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Great Wrestling Promo Transcripts


tiger_rick

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This is a promo from this weeks Raw by JBL that i thought was amazing.

Edit - Spoiler tags removed

 

Raw - 19th March 2007

 

JBL vs Shawn Michaels

 

Michaels is already in the ring.

JBL gets out of his limo to reveal he isn't in his ring gear, he is in a suit.

 

"I just flew in from Wall Street, New York City, in my eight thousand dollar suit, because I was told i have a match, with you.

 

I guess....

(crowd chants "You Suck")

 

I guess somebody didn't get the memo, nobody, nobody tells JBL what to do, nor when to do it. And Damn sure nobody tells me when to come out of retirement against anybody! If i come out of retirement, it will be my choosing, my rules, in my town, New York City, and it damn sure wont be in freaking Indiana.

 

(Boo's)

 

So get this, HBK vs JBL, dream match, not gonna happen.

 

(asshole chants, more boos)

 

And its not like you don't have enough problems, you see, you don't have to worry about me kicking your ass tonight Shawn, because in less than 2 weeks, count em buddy, tick tock tick tock, you get your ass kicked by John Cena at Wrestlemania

 

You have had time after time, opportunity after opportunity to kick Cenas head right off his shoulders, and you didn't do it. You have got to be the most egotistical prick I've ever seen in my life.

 

And despite all that, despite all that,when you walk through that curtain you're a lighting rod, your the showstoppa, you are indeed the main event, I have seen you play mind games with guys so badly, you had 'em beat before they could even climb through the ropes, but this Shawn, this isn't a mind game is it, this is doubt, because you know, in your heart of hearts, when you look in a mirror and see your soul, you know deep down you cant beat John Cena.

 

So you have the perfect out Shawn, and that pisses me off, you come out here and you don't take the shot, you don't take the chance, you have got Everest right in front of you and you wont even climb it because you know deep down, maybe you cant, maybe these fans wont cheer you anymore,so you become a good guy, you get religion, you don't take a shot at John Cena cause your a decent human being, so win or lose, when your done, there gonna cheer you, even though you didn't even try, pathetic.

 

If i wasn't in retirement right now, id beat your ass myself, because you make me sick.

Edited by Kenji Mocko
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More nWo from the early days, I didn't get the chance to review any WrestleManias today so here's another Hollywood Hogan Promo instead ( :laugh: ). It made me laugh because it was nuts (and a parody of Hogan's Right Guard commercial) but I'm not entirely sure what the point was...

 

"The nWo is World-Wide!

>holds up inflatable globe<

We're International now!!

We're going to TAKE OVER the Whole Planet!!!

 

You see right there?

>points at inflatable globe<

That's Charlotte.

That's where Ric Flair rules.

Not Anymoooore!

Hahahaha!

 

And right there

>points at inflatable globe<

That's Atlanta.

At...Lant-lant-lant-lanta!

Where they have something going on real big.

That's where Ted Turner rules.

Not Anymoooore!

 

And after WarGames, my friends

The N...W...O

>spray paints 'NWO' on inflatable globe<

Shall RULE THE WHOLE WORLD, man!

And the only thing they can do is:

BACK OFF! And PUNT!

>kicks inflatable globe off set<

 

Because when I UNLEASH THE POWER of the nWo

On the WHOLE WORLD of professional wrestling

They will DROP TO THEIR KNEES

>gets down on hands and knees<

And they'll say:

'YES, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN!'

'YES, YOU WERE RIGHT!'

 

And the

>spray paints 'WCW' on floor<

W...C...W

Oops! Excuse my toot!

Will be NO MORE, my friends!

>spray paints over 'WCW'<

There will be NO WCW!

 

So anyway you look at it,

The nWo shall take care of ALL THE BUSINESS

And when I say:

>spray paints 'NWO' on Big Screen<

N...Hahaha...W...OOOOOOOOOOO!

>spray paints his initials on Big Screen<

That's me!!!

Haha!!!!

 

And when I say 'NWO'

Your going to realize after WarGames

A sublime palate of odoriferous emanations

Way above

>signals above head<

The average WCW wrestling fan's mentality.

 

The nWo with Hulk Hogan shall RULE FOREVER

Because, my friends

Anything less would be

>sprays spray-can in air as if it's a deodorant/air-freshener<

TOO CIVILIZED!"

 

:crazy:

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Having been working my way through the old WrestleManias here's Jim Cornette's promo from WrestleMania X...

