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Wrestling poetry


guyincognito

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In Praise of Wrestling Fans

 

The Hulkamaniacs

Have spack attacks

The Cenation

Are low in my estimation

The Creatures of the Night

Play with their own shite

In brief, the whole Universe

Couldn't be worse.

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On the second did big Sid stand

but oh, how will he land?

with a leap and a boot, his landing was crap

his leg looked fucked with a mighty big snap

 

Joey was looking just like a player

his tag act, well it was a slayer

but with a ladder in swing, it all went awry

his face did implode with a mighty big cry

 

New jack and Vic, upon high

about it does Jack still fucking cry

For with a fall and a tug, Grimes did drop

New Jacks face wasn't left looking much cop

 

Vince with a royal run to the ring

as an event its a common old thing

but on live PPV when his his muscles did tear

left sat by the ropes having a 'mare

 

Kurt with the moonsualt, flying high

on tv it's the first time to try

but on Bob he did land, short and hard

for a while Bob will be off the card

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When I first watched wrestling I was 6 years old,

Royal Rumble '92, Ric Flair won gold,

I had all the figures, t-shirts and toys,

Hulk Hogan, Sgt Slaughter and even the Nasty boys,

But as I grew older wrestling lost its appeal,

Until the attitude era rolled in, man that shit was real,

Austin, DX and Tyson stole the show,

Everything was cool back then, even Al Snow,

Mick Foley was falling off the top of the cage,

Kane debuted with a fiery rage,

Austin v McMahon was a rivalry so bitter,

Even the Rock was awesome before he got Twitter!

But ever since Vince bought out big Ted,

WWE has been put to bed,

WCW chasing their tail,

It was inevitable that that company would fail,

So then came the Invasion which didn

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Eddie died and so did some others,

The locker room lost so many of its brothers,

Perfect, Guerrero, Macho Man and Test,

They will never be forgotten, in peace they rest,

 

Pushing it a bit, I reckon.

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One for the Coleridge fans:

 

 

 

In Connecticut did Vince McMahon

A wrestling Pay Per View decree:

Where Hulk, the sacred Champion, slammed

A giant measureless to man

Who died in '93.

 

So twice two score of canvassed ground

With mesh and bars were girdled round:

And there were foreheads bright with crimson rills,

Which ended many an intense rivalry;

And here were ladders high up as the hills,

With high spots of daredevilry.

 

But oh! That metal entranceway which slanted

Down from the Tron showing pinfall covers!

A Savage win! Elizabeth enchanted

As e'er in-ring an Undertaker was haunted

By Kane wailing for his demon-brother!

And in that ring, with tag team turmoil seething,

As if Ric Flair in robe and pants was breathing,

A mighty "whoooo" momently was forced:

Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst

Shawn Michaels saulted like rebounding hail,

And victims of a leg lock flailed:

And 'mid this dance, The Rock's at once and ever

The Brahma Bull, the People's Elbow-giver.

Five-time champs with their spinning motion

The Rock defeated as only he can,

But not that giant measureless to man,

Who sank in tumult to Hulk's devotion:

And 'mid this tumult Vince heard from far,

Atlantan voices of Monday night war!

 

The main events that gave us pleasure

Floating memories like waves;

Where we keep our childhood treasured

From times when Warrior was our fave.

He was a wrestler of rare device,

A roided superman of ice!

 

A diva with a Marella

In a matchup once I saw:

It was a Glamazonian maid,

And on her Marella she played,

Singing things unsure.

Could I revive within me

Her entrance theme and song,

But it's the old stuff that wins me

That I'd watch on and on

I'd repeat that Pay Per View,

That main event! I'd watch it twice!

And all who witnessed it would swear

That 93,000 were there!

His blonde moustache, his balding hair!

He should have hit the Leg Drop thrice,

And say your prayers like he hath said,

For he on vitamins hath fed,

In Vince's wrestling Paradise.

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ODE TO MONGS

 

A stupider thought I've seldom seen

Than "Miz will pin John Cena clean."

And did you take a heavy blow to the head

To think it was Sting hiding in that shed?

 

For the one(s) that think Tyson will be the next big thing

And TNA was doomed for changing the shape of the ring

The future is bright, so have no fear

Soon they'll announce Wembley for Mania next year!

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Something I've been working on for years; a little poem I like to call 'Best in the world.'

 

CM Punk says he is the best

But he is not the best.

 

Some people think John Cena is the best

However, he's also not the best.

 

The occasional person thinks that Tyson Kidd is the best

He's nowhere near the best.

 

A few others believe Daniel Bryan is the best

NO NO NO, he's not the best.

 

There's only one man who is the best

Mark Henry is the best.

 

 

 

Except for Austin Aries.

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