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Plan an unlikely dream match


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It has to be unlikely - no combination of two guys currently full time on the WWE roster is really that unlikely, so not that.

It also has to be not impossible - while it’s unlikely that Shawn Michaels or Daniel Bryan will one day wrestle again, it’s impossible that Rick Rude or Mr Perfect will, so no dead folk basically.

Mine is this:


NXT Takeover comes back to Europe. Berlin or Dublin or somewhere. The UK Champion, Pete Dunne, appears, ready for a match.

But he doesn’t have an opponent announced.

He’s the UK Champion! He demands a match, he should be the focus of this whole thing.

Cue William Regal.

Regal walks out on the stage and reminds Dunne that before there was a UK Champion, there was a European Champion, for all of Europe.

And he himself held that title multiple times...

(Crowd anticipation builds)

... but he is not Pete Dunne’s opponent.

(Crowd deflates)

Pete Dunne’s opponent is perhaps the greatest of all the European Champions...

(Crowd in awed silence)







(Crowd goes fucking MOLTEN)


D’Lo and Dunne go on to wrestle in front of the hottest crowd NXT has ever seen. They’re so into it they actually react to the match and there’s not one self-referential chant or “too sweet”. It’s VOLCANIC.

I don’t even care who wins. We’d be the real winners.


Your turn?

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Matt riddle vs Jerry Lawler. 

Everyone turns up seeing “riddle vs Lawler” on the card, and expect filthy Tom. Instead the king comes out in full garb, shows riddle that a worked punch is Better then a chest bleeding chop and takes the win with the piledriver for a clean 3 proving wrestling is greater than mma. 

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Meandering around backstage on Raw, Braun Strowman stumbles upon a big black hole shape that's been spray painted on the wall. He doesn't know, but this is a magic tunnel that's been undiscovered for years, left by the magic of Hornswoggle. Being an imaginative and inquisitive bloke, Strowy knows he was meant to enter. He emerges on the other side stepping through the curtain and onto the entrance ramp... just in time to march down to a mid-00s ring on a mid-00s Raw and answer the Masterlock Challenge!!!! There's some kind of shenanigans involving Bischoff, Carlito, the Diva Search girls or something and then THE MATCH actually happens instead. Braun obviously goes over, reminding us that he can beat anything. He can beat Reigns, he can beat SmackDown by himself, he can beat a whole tag team division by being a tag team unto himself, and he just beat the whole of 2005. But he's still not getting the belt or the Mania main event because reasons. He emerges back through Horny's tunnel, timeline healed, says "Oh boy," shakes his head then goes back about his business.

This extremely out of the norm fantasy bullshit segment gets explained on Raw by... errr..... Bray did it. Bray can do anything, can't he? That will do.

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I think it might have been Kenny McBride who proposed it, but Ric Flair vs. Sabu, especially now, could be such a car crash it might work, if it was overbooked to fuckery.

The angle would be easy to set up, with Flair becoming increasingly Old Man Racist in addition to his complete contempt for hardcore "stuntmen". He gets increasingly more confused and angry as he can't figure out if Sabu is Indian, coming from Bombay, or Arab because of the khuffiyeh he wears, and being a relative of The Sheik. Cue Punjabi Prison Match, with smash-ups, high spots, and interference from Anderson, Batista in his casual gear, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, the Dudley Boyz, Charlotte, and Sin Cara/Mistico just to make things look extra messy.


Also, Big E vs. King Kong Bundy over the rights to the 5-count gimmick. 

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I've always liked the thought of Jerry Lawler vs. Mr McMahon. That's as unlikely as any given their age and that.

Say, The King uses his wrestling royalty to impress the Board of Directors. King's influence becomes more and more that the Board oust McMahon as Chairman and appoint Lawler. McMahon now has to settle for being on commentary and pre-shows, while Lawler is in charge of the entire show, rehiring Brian Christopher and Doug Gilbert as his commissioners.

Impressed by McMahons zingers on commentary and successful XFL revival, McMahon soon finds a place back on the Board- with a 50/50 split vote between him and Lawler over who is Chairman.

Unable to settle it any other way, McMahon vs Lawler is booked for 'Mania, the winner becoming Chairman and the loser leaving wresting forever. After a 45 minute street fight, with interference from Hogan, Bret, Terry Funk, JR and Miss Kitty, McMahon is victorious. He's back to his randy old self on RAW, and Lawler retires*.



*Lawler is back 8 days later making viagra jokes on commentary, with no mention of the feud.

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