 

Todd Pettengill: "Vince, I'm in the locker-room. I'm waiting for WWF champion Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji... What a match! >pause< Now I've been told Yokozuna should be here any second and obviously we're going to try to bring you that interview here, but what a match between Lex Luger and Mr. Perfect! I was back here trying to separate the two Superstars..."

 

>Jim Cornette enters<

 

Todd Pettengill: "Jim Cornette!"

 

Jim Cornette: "What do you want?!?"

 

Todd Pettengill: "I've gotta tell you, obviously Yokozuna is still champion but he was down, laying in that ring..."

 

Jim Cornette: >interupting< "Who's got the belt?"

 

> Yokozuna enters and shoves Pettengill's face <

 

Jim Cornette: "Who's still the champion?

 

That's all you need to know Petting-Zoo!

 

And let me tell you something right now, Lex Luger you thought you had everything well in hand just like a purring kitten. But you found out in the immortal words of the great poet and philosopher Ian Anderson

Edited by TheBigBoot
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  • 2 weeks later...

From In Your House 5: Season's Beatings

 

During the Tag Team Match (Razor Ramon + Marty Jannetty Vs. Sid + 1-2-3 Kid) we cut to Todd Pettengill who is at Goldust's private booth at the top of the entrance area for the show. Goldust is flanked by a short man in full red usher uniform including fez. We cut to Todd Pettengill following a short lead in from Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

 

Todd Pettengill: 'Yes, I tried to talk to Goldust earlier during the Sunday Night Slam as he was making his way to this private box. Can you tell us why you're here?'

 

Goldust: 'Are you here for an affair? ... The Graduate, 1967. Look at him, oozing machismo. That long, wavy, jet black hair, that masculine, muscular, hairy chest. That's a man (Goldust purrs in satisfaction), yes indeed that is one hundred percent man with sweat and ecstacy emphasising every move. But before... Before I drown in this hormonal see of life. I must ask a favour of you. This naughty one, this bad guy, Razor Ramon (The usher hands Goldust a gold coloured envelope) ... Would you be so kind as to give him this? (Goldust hands the envelope to Pettengill)

 

------

 

Jeff Jarrett returns...

 

Jerry Lawler: '(Getting up from his position at the commentary table) I got a big surprise, you get out of the ring. (To the crowd) Show some respect for royalty you morons. (Now in the ring) We're getting close to that time of year when everyone anxiously awaits a visit from a very special individual, hahaha. Well, you're all going to be disapointted because there is a fat chance of Santa Clause coming to see any of you idiots, but I've invited a very special individual here tonight for you all to see. He is very special, in fact he is great. He is... Double J! Jeff Jarrett!!!'

 

Vince McMahon: 'Don't tell me... It is, Double J, Jeff Jarrett. And here he comes now. And of course everyone remembers his last hit single, 'With my baby tonight'. There he is, a former Intercontinental Champion. Jeff Jarrett.

 

Jerry Lawler: 'Ain't he great?!'

 

Vince McMahon: 'However I think this is a Christmas present we could do without.'

 

Jerry Lawler: 'Real quick, just for me, tell 'em who it is'

 

Jeff Jarrett: 'Hahaha, hello folks, Double J here. That's J - E - Double F, hahaha, J - A - Double R - E - Double T, Jeff Jarrett. The world's greatest singer, the world's greatest entertainer and the world's greatest wrestler. Ain't I great?'

 

Jerry Lawler: 'You are great, in fact you are greater than great. Now Jeff's been away preparing for his upcoming tour and its going to be called just that, 'Greater than great'. But before you get started on it. Your 'Ain't I great' tour was so successful, your CD was so successful that I have got a special surprise here for you tonight. And I get the honour of presenting this to you. Do me a favour, hold this microphone for a second will you?'

 

Jeff Jarrett: 'Sure thing King'

 

Jerry Lawler: 'Double J it gives me great pleasure to award to you, for the sale of more than five hundred thousand copies of the Red Eye productions album, 'Ain't I great' featuring the hit single 'With my baby tonight' by 'Double J' Jeff Jarrett your very own personal gold CD.... Ain't he great! (Jarrett folds the frame in the air to the boos of the crowd) Well, Jeff what do you think?'

