Would an Old School Raw have worked during the Attitude Era using Wrestlers from the 80's?

[air_raid]

Imagine a Vince Russo penned Attitude Era Raw featuring those characters.

Million Dollar Man offers Chyna money for a blowie to prove everyone has a price but she gives him a roshambo. As Teddy lies crying on the floor cradling his nuts, Godfather appears telling Ted he was barking up the wrong tree and we pan to blue shirt Boss Man getting attention from a bevy of hos. ((crap joke about Hard Time)) When DiBiase makes it back to his room, X-PAC has pissed all over the Million Dollar Belt. Something something not so much diamonds and gold as golden shower. PMS fail to show up for managing whoever and after the match we cut to a hotel room where both are lying post coitus in bed with Mr Perfect. Terri giggles about “He really is… Perfect.” [[Michael from Partridge voice]] SHE MEANS HIS COCK [[/]] Ravishing Rick Rude goes out to the ring to call the women of the city “plastic, nasty, cum sucking gutter sluts” before Godfather appears again to tell Rick he doesn’t know how right he is and takes him backstage to get noshed off. Special guest Jerry Springer does a session with The American Dream Dusty Rhodes and his estranged son where to try and form a bond they’ll do a swap for a week where Dusty will try sexual deviance and Dustin will swap his golden body stocking for polka dots. Val Venis reveals before his planned match with Jake the Snake he slipped something into Damians bag so he’ll have nothing to worry about. After 90 seconds stalling production activate a mechanism in the bag so it “stands up” making it look like the snake has become an erection even though we know it’s chemically and physiologically impossible. The match gets abandoned as Cole and Lawler pretend to find it hysterical.

Jake goes looking for a vet or doctor and asks Slick to help when he bumps into half the Visionaries team. Slick explains he’s a doctor of style, not medicine, and he’s got his own problems. The Model is getting distracted by one of the hos complaining about her feminine hygiene problem - he sprays her in the muff with Arrogance, problem solved! Meanwhile Herc is fretting because Mr McMahon promised Power & Glory a match but he can’t find Roma or his chain. Cut to Springer doing a love triangle sit down with Randy, Liz and The Hulkster where Savage blames Hogan for the divorce but Hulks alibi is he couldn’t have been leading Lizzy astray because he was on tour with Metallica in Japan and due to the time difference simultaneously wrestling Abraham Lincoln in Washington DC on that date, brother. Meanwhile Herc goes to the ring for his match and the tron reveals Dusty has got Roma chained up with Hercs own chain, covered in baby oil and with a gimp mask on. Rhodes is instructing Debra to “perform a sex act” on the helpless Roma. Debs giggles in that brainless Southern belle way she always did and is happy to go along with it but Jeff Jarrett breaks it up - BOOOO - and hauls Debbie away because he’s late preparing for his concert with Honky Tonk Man exclusively live on WWF.com. Sherri Martel referees the latest Sable evening gown match but Commissioner Michaels orders Sensational to disrobe herself because he didn’t get enough looks at her tits first time round - somehow everyone involved ends up beating up Marc Mero. Finally on last, Steve Austin vs Undertaker vs Kane for the belt goes to a no contest when Earthquake and Dino Bravo interfere but just as Earthquake is about to sit on Stone Cold, The Rock and Hogan make the save. The heel wrestlers flee after loads of Stunners but Jimmy Hart gets trapped and subjected to a leg drop and Peoples Elbow. Faces pose, we’re out of time, stay tuned for Pacific Blue or La Femme Nikita.

Just joking. Russo would come up with FAR worse.

Edited May 13 by air_raid
Sharon Stone, painted green, vacuum packed with a copy of The Racing Post sticking out of her bum.

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

I think that the only thing you've got wrong there Raiders is that you have used the word "Pretend" inadvertently when referring to Lawler and Cole. 

[Sheffbag]

On 5/13/2026 at 6:42 AM, air_raid said:

The Model is getting distracted by one of the hos complaining about her feminine hygiene problem - he sprays her in the muff with Arrogance, problem solved!

Post of the year right there just for the use of the word muff

[garynysmon]

During the late 80’s and through the 90’s really, the WWF was horrendous for immediately erasing anyone who wasn’t around any more from the history books. 

Even moreso if they were an active wrestler working elsewhere.

After KOTR 93 you’d barely know that Hulk Hogan had ever worked for the company, and they were terrible for wrestlers just disappearing off TV without any explanation at all. Savage in 1994 is one of the few acknowledged off-screen departures I can actually remember.

During the Attitude Era they were desperate to appear as ‘new’ as possible, divorcing themselves from the past.

I actually remember getting annoyed in wrestling chatrooms, forums etc at the time, bemoaning so many “new fans” who didn’t seem to know a thing about the pre-attitude product or wrestlers.

Any returning faces from yesteryear were either given a new gimmick (Big Boss Man, Earthquake) or made to look like a total idiot during angles (Koko B Ware, Bob Backlund).

By 2001 they’d started to realise there was money to be made from nostalgia etc.

But the likes of Bruno Sammartino, despite all they did for the company, meant very little to a huge chunk of the WWF audience as it was pre-expansion.

While I have no doubt the WWF would have made a better show of a ‘Heroes of Wrestling’ type deal (who couldn’t?), it simply wasn’t on the cards at the time.

And let’s not forget, back then a 45 year old wrestler left over from the 80’s would have almost certainly have been way more fucked than any 45 year old current WWE wrestler.

 

Edited July 2 by garynysmon

[simonworden]

Technology and accessibility have played such a part in nostalgia. Wrestling hadn't been national really more than 15 years in 2000 so trying to find something that the majority of fans, had they been hanging on long enough would care about and be of interest was difficult. The fact that wrestling was more tune in for TV, full of a lot less hardcore fans and something many tuned in and out of, the 'member berries for the 80s just weren't there. Pop culture really didn't look back at the time. Its like nobody was looking to buy old SNES or PS1 games at the height of the PS2 (unless your family was poor like mine). The nostalgia train only started to work overdrive when streaming/DVD was more viable and WWE could fill it's site with archive footage and box set compilations. Get hold of this footage we've had locked up from WCW ECW and alike was a massive selling point. WCW actually tried first with a couple of Slamboree's that were not exactly well recievied IIRC.

Would it have worked? Probably if the side doing it needed a ratings boost from a curiosity standpoint but WWF didn't need that and WCW was too disorganised. But it would've been shat on for sure.

Some of the terrible throwback stuff they did do baffles me though. Like the whole NWA angle but then that was the beauty of the end of 96 to mid 98 period where they hadn't got the formula down. 

 

[JakeRobertsParoleOfficer]

On 5/13/2026 at 6:42 AM, air_raid said:

The Model is getting distracted by one of the hos complaining about her feminine hygiene problem - he sprays her in the muff with Arrogance, problem solved!

Quite possibly the funniest thing ive read in last 5 years. Just spat my coffee out!!!