Jump to content

Summerslam match review thread - 2018 edition - THE REVIEWS ARE IN


Otto Dem Wanz
 Share

Recommended Posts

SummerSlam 1988
Contributor:
tiger_rick
Match: Dino Bravo vs Don Muraco

I drew SummerSlam 1988 which isn’t a show I’m very fond of anyway so I thought “fuck it, I’ll do the worst looking match” to be different. Now there’s some competition on this show as to which match looks worse with Powers of Pain vs. Bolsheviks and Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera leaping out at you but there could only be one “winner”: Dino Bravo vs. Don Muraco.

Muraco trots down in his class tie-dye and that and his music are the highlights here. Not sure if Muraco’s music has been changed on the Network because Fink’s intro for him is definitely dubbed. It’s twice as loud as the into for Bravo and Frenchie Martin’s intelligible pre-match promo. The promo is in French but it wouldn’t matter, you can’t hear him anyway.

Superstar Billy Graham is on commentary for this show. That’s not a good thing. Him and Bobby Heenan squabbling throughout about who can lift the most weight (between Bravo and Muraco not Heenan and Superstar) is tedious. After three lock-ups, we get our first bump and it’s a cracker as Bravo throws himself like a kid on a bouncy castle. I mean just look at it:

Bravo_zps2fdsomuw.png 

Bravo has a steroid belly, hideous bleached hair and dodgy looking eyebrows. He looks like a rejected character from Police Academy. In fairness, they both look immobile. Bravo does work hard for about ten seconds though before bailing out as both guys look gassed already.

Muraco then hits an iffy looking Monkey flip before bravo gets up and jumps into an armbar in hilarious fashion. Genuinely no idea what he was trying to make it look like. A lovely camera angle from the opposite corner catches the laziest Irish whip you’ll ever see as bravo just sets off running while Muraco holds his hand.

Dino turns the momentum around and hits his classic arse-bump elbow drop. He then takes a Russian leg-sweep from “The Rock”, which Monsoon calls an inverted neck breaker, which is the most athletic move of the contest. The end is mercifully in sight as Muraco is distracted by Frenchie on the ring apron and punches him to which Frenchie takes a hideous bump. Bobby Heenan he is not. Muraco them clumsily picks up Bravo who knocks Tim White over, cue another terrible pratfall before Bravo hits a side suplex for the win.

Tell you who didn’t win – anyone who has ever sat through it.

 

SummerSlam 1989
Contributor: air_raid
Match: The Hart Foundation vs The Brain Busters

I picked The Hart Foundation vs The Brain Busters for SummerSlam 89 because the Anvil just died and I can think of no more fitting tribute. Because its the opener I get to watch the show open. The Body is backing up Tony Schiavone but I'm going to try and just review what I see and hear rather than pine for the lack of Gorilla. Jesse looks resplendent and perfectly 80s in a gold glitter bandana bearing his name and one of the best taches ever. We get an opening vid to the music which I'd better know later as the Rumble music (see Rumble 91 for a corking opener vid) - I see Bret and Jimmy giving a jobber the Hart Attack and I'm excited already. Along with Warrior giving a guy the Gorilla Press in the shot that made the Silver Vision "bodyslams, side suplexes..." montage, and what I assume is a young Lex Luger trying and failing to eat an ice cream.

To the match. 1989 was an odd year for the Harts, on the road they worked singles for a hell of a lot of it, Bret working lots with Honky and Perfect and Martel while the office presumably wondered if he was worth a look as a singles guy with the pair of them only tagging on the odd occasion for TV to continue portraying them as a team. Bret looks cool as fuck here in his proper shades (no jackets though) and the director just catches Anvil giving a maniacal laugh into the camera. It's a good reaction but the crowd don't go as mad as Tony insists. The Busters get good boos and are announced as "the current World Wrestling Federation tag team champions" and I remember that this is non-title for no apparent reason.

WWF-WWE_SummerSlam-1989_Hart-Foundation_ 

Bret starts with a couple of crisp armdrags on Tully. Arn tags in, rides high with a headlock so Hart reverses into a hammerlock following up with a hammerlock bodyslam and HERE COMES JIMMY. "The Anvil.... he's strange. This guy don't play with a full deck," says Ventura. No shit. Anvil keeps it simple and they do about 5 tags in and out on Arn based around the arm-wringer before Tully tags in and gets much the same. Anvil does a marvelous hiptoss reversal by just grabbing the back of Blanchard's head and shoving him face first into the mat. No frills, no need. More tagging in and out, table setting, letting our guys look the equal of the recently crowned champions. At one point Neidhart bites Tully's fingers when Joey Marella isn't looking but Tony and Ventura miss it - Jesse would have been all over that if it had been Hogan.

At one point Tully loses his mind and slaps Jimmy across the chest about seven times in a row which Anvil ignores as he stalks Blanchard into the corner and blasts him with one forearm which Tully sells like a shotgun blast, followed by a hard turnbuckle. The Horsemen are showing all kinds of arse for the babyfaces, as usual. Moments later Arn tries to sneak in and help Tully get leverage on Bret in an overhead wristlock but Bret just flips back 360 and double armdrags them both over and the roll to the floor. Timestamp 10:30, crowd pops, everyone gets a little break, excellent wrestling so far.

WWF-WWE_SummerSlam-1989_Bret-TheHitman-H 

Cracking blind tag from Arn and a clothesline to Bret's back teases the Busters getting the advantage but a Vaderbomb (as would be) meets the knees. About 12:50 Network timestamp Anvil tags in and with Tully prostate he gives a positively demonic cackle in the direction of Arn. All good things must come to an end and Bret accidentally turnbuckles the Anvil when Arn pulls Tully out of the way. Fuck sake, Hitman. Anvil absorbs about three minutes of strikes before Bret knees Arn in the back as he's running the ropes, Marella doesn't see it (LOL) and Bret gets the hot tag.

Hitman goes nuts on both Busters and hits Tully with his middle rope elbow and then a suplex, before Anvil and Arn whip the pair of them into the middle and Bret lamps Blanchard with his flying clothesline. Inverted atomic drop for Tully inside the ring while Neidhart and Anderson fight outside the ring. Double A punches the ringpost and Anvil gets back on the apron in time to wipe out Blanchard with the assisted slingshot shoulder tackle. Are we going home already?? Anvil powerslams Bret onto Tully which was the first time I ever saw that, watching this match the first time.

summerslam_1989-2.jpg 

Bret has the pin but Anvil runs over to swat at the Weasel on the apron, distracting Joey enough for Arn to hit Bret with a double axe-handle from the ropes. Arn rolls Tully out and makes the pin on Bret, HIDING HIS HEAD WITH BRET'S FOREARM because he's not the legal man. Genius. At 19:35 Network time your winners are Tully and Arn. "The Busters outsmarted them!" proclaims The Body as Schiavone has a hysterical fit.

Wow. This match holds up so well nearly 30 years later, it's nowhere near as long as I remember and I'm stunned upon this latest viewing how little heat the champs needed to get on the Harts to get the crowd still crazy for Bret to pull it off at the end. Anvil watch: Jim was great here. He had to sell for a little but not too long, he got to be his wrecking ball self, his mannerisms were super fun as always. Truly though, taking Hart sentiment out of the equation, a thread a while ago asked "favourite tag team" and I went with Tully & Arn and this match reminded me why. They gave the goodies so much, they knew they didn't have to look unstoppable as long as they won in the end. That's why you hated them ; there was hope, then it was gone. Through not the WORST kind of cheating, by weasel cunning. Bastards.

At less than 20 mins from intros to replays this is excellent stuff, highly recommended.

 

SummerSlam 1990
Contributior: boyfriend
Match: The Hart Foundation vs Demolition (2/3 Falls Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship)

The Preamble
The Hart Foundation become number 1 contenders for the tag team titles at Mania 6, beating The Bolsheviks in a mere 19 seconds, the absolute shams. After their win they challenge the winner of the bout between Demolition and The Colossal Connection later that night. The Demos prevail, winning the straps for the third time. But hold up we have a new contender! Despite being super over Vince couldn’t pass up the chance to sign the originals and so a deal is reached to bring in the LOD! This results in a heel turn for Demolition so a future match between the two can take place. And so Demolition begin a slow burning heel turn by first interfering in matches such as as the April 28th SNME bout between the Harts and the Rockers and later by adding a third member - Crush, a move which would also reduce an ailing Ax’s workload. Their offence got nastier and they began to cheat more, using a switcheroo tactic to get the crowd against them. This was notably seen in their bout against the Rockers on SNME where they used twin magic to cheat the Rockers out of the belts. The Harts and LOD come out to protest and really cement just how crooked they are as the Demos scamper off to the back. A beat down of the Harts on the Brother Love Show and a shellacking of Jim Neidhart after he pins Smash 1 week prior to the PPV at the SummerSlam Fever Special takes us right up to bell time!

The Match
The awesome Demolition theme hits (thank god they haven’t switched to that poxy heel theme yet) as 2 demos make their way to the ring. But who could it be? Piper and Vince speculate which 2 members it is before Vince ends it seconds before the mask reveal spot by going oh that’s clearly Smash and Crush, cheers Vince! Spoiler alert!

We cut backstage to a Hart Foundation promo with Gene, they thought it would be the originals and most experienced duo of Ax and Smash but have no problem taking the belts off Crush. Who gets a lot of flak throughout for being a newbie. In arguably the best end to a promo ever Bret says “It’s just like what Phil Collins said - what we’ve got here is two hearts beating as one” What a man!

The first falls starts with the Harts in complete control, lots of double teams, heel evading and near falls before it settles down with Bret working on Smash’s arm. Anvil comes back in and gives that arm more of the same as he holds it out stretched for Bret to attack from the ropes. Somewhere in the middle of this we get a great close up of the Anvil, with Rod postulating - how’d you like that guy to date your daughter?! Finally poor Smash hits a big slam on Bret and tags in Crush. He hits a delayed scoop slam before missing a knee to lose control back! But Bret’s attempt at a cross body is countered into yet another big slam (his favourite move) to take over. Vince says “Now that Crush has the advantage he’s unlikely to lose it for a long time” - he instantly runs head first into a Bret Hart boot and loses it - idiot! We trade partners as Anvil and Smash come back in, Anvil gets the upper hand til Crush boots him in the head from the outside. He gets worked over for a bit until he can finally get the Hitman back in. Bret comes in like a house on fire, nailing both, corner punches to Smash before diving back at Crush who creeps up behind him. He rams both demos together and hits his trademark russian leg sweep for a close 2. The crowd boo believing it to be a 3! Next comes his vintage backbreaker and elbow drop but Crush, having rammed Anvil into the guardrail gets in to make the save. They drag Bret to their corner and boom - the demolition decapitation device and they take the first fall! The champs are 1 up!

Fall 2 picks up right where the action left off with the Demos double teaming Bret as Rod comments on the psychological advantage of winning the first fall. Smash beats Bret down before hitting a nice back body drop for a close 2. The Demos really take control here, cutting the ring off and engaging in lots of quick tags to work Bret. Crush applies a dull ass chinlock before Bret, rallied on by the crowd begins to mount his comeback, he makes it to his feet before a double clothesline leaves both men lying! Bret tries to crawl to Anvil as Smash desperately pulls him back, Crush tries to pull Smash’s leg from the outside to help but it’s no use, Bret makes the tag and here comes Anvil! He batters the hell out of everyone with forearm smashes! He hits a big scoop slam for a near fall. Rod laments the official saying that was definitely a 3 but Vince disagrees. But soon after it won’t matter as Bret slingshots Anvil into Smash, who then picks him up, the crowd get to their feet as the Harts nail the Hart Attack for the 1 - 2 - wait! Crush dives in and instead of breaking up the pin he jumps on the ref. You absolute wally! Earl calls for the bell and the Harts win the second fall by DQ! It’s all to play for as we enter the final fall.

The 3rd fall starts with Crush clotheslining Bret to the outside, Anvil attends to him. The Demos get desperate and pull the ref to the corner to distract him and out runs Ax and hides under the ring. Bret finally gets back on the apron and hits a sunset flip for a 2. In comes Ancil who hits a nice shoulder block before picking up Bret from behind and slamming him onto Smash, the crow eat it up. But before the ref can count 3 Crush breaks it up - seems he learned his lesson from the last fall! Shortly after Smash gets knocked to the floor where he does a switcheroo with Ax. Cheating bastards! Ax comes in and goes to town on Bret with none other than an axe handle smash! He hits a stiff clothesline on Bret as the crowd give them hell. Rod wonders did they really swap and acts confused like a goon before Vince the spoilsport puts him in his place. Bret does his turnbuckle spot as he takes it full tilt to the chest but luckily Anvil makes the save. Crush finally tags back in and indeed finally hits a nice move, that being a tilt the world backbreaker. Again Anvil says fuck this shit and saves the Hitman. The finish of the match sees Ax pull Bret out to the floor. Smash comes back out from under the ring and the two beat the shit out of him before Smash gets back in the ring and Ax returns under the ring. Fed up of seeing this LOD come out a monster pop, spikes and al. They yank Ax out and knock Crush off the top rope as Demolition are about to hit the Decapitation Device. In the confusion Bret crouches behind Smash as Anvil hits a flying shoulder tackle from the outside. He falls over Bret’s body as he rolls him up for the 3! We have new tag team champions! At 15.47 the Harts are champions for 2nd time!

