Jump to content

Wrestling poetry


Recommended Posts

I figured this might get the creative juices flowing and stir some amusement.

Here's my effort, I'm not saying it's any good so i'm looking for you all to do better, gauntlet thrown! :)


The mind races like an F1 track

Deer in the headlights, can't take it back.

Mean Gene Cringes the internet will snigger

Hulk Hogan, we comin' for you Nigger!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 32
  • Created
  • Last Reply

There once was a ring rat, a right fucking whore

She begat from her twat, rocky64

She'd been tag teamed by Ronin and Johnny Kickpads

Which might explain why her son's post are all nads


He posts with the skills of a windowlickers lackey

They're all sloppy and messy like a Shimmer bukkake

He has the wit and the charm of a blocked curryhouse toilet

If he posts in a thread, you know that he'll spoil it.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

"No speaky English", said Jimmy Snuka

When questioned about his dead girlfriend-slash-hooker

This defence pretty much got him off scot-free

Nick Hogan should've used that when he crashed into a tree


And rendered his passenger vegetated for life

"Act of God" said the Hulkster. "Kerching!" said his wife

Taking most of his earnings, leaving no room for barter

"Oh brother, I'm shit. Someone call Dixie Carter!"


And call her they did. And Hulk was in heaven

Once he brought his fat friends in from WrestleMania 7

But no sign of Brutus. Hulk had lost all embrace

For people with metal forced into their face


As did Vinny Mac. It weakens his bladder

When the likes of Joey Mercury can't stop a ladder

Or when an idea to increase superstar wealth

Gets in the way of their safety and health


"This ring entrance is dodgy" Owen Hart was heard pleading

"What the fuck did I tell you?" his grave should be reading

A kick in the head for his brother, with one more on the way

Goldberg asked "Who's next?", Bret Hart said "Oy vey!"


A stroke on a bike later, words behind a closed door


Link to comment
Share on other sites

:laugh: Fantastic stuff Cucked.


The year was 1998, I was 8 without a care

Then I saw Austin go apeshit with a steel chair

Larger than life characters on TV risking their health

And Steve made Vinnie Mac piss himself


1999, puberty hit me early like a Hart Attack

But Mum wouldn't let me watch a Bra & Panties match

Dad wasn't around much, but the weekends I would hate less

When his mates would give me a WWF VHS


"Wrestling is the work of the devil, you must run to your Saviour!"

"But Miss, HBK won in the Elimination Chamber!"

See, I was going to write a poem about Cena's 5 moves

But it would barely be enough words to fill a Haiku


We gained Khali and lost Lesnar

It's cliche but wrestling was once a lot better

Rock and Brock are back, but it's not what it used to be

Screw this, I'm going to grab a beer and watch UFC

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brodus Clay, wont you go and get fucked?

You have all the appeal of a homeless mans bile duct,

Dancing around like a big massive peado,

I'd seriously rather watch a 52 year old Jacques Rougeau


Cameron and Naomi are your only saving graces,

Those hot assed bitches, i'd like to,,, you know,,, on their,,, you know

Where the fuck do you get off dancing with kids?

Don't you know that legally, the state of Oregon forbids?


Your moveset is shite, you'd get shown up by Tugboat,

In a popularity contest, you'd come second to Raol Moat,

You're a fat waste of space, you've got no charisma and you're sloppy,

When you're pishy music hits, my hard on for Wrestling goes floppy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was in 96 when a dick formed the clique

They shit in a crown and held people down

Five men with great skill and a habit for pills

Many old school were ready to kill


Then diesel and razor they jumped ship

And shawn was left with a half hearted clique

Hunter tookl blame for a curtain call

Austin shot up and helmsley did fall


Now during this time the champ was a mess

Losing his smile and heading home for rest

But rejoice all you fans for he did return

To battle a deadman wielding an urn.


And then there was bret the last true threat

But shawn screwed him with little regret

I did what was right for a company in need

But I'm not happy to lose to the other skinheed


Then god came a calling gave shawn what he did lack

His saviour even manged to fix his poor back

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Ode to shite


Jimmy V laid under the fine glass table

On keeping his dinner down, Morton wasn't able

Squat on the table, giving the hit

A rank looking hooker taking a shit


Lawler signed up, not just for the pay

To be in the business over all any day

The king came in and laid down his crown,

right to the brim 'twas soon filled with brown


Sunny was fine but for the coke

off any one she would take a poke

but it was the salad which this poem does care

the turd there in was huge to be fair


Under the ring, the warrior does wait

little does he know of his imminent fate

for Perfect the joker, too late for a mop

under the ring swimming in plop


but the end of our poem is the best of all

it tells the tale of when Sid took the fall

For 'Taker got him up and soon found a wiff

not so much shit since with Arn he did tiff

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's a tale about a man called Randy

A man lacking in conduct gentlemanly

For he's rude and boarish to say the lest

And tells his wife that thing on his balls is just yeast


He started in the Marines to serve his country's mission

But walked away from his post without permission

He went to daddy and said 'Put me in the ring'

He soon debut on Smackdown after the OVW thing.


At this point he became juvenile

Committing 'ribs' most puerile

He went up to the divas and regaled them with his brags

Then turned around and shat in there bags


The girls would quit in floods of tears

Orton simply grinned for a couple of years

He had a child and reformed his character

About time thought his friends and father


Nowadays Orton quite happy to pound on the mat

Putting audiences to sleep with the same tired crap

But he's much better behave to all no matter the gender

Unless you boo him and he'll sneak you a finger

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...