital with my pants stuffed with blood soaked bandages, and ended up straight back in surgery to fix the problem. Turns out as well as tearing the stitches from the first operation the swelling had caused a taution in the other testicle, so the fixed both of them at the same time.

After 2 major operations in as many days on the same area the healing time increased dramatically. I was bed ridden for about 2 months, it was another month before I could really leave the house, and another couple of months before I could use transport without it feeling like a pneumatic drill on my plums (by this point 'plums' were a pretty good description). It's a couple of years later now and they still give me pain every now and again, but I'm glad it's all over and I'll hopefully never have anything that painful again. On the plus side I've used it as an excuse to blag Viagra from the doc a couple of times.

 

So, if any women asks me to get the snip after going through all of that I'm just gonna kick 'em in the cunt and run (but not too fast, that still hurts....).

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It was horrible and made me squirm and I couldn't finish reading it. Then I saw your post so I went back and finished it. It didn't get any better. Uncomfortable reading.

 

I would say my experience is 1 in 1000, everyone I know that has had it done bar one other person has been in, snip and home.

 

I forgot to add, everytime I complained about the pain, people would roll their eyes or make out I was making it out worse that it was, until they were talking about draining it with a needle.

 

I know it's unpleasant but I thought it best to tell the truth, it doesn't always go perfect. I wish someone had told me of a problematic snip I wouldn't have gone in thinking it was a doddle. But like I said for every horror story there is probably 999 in - snip - home - happy tales.

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