The Aftermath
Backstage Demolition are rightly pissed at LOD and say they’ll get the belts back at a later stage but first they want revenge on Hawk and Animal. We’ll see this match on SNME, at Survivor Series and on the house show loop, usually with Warrior as the eagerly anticipated Demolition v LOD feud ends with them getting royally trounced. After a Jack Tunney ruling the Demos are forced to drop a member, that being Ax. After a loss at Mania 7 they come to a sad end. As for the Harts they’ll mainly feud with Rhythm and Blues and other low tier teams before dropping the belts to the Nasties at the very same Mania and going their separate ways soon after themselves.

Final Thoughts
I absolutely loved this match as a kid and guess what I still love it now. Huge fans of both teams and a big ass Bret mark so no surprise there! Face paced match, 3 falls in 15 minutes, never a dull moment. You owe it to yourself to watch it. The Demos do a great job as big cheating bastards and it’s great to see the crowd eat it up considering how over they were as faces just 4 months earlier when they won the straps off Andre and Haku. Bret excels as the plucky underdog and shows flashes of his future brilliance while Anvil is the hot tag king, coming in and fucking people up as he only he can. Rest in peace you absolute legend. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 1991
Contributor: air_raid
Match: Big Boss Man vs The Mountie (Jailhouse Match)


I chose the match I did because I wanted to spell out that why wrestling is great is not just because of bell-to-bell but because of the stories that get told. SummerSlam 91 is one of my favourite shows for babyface payoff - LOD and Bret win belts (what a birthday present for 9 year old raid), Virgil deposes his evil overlord. But the story I want to get into goes further than any of those matches for a story playing out. It's Big Boss Man vs The Mountie. Jailhouse Match : someone is serving hard time in the Big Apple tonight.

Interviews set the scene : Mean Gene is with the Mountie and he looks resplendent in his uniform and smugly tossing his shock stick back and forth between his hands is every bit a beautiful dickhead heel you want to see get lamped. He gives the "local hick cops" a pep talk on how they need to treat Boss Man roughly upon defeat. Hmmm. Over with Sean Mooney, it doesn't even matter what comes out of the mouth of the Big Boss Man, he's intense and scary as fuck but my word, you believed in him. He's coming to make the baddies serve hard time.

Mountie comes down to his first theme and while "I'm The Mountie" is the one everyone remembers, he was done as a character with any threat by then. Boss Man sprints down as was his wont and I pause to notice how awesome Jimmy Hart's special PPV airbrushed jacket is, as always. We open with, as you expect from a grudge match, fisticuffs. Boss Man throws his usual great hands but Jacques is no slouch either. We get the usual Boss Man rope choke spot that Austin used to do too, and lovely spot when Mountie evades the baseball slide uppercut and the Mouth of the South runs from Boss Man like his very LIFE is in danger. Which it may have been.

Mountie tries to turn the tide with an eye rake but when he jumps off the middle rope he gets caught and then WASTED with a spinebuster.

raytraylor.jpg 

Boss Man gets distracted by the Mouth and after a ringside chase Mountie shoves him into the ring steps to actually get the advantage. Mountie has his little heat section including his nice flying back elbow, a couple of elbowdrops and a decent standing dropkick to a running Boss Man. Mechanically Jacques was pretty sound, I nearly took Rougeaus & The Model vs Tito & The Rockers for SummerSlam 89 to see how its holding up but I'm already pretty sure its brilliant. All the while, The Brain is selling what a horrible night is in store for the loser.

Mountie hits a piledriver at the third attempt at elevating his larger enemy, which is a little thing that I love. What I don't love is Monsoon telling me its not that well executed - I never understood why he sometimes went there. Later on in the same show he went to town on the (babyface) Hammer for being stupid too. Odd. Anywaz, Mountie errs by trying to zap Boss Man with his shock stick behind Marella's back and is foiled by an uppercut. Moments later Boss Man hits another excellent uppercut after sliding through a leapfrog then splatters his nemesis with the Boss Man Slam.... for a 2 count, which was shocking as shit in 1991. Mountie regains a foothold by simply tripping Boss Man up from the floor and goes for a second piledriver but our hero from Cobb County is too strong, picks the Mountie up and splatters him again with what today you'd call the Alabama Slam, and this time picks up the 3 count. AND NOW THE PARTY REALLY STARTS.

bossman_mountie.jpg 

Boss Man leads a pair of coppers towing Mountie through the curtain and down the corridors of MSG. Mountie squeals "You can't do this to me" about half a dozen times and wonderfully "You're hurting meeee.... OWWW, you're hurting me!!!!" As comeuppances go, this is fucking golden. He gets chucked in the back of a Correction Department van, kicking like an infant, and they pull out. We cut to something else and I skip on a touch. After a few interviews (including Boss Man aglow with a victorious sweat we should all aspire to) cut to Mountie pulling in at the slammer. We get a reprise of "You can't do this to me" and a few rounds of "Do you know who I am??" and at the peak of his insanity starts trying to identify with his tormenters by reading them their rights. We cut after an INCREDIBLE holler of "I'm The Mountie!! IIIIIII AAAAAAMMM THE MOUNTIEEEE!!!!!"

After a few words from the Nasty Boys about their match with LOD we cut back to Mountie and brilliantly the lass gets him to look up for a photo by saying "So I guess the Boss Man kicked your butt, huh?" After LOD relieve the Nasties of the belts we're back over to the jail. Mountie is STILL wailing "You can't do this to me" and some terribly plaintive cries of "You're hurting my arms!" In my favourite bit he feigns coming quietly then tries to do a runner then shouts "I am an international law enforcement officer!" as if the NYC pigs give a shit. He's bunged in the cell and we leave him be. After the Match Made In Hell we get one final trip to Mountie's cell to meet his cellmates and.... I won't do justice to it. Except the implication is that our fallen villain is going to be bumraped, and it's shamefully amusing.

Is that the most times you've read "Boss Man" on this forum consecutively without any of them being ironic Rumble references? A million stars. You've no idea how much I wanted to watch Hitman beat Mr Perfect again but you don't need me to tell you why that's fantastic. This is your fun and games, this is your story getting told, from interviews to match (and the right winner) to glorious afters. A pleasure.

 

SummerSlam 1992
Contributor: Sonny Mustang
Match: Money Inc vs The Legion of Doom

So I was randomly assigned SummerSlam 92, which was the first wrestling show I ever saw.  Ysee back when sonny mustang was just a wee lass, Mrs Mustang was worried that her young son was a bit of a Nancy boy and didn’t enjoy enough masculine pursuits. I was therefore tasked with biking to my father’s pub to obtain a VHS of ‘the wrestling’ to man him up a bit. I think he watched the first 5 minutes and I’ve remained a fan on and off for decades (Mrs Mustang is still horrified she had some part to play in my wrestling obsession!)

Anyway- scene is set, I’d like to review the opening match between two 90s classic teams - money inc and the legion of doom- and hence the very first match I ever watched.

Bobby the brain and ‘mic man’ are your commentary and keep alluding to the fact this is the summerslam ‘you thought you would never see’. I remain clueless to what this reference means to this day.

LOD enter on spectacular motorcycles accompanied by Paul Ellering (who really has aged well, although looking back he was quite young here) and Rocco to a thunderous ovation and a sea of foam fingers.  What ever happened to those, you don’t see them much today?

We kick off the action with dibiase v hawk until animal chases dibiase on the outside and mows him down with an exceptionally powerful clothesline. Both teams make a tag and brain vocalizes the question on all of our minds ‘did hawk tag out because he’s afraid of IRS?’

A few minutes later he accuses animal of standing on IRSs very long thin red tongue, turns out it’s just his tie! Again amazing powerslam press from animal before we go into a series of sleeper holds from money inc. I would ask if anyone had ever won from this move, but if iirc that’s exactly how money inc relieved the natural disasters of the tag belts, so I’ll refrain.

Hawk is now the legal man and money inc do a great job of pummeling him with a series of quick tags, double teaming

and isolating him from his partner. Referee Joey morrella has to prevent animal interfering to even the score several times- highlighting a very 90s -esque gap between his black shoes and trousers.

Hawk manages to reverse a slam into the top turnbuckle - a move even my wrestling hating mother acknowledged was nice work - but continues to sell the beating money inc have given him and staggers across the ring.

Hawk finally makes the hot tag to animal and we see a great standing drop kick, double clothesline and running powerslam for the finish. Only disappointment is that the doomsday device is blocked so we don’t get to see that.

Overall it’s a super fun opening encounter that I enjoyed just as much today as I did 25 years ago and one which began my love affair with wrestling.

Side note-  Ellering certainly has a type doesn’t he? Blank of blank...

 

SummerSlam 1993
Contributor: Grecian
Match: Shawn Michaels vs Mr Perfect 

So, Summerslam 1993. I vaguely remember watching this after my grandparents taped it off Sky, but aside from the glory of the Lex Express and the most delirious celebration for a non-title win I can ever recall, I can’t remember much else. I can’t have watched this as relentlessly as I have Summerslam 1992, Rumble 1993 or Wrestlemania IX.

To put in a more personal context – I was 13 and at high school. By this point, the nadir of the WWF had passed. I knew of one other kid who liked wrestling in my class and we’d have secret conversations about it, in the back of the classroom when everyone else was talking about more cool stuff, like the Gladiators or Take That vs East 17. That kid is, the last I heard, serving 4 years for grooming offences, so I won’t dwell on him for too long. Aside from him, no-one else liked it. I kept my habitual reading of WWF Magazine secret, along with my outrage that Undertaker was being kept away from the title, my love of all things Tatanka and my secret loathing of my mother for refusing to buy me any Hasbros, something I’m sure I’ll be sobbing to a psychiatrist at some point in my life.

I’m being taken back to a time when Undertaker was 3-0 at Mania, when HBK was just the guy who’d lobbed Jannetty through the window, Ultimate Warrior was just another guy who pissed Vince off and Pete Dunne hadn’t been born yet. Something to add to the ‘I Feel Old Now’ thread (he’s born on 9th November 1993, according to Wikipedia).

Anyhow, to the PPV. It was in the glorious days of 3 hour PPVs and 2 hour Raws… aside from the Luger match and I think Bret vs Lawler in the height of their weirdly entertaining feud born in the King of the Ring coronation, I remember nothing. I can’t even remember what Tatanka did that night, and as the foremost star of his generation, he must have been buried in the dirty mid-card. Such a waste of his immeasurable talent.

A quick check of Wikipedia again for the match-list. I really don’t want to review Lex vs Yokozuna, simply because I doubt Shakespeare himself could review that match and get the words to live up to the Lex Express hype-bus. On paper, one match leaps out – Shawn Michaels vs Mr Perfect. History dictates this as a dream match, and given the competition (Razor Ramon vs a broken Ted DiBiase, Giant Gonzalez vs Undertaker, and Tatanka being wasted alongside the Smoking Gunns against Bam Bam Bigelow and Headshrinkers), it has to be HBK, hasn’t it?

It’s going to be HBK vs Mr Perfect. I don’t remember this match at all! Here goes…:

The Network picks up with the end of the Steiners vs the Heavenly bodies for the tag titles in their home state of Michigan. Scott nails a Body (Jimmy Del Ray) with the Frankensteiner, and I’m reminded of how in awe of that move I was. Scott looks odd with a normal physique though, clearly before he’d discovered IcoPro…

No promo package outlining the history here, just an interview from some guy I really don’t remember, but Vince on commentary helpfully tells me that he’s a sportscaster for the Fighting Minnesota Screaming Eagles (whatever the hell they are), a guy called Joe Fowler. He introduces Summerslam as ‘Bigger than Life!’ so Christ knows what he’d have made of Wrestlemania, had he still been employed by then. I felt somewhat compelled to find out just who this guy is or was – turns out he was an actor hired to interview people and swiftly left the wrestling business. If you’re curious, here’s his IMBD page: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0288738/

Anyway, back to why I’m here:

According to HBK, this match is centred around who is the greatest IC champion of all time. I can’t imagine Bret being too pleased by that bombshell. Nash’s closing line is wonderful – ‘The chicks dig the champ, I’m here to keep the chicks off him!’. If only he had stopped Sunny from getting close to Shawn, the wrestling world could be a very different place. And dear God, arrogant Shawn was a blindingly good heel.

No promo video to build it up, but Finkel announces. He really could make stuff sound so much more exciting that it should be… Shawn apparently weighs 246lbs. And Diesel looks mean as hell. Is there ever a time in his life when he’s not looked uber-cool? Here’s the HBK striptease, with a waistcoast and chaps covered in peace signs.  Odd.

