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Great Wrestling Promo Transcripts


tiger_rick

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NWA Hammerlock recently, at the Tap n Tin in Chatham. Jon Ryan and Kurupt are interrupted in their promo by their opponents; NWA Jr Heavyweight Champion, Zack Sabre Jr & Jimmy Havoc:

 

Zack Sabre Jr. : You bunch of cunts.

Jimmy Havoc (Takes Mic): See? This is why we don't let you speak.

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NWA Hammerlock recently, at the Tap n Tin in Chatham. Jon Ryan and Kurupt are interrupted in their promo by their opponents; NWA Jr Heavyweight Champion, Zack Sabre Jr & Jimmy Havoc:Zack Sabre Jr. : You bunch of cunts.Jimmy Havoc (Takes Mic): See? This is why we don't let you speak.

Brilliant. Zack's gone up a million percent in my book.*makes note in book*
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Cactus Jack (with Tommy Dreamer) after being beaten up by Sandman and Tommy Cairo:"Tommy Dreamer, he aint no pretty boy, he's a man! Maybe nature gave him these looks but he's earned the guts, he earned the heart and its all his and Sandman you cant take it away from him, Tommy Cairo you cant take it away from him but I'm Cactus Jack! I'll take away from you whatever I want and right now... I want your souls. Bang bang!"

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I loved that Zack Sabre Jr. now :D though i'm sure that offended some part of the live audienceThe one i like was the Rock singing to Test on Christmas Smackdown. Which Goes:" Test there's a song and it's called the twelve days of christmas. You see Test the Rock wants to sing you twelve things you can look forward to tonight..(people cheer) and the rock will go slow at first just for you Test On the night Test faces the great one this is what he'll see Twelve sharpshooters stinging Eleven eyebrows raising Ten spines a busting Nine noggins a knocking Eight kicks a kicking Seven punches a punching Six suplexs smshing Fivvvveeee seconds of the people chanting the Rock's name (audience chant "Rocky, Rocky") Four Rock Bottoms Three People's Elbow On your two buck teeth And an ass whuppin' all over New Orleans.."

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I loved that Zack Sabre Jr. now :D though i'm sure that offended some part of the live audienceThe one i like was the Rock singing to Test on Christmas Smackdown. Which Goes:" Test there's a song and it's called the twelve days of christmas. You see Test the Rock wants to sing you twelve things you can look forward to tonight..(people cheer) and the rock will go slow at first just for you Test On the night Test faces the great one this is what he'll see Twelve sharpshooters stinging Eleven eyebrows raising Ten spines a busting Nine noggins a knocking Eight kicks a kicking Seven punches a punching Six suplexs smshing Fivvvveeee seconds of the people chanting the Rock's name (audience chant "Rocky, Rocky") Four Rock Bottoms Three People's Elbow On your two buck teeth And an ass whuppin' all over New Orleans.."

Just incase you didn't know, there is a link in the youtube thread that includes this promo, and many more. Its one or two pages back in one the Rocks Funniest moments links. Lots of good stuff in them. :D
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The second best promo done at King of The Ring 1996:

 

 

*****************************************

 

Jim Ross:

"Alright, Vince, thanks very much. Brian Pill ...."

 

Brian Pillman:

"How's my extended family doing, Jimmy?"

 

Jim Ross:

"Fine".

 

Brian Pillman:

"I forgot to tell ya... I don't even give a damn about my own family!

And I think even less of this sewer of human waste that sits before me.

It's easy to see why Jeffrey Dahmer tried to consume this whole state from head to toe, ha ha ha..."

 

Jim Ross:

"It's not really funny... I'm sure the fans are excited about the day you'll be able to step in the ring.

Tell me, how do you think you'll measure up to this kind of competition?"

 

Brian Pillman:

"Listen, you stupid son of a bitch!

I'll get..." (breaks off and laughs again)

"What I want to know is, how does it feel to be one of the members of the wretched refuse?

Paralyzed with fear of Brian f'n Pillman.

Does, says, whatever he wants. We'll find out real soon if any of your so-called WWF Superstars has the guts to stop me.

Yeah, take a good look. I'm the brightest star to ever step foot on God's green earth!

While you crown a King of the Ring, the leader of the new revolution ascends to his throne.

I'm gonna rape, pillage, and plunder this entire federation!"

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Perhaps a little rambling in places, but this is the only one of many wonderful Tracy Smothers promos from this year in 1PW I have:

 

"Look right here, 1-P-dubya. Two-thirds of Old School X.

"High Flyin'" Chris Hamrick and Sellout, Psycho, Smasher, Smoky Smothers:

Southern Comfort!

 

Tonight against Al Snow and the Blue Meanie: loser wears a dress.

Are we wearing dresses?"

I ain't wearing no dress, man. I'm from Tennessee.

