Bacon's absolutely awful Xmas film watch

[SuperBacon]

A Hobo's Christmas

I thought "Well that has to be ripe for a bit of piss taking surely" as let's be honest this is the only reason I'm watching. 

No. Fucking shit. I've never seen The Waltons or Little House On The Prairie ( I think) but this looks and sounds exactly like an episode of that. All slide guitar and wobbly harmonicas. Awful.

Nothing to take the piss out of. At one point I went for a poo and didn't pause it. Maybe I missed the greatest scene in cinema history, who knows?

A film so bad I'm off to do some work for a bit.

1 hobo out of 10.

 

[FLips]

A Very Nutty Christmas

Melissa Joan Hart is a baker and a shit boss who is given a magic nutcracker by a strange German man. The nutcracker turns into a human and despite being told it was magic she is oblivious to who he is. He cracks some walnuts with his hands and she falls in love with him, but uh-oh he’s turning back into a nutcracker on Christmas Eve.

When the penny finally drops she tells her mate he’s a literal nutcracker come to life and she says “so” which matches my energy beat for beat.

They decide at the very last minute not to commit to the bit and instead of bringing him back she finds another bloke exactly like him who can also crack nuts with his hands and falls in love with him instead.

As a side note the second I saw Melissa Joan Hart (who I’ve not seen since she was Sabrina) I said to my wife she looks like she votes for Donald Trump and a quick search shows that likely to be the case. Dunno what it is about her, just gives off that vibe.

Shit film and she’s rubbish in it, which given her recent filmography since 2008 is almost all Christmas films you’d think she’d have experience.