Perfect does his towel-throw-behind-the-back and catches it, well, perfectly. In a forerunner to the current trend of introducing all the commentary languages, we’re shown a view of Radio WWF being broadcast around the world on the Armed Forces Network (random childhood memory: staying up for a PPV and trying to tune my Alba radio into the Armed Forces Network to listen live and getting a bollocking from my dad for waking him up). Jim Ross and Gorilla Monsoon are the commentators on radio, Heenan is alongside Vince for the TV.

The crowd seems right up for this. They may still be on a high from the Steiners in the previous match, but Perfect is coming over as an absolute star. Match starts…

Collar and elbow tie-up, Perfect ends up on his back. Vince is now trying to portray Perfect as Shawn’s mentor and trainer. Heenan disagrees, explaining that Perfect now watches tape of Shawn to learn new things. HBK hold a headlock, both run the ropes, it’s a surprisingly quick start. Perfect seems to blow an arm-drag (HBK moving too fast?), and Shawn smacks his face on the canvas. Perfect slows things down with the old ‘arm-bar behind the back’ that HBK reverses by ducking around the back of Perfect, a hammerlock, revserved, HBK’s back to the headlock.

It’s a surprisingly quick match for the era, until HBK backs him into a corner and lays a punch on Perfect’s chin. Perfect spins out and lays into HBK with 3 hard knife-edge chops, and it’s so refreshing not to hear a ‘WOOO!’ chant with them. Possibly another blown spot follows – HBK is irish-whipped to the far corner, and vaults backwards. Perfect stands still so HBK elbows him without a second’s hesitation. Less than 5 seconds later, Michaels is whipped into the same corner again, goes for a moonsault, lands on his feet and eats a big clothesline. First two count of the match.

Into a Perfect armbar. Heenan proclaims that HBK will only lose if Perfect gets lucky or some kind of fluke as HBK will never give up – he clearly doesn’t remember the travesty of Mania IX when Shawn got intentionally disqualified against Tatanka to keep the belt.

HBK goes for a clothesline off the top, Perfect smoothly turns it into a big arm-drag. Another arm-drag, another two count. Back into the arm-bar on HBK. Shawn goes for a dropkick, only to be caught and catapulted clean over the top rope to the outside. It’s a big bump, Shawn gets some impressive height going over the top. Even Heenan is impressed as Vince wails ‘Can you believe it?’

As Perfect goes to the outside, Diesel goes to get involved for the first time. Perfect squares up to him and HBK hits Sweet Chin Music when it was merely a transition move. Perfect is rolled into the ring and HBK goes to work on the lower back. Perfect takes a hard Irish-whip to the corner, no wonder his back was fucked towards the end. A second one that’s even harder, hard enough for Heenan to proclaim the ring has moved ‘halfway to Flint’. Backbreaker segues into a submission move, as HBK holds Perfect across his knee and pushes down.

Perfect fights out, the run the ropes and Perfect nails HBK with a gorgeous drop-kick, followed by a high back-body-drop. Perfect is starting to get on top, with another two count as Heenan yells at him to ‘hook the tights!’ clearly forgetting he doesn’t like Perfect anymore. A hard clothesline, two count. HBK goes for a hip-toss, Perfect blocks and there’s a battle of strength over a backslide. HBK flips backwards over Perfect who catches him in the Perfect Plex. Executed perfectly (sorry), ref starts to count, only for Diesel to lunge in and break up the pin. Perfect goes to the outside and lays some rights and lefts into the bodyguard. HBK comes of the apron and gets slugged in the breadbasket for his trouble.

Perfect rolls Shawn back into the ring, only for Shawn to somehow trip the official who’s counting them both out. Diesel uses the distraction to hurl Perfect into a ring-post, official gets up and finishes the ten count far too quickly by today’s standards. HBK retains by count-out. Oddly, there’s no balloons or ticker-tape to celebrate this win.

Perfect’s back in the ring to attack Diesel and Michaels, only to get sparked out by Diesel. As HBK and Diesel leave, Todd Pettengill rushes out to ask Michaels if he’s happy to win like that. Michaels declares himself happy that he’s proved himself the greatest IC champion ever, as Perfect vacates the ring to chase them backstage.

We cut to Joe Fowler again, to interview a very dweeby (early 90’s insult) looking 123 Kid, who’s about to face IRS in his PPV debut.

Thoughts:

Shawn’s mullet is a thing of beauty.

Taking the match of its time, it’s a shame it got such a sudden, shit ending. It’s wrestled at a fairly quick place, and had it been given a few more minutes, could have been a minor classic (it goes a shade over 10 minutes, by my reckoning). As it is, it’s oddly paced – a couple of times the pace is quick, only for an arm-bar or headlock to slow the pace down. It’s probably a shame this match didn’t happen earlier in Perfect’s career. That said, in today’s era of superkick parties and endless kick-outs, it’s not aged well. Certainly not the dream match that nostalgia and history suggested, and far from Perfect’s best work, even if he does hurl himself in an Irish whip and possesses a gorgeous drop-kick.

And as we all love a good Meltzer snowflake rating, he gave this one 3*. It’s the joint third highest rating of the night, behind Bret vs Lawler (4*), Steiners vs Heavenly Bodies (3.5*) and level with Tatanka’s match. See, I told you Tatanka was a wasted talent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 1994
Contributor: Project Nim
Match: 
Alundra Blayze v Bull Nakano

My first go at one of these so a little background first. Summerslam holds a special place in my heart as the 91 event was taped for me by a family friend and so became the first WWF PPV I ever watched and thoroughly enjoyed.

Twelve months later, a 15 year old Nim was sat in Wembley Stadium for the 92 event.

So onto 94 and despite the temptations of Taker v Taker with Leslie Nielsen investigating and the Bret v Owen cage match I’ve decided to go down a road less travelled and headed for the women’s title match.

Women’s wrestling was a distinct rarity for me at this point of my wrestling viewing and the only real woman featured on my television prior to this had been Sensational Sherri as Dibiases manager.

Vince and the King are on commentary.

Nakano comes down to the ring with thighs St Helens could use on one of their props in Rugby League. She also has shit generic Japanese heel entrance music, a green Marge Simpson do and Luna Vachon. You wouldn’t mess with Vachon would you? She’d punch you in the face for a bite of your ham sandwich.

Here comes Alundra with very nondescript music but a long gown so that’s nice.

These two had a previous match on Raw according to Vince which ended in a double count out.

Nakano snubs the handshake offer from Blayze and starts on the offence.

Blayze is tossed from the corner by her hair which gets a reaction from the crowd.

Nakano is an intimidating looking wrestler, I’m guessing Luna was put with her for promos.

Blayze tries to fight back but it has no effect on Bull. Cracking leg drop from Nakano follows and Blayze is in trouble. Kick out though and none of that “sweeeeet” bollocks from the crowd. I’m going to get a time machine and live in 94 on that alone.

Lunas going berserk at ringside calling the referee a wanker (probably).

Uh oh reverse chinlock territory I hope we are not here long. The crowd are getting behind Blayze but  Bull just yanks her around by the hair again.

Aye aye there’s a “USA” chant going now. Nakanos not arsed and it’s still all her on the offence.

A very nonchalant cover follows and Blayze kicks out.

Huracanrana from Blayze “outta nowhere” and a near fall on Bull.

Nakano responds by picking Blayze up by the neck and dumping her like a sack of shit.

A one handed Boston crab follows and Blayze is again in trouble. Crowd seem really into this. Luna is now growling like the bass in an Aphex Twin track.

Alundra makes the ropes forcing the break.

Now don’t get all annoyed at me but I don’t know the name of the move Nakano puts on Blayze here but I remember at the time thinking it looked cool as fuck. She sets up as if she’s going for a sharpshooter but then picks Blayze up by her arms and pulls her upper body backwards. It doesn’t look much fun to be in.

The ref forces a break as Nakano had Blayzes hair.

The official turns his back so Luna decides to give Blayze a bit of additional punishment. Vince is going bananas at all this saying “well you blind bastard”.

Alundra tries for a quick roll up but nothing doing. Nakano tries another submission move by bending Alundras arm into new and exciting shapes.

Alundra recovers and hits the ropes to bring Bull down. Blayze goes for the piledriver but it’s reversed and she’s sent sailing through the air.

Fast action now as a Blayze backslide gets a two count. Nakano responds with a power bomb, this is a decent watch.

Nakanos off to the top now I bet you she misses. She does and takes a hard landing on her backside. Blayze kicks Luna flying off the apron and hits a beautiful German suplex to pin Bull and retain the title. Crowd are loving this.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching this. A few more hands like Nakano and WWF could have had a cracking women’s division back in this era.

 

SummerSlam 1995
Contributor: hallicks
Match: Diesel vs Mabel (WWF Championship)

Summerslam ’95 was a little bit before my time. Years of UKFF trawling, Observer reading and Wikipedia rabbit-holing, though, mean I’m loosely aware of how things were going in 1995. Business was down. Diesel wasn’t drawing as champion. Financially, it was looking bleak. This isn’t a period I’ve felt compelled to revisit via the network at any point.

Luckily for me, the biggest event of the summer, one of WWF’s marquee events and one of the big four, was surely going to pull out all the stops, right? Right? Well, when deciding which match to review, I decided to watch almost the whole thing through. The short clip of Diesel’s promo they use in the opening promo is proper bollocks. King as at his over-excited worst during the first half hour. Seriously, how has nobody ever told him to put a wank in the bank before going on air? Hell, shuffle one out under the desk if necessary. Vince could have had a code word to signal to Lawler that “it’s time.”

1-2-3 kid vs Hakushi is a fun opener. I’m almost tempted to go with this one, simply because it contains Vince accidentally saying “Summerslime” and King intimating that Vince let the whole of the upper tier in for free. We then have about 2 hours worth of matches that probably had some build, but all of them feel like those matches that get added to modern PPV’s at the last minute for no reason. I feel like I’m stuck in mid-card hell. I’m probably most excited by the amount of still-rampant mullets on most of the male wrestlers. People that, due to my fandom starting in 2000, I had no idea were capable of such feats of coiff. Bob Holly. Billy Gunn, with extra TACHE. Barry Horowitz’s looks like the love-mullet of Craig Charles and Billy Ray Cyrus. Kane/Yankem’s lovely curly mullet isn’t news, but it’s proper luscious so it gets a mention. Mike Chioda has a modern mullet before that was a thing.

Anyway, enough of the preamble. I was so close to going with the Skip vs Horowitz match, just so I could count how many times they cut to a close up of Sunny mouthing off to the camera. And if I hadn’t been so knackered, I probably would have done the Razor-Shawn ladder match, but instead I’ll go for the Diesel-Mabel title match as it’s not very long.

There’s not much in the way of pre-match build up. Vince is going on about Bulldog being there. Diesel cuts a quick promo, going from super sullen…

OGRc1Zi.png 

To some random shit about “knights in shining armour” and “getting medieval on his ass!” Because he's fighting "King" Mabel, yeah? YEAH?

Ma9rmGJ.png 

Fuck, no wonder he didn’t do well. These fucking promos. Plus ça change, eh?

Vince, presumably with a straight face, says “The World Wrestling Federation has been doing quite well running on Diesel power!”

Ma9rmGJ.png 

Finally we’re underway. Diesel opens up with some big right hands. Mabel reverses an Irish whip and shoulder tackles the champ. Follows up with another. Mabel in control early. Chops in the corner. Diesel reverses a whip of his own and hits some clotheslines in the corner. Then some big back elbows. Diesel tries to get him up for a scoop slam, but can’t get the leverage. He goes for a clothesline but can’t get the big(ger) man off his feet. Diesel clobbers him on the back and Mabel falls through the ropes to the outside, and this gives them an opportunity to rest. Diesel does the most ugly looking dive over the top ropes to knock Mabel over on the outside, catching his feet on the top rope and his shins hitting the apron on the way down.

ldZbjiY.png 

Mabel reverses a whip and launches Diesel into the post. Mabel runs at him after but eats a big boot. Back into the ring, Diesel in control again with some big shots. Mabel then hits Diesel with something horrible looking. It’s like a sidewalk slam that changed its mind and tried to become a world’s strongest slam halfway through, and then in the last few milliseconds of its existence, wanted to be an end of days and ended up disappearing like the proverbial fart in the wind to zero crowd reaction. Mabel does a big butt drop onto Diesel’s lower back/butt area, then just sits there for about 5 minutes.

sIPWcco.jpg 

The camera cuts to a turnbuckle that’s had it’s pad removed at some unspecified and unseen moment earlier during the match, at which point Vince says, “I don’t think that will be a factor in this match!” Of course, the next notable thing that happens is Diesel getting rammed into that corner. Vince says nothing of it. Mabel “accidentally” knocks Earl Hebner out of the ring whilst running the ropes, and Diesel starts getting double teamed. Lex Luger runs in and it’s 3 on 1, but he’s knocked out of the ring quickly and easily. The double teaming continues outside the ring and Hebner is still down. Luger turns on Mabel’s manager and they quickly brawl to the back. The two lads are back in the ring. Mabel hits a big belly to belly suplex and Hebner’s back, counting ludicrously slowly for just a 2.