We don't wear dresses, ok? It don't happen.

 

Y'all are Doncaster Donkeys. Y'all might wear dresses.

Al Snow and Blue Meanie: y'all might wear a dress ... y'all GONNA be wearing dresses,

'cos let me tell you something guys:

we gonna beat you from pillar to post. We'll whup ya like you stole something.

 

Y'all tried to hit us with everybody's finishing moves:

LOD's clothesline, the Dudley Death Drop, the Hart Attack, everything.

We beat 'em fair and square.

Chris had him rolled up right there

and I hit him with the big right hand from the promised land, man!

 

And we gonna do it again tonight, in just a little bit.

Loser wears a dress.

 

And then after we put them dresses on y'all,

we gonna go out in the crowd and slap each and every one of you individually.

Anyone who buys this dvd .... they die. Straight up".

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  • 4 weeks later...

Colt Cabana's ring introduction at the ROH Trio's Tournament in 2005.

 

Cabana:

"I figure on such an occasion on a tournament of trios.

Where three people are all fighting for one common cause,

and my tag partner is Steve Corino, that I would make a list of my own.

Ladies & Gentlemen: I give to you a list, by Colt Cabana, of people that I would like to have a 3-way with".

 

Ring Announcer:

"Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera ...

 

Madonna and Cher ...

 

Bertha Faye and Alundra Blayze ...

 

Peg Bundy and Marcy Darcy ...

 

Hillary and Chelsea Clinton ...

 

Kelly Kapowski and Lisa Turtle ...

 

Lillian Garcia and Mike McGuirk ...

 

The Glamour Girls ...

 

The Gilmore Girls ...

 

The Spice Girls ...

 

The Nitro Girls ...

 

and any girls that have gone wild.

 

The Jumping Bomb Angels ...

 

Charlie's Angels ...

 

The Olsen Twins ...

 

The Sweet Valley High twins ...

 

The black chicks from Sister Sister ...

 

The Pointer Sisters ...

 

any two hot nuns.

 

Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty ...

 

Dark Journey and Sweet Sapphire ...

 

Jackie Brown and Foxy Brown ...

 

April Hunter and Slyk Wagner Brown ..."

 

 

CM Punk interrupts:

"Wait, wait, wait, wait .... don't hate. Appreciate."

 

 

Ring Announcer continues:

"Sensational Sherri and Peggy-Sue ...

 

Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble ...

 

Laverne and Shirley ...

 

Marcia and Carol Brady ...

 

Anne Heche and Ellen Degeneres ...

 

The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young ...

 

Fashion Queen Barbie and Skiing Vacation Barbie ...

 

 

and finally, to end VERSION 1 of this list by taking it to the EDGE ....

 

 

El Dandy and Lita!"

Edited by dopper
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  • 2 weeks later...

Another amusing ring introduction ...

 

Shane Douglas vs Raven in the Main Event of 'A Night of Appreciation For Sabu' in December 2004.

Guest referee Mick Foley comes out and does a promo, then Douglas does the same.

Then Raven comes out and sits in the corner.

 

 

Ring Announcer:

 

"... and his opponent

 

is an internationally known celebrity who has appeared on such C-level shows

as "Donny & Marie" and "Win Ben Stein's Money".

 

He was the creator of the bWo, the Blue World Order, featuring Big Stevie Cool and Da Blue Guy.

 

He was also one-third of the legendary comedy trio along with Steve Austin and Brian Pillman.

 

He is the inventor of White-Out (American name for Tipp-ex) and, for the ladies, the Jackrabbit.

 

He was a member of 'The Cartel' lead by The Boss in Global Championship Wrestling,

along with Rip Rogers, Makhan Singh and a third person he can't remember".

 

 

(Foley says to Douglas, "That was me")

 

 

"He once had his feet tickled by Cactus Jack while seducing a woman in her bed,

as Cactus hid on the floor, not three hours after he and Cactus first met.

 

He once 3-way heeled a room along with Cactus Jack and DDP

and when nothing was on TV, Cactus Jack and Raven decided to watch 'Droopy'

but DDP over-ruled them - even though it was two against one and he had the least seniority in the room.

 

Raven would also like it mentioned that the last time he and Shane Douglas wrestled,

Shane Douglas threw up on him.

 

Raven would also like everyone to have Disco Inferno's home phone number.

Get your pens out: It is (CENSORED)

 

So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome: weighing 245lbs - RAVEN!"

 

 

Crowd applauds

 

 

Raven:

 

"Don't you people dare applaud me.

The only reason I showed up at this fiasco

was because I thought Sabu would be well enough for me to put him through a table.

I don't like Sabu,

I don't like The Shiek, I never have and never will.

I don't like charity shows.

I don't like Christmas,

and you people suck"

 

 

This topic = :love:

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