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The UKFF Celebrity Twatlist


HarmonicGenerator

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Some more

 

24

Cristiano Ronaldo

cristiano-ronaldo3.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Football and stuff.

 

And he's a twat because...

He's pompous and egotistical and good-looking and incredibly well-paid and girls generally love him and he knows all this, which makes him a twat. And he's got that sneer of a smile too. Cock.

 

Was he voted a Top Twat?

No.

 

And so to summarise, Cristiano Ronaldo is worse than...

French public toilets.

 

 

 

 

23

Jack Whitehall

SNN26TV1C-380_765285a.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

I don't know ... I haven't actually heard of him. He's got stupid hair, though.

 

And he's a twat because...

One of the voters says, "not funny, thinks he is cos he swears. Fuck off you shit." Fair enough then. Plus that hair really is stupid.

 

Was he voted a Top Twat?

Yes, actually. Some people must think he's a massive twat.

 

And so to summarise, Jack Whitehall is worse than...

Stupid indie people with stupid indie hair. Stupid.

 

 

 

22

Princess Diana

princess_diana_1995.jpg

 

What's she famous for?

Marrying Prince Charles, being well-liked, dying, being revered as a saint thereafter, having Elton John sing a song about her... I'm staying out of this one...

 

And she's a twat because...

Taken from a voting email:

 

"You were a cheating, publicity hungry slut. In fact you were the posh Jordan. Oh and I could do charity work if the public paid for my lifestyle."

 

Erm, so there. Take that.

 

Was she voted a Top Twat?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Princess Diana is worse than...

I don't know, Sarah Ferguson? Camilla Parker-Bowles?

 

 

Three more in a minute.

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21

Gok Wan

gok%20wan.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Talking about clothes and make-up and things. Also, being really gay.

 

And he's a twat because...

Well, look at him. Ask a female about him. Bet they love him. He looks a right wanker.

 

Was he voted a Top Twat?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Gok Wan is worse than...

Sitting in a hospital waiting room and all they've got there to read is crappy gossip magazines full of columns written by Gok Wan. The twat.

 

 

 

20

P!nk

pink-20080117-364847.jpg

 

What's she famous for?

Singing.

 

And she's a twat because...

She's so very very alternative, isn't she? She doesn't care what anybody thinks of her. How rebellious. She's awesome. So what, I'm still a rock star, or something. Shut up. Just shut up. Now. Na-na-na-na na na-na, I wanna start a fight. Gash. Plus she spells her name with a FUCKING EXCLAMATION MARK. So cool. So cool.

 

Was she voted a Top Twat?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, P!nk is worse than...

Having that song I quoted up there stuck in your head all day.

 

 

 

19

Pete Doherty

pete-doherty-prison-b.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Mainly taking loads of drugs and fucking Kate Moss. And occasionally, music.

 

And he's a twat because...

Let us go to the voice of a voter.

 

The Emperor's new clothes of the pop world. Makes a couple of albums that sound like pissed students who've just had the Oxford encyclopedia of philosophy out of the library falling over drumkits, and is hailed as a 'misunderstood genius'. Spawned a generation of scrawny, spotty, sallow kids who suddenly thought buying a trilby and going to clubs in Sgt. Pepper fancy dress would buy them a place in the hierarchy of teenage cool instead of the usual head-flushing in the school toilet. Claims to support QPR despite coming from Hexham, and is a self-described poet - as close to a dictionary definition of 'pretentious cunt' as you're ever going to get.

 

Was he voted a Top Twat?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Pete Doherty is worse than...

Being in a threesome involving two blokes, and the other bloke jizzes on you, and it goes up your nose, and you can't get it out no matter how much you sneeze.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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Claims to support QPR despite coming from Hexham
Thats not a reason to hate someone. I'm sure he started supporting QPR when he came down here to study which is valid enough. Unlike those people who claim to support Man United despite coming from Birmingham, London etc.
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Although he can be a bit of a cunt sometimes, I think referring to Pete Doherty as a "self-described" poet is a bit inaccurate. He won a poetry competition that got him touring Russia when he was a kid, I'm no poetry buff, but those that are deemed him okay.

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Was there a poster on here that said that Nicholas Lyndhurst swore at him angrily one time? Or was I dreaming it?

 

That's Gossy, although his Bobby Ball story is even better.

 

 

Ohhh, I missed that. Gossy..any chance you could share the knowledge on Mr Ball?

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I have never seen or heard Jack Whitehall in any medium. I'm not trying to be anti-mainstream or nothin', I have just never heard of the guy before at all and I guess I should consider myself lucky. He certainly looks like a tool in any case.

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Claims to support QPR despite coming from Hexham
Thats not a reason to hate someone. I'm sure he started supporting QPR when he came down here to study which is valid enough. Unlike those people who claim to support Man United despite coming from Birmingham, London etc.

 

When did he study there - do you mean uni or school? If it's school, fair enough. If it's uni, fuck him. You pick your football team before you get to voting age, or not at all.

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I don't agree with Princess Diana being on the list.

 

Id say the people who fawn over her like she is the second coming are the twats, but I'd give her a place in the list by proxy of not being able to pick 3/4's of the UK population.

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Although he can be a bit of a cunt sometimes, I think referring to Pete Doherty as a "self-described" poet is a bit inaccurate. He won a poetry competition that got him touring Russia when he was a kid, I'm no poetry buff, but those that are deemed him okay.

 

Don't get me wrong - by that I meant that he actually considers himself a poet, as opposed to just having idiot fans who repeatedly describe him as such (i.e 'John Lennon/Bob Dylan/Shakin Stevens is the greatest poet of the 20th Century'). I just find poetry writing in general a pretentious and cuntish profession/pastime. Jeff Hardy does it - what more evidence do you need?

 

Not that I'm generalising, you understand...

Edited by Magnum
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Claims to support QPR despite coming from Hexham
Thats not a reason to hate someone. I'm sure he started supporting QPR when he came down here to study which is valid enough. Unlike those people who claim to support Man United despite coming from Birmingham, London etc.

 

When did he study there - do you mean uni or school? If it's school, fair enough. If it's uni, fuck him. You pick your football team before you get to voting age, or not at all.

Dunno about that, if I somehow got into football in the future (unlikely because I find the whole thing a touch tedious and dull), would I therefore have to look to the football team in Boston, or could I instead just side with the team in whatever location I am currently living?

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