Mabel goes up to the second rope, looking for a splash, but just misses. Nash then goes up to the second rope, hits a massive jumping forearm smash to the face (which Vince calls a clothesline) and then wins with another awful Hebner slow count that makes it to 3.

I'm guessing it was pretty hard to follow the ladder match, which I'll have to watch at some point, but I really need to go and look for the paper counterpart of my driving licence. I know there's a bit of collective hard on for Nash on this board, but this snapshot of his pre-NWO days isn't very inspiring. Granted, he didn't have much to work with, but still. I'm awarding this match two and a half Meltz's out of five (or seven, whatever).

cZuyxwn.png?1 

 

SummerSlam 1996
Contributor: Otto Dem Wanz
Match: Jake Roberts vs Jerry Lawler

This match is brought to you by Jim Beam and Alcoholics Anonymous.

A pre-match video package contextualises the fact that we are enduring Jake Roberts’ religion-inspired redemption from alcoholism. Lawler has played the perfect bastard by antagonising him in the weeks up to Summerslam, including taunting his recovery attempt and pouring booze all over his mouth on Raw. Roberts vows to make Lawler eat his words and pay the price. It’s very hard to see an angle this distasteful being run in 2018.

Video package ends and oh fucking hell here’s MARK HENRY being introduced as the newest member of the WWF! I had no idea he was here! Camp big band music plays and Henry jogs down the ramp slapping hands and wearing a white Kangol hat, white denim jacket and white jeans. Vince calls Henry “big man” and invites him to put a headset on and commentate.

Lawler’s out with a bag, what’s in there? The commentators speculate on whether its a snake or not, but more importantly I’ve noticed Bowl Cut Kid, Vlad and his mates in the crowd all together.

Harvey Wippleman is ref, and Lawler takes his coat off to reveal he’s wearing a football shirt bearing the logo and colours of the Baltimore Ravens, who I presume are Cleveland’s rivals. He starts cutting a boring promo which means nothing to me as it references some lads from the Ravens who he left tickets for or something.

Lawler tells us he has his ‘tag team partners’ with him - Jim Beam and Jack Daniels. Hilaire. He then throws insults at Henry and I’m getting a bit annoyed now - are we having this match or what?

Henry seems like a big cuddly nice bloke, responding magnanimously to Lawler’s taunts by saying Lawler wouldn’t know what its like to be in the Olympics, in which Henry has just participated but failed to medal in. Vince played a blinder introducing him like this, as there was no way he was going to fail to get over as a babyface being a real athlete, white meat babyface in 1996.

Jake’s music finally hits and he’s on his way out scowling, Lawler starts CUTTING ANOTHER PROMO and I just want to die. He’s about to show him what’s in his bag - its a massive bottle of champagne. You’ve done that joke already Jerry. Jake gets his massive snake out and wraps it round Lawler’s throat (KennethWilliams.jpg), who quickly loses it and powders out immediately. The crowd pops and it’s the biggest reaction anything to do with this match got.

Jake puts the snake back in its bag, Jerry’s back in the ring and the bell sounds, and after a million distractions we’re finally underway.

Oh wait the King powders out again and grabs the mic and the whisky, the mic isn’t working… Jake mercifully interrupts this and takes the fight to Lawler. Best thing he’s done since getting twatted out of the arena by Stone Cold two months earlier at King of the Ring.

Jake’s on top and the crowd sense DDT. After some outside brawling, Lawler sneakily throws a fan’s fizzy pop in Jake’s eye, Henry hilariously asks ‘what’s the fan gon’ do for drinkin’ now?’ Jake gets tied up in the ropes and Lawler grabs the ringside whisky, Jake escapes and looks for a DDT but Lawler counters, Jake then clotheslines Jerry HARD which gets a ‘nice move’ shout from Mark. Crowd chant for DDT. Jake goes to execute it but Lawler grabs Wippleman, escapes and, still holding the whisky bottle, jabs it into Jakes throat, goes for a cover with tights held and gets the 3. Wippleman typically misses all of the illegality and the win stands for King.

Jake sells the throat while Lawyer cuts a post-match promo saying how Jake needs another drink and proceeds to dump the Jim Beam all over his mouth and face. Most of this has played out amidst very little heat and hardly any crowd reaction. It might’ve helped had they not basically re-run the same angle everyone has already seen on Raw.

The drink is all in Jake’s hair and King is about to dump the other bottle over him, but Henry gets up from commentary and stops it. Lawler falls on his arse thanks to his intimidation and fucks off to the back. Henry sees to the reeling (and probably pissed by now) Jake who is retching and helps him to the locker room. The crowd applauds this very mildly.

We then see Bob Backlund, who is campaigning in the crowd for a presidential run, yep..

This was truly dreadful. Here you saw two old-timers using tons of distractions, time-wasting and slow, plodding in-ring action based around a tawdry storyline, all of which combined to offend me as a viewer. This is made even worse by the fact we only see 4 minutes of wrestling and have at least double that in promo time.

The only bright spot here is a certain future world champion turning up for the very first time, making this as memorable as it is terrible. God bless you and your white outfit Mark Henry, it’ll only take you 15 years to become something anything even resembling good. That 2011 Hall of Pain run was definitely worth the wait.

Bonus/extra notes:

Before this one starts, we see a video package about Ahmed Johnson who was recently injured at the hands of Faarooq Asad (he still has a surname at this point), and had to forfeit his Intercontinental title. Ahmed is virtually unintelligible - I got something about suffering from ‘mennapanenahfizkahpane’ (“Mental pain, not physical pain” I think) but not much else.

Faarooq comes out with Sunny (who looks drop dead gorgeous) along with the campest entrance music ever - seriously, listen to it on Youtube, its awful. Faarooq, in full blue helmet and gladiator garb, berates Johnson for being weak and saying how he should be the intercontinental champion. He also says that thanks to his new manager, there are lots of ‘Sunny days’ ahead for them both. Knowing how that particular comment would be used in the future I found this very, very funny.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 1997
Contributor: cobra_gordo
Match: Owen Hart vs Steve Austin (Intercontinental Championship)

Summerslam 1997 is one of those events that I’m familiar with the opener and the last two matches but the rest is a blur. The show is at the height of the Hart Foundation vs USA storyline and it’s a recurring theme that runs through the show as various members face off. Because of this, I’d initially wanted to go for something outside of that arc and had firm intentions of watching Legion Of Doom vs The Godwinns but following the sad news of Jim Neidhart’s death it felt only right to watch something featuring The Hart Foundation, even if Jim himself wasn’t wrestling that night.

I finally settled on Owen Hart vs Stone Cold, the infamous match that resulted in Austin’s neck being broken and his career being shortened.

Owen comes out to plenty of boos and looks absolutely cool as fuck. Austin comes out to a decent pop and there’s a fair few Austin 3:16 shirts and signs but we’re not at peak Stonecoldmania just yet. As Austin gets in to the ring he give Owen, who’s just minding his own business in the corner, the ol’ double finger. Owen, obviously upset by this smashes Austin in his injured knee whilst he’s posing to the crowd on the second rope. I wish more matches started like this instead of the standard lock up and chain wrestle.

Owen is in control initially but not for long, Austin gets back in control before long and smashes Owen in to the turnbuckle chest first. God I love that bump. The chemistry between these two is brilliant, everything delivered looks vicious and it’s fairly back and forth until Owen scoops Stone Cold up for the Tombstone. I wince every time I watch this spot. As soon as Austin’s head hits the mat the look on Hart’s face says it all, he knows he’s fucked up and Steve is in trouble. Owen tries to stall by mocking the crowd and does a great job of trying to keep the match going without risking touching Austin, he blatantly knows he’s in a bad way. The roll up finish is quick and is doing with great trepidation by Hart but the crowd don’t seem to have noticed and look happy their guy won and Austin is the new Intercontinental champion.

I still don’t know what the planned finish was, but these guys were fantastic in the ring together. I’d love to have seen how this one should have panned out.
 

SummerSlam 1998
Contributor: The British Bushwacker
Match:
The Oddities, Golga, Kurrgan & The Giant Silva w/Luna v Kaientai, Taka Michinoku, Dick Togo, Mens Teioh & Sho Funaki w/Yamaguchi-San

So my choice for SummerSlam 1998 was not an obvious choice, but oddly a match I remember strangely enjoying.

First things first, this setup is how they should still set up their MSG shows, the short ramp and entrance from the middle made MSG feel special and unique and is sadly missed.

Tony Chimel introduces the Insane Clown Posse, and surprisingly a rather large pop and a pan around the crowd reveals several signs supporting ICP, easy to forget just how over the Oddities were for a small time despite their obvious lack of talent.

Out come The Oddities with Violent Jay and Shaggy 2 Dope who tell the fans 'Hands Like This', which they more than happily oblige with....Hey it's the pink and yellow tracksuit couple, I’d wager they're on ALOT of these Summerslam shows.

Kaientai are out with Yamaguchi-San, Taka now in street clothes because he's a baddie and baddies don't wear nice attire.

The teams stand to face each other, Kurrgan has a rather fetching tye dye top and beanie hat, Giant Silva wearing a similar outfit to my dad mowing the lawn as he teams up jogging bottoms and an orange dress shirt.

Golga begins the match, as he is the worker of the faction, I had no idea this was Earthquake until several years later, he squares off with Taka as JR reminds us that Taka is the reigning Lightheavyweight Champion, Taka drives Golga's head into the turnbuckle to absolutely no effect, not once but twice..Golga responds by driving his own head into the turnbuckle several times to a mild pop, Golga swiftly cleans house of all Kaientai members before sliding out of the ring and taking a fancy to Yamaguchi-San's brand new trainers, which appear to be Hi Tech or a similar 'povo' brand, JR mentions X-Pac pissing in Double J's boots last week, but fails to mention the times he shit in Sable's bag and Sunny's lunch, Golga pours a beer into the Hi Techs and tosses it at Yamaguchi-San.

Kurrgan is now in the ring to square off with Funaki, he drops to his knees and bows in a mildly racist fashion, Funaki responds with a knee to the Kurrgan's knackers but his Irish whip attempt is blocked and reversed into a slam, big boot to the on rushing Togo and Taka followed by a huge back bodydrop to Teioh, Kurrgan drops to the outside and launches Yamaguchi-San into the ring before pausing for a little jig of delight at ringside.

Kurrgan makes the tag to the Giant Silva and we get a close up of his incredibly ugly face.

Taka performs a sumo stance, and I wonder if he's also scared of spiders, before he quickly backs away to tag in Togo, Silva choke tosses Togo back from where he came (the corner, not Japan) and in a fun moment Togo and Taka grab a leg each, Teoih and Funaki clamber onto the backs of Taka and Togo and begin hammering away at Silva.

Silva begins to shake the Kaientai members from his arms and legs and in rather a stretch of the imagination JR tells us that Silva reminds him a lot of Andre The Giant, presumably after his death. Silva performs the Andre bum squash spot in the corner.

All 3 Oddities are now into the ring and they take turns in Irish whipping the Kaientai lads to the opposite corner with Togo taking a rather nice upside down bump, Silva then picks up Taka for a press slam to the outside which is scarily high.

Golga is back in now and he delivers a powerslam before looking for the Earthquake splash (how did I not twig) but Teioh and Funaki meet him with a double dropkick followed by a double suplex, which looks impressive, the 4 members of Kaientai then take turns in delivering headbutts and splashes from the corners, and I’m actually enjoying this match all these years later.

The Kaientai lads form a human train of running elbows followed by a drop toe hold to Golga, Taka then launches a mean looking dropkick directly into his face, Golga forward rolls into the Oddities corner to make a lukewarm tag to Kurrgan,

Kurrgan reminds me of a tall Eric Cantona.

Big boot to the face of Taka is followed up a sidewalk slam to Funaki as Kurrgan looks for a chokeslam bringing the remaining members of Kaientai in and they walk into chokeslam positions with Kurrgan and Silva.

Stalling then takes place as the big lads prepare for Yamaguchi-San to remove his other shoe, not quite to the levels of "C'mon Jeff Goddamn it!" but there must be something about MSG and timing

Luna is in to intercept the onrushing Yamaguchi-San and she meets him with a crisp bodyslam which is a moment to rank alongside Hogan/Andre. Kurrgan and Silva drill all four members with a quadruple chokeslam leaving their prone bodies lying for a big splash by Golga and a pin for the 3 at around the 10 minute mark.

ICP get on the microphones as the Oddities dance to celebrate the win, Golga making sure to collect his Cartman plush from under the turnbuckle.

This match was what it was, comedy filler but wasn't long enough to be offensive, a fairly enjoyable 10 minutes and I enjoyed Kurrgan's 1-2 step.
 

SummerSlam 1999
Contributor: HarmonicGenerator
Match:
Ken Shamrock vs Steve Blackman (Lion’s Den Match)

The match I have chosen to review is Ken Shamrock vs Steve Blackman in the Lion's Den.

Why? Because this year's SummerSlam has such a heavy focus on UFC stars Brock Lesnar and Ronda Rousey, it'll be interesting to look at how martial arts / MMA types were portrayed 20 years ago.