 

Jeff Jarrett: 'Well King, all I got to say, and I do have a few words to say, is that this right here is the culmination of the 'Ain't I great' tour. Because I told everybody here when I came to the WWF (DubyaDubyaEff), that I was gonna USE the WWF and that's exactly what I did. I told everyone I was the greatest wrestler, and what'd I do? I won the Intercontinental Title. I told everyone I was the greatest singer and hoho, my video proved that. I told everyone I was the greatest entertainer and Double J single handedly took Monday Night RAW to places its never been before. So this right here is the culmination of the 'Ain't I great' tour, but the big question is what am I gonna do now? You sort of let the cat out of the bag talking about the new tour. Well as we speak the finishing touches on my new album are being done and then I'll have another one of these babies (taps the gold CD award he's cradling under his arm), it'll be titled 'Greater than great', just like my new tour 'Greater than great' and I'm also here to throw my hat (touches hat) no, not this hat, this is my good hat, but I'm here to declare myself the very first participant in the 1996 Royal Rumble. The very first one, because I'm going to go through 29 other superstars and then at Wrestlemania 12 in Los Angeles, right there in Hollywood, hoho, Double J will become the new champion. Haha, oh yeah. And I can see it now, the Hollywood Hills sign, they're gonna tear down the Hollywood sign and put up Double J, Jeff Jarrett. That's J - E - Double F, J - A - Double R - E - Double T. Double J, Jeff Jeffart, the world's greatest singer, the world's greatest entertainer and the world's greatest wrestler and NEW WWF Champion. Ain't I great?'

 

Jerry Lawler: 'You're greater than great. Hey come on over and sit with me, it's almost like being by myself being with McMahon'

 

---

 

Dean Douglas backs out of his match with Ahmed Johnson...

 

Dean Douglas: 'I would like right now to have your attention because class is in session, hahaha. Now I was ready to come out here tonight and give one, Ahmed Johnson the wrestling lesson of a lifetime. But instead the doctors did what no wrestler could do and stopped me. It seems at this point that my back is only at 65 per cent of where it should be. I told my doctors at even 65 per cent I can teach Ahmed Johnson the lesson I want to teach him, but he said no way Dean. Therefore, I've got myself a new student I've been training. Someone that will teach Ahmed Johnson that lesson, I give you the 'Graduate Student' Buddy Landell!'

 

---

 

Jerry Lawler interviews Ahmed Johnson...

 

Jerry Lawler: 'Ahmed Johnson. Come on down here for just a minute, I want to have a little word with the er... Teacher's pet. I guess that congratulations are sort of in order. Now Ahmed, I guess you think that that little victory was pretty impressive, I guess you think all these people are impressed (Crowd cheers) Hey, shut up. Double J, were you impressed?'

 

Jeff Jarrett: 'Absolutely not.'

 

Jerry Lawler: 'Hahaha. Hey let me tell you something, when Double J was in school not only was he a great athlete, he lettered in football but he also maintained a 4.0 grade average. I heard when you got your letter you had to get the coach to read it to ya, hahaha. What do you think of that Double J'

 

Jeff Jarrett: 'Haha, great King. You got him.'

 

Jerry Lawler: 'You know, me and you are gonna tangle pretty soon. So I wanna know Double J, what do you think his chances are against me?'

 

Ahmed Johnson grabs the microphone

 

Ahmed Johnson: 'That's enough of that. Lemme tell you something you achie-breakie heart wannabe, you're a fake! You're a fake cowboy, an urban cowboy, you know that? You're an achie-breakie heart wannabe, FAKE PUNK! Lemme tell you something (Turning to the King) Don't you ever get in my face again, you understand that? YOU UNDERSTAND!?'

 

Jeff Jarrett blasts Ahmed Johnson over the head with his gold CD frame from behind. Jarrett breaks the glass of the frame over Ahmed's head and then begins to hit him with a chair. The two men fight all the way down the aisle and backstage.

Edited by Natural Born Thrilla
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Having been working my way through the old WrestleManias here's Jim Cornette's promo from WrestleMania X...

Fantastic stuff. It's almost possible to think it is all real when you hear a promo like that.
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Here's another Cornette one from SummerSlam 93:

 

Joe Fowler: "I have been waiting all night long to talk to this entourage: we have the World Wrestling Federation Champion Yokozuna, his manager Mr Fuji and his American spokesperson Jim Cornette.

 

"Cornette, you're already in the hole, the Heavenly Bodies lost to the Steiners - you're 0 and 1 tonight."

 

Jim Cornette: "Let me tell you something, hatchet head. You need to sit down, take you a valium and listen to what I've got to say.