I've thought for ages that Shamrock, pushed as he was a lot of the time, came along at just the wrong sort of period. Imagine him even a year later against the likes of Angle and Benoit, but more like in the past five years. He'd have been World champion no bother. Even Steve Blackman would have been higher up the card if he'd come along now instead of when 'kicks you a lot' was considered boring instead of an essential part of any wrestler's repertoire.

So, the Lion's Den.

As far as I can tell, there have only ever been three. Shamrock vs. Owen Hart at the previous Summerslam, Shamrock vs. Vince McMahon on Raw, and this one. More or less Shamrock's last hurrah in the WWF (give or take a brief feud with Jericho that I don't remember even though SCG probably covered it on their last timeline), so it's a historic thing. The structure's probably just sitting in the WWE Warehouse right now; we know they don't throw anything out. Who among us could ever argue it wouldn't make Reigns vs. Lesnar 3434985 ((C) King Pitcos) a bit more interesting?

HANG ON.

It turns out that Big Boss Man and Triple H also had a Lion's Den Match at some point! Can I review that instead?

I mean, I'm going to, straight after this one, but I'll focus on Summerslam. Lion's Den. Shamrock and Blackman and their cool entrance music. Here we go.

This one is a little different because both men have added an element of their 'domain' to the match. The cage is for Shamrock, the weapons (which might be unique to this iteration of the match) are for Blackman.

Shamrock might have been on the way down and out in summer 1999 but he gets a huge reaction. Guy should have been a star. People are LOVING him. He had such a great aura.

The Den is pretty small. And it's basically made up of bits of today's Steel Cage. Blackman hits Ken in the leg with a nunchuck but gets taken down and has his leg worked on. Blackman does a cool leg sweep and starts choking Shamrock with the nunchucks.

I maintain both these guys would have done well today. Though if they did want to bring back the Den they'd have to rethink it a bit because most of the audience can't see it here.

JR notes on commentary that Shamrock was hit by a car driven by Blackman 'a few weeks ago'. Stone Cold was put out for nearly a year when he got hit by a car. Shamrock was out for 'a few weeks'. Shamrock > Austin.

Shamrock hits Blackman with a cane but it just made him angry and he's on the offence now. He hits an inverted Atomic Drop so textbook they might have mo-capped it for a SmackDown game and begins to beat Ken with his mini Kendo Sticks that probably have a name. "In Oklahoma we call 'em sticks" says JR.

Depending on the camera angle they choose, it looks like they might as well not have even been in the arena. They should have picked out some fans and have them surround the sides of the cage; would have been a cool visual. Like the droid fighting pit in Solo or the bit in X-Men when you're introduced to Wolverine. Or an actual cage fight but I have little frame of reference for that.

DDT by Blackman, taken beautifully by Shamrock. He fights back by bouncing Steve into the cage and hitting a lovely powerslam, but Blackman hits what JR calls 'an enziguiri type maneouvre' that I would call an 'enziguiri'. He shwacks Shamrock in the throat with a Kendo Stick.

It's not very summery, this match. Sorry.

You know what? I'm glad they didn't go full 1999 with these and add real lions. This is no Kennel From Hell and lions should be free and wild.

The crowd comes alive for a Shamrock comeback which includes a full-on headshot with the Kendo Stick. Camera zooms in on him as the crowd cheer. Again to the head! Blackman's out, the bell rings, Shamrock climbs the cage, the crowd goes wild, he celebrates on top of the cage and looks every inch a massive star. We had that thread 'Wasted' recently? Shamrock wasn't technically wasted, he was pretty often a featured star. But had he come along at a time when there weren't so many other top guys - he could have been a much bigger name.

Match itself was pretty bog-standard, decent, fine, whatever. Not bad at all but nothing you'd go back to.

Boss Man vs. Triple H, however, is action packed! Triple H charges into the den and even hits a springboard forearm off the cage wall, Shane McMahon interferes with a nightstick... okay, it then devolves into an extended (well, two minutes, which is pretty extended in the Attitude Era) beatdown as the crowd chants for Austin. Then Kane, Shamrock, Road Dogg, X-Pac, Billy Gunn, Test and the Stooges all get involved as well.

That match was from Sunday Night Heat! They did a Lion's Den on Heat!

That settles it. NXT TakeOver Brooklyn V. Adrian Jaoude The Capoiera Guy vs. I don't mind. Make it happen, Mr. Regal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 2000
Contributor: jonnybgoode82

SummerSlam 2001
Contributor
: Supremo
Match: Kurt Angle vs Steve Austin (WWF Championship)

hqdefault.jpg 

I was tempted to review the RVD vs. Jeff Hardy ladder match from this PPV because despite it being seventeen years ago I still can’t fathom what they were thinking with that final spot. Jeff is dangling from the belts, RVD pulls his leg so he’s swinging back and forth like at Wrestlemania 17, but instead of going for a spear off a fifteen-foot ladder like Edge did, RVD somehow thinks he’ll be able to hit a springboard spinning-back-kick from the top rope! He misses by miles and the match completely falls apart, never truly recovering. I’ll never get over it. Did Rob really think he could jump that high? Did they rehearse this? Did no-one have any concept of human possibility? Or of gravity? It boggles my mind to this day.

Anyway, Austin vs. Angle. I had almost no memory of this other than getting a vivid flashback that I was such a little wrestling-obsessed dork at this point that I simulated all of these matches on WWF No Mercy on the N64 over and over again. The introduction of The Alliance meant I had to create tonnes of the WCW and ECW guys, and this was before you could just download them using Community Creations. The amount of detail and the amount of time I spent creating all these guys and going through every match over and over again, I can’t decide if I feel sorry for what a loser I once was, or if I’m secretly jealous I don’t have as much time to do that type of thing anymore.

Right, let’s get to it. Both guys come in completely miscast. Austin is the heel despite everyone wishing he was the, “Old Stone Cold,” that we’d seen weeks earlier and Kurt comes in as the ass-kicking babyface instead of the goofy heel he was best at. The video package beforehand explains that Austin turned his back on the WWF because he was jealous of Vince giving Kurt hugs. Fucking hell. No wonder this Invasion died on its arse. Steve comes out to some awful nu-Metal cover of his theme, wearing two knee braces, and we’re immediately brawling in the aisle. Good stuff. I feel like we don’t see enough guys jumping each other in the aisle these days.

The match officially starts after a few minutes of ringside brawling and I’m already in awe of Stone Cold. I’ve not watched his stuff in ages but this back and forth stands out massively. Steve is so fucking intense. He looks like he wants to kill someone. He also throws a fantastic punch. I never noticed when I was a kid, and maybe Kurt’s just great at selling, but these punches look awesome. This is great! The back and forth breaks down when Kurt starts throwing German Suplexes. I cringed watching Steve take them on his surgically repaired neck. I cringed even more by the time he took his seventh. Bloody hell. Not long after, Austin also hits a top rope Superplex to Kurt where he bounces off his neck as well. Jesus Christ. No wonder he had less than a dozen PPV headline matches after this. The consensus on Stone Cold in the Attitude Era was that he was just kicking and punching, but here he’s seemingly on a mission to destroy his neck.

giphy.gif 

After a bit more back and forth Austin hits a random Stone Cold Stunner out of nowhere for the two count. Furious, he hits another straight afterwards but Kurt falls out of the ring. Steve follows Kurt out and throws him face-first into the ring post. After a cheeky bit of blading Steve throws Kurt into the post again and, seemingly for a laugh, Kurt decides to take this one with his hands down, taking the brunt of it straight to his fucking head. Then again. Then again. For one of these it looks like Kurt is trying to cushion the impact with his shoulder, but primarily it’s his skull that’s taking the majority of the force as he continues to keeps his hands down. Christ. These guys are both maniacs. No wonder Kurt can no longer pronounce, “WWE.”

We then get a great shot of Steve grinning like a psychopath at Kurt bleeding, followed by another load of awesome punches. Has anyone ever spoken about how good Stone Cold’s punches were in shoot interviews? I’m blown away by them. I wonder if it’s ten years of John Cena’s shit punches that’s helped make Steve’s look so good by contrast?

640?cb=20130727013518 

Anyway, the brawling outside continues and Kurt’s bleeding is getting disgusting. It’s dripping everywhere and as they brawl over the guardrail you can see big smears and large drips of Kurt’s blood all over the floor. This is pretty gross. As they climb back over the guardrail Kurt grabs an Ankle Lock on Austin! It's an awesome visual of Kurt screaming, “TAP YOU SON OF A BITCH!’ covered in blood. I have no doubt whatsoever that these men hate each other. I love it.

GreatNauticalLadybird-max-1mb.gif 

Kurt then drags Steve into the ring and for a split second looks like he’s going to do a post-assisted Ankle Lock, similar to Bret Hart’s post-assisted Figure Four, but then just decides to pull Steve in for a run-of the-mill Ankle Lock in the center of the ring. Shame. More guys should do post-assisted stuff. I love Bret’s post-assisted Figure Four. Has anyone else ever done it? Someone should bring it back.

ThreadbareUnimportantConch-small.gif 

So we’re in the middle of the ring, Austin’s screaming in pain in the Ankle Lock and Kurt is bleeding horrifically. This isn’t Eddie Guerrero at Judgment Day levels, but it’s pretty fucking close. Austin makes the ropes to break the hold. They brawl back to the floor where Austin takes a Belly to Belly Suplex to the floor, followed by a Belly to Back Suplex to the floor. Seriously, what the fuck was Steve thinking in 2001? Wasn’t he also taking double-digit German Suplexes from Benoit around this time too? This is bananas!

We’re back in the ring and Kurt hits his gorgeous Moonsault for a two count. Austin, seemingly panicking and out of ideas, decides to put Kurt in the Million Dollar Dream. Jim Ross has a cheeky reference to a guy called the Ringmaster who used to use this as his finisher. Nice. I remember when I was kid being so disappointed when I spent ages watching footage, learning how to perfectly put a Million Dollar Dream on my little brother, only to discover it doesn’t hurt at all. I’m still annoyed to this day.

So Kurt’s obviously done his research and tries to kick the top turnbuckle to trap Austin in a Million Dollar Dream reversal pin, similar to how Bret won at Survivor Series 1996. Austin’s done his research too though and kicks out, keeping the hold on. He’s refusing to let go and Kurt looks like he might go unconscious. His blood is dripping all over Austin and the mat at this point. The crowd are really into it though. I know the blood is pretty grim if you’re an outsider looking in but you can’t deny it works. At the last second though, Kurt manages to roll free and Austin falls out of the ring.

BOOM! Steve runs back in and hit another Stunner. 1……..2…..Kurt kicks out! “MY GAWD! MY GAWD!” Jim Ross screams and I smile, remembering how good he used to be. This is great, great stuff. Steve goes for another Stunner but Kurt reverses it for the Angle Slam! 1…..2……Steve kicks out! Bloody hell though, that may have been Earl Hebner at his worst! It’s been long enough that I’d forgotten how annoying Earl was when he was trying to do a 2.9 count. Instead of just counting like a normal human being but then stopping at the last second, whenever he wanted to add some drama he’d so this ridiculous, exaggerated dive on his third count and it always looked stupid and completely telegraphed the kick-out. This may have been the worst one I’ve ever seen. Stone Cold seems to agree too because he immediately stands up and punches Earl in the face. Ha ha! Brilliant!

Kurt hits a DDT on Austin but there’s no referee to count. Here runs another referee! Mike Chioda! 1…..2…..Stone Cold kicks out again! At this point, Steve’s had enough of this shit so it’s a low blow for Kurt and a Stunner for Mike Chioda. Chioda takes a great bump from the Stunner.

Steve violently kicks Chioda out of the ring and then goes and grabs his belt. He’s had enough of all this bollocks and decides to hit Kurt with the belt. A third referee runs in, Tim White, to stop Steve from killing Kurt, but Steve’s like, “fuck off, lad’ and just hits him in the face with the belt. JR is going nuts about Austin being a psychotic son of a bitch and I’m in fucking heaven. This is so much fun!

So finally Kurt hits the Angle Slam again. The crowd are on their feet counting, calling for another ref…and out runs Nick Patrick, the first WCW ref to make an appearance. Brilliant. I already know where this is going and I love it. Patrick goes to count 1….But no! He stands up and calls for the bell! Howard Finkel makes the call here, which makes me happy. I thought he was long gone by now. Kurt Angle wins by DQ, but doesn’t leave as the Champion. Kurt is going ballistic in the ring, Austin is sneaking out with his belt and Jim Ross sounds like he’s going to fucking explode.

“KURT ANGLE GOT SCREWED BAH GAWD! YOU KNOW IT! I KNOW IT! WE ALL KNOW IT!”

Kurt attacks Nick Patrick and puts him in the Ankle Lock.

“BREAK HIS ANKLE! BAH GAWD THIS IS NOT RIGHT! ANGLE NEVER QUIT! HE NEVER GAVE UP!”

They play Kurt’s music but the story is no longer Stone Cold or Kurt, it’s Jim Ross going crazy at the desk.

“HE KEPT FIGHTING! WITH EVERY FIBRE OF HIS BEING! DOWN TO HIS BY-GOD BONE MARROW! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!”

Kurt walks to the back, devastated, crying, and then the camera cuts to Jim Ross squaring up to Heyman’s face, continuing to go crazy. This is amazing! Heyman almost looks confused as to what he’s expected to do, so just stares blankly at Jim going bonkers.

And that’s the end. Wow. I thought 2001 was when things took a downturn for this company, but fuck me. This was so great and a million, billion times more enjoyable than what we get on PPV these days. Tonnes of fun, with guys throwing each other and themselves around like maniacs for my enjoyment. It probably wasn’t that healthy for the guys, but holy shit, it was good to watch. Plus, even if Kurt and Austin were miscast, and the finish was a bit screwy, they did an amazing job here of making everything feel like it really, really mattered. Austin losing his mind, smashing everyone in sight. Kurt crying and attacking Nick Patrick for costing him the match. Jim Ross looking like he’s going to chin Paul Heyman, he’s so worked up. This is fucking pro wrestling. What the hell happened? Why don’t people care anymore when they lose matches?! It was as fake then as it is now, so why do we have to play into that fact and treat everything as if it doesn’t really matter and everyone knows it’s a work? That’s my biggest takeaway here – I wish pro-wrestling was portrayed as if it mattered as much as it was here. I also wish Jim Ross was still this good. He’s on fire here and does a spectacular job. Nowadays, the best thing he does is get accidentally knocked on his arse whilst commentating (extremely badly) on New Japan matches. For anyone who hasn't seen it:

 

SummerSlam 2002
Contributor:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 2003
Contributor: WeeAl
Match:
Kane Vs Rob Van Dam (No Holds Barred)

We get a pre-match VT here detailing the backstory of this one. The gist of it is that these two were former tag team partners, when Kane ended up having to unmask. This dragged up old, horrible memories for him from when his brother tried to murder him in the funeral parlour. Van Dam sticks by Kane and tells him he doesn't need the mask, but Kane's having none of it so he went on a rampage against everyone on Raw, including assaulting Van Dam at every opportunity, giving Linda McMahon a tombstone on the ramp, burning JR alive (who, miraculously, is doing very well here on commentary all things considered) among other heinous deeds. This is Van Dam's chance to finally get his revenge on Kane for setting a match to their friendship.

Kane doesn't look a whole hell of a lot different today than he does here. A little slower now, obviously, but he clearly still looks after himself well these days considering this was 15 years ago.

It starts off fast with Van Dam going at Kane right from the get-go but he gets flattened with a clothesline and Kane takes over. Things go outside quickly, with RVD managing to turn the tables on Kane following a moonsault from the barricade. Lots of punch-kick carry on here before Kane goes for a ladder. He can't quite figure out how to use it though, struggling with it as you would imagine a Demon from hell who moonlights as a County Mayor would. RVD capitalises on this by hitting Kane in the face with the ladder. We were back in the ring for about 30 seconds with a top rope karate kick to Kane, followed by a rolling thunder attempt which got blocked, but Van Dam managed to escape and cross body block Kane over the top rope to the outside. WCW would have disqualified them for that, even in a no DQ match. No wonder those dingleberries went bust.

Both men are showing the pain here now but Kane recovers quicker and sends Van Dam into the steps. Kane could have made a living as a Starplan home furniture fitter if he needed to, should his prospects as a dentist, lorry driver, demon, insurance broker or mayor dry up. He's not afraid of some diversification is our Glen.

Van Dam kicks the chin off of Kane with a heel kick back in the ring, followed by some more springy kicks off the ropes and a forearm or two. RVD screws up though by going to the top and not managing to turn around in time and Kane bundles him off the top turnbuckle all the way into the barricade below.

Kane is in a good spot now, driving the ladder into Van Dam on the outside. The first pin attempt gets a two count. Lots of choking here from big Kane, followed by a clothesline. More choking by Kane. Now choking with the foot. Good warm up moves for the chokeslam here. RVD gets punched to the outside again and then we get a big highspot that gets people on their feet with Kane going up top for the clothesline to the outside, but he misses and now he hits the barricade! Van Dam has a brief moment of looking like taking over before he gets spiked with a DDT on the mats at ringside. But no! Van Dam delivers a drop toe hope to Kane, who hits his face on the steel steps he was walking with! Kane needs to get better at this furniture moving caper. Kane hits his bollocks on the outside guardrail and RVD pops up for the corkscrew leg drop from the ring apron onto Kane on the barricade.

Van Dam is looking for an equaliser! He's going to try and hit Kane with Denzel Washington's head! Oh, no it's a chair he's going for. He gives Kane the rolling thunder with the chair lying on top of Kane. That looks a lot worse for Van Dam. But Kane is getting the worst of it now as Van Dam is after hitting a running dropkick into Kane's face using the chair. Van Dam up to the top rope now and the crowd are on their feet, he's going for the Van Terminator . . . But he misses! Kane catches RVD on the outside and delivers a HELLACIOIS tombstone pile-driver on the steps. Van Dam's neck might be broken says JR. Kane rolls RVD into the ring and that's all she wrote folks. Decent enough little match. Nothing to get carried away with, but it wasn't boring either. It filled its purpose sandwiched between Kurt Vs Lesnar and the Elimination Chamber match that followed.

 

SummerSlam 2004
Contributor: Otto Dem Wanz
Match: Kane vs Matt Hardy (Till Death Do us Part Match)

So I’ve chosen Kane vs Matt Hardy in a “Till Death Do us Part” match where Lita is supposed to marry the winner, and it is very clear to me that in 2004 the Women’s Revolution is a long way off yet.

Lita’s out and her theme is awful: “SO FACK YA RULES MAAAAAAAAAAAN” repeated ad nauseam - ugh.  According to JR she is apparently carrying Kane’s child as well, Jesus Christ was Raw like this all the time in 2004?

Hardy and Kane come out and its apparent to me that they are both contenders to appear in the famous “Wrestlers that stink” thread, such is Matt’s dirty chinstrap and Kane’s bald sweatiness. Kane’s music here is good though - “THE WONDER AAAAAAV THE WORLD IS GAAAAAAAAAAN AHHH KNOW FO’ SHOOOOOW”.

Matt starts strongly, dominating Kane and hitting a Side Effect and then a Tornado DDT off the second rope for two - both moves look very cool.

Kane gets momentum back with a huge clothesline but not long afterwards Matt sends him flying to the outside after Lita distracts him, where Matt then hits a Twist of Fate on the floor.

Kane barely survives the count, Lita grabs the ring bell which Matt uses to twat Kane with very hard using the wood side as Lita distracts the ref (it makes a lovely smacking sound meaning this is one of the better bell shots I’ve seen in a while). That should do it but Kane puts his foot on the rope, which JR tells us is a first.

Hardy goes up top but can only jump into a chokeslam attempt which he fights free from, Kane though hits a big boot and Lita can barely watch. Kane goes up top then gets crotched by Matt, but musters up the strength to hit a HUGE chokeslam off the top for 3 and Lita’s hand in marriage.

Lita can’t believe it, while Matt is knocked out and Kane has a bit of a noncey smile on his face. Lita, faced with Kane’s open arms, chooses to run to the back and off camera which is exactly where those acting “skills” of hers belong.

Despite winning Kane was really dominated here, and I’m surprised he gave up so much of the match to Matt. It wasn’t the best watch but had a few cool spots (where Matt did all the work) and went by quickly enough, although the story and stipulation here is just woeful. Is there any limit to how much nonsense Kane has been involved in? Considering his longevity and years of association with the Undertaker I doubt it, especially remembering the other shite not involving the Deadman he was a part of (this, the Katie Vick angle and Shane McMahon feud to name but three).

We’re done with this part of the PPV so cut to the back and to Todd Grisham who is interviewing Randy Orton. Randy explains how no one, even Lita, should be feeling upset because tonight is the night he achieves his destiny. He’s then interrupted by John Cena! This was cool as although both men went on to have long careers at the top of WWE they wouldn’t face off too often, meaning this is in all too rare glimpse of them on camera at the same time. Well not really, but it was cool to see them both young and full of spunk.

As Lita was apparently full of Kane’s.

3088%20-%20kane%20smiling%20sunday_night 

Sorry.

 

SummerSlam 2005
Contributor: WeeAl
Match:
 Batista vs JBL (No Disqualification Match for the World Heavyweight Championship) 

I don't remember this being particularly good, but we'll see how well my memory has held up. Batista got DQ'd in their previous match at the Great American Bash, meaning JBL got the win and a re-match here. On top of that, JBL goaded Batista into letting him pick the stipulation for this one, so Layfield picked a No DQ encounter.

Batista's entrance music is top notch stuff. This is a home town title defence for Big Dave, with it being in Washington DC. JBL comes straight up the aisle to Batista to kick things off as the pyro is still exploding. We've got Michael Cole and Tazz on commentary. The crowd are loving Big Dave lamping JBL, especially when he does so with a fire extinguisher. They're brawling all around the entrance set, into the production equipment, barricades and lots of right hands from both men. We get near the ringside area, and both men are still in the crowd when Batista spears JBL through the ringside barrier! Roman, Big Show, Goldberg and Batista all love that spot.

JBL is back on top though in the ring with a short arm clothesline and is putting the boots to Batista. Lots of heavy right hands in the corner and JBL steals poor timekeeper Mark Yeaton's belt and whips Dave on the back with it. He's shouting come on animal at him before choking him around the neck. Somehow, I don't have a very hard time imagining JBL doing this to someone that he doesn't like in real life if given the chance. He either plays the gimmick very well, or he IS the gimmick, but I don't think I'd enjoy going for a pint with him. Big Dave on the other hand seems like a sound bloke to go for a pint with. Plus, you're not getting fucked with if you're out in the pub with a Bond villain who could push your eyeballs out through your ears if he wanted to.

Batista is struggling to breathe here with the belt around his neck but he manages to give JBL a side suplex to escape from Bradshaw's clutches. Now Batista has the belt and is tearing into Layfield like he's a "Government Mule!" Those shots look like they hurt like hell. However JBL has countered by hitting the Clothesline from Hell! But Batista is out at 2, though he's still down on the mat when JBL gets busy bring the steel steps into the ring. He has bad intentions for Batista. Batista though manages to back body drop JBL from Bradshaw's powerbomb attempt. Spinebuster on JBL from Batista and Dave hulks up! He's shaking the ropes, giving Nigel Farage's mate the thumbs down and has him set up for the Batista Bomb. He hits it right in the centre of the ring, but he won't go for the pin. The crowd chant "One more time!". Batista duly obliges, to the crowds delight. This time however it's the Batista Bomb onto the steel steps! 1-2-3, it's over. You could count to 100, stick a fork in JBL as he's gone the way of the Dodo after that Powerbomb.

Not a bad little match that, pretty short at about nine minutes or so. It didn't drag by any stretch of the imagination and it was better than I remember it being. They were right to keep it short though I'd say, as it didn't get time to slow down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 2006
Contributor: mim731
Match: Rey Mysterio vs Chavo Guerrero

3ff04e5df029fb2f3c5b91ffdb528ddc3d4572fb

Summerslam 2006 emanated from the legendary TD Gardens in Boston, in front of a crowd of 16,168. While there were a number of high profile matches with interesting stories surrounding them I wanted to take a look at the opening bout between Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero, which can be summed up in two words:

Eddie_Guerrero_bio.jpg&c=sc&w=850&h=560 

Eddie Guerrero

The roots of the feud date back to the death of Eddie Guerrero the previous year. Within the outpouring of tributes to Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, as we all remember got the big push winning the Royal Rumble and (after a particularly distasteful programme with Randy Orton featuring the infamous “Eddie’s in hell” line) a world title win at Wrestlemania. Of course, this totally ignored the feud Mysterio had with Eddie prior to his death, for obvious reasons. Must have been even more confusing for poor Dominic than when his custody was put on the line in a ladder match the prior year.

Rey-Mysterio-WM-22.jpg

Mysterio would then embark on a quasi-tribute run that mirrored Guerrero’s title run in various ways, until he lost the title to King Booker at the Great American Bash, after interference from Chavo Guerrero Jr, who turned heel in the process.

Chavo-Guerrero-Kerwin-White-645x370.jpg

To give a bit more context to that particular heel turn you have to look at Chavo’s journey to that point after the death of his uncle Eddie. Chavo had been working on Raw under the underrated or offensive (depending on your perspective) gimmick of Kerwin White, where Chavo rejected his Mexican heritage in favour of a white American identity, including driving around in a golf cart. However, Eddie’s death brought the gimmick to an abrupt end.

44ebab22177a77942ad8f3c64cb8c1a2989a4dd7

Chavo would again wrestle under his real name, in tribute to his uncle, even getting involved in the aforementioned storyline with Rey and Orton in support of Mysterio, before “retiring” and resurfacing to support Mysterio at the Great American Bash which led to the heel turn previously mentioned, with the justification that Mysterio was using Eddie Guerrero’s name to bring himself further success, exploiting the memory of “Latino Heat, which of course Mysterio denied.

The match

81-O6mbfidL._SX425_.jpg

Both men came out wearing “EG” armbands, although in a nice detail they both had slightly different designs. I know it’s only a small thing but given that they were both competing to honour the memory of their fallen comrade it makes sense that they wouldn’t have identical armbands. There are some lovely spots with Rey wiping out on a pescado early doors and a nice crossbody from Mysterio. Vickie Guerrero comes down halfway through the match and gets involved begging both men to stop fighting. This includes slapping Chavo. It’s worth bearing in mind that this is long before the “Excuse Me” catchphrase, or her run as Smackdown GM and at this point, Vickie was very much simply portrayed as Eddie’s widow. Both Chavo and Rey attempt to do the “Three Amigos”, before Rey completes the move successfully. Rey attempts something from the top rope, but Vickie “accidentally” crotches him on the top rope, letting Chavo hit a brainbuster and the frog splash from the top rope.

Capture4.JPG

Of course, the fallout from this would be a Vickie Guerrero heel turn, siding with Chavo as that feud continued, and managing Chavo in a feud against Chris Benoit (again capitalising on the Eddie connection) and the eventual formation of La Familia and her relationship with Edge while Smackdown GM.

For me, the most interesting element of this match was the crowd reactions. Ostensibly Chavo is the heel, having cost Rey the title, and Rey is the babyface meaning no harm but trying to pay tribute to Eddie, his friend and mentor. Yet the audience has a very mixed reaction with audible booing when both men try replicating Eddie’s trademark offence. In my mind, the fans had begun to tire of the use of Eddie’s legacy as a way to get over a storyline and it had started to leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

20060126_rey_ent_USE--c1fbacc91b5342dd00

There is an argument that Chavo is, in fact, the babyface in this match. He shouts several times, including after getting the win, about Mysterio not being a Guerrero and Eddie not being his blood. Of course, WWE was always going to push Mysterio as a tribute to Eddie rather than Chavo, but objectively you can absolutely sympathise with Chavo in storyline terms, and the feeling that perhaps Rey was exploiting the memory of his uncle. Even coming out at the Rumble with the low rider felt a bit OTT (just look at the bellend in the picture above), and while Rey (the character) may have had honourable intentions it is hard to deny that he could have been seen to have used the situation and the sympathy generated to his advantage. At some point, Chavo reached the last bit of straw in the thing, and that was it. To my mind, Chavo is absolutely justified in his anger towards Mysterio.

The match itself is a short but enjoyable opener with some decent back-and-forth action and a multi-layered storyline. While it might not be as well remembered as some of the other matches on this show, it has perhaps the most interesting audience reactions as well as some decent in-ring stuff from two old pros who know each other very well. Well worth six minutes of your time.

 

SummerSlam 2007
Contributor: Harvey Dent
Match: John Cena vs Randy Orton (WWE Championship)

Turn the clocks back 11 years. It’s 2007. Bulgaria and Romania have just joined the EU, Live Earth just happened, the first iPhone comes out. If I’m honest, I googled all that because I remember exceptionally little about the year, wrestling or otherwise. On the wrestling point, it’s a pretty blank year in my wrestling fandom. Having been on a high attending WrestleMania 22 the previous year, my interest faded with the sour DX reunion, the ipecac that was WWECW and whatever else was happening at the time.

So, Summerslam 2007, maybe this will be the one that spins me around on the time period. A look over the card is… uninspiring. The fact that HarmonicGenerator picked the illustrious Divas Battle Royal from this show in his 2015 thread sums it up. In fact, I’d flicked through a bit of the show on Sunday in preparation and my WWE Network had even forgotten I’d accessed it.

So I've gone a bit obvious. I’ve picked John Cena v Randy Orton for the WWE Championship on the basis that they’ve had approximately 353728 matches so the law of averages suggests some of them are good. Hopefully this is one of them.

We head to the Continental Airlines Arena in East Rutherford, New Jersey and the show kicks off with a decent pyro display and the set is an actual fucking beach. Complete with palm trees, surf boards and tiki torches. I miss the days when they had themed and interesting sets rather than the LED overkill they do for every show now. The theme song for the 20thannual biggest party of the summer is Whine Up by Kat Deluna featuring Elephant Man. Me neither. We’re still broadcasting in 4:3 aspect ratio for this one, which seems odd, 2007 doesn’t seem 12 years ago.

So we head to over to JR and King to introduce the main event of the evening. The hype video hits and Cena’s been your champ for nearly a year. I think we’re all in agreement is no matter the creative quality of the product, WWE have always been in a league of their own with video production and this one is no different. Orton looks a killer here in the embryonic stage of his psycho phase. There’s a great clip of an RKO onto a set up chair which looks brutal.

Randy is out first, he’s still using the Evolution-era Burn in My Light theme song and doesn’t have the skull sleeve tats yet so in retrospect this is a bit of transitional phase for the soon to be Apex Predator. He hits the turnbuckle for his iconic pose, he’s looking in great shape and paces the ring like a caged animal.

Before Big Match John’s music even hits, we’re treated to a chorus of boos from the New Jersey faithful. The trumpets hit and out comes Cena, all fired up. Cena throws the hat and shirt into the crowd and he’s looking jacked.

“The bell sounds and we are underway in our main event” proclaims JR. The crowd is pretty hot for this and split between the two as JR and King give the now all too familiar rhetoric about how some fans cheer, some fans boo to clear it up for the uninitiated watching at home. We kick off with headlocks, several headlocks, as duelling Lets Go Cena/Lets Go Orton fills the arena. Orton breaks it up with some stomps and punches and it’s some great aggression from Randy to wear Cena down. Orton gets a couple of near falls as he continues his methodical beat down, prowling the ring and controlling the pace. Cena tries to fight back and Randy hits a smooth, picturesque dropkick for another 2 count. More headlocks follow as Orton keeps Cena grounded, wearing him down.

Cena fights back as the boos ring out, slamming Orton into the corner and following up with some big right hands of his own before hitting the shoulder tackle…

and then another tackle…

Randy does the most logical thing he can do: he takes a swing and misses and Cena catches him in the whirlybird suplex and raises his hand to sky.

Boom, five knuckle shuffle to Orton from Cena who then hoists Randy up for the FU. But no! Orton wriggles out with some elbows, hits his backbreaker and follows it up with the draping DDT from the second rope. Vintage Orton. 1…2… kick out! Cena is still alive in this one as the crowd heats up. Orton is stalking Cena and pounding the mat, ready to strike.

Orton goes for the RKO and Cena counters, shoving Randy away and charging him but Orton hits the low bridge, sending Cena crashing to the outside. Orton smells blood here and ploughs Cena into the solid steel stairs on the outside as the ref begins the count. We’re back in the ring and Cena fights back, hitting a running neckbreaker and heading to the top rope. Orton cuts him off and attempts a superplex but Cena throws him back off and hits his patented top rope… leg… thing right across Orton’s neck. Orton hits the mat and slithers out to take a break on the outside.

Orton fights his way back in, taking down Cena and marking out his strides for the Punt. Randy is poised, a vicious look in his eye, he takes the run up and swings the boot but Cena slides out of the way before picking the leg and locking in the STFU! Orton writhes in pain but makes it to the rope much to the crowd’s delight. Cena gets up and can’t believe it and turns straight into an RKO! OUTTA NOWHERE! 1….2….. NO! Cena kicks out at 2 and 7/8’s. The crowd can’t believe it. Orton is in disbelief and claws at Cena’s neck to hoist him back up but NO! CENA HAS HIM UP ON THE SHOULDERS AND HITS A BIG FU!

1……2……3! Here is your winner, and STILL WWE Champion, JOOOOOOHN CEEEEEEEENA.

Cena celebrates with the spinner belt as the show goes off the air. I enjoyed this, some solid work and the crowd was invested throughout. Worth a watch, just over 20 minutes of your time, and I’ll award this a prestigious ***1/2.
 

SummerSlam 2008
Contributor: Onyx2
Match: Batista vs John Cena 

This is a great pick for me. This was my first SummerSlam working at Silver Vision. One of my jobs was unpacking the latest PPV poster, and somehow the jetskiing Maria ended up on my office wall. It was always commented on by visitors. Looking through the match card I only remember Undertaker v Edge, which is a great match, but I was drawn to Batista v John Cena. They have great chemistry and when I think back, while they fought a lot I can’t recall a specific match. So let’s go there.

0611jpg-73ee8d232c657087.jpg 

The full match is on WWE's YouTube if you're non-Network at the moment.

 

SummerSlam 2008 is movie themed. Batista is the first person we see, getting out of a car as if on a movie. Proper star spangled bumper, and biggest blockbuster of the summer is pushed hard. As an aside, I never bought Edge as top flight but the video has me sold that I should revisit his run (I’m thinking of another thread trying to recreate the run of Edge).

The hype is that this 6 years in the making, and the first time ever. Cena does a fantastic promo recapping their history, drawing parallels with their WrestleMania 21 matches. How John was gutted that Batista’s WrestleMania 22 match stole the show. Their Royal Rumble 2005 finish.

The entrance way and aisle is a custom movie theatre set, looks good. I will pointlessly add to the noise of people clamouring for unique sets for PPVs.

Cena’s entrance attracts some low-level boos but Roman’s are much louder. Shots of girls losing their shit. It’s interesting that Cena hadn’t yet perfected his entrance: he throws up gang signs, not OKs. He doesn’t do the salute - go to work speech.

Dave’s Pit of Danger attracts a bassy, low cheer. Clearly the smark’s choice. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed his entrance. Dave has the biggest traps in the business. Phenomenal wrestler look.

There’s an online poll beforehand. “73% said Cena was the bigger star”, but how many Bond films or Marvel movies has Cena done, eh?

The crowd are really split. Cheers and boos accompany every move. Batista then goes all Flair: chop block, knee to thigh, figure four. “Paying tribute to his mentor Ric Flair” says Cole. Cena then returns the leg work.

ZealousGiantBelugawhale-size_restricted. 

It’s worth pointing out the commentary is very good (Cole / Lawler). It’s simple stuff but they put over Cena’s strength. “Sneaky strength” according to Lawler.

There’s a classic sequence of shoulder tackles, five knuckle shuffle, but Batista gives the big boot and we’re both down. Batista gets up, gives the thumbs down, but Cena trips him into stfu. Move still looks like shit.

7879604.jpg 

Cena is clearly chatting away (you talk too much) and must be the general in this match. Cena feels like the more established pro here, but he only started wrestling a year before Batista.

Batista reverses into rear naked choke bizarrely. Becomes a weirdly slow submission match and really drags the middle down.

http://www.downvids.net/video/bestimages/img-john-cena-vs-batista-summerslam-2008-363.jpg 

Dave can't believe a kickout at 2. In an amazing bit of strength, Cena reverses a shoulder carry into an FU. Too slow on the cover and it's 2.

They mount the top corner and brawl a while. Batista gets shoved to the floor. John launches a top rope leg drop but Dave catches him into a power bomb, but doesn't finish Cena.

batista-bomb-gif-4.gif 

The crowd love it. Batista loses his mind, pulls out a standard Batista Bomb and pins for 3. Great call by Cole: “Batista was just 3 seconds better than Cena”.

WWE later spun the story that the top rope Bomb legit herniated his disc and put him out for surgery. This is apparently not true, as he scheduled neck surgery in. He wrestles DiBiase and Rhodes the next night on Raw which is actually more mental. You have neck surgery but still fit in another match while you’re waiting for the doc. Classic Cena. Mike Adamle comes out to announce the Batista injured Cena. You can tell from the Legacy match that he’s planning on going away - he stays and plays with the crowd a little longer than usual for a throwaway handicap match. A week later he gets a plate put in his neck, turns up backstage at Raw that evening - HHH is not surprised. John then returns at Survivor Series. 3 months later.

 

 

The SummerSlam 2008 match is a perfectly good WWE PPV match, but misses a little magic - a sequence, spot or plot point - to make it truly memorable. Fun though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 2009
Contributor: Freddie-hartland
Match: Christian vs William Regal (ECW Championship)

SummerSlam 2009 had a number of unpalatable matches to choose from including Kane v Great Khali and John Cena v Randy Orton sigh. The obvious choice of match would perhaps be CM Punk v Jeff Hardy in a TLC main event, however Christian vs Regal for the ECW title sounds like a potential gem that I do not recall happening.

Christian (ECW champion) vs William Regal

We get no video package for this one and the champion is out first. Must not be too long after Christian’s TNA run. Regal comes out accompanied by the useless duo of Vladimir Kozlov and Ezequeil Jackson. Must have been a short lived grouping.

As Regal goes to take off his jacket Christian lands the Killswitch for the win as Kozlov tries his best to pretend he is unaware of what is happening right next to him. About 9 seconds of match. The goons both hit versions of a Uranagi on the retaining champ before a no selling Regal applies the Regal Stretch. No wonder I don't remember the match. This faction was most likely the final nail in WWECW’s coffin.