 

"First of all, it was a hometown decision. A referee from Detroit, Michigan - biased, prejudiced. The WWF's going to hear about this; Jack Tunney's going to hear about this. There were two Steiners in the ring... I could list infractions as long as Rick and Scott Steiner's police record.

 

But we were ripped off, plain and simple. The Heavenly Bodies were not fairly defeated, and I am going to be heard on this another day. But I guarantee you, the same thing is not going to happen to the great Yokozuna."

 

JF: "We have had a night of surprises. Surprise no.1: Jerry Lawler comes out on crutches. Then another surprise: Paul Bearer shows up, out of nowhere. Might the next surprise be

Edited by freaky_jason
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Im gonna put the spoiler tags on this one cause some people will want to see the show first.but anyway, while not a truly great promo, the implications of this promo to the fued it involves (my favourite feud in wrestling, the Jimmy Jacobs, Lacey, BJ Whitmer angle) are so big, I havnt marked out so much for soo long.this is a backstage promo from ROH fifth year festival: PhillySPOILER - Highlight the black box to read
BackstageHi this is Rebecca Bayless. Its been a crazy night here at Ring of Honor backstage, Lacey actually requested some interview time so Lacey, what do what to say tonightLacey: well actually, i just wanted to say jimmy..Jimmy Jacobs : yeah, im sorry that we didnt win, i just want to say that, im sorry.ill take responsibility for that, i got pinned and im sorry.Lacey: Its o.k, i just wanted to tell you that im actually quite proud of you, the way that you jabbed that heel right into Cabanas throat, I mean, he cant even talk any more, im really proud of you Jimmy i have to say, i mean, the way that we kinda like, tied em up in there, that was, that was pretty nice, that was, kinda hot. so i just, i was just thinking that.. *Lacey whispers to Jimmy, Jimmy looks shocked and very happy*Jimmy: What*Lacey nods and walks off camera*Jimmy: Are you..Rebecca: Jimmy, Jimmy, what did Lacey just say to you?*Jacobs, looks shocked, and very VERY happyRebecca: what did she just say, hmm, can you speak right now, can you talk?*jimmy opens collar, very happy Jimmy

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello Big Show,

I saw what you did to Test

So I thought I'd try to calm you down by reading from this fable

To turn that frown ... upside down.

The story starts, a giant, a beanstalk and a boy named Jack,

but for the purposes of this story, the boy will be named ... ShaneOMac.

Now, Shane had a dad that was angry and crass

because at Wrestlemania

Shane kicked his dad's ass.

Shane's dad was sore, he could barely walk,

so he called Shane out, for a father-son talk.

They stood in the ring, face to face and toe to toe,

when Vince called out for the giant, Big Show.

"Fe fi fo fum, I'm seven foot tall but me plenty dumb".

Show grabbed Shane by the neck, picked up of the mat,

then chokeslammed Shane down with a ferocious splat.

Vince grinned from ear to ear upon seeing the crash

said "You two will compete this Sunday, at Backlash"

Once the match started, the giant looked high and low,

but he couldn't find Shane ... which way did he go?

Up to the top of the mighty beanstalk,

the people were stunned, they could barely talk!

The fairytale ends with a mighty crash landing.

When it was all said and done ... ShaneOMac ... was the last ... man ... standing!

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A guy I learned to wrestle with back in 2001/2, I think he didn't do anything after that, he had a training match with the guy he cut this on who was using the name Fear, its only a rookies promo, but I still remember it because it was pretty good.

Fear.....every time we've stepped into the ring, you've used a goddamn cheap trick to beat me. This can't be allowed to continue Fear. Yes, you're younger and faster, but that just means you'll hit the ground faster. Fear....one of my most unique tools, and you bastardise the name to make yourself look cool? No. This afternoon Fear.....I'm gonna break your goddamn back.

Edited by thejeffjarrettone
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A guy I learned to wrestle with back in 2001/2, I think he didn't do anything after that, he had a training match with the guy he cut this on who was using the name Fear, its only a rookies promo, but I still remember it because it was pretty good.

Fear.....every time we've stepped into the ring, you've used a goddamn cheap trick to beat me. This can't be allowed to continue Fear. Yes, you're younger and faster, but that just means you'll hit the ground faster. Fear....one of my most unique tools, and you bastardise the name to make yourself look cool? No. This afternoon Fear.....I'm gonna break your goddamn back.

:confused:
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