I award *** because Regal’s long jacket ring attire looks awesome.
 

SummerSlam 2010
Contributor: SuperBacon
Match: Kane vs Rey Mysterio

Disclaimer: I didn’t watch any wrestling between the years of 2002 and 2012, so it was always likely that I would watch something that I haven’t ever seen before.

Second disclaimer: I really, REALLY hate Kane (I really, REALLY love Harry Kane though) Apart from his debut, I have always thought he was the drizzling shits but fair fucks to him, a 20 year run as the character is not to be sniffed at. Rey Mysterio Jr was, along with Chris Jericho, my boy, back in 96-98, and big man-little man matches are always fun, so let’s see what this is like.

The official theme of this Summerslam is Rip It Up by Jet. Jet were shit. So were The Vines. So were The Datsuns. So were The Von Bondies (apart from the Rescue Me theme). But The Hives were great.

I’m not even going to attempt to do the build up justice, as I will invariably get it wrong, but it seems quite complicated.  The Undertaker beat Rey to earn a place in the Fatal Four Way match at the erm, Fatal 4 Way PPV, then he got a legit injury. Kane accused people of injuring him after he found him in a heap. Mysterio won a battle royal to replace Taker , eliminating The Big Red Machine last and went on to win the title in the four way.

At MITB that year, Kane won the contract, and cashed in later on that night on Mysterio. Then Rey won a match to earn a rematch at Summerslam. To be fair, this seems like decent booking from WWE. On the other hand, it serves to remind us that Jack Swagger was in and around the title/main event picture. Swings and roundabouts.

So, Rey has dressed up as a bottle of Sunny Delight in a truly awful orange outfit and Kane, inspired by the Bottom chat in Off Topic has come as the neighbour from the episode Gas, complete with lovely shiny bald head. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this bald before.

There is a beautiful red casket at ringside, the kind I would want to be buried in.

The early going sees Rey slip and slide about, and a quick pin from him, doesn’t even get a 1 count.

Taking out Kane’s knees early on, he sets him for an early 619, but the Big Red Lump avoids it. Kane then throws Rey out of the ring face first, but the little bugger only rolls through and lands on his feet, taunting Kane like a cocky little shit. He follows Rey out and as Rey gets back in the ring, the crowd actually belly laugh at this, which was a bit odd, but better than those front row wankers who all sat on their hands at Summerslam 2018. I’M LOOKING AT YOU GREEN T-SHIRT/CAP GUY. To be fair to Long-Takes-His-Mum guy, at least he does react to some things. Usually Ziggler.

Anyway Kane takes away Mysterio’s knees whilst he’s up on the top rope, and he lands fairly nastily coming down.

One thing I absolutely detest and is really off putting, is the absolute dog shit font that Summer and Slam are written in.  The state of it. Proper Year 9 Art & Design effort.

This also might be the first time I’ve ever heard Matt Striker, and he mutters something about Jason Voorhees and Hollywood monsters...Jesus, what a grating voice. How long was he employed for?

Kane employs a BEAR HUG...then a second BEAR HUG, and grimaces like he’s working out his budget on his first day in office as Mayor of Knox County.

He then absolutely floors him with a clothesline as Mysterio lines up another 619, and just picks him up and launches him out the ring like a doll. An attempt to get back in, sees Rey fall again to the outside and it reminded me of how immense it looks when small wrestlers get sent flying. A diving battering ram/headbutt sees Rey get a two count. Matt Striker uses the phrase “lucha libreness” and to be honest, I don’t mind it.

Kane employs ANOTHER rest hold in the form of a backbreaker cum stretch and then hits his side slam and goes to the top rope. Why you ask? Who knows...Oh I see, to set up a hurancanrana which Kane blocks, then Kane launches off the turnbuckle and misses himself. So what was the entire point of that whole spot? That looked silly.

Rey gets a bit of offense in with a springboard leg drop to the back of the head, and a pretty severe looking kick to the head, then heads up top again, but Kane counters again. I like patterns.

Kane then opens the lovely red coffin, and tries to choke slam Rey in but he counters and sets up Kane for a THIRD 619. Surely this time he’ll do it. But Kane counters AGAIN, grabs his legs and puts him in the casket. Rey desperately fights out and hits a springboard drop kick and rana and he FUCKING FINALLY hits the 619 and and a furious bit of back and forth action sees Rey nearly pin Kane, but a massive FUCK OFF choke slam sees Kane get the win and retain the title.

Seriously, that choke slam was huge.  He must’ve lifted him 10 feet.

Kane then tells the fallen Mysterio that he will pay “with eternal suffering as hell consumes your soul.” (Sounds like growing up in Hounslow) He goes to put him in the empty coffin, but then inexplicably closes it again. If this was a film with bad exposition, Kane would’ve said to Rey “I opened the casket to show that it was empty. Because when I open it again, that’s what it will be. Empty” He hits him with a few more chokeslams and a tombstone for good measure, and when he goes back to coffin, of course inside is Taker, as in the entire history of casket matches, that is the trope that must be adhered to.

He takes an age getting in the ring, as he has a chat with Rey about “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. Rey looks genuinely scared and it’s all gone a bit prison cell-y. But SWERVE, Taker instead goes to choke slam his brother, before Kane powers out and hits Frasier with a tombstone (seriously, after someone pointed out the likeness, I’ve never been able to unsee Dr Crane whenever I see Taker)

Well, I didn’t mind that. Kane looked strong, whilst Mysterio bumped like a boss, and if I was watching at the time, I definitely would’ve wanted to watch the next night to see what happened between Taker and Kane. 6/10.

 

SummerSlam 2011
Contributor: TildeGuy~!
Match: CM Punk vs John Cena (Undisputed WWE Championship)

Here we go... Summerslam 2011, after checking Wikipedia this PPV only had 6 matches! Luckily WWE uploaded this match in Full on YouTube.

summerslam-2011-cm-punk-john-cena-triple 

CM Punk Vs John Cena for the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship with Triple H as the special guest referee.

CM Punk the Champion is the first person to step from behind the curtain as Michael Cole claims he’s outspoken (AKA loves a moan) Booker T calls home Stone Cold Bad??? Me neither.

CM Punk squares up to Triple H as he enters the ring, Cole reminds us that Punks said some bad things recently about him and his family.

Cena enters to boos... hang about he’s got the same title and it’s all coming back to me now, Cena beat Rey Mysterio for the ‘title’ after Mysterio won it in a 4 man tournament... This was a few weeks after Punk beat Cena for the title at Money in The Bank and started appearing at Conventions and leaving his belt in the fridge.. The mad man.

We get a Monsterous Joooooooooooooohn Ceeeeeeeeennnna from the announcer, as the crowd boos and CM Punk applauds.  The CM Punk chants begin as Booker T reminds us that he main evented Summerslam against the Rock and bottled it.

Triple H signals for the bell and we’re underway.

Cena/Punk dual chants are rather loud and they walk around the ring eyeing each other up as we get a load of stand off spots.  Huge let’s go Cena/Cena sucks chants as Michael Cole tries to convince us in his exact words “That this is the biggest match in Summerslam history”

Very sloppy chain wrestling from both as the You can’t wrestle chant breaks out, 6mins in and CM Punk has Cena in his 4th headlock of the match, Cena counters with a gutwrench suplex and then a fisherman’s suplex... and then back into a headlock.  Cena gives him a body slam and then gets a 1 count and goes straight back to the, you guessed it Headlock.

CM Punk takes control with a couple of clothesline’s and a really shitty headbutt into the stomach and then locks in another rest hold, at this point I wished I picked the Kelly Kelly/Beth Pheonix match over this.

Punk hits a springboard dropkick (Jericho’s one) to Cena who falls to the outside, Cena gets back in after the count of 5 and Ounk goes to work on Cenas back and then hits him with a whoopsie (Earthquakes finisher just not running around the ring before doing it) Punk snaps in another headlock but Cena picks him up and hits a tilt a whirl side slam for a 2 count.

Punk and Cena begin countering each other until Punk puts Cena in a submission hold but Cena counters straight into the STF to crickets, Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice, Cena recounters into the STF but this time Punk gets to the ropes.

Punk backbody drops Cena over the top rope and hits a suicide dive so they can both have a rest outside as Triple H nearly counts to 10 but stops himself just before, Triple H goes to the outside and throw both men back into the ring as a Triple H chant breaks out. Punk and Cena trade shots, Cena then hits Punk with a standing dropkick and hits the 5 knuckle shuffle, I kept zoning in and out at this point as I Just had a spliff, Cena hits a stinger splash and then a big slam for a near fall, Cena goes to the top but Punk catches him with a knee, Punk hits a bulldog.. Cole claims it’s a bulldog off the top rope but Cena was in the ring whilst Punk was on the 2nd turnbuckle... Ok then.

Cena locks in the STF again this time in the middle of the ring but Punk gets to the ropes. Cena his an AA and Michael Cole sounds like he’s cumming in his pants after Punk kicks out at 2, Cenas frustration begins to show as he argues with The Game over the count, he goes to the top rope and misses his leg drop, Punk hits The Go To Sleep and Cena kicks out at 2, Punk goes to the top and hits the Macho elbow and Cena kicks out at 2, Triple H counted to 3 but whatever, Punks frustrated now as Randy Savage chants go around the areana as he argues with the special guest referee, Cena goes for a roll up for a 2 count, Punk hits Cena with a stiff knee and Cena reciprocates with a stiff punch, Punk hits another knee, this time to the face and hits another Go To Sleep which hits Cena in the elbow and not the face, Cena puts his foot on the rope as Triple H counts to 3... Wait that’s it? That’s the end? Well that was bollocks.

CM Punk Defeats John Cena 24:07

e993655394ef5a8b-600x400.jpg 

Punk celebrates as Cena tells Triple H his foot was on the ropes, Cena and Triple H leave as Punk celebrates.. ITS KEVIN NASH!!!!

tumblr_inline_ndki75ciBn1qjgpvq.png 

Big Sexy interrupts the celebration and Hits Punk with a Powerbomb, Triple H comes back out looking confused as Nash makes his way out of the arena through the crowd.  We’re not done cos he comes Alberto.

MV5BYmM3NDY1MmEtNzRhMi00NWI3LTgxMGEtNzE1 

Alberto Del Rios music his as he legs it from the back with a ref and the Money In The Bank Briefcase, The bell rings and Del Rio hits him with a kick to the back of the head and just like that picks up the 3 count and Summerslam ends with Alberto Del Rio as your new Undisputed Champion.

Alberto Del Rio Defeats CM Punk 00:11

20110814_ss_del_rio_vs_r.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 2012
Contributor: Supremo
Match: Brock Lesnar vs HHH

Right before the match starts they have one of those awful live concerts. Some chubby bloke I’ve never heard of sings a song I’ve never heard of and it’s really fucking awkward. They even cut to Justin Roberts and Lilian Garcia dancing like Dads at a wedding and the whole thing is super hard to watch. The type of shit you know Kevin Dunne and Vince McMahon are rocking out to backstage and no-one else has the heart to tell them that it’s awful, awful shit. They’ve sent a bunch of women out to dance now, too. None of them look comfortable at all. Oh, wow. I’d forgotten about Layla. Still probably the most beautiful woman they’ve ever employed.

vlcsnap-2012-09-25-02h10m58s211.png 

Michael Cole is now dancing. Spanish commentators are now dancing. This is the epitome of awkward. There are a total of about six fans dancing and I’m convinced they’re plants. The band shout, “Summerslam, make some noise!” but alas, Summerslam does not make any noise. Right, thankfully, it’s over. They shoot off some pyro and even that gets a tepid response.

Let’s get to it.

x720-HO3.jpg  

They’ve branded this as the, “Perfect Storm," and we start with a video package. Triple H looks weird with a ponytail now. The angle is that Brock had all these mad demands when he came back to WWE but Triple H denied him so Brock broke his arm. Then he battered his mate, Shawn, breaking his arm too. This is good stuff. Ah wait, hang on. Spoke too soon. It’s gone all shooty~! now with Stephanie slapping Heyman after he speaks about their children. Bloody hell, six years ago her character was still shitting everything up by being portrayed as above everyone and everything else and it genuinely took until Ronda came in six years later for her to finally get some comeuppance! Unbelievable.

Lesnar comes out first. One thing is for sure; Brock Lesnar coming back to WWE from UFC in 2012 looks VERY different to Brock Lesnar leaving WWE to go back to UFC in 2018. He’s juiced to the fucking gills here. He’s already sweating, too. Triple H’s music gets a gigantic pop. Christ, Hunter might be even more jacked than Brock! He’s huge! He’s tanned to fuck, too. They show a graphic of a Tweet that Shawn Michaels sent out regarding this match. I don’t believe for a second that Shawn Michaels knows how to send out a Tweet, the spam-eyed hillbilly.

They start brawling immediately. Brock goes for the Kimura a few times but Triple H punches free. Triple H clotheslines Brock outside. Lesnar’s back in and they look like they potato each other. Lesnar hits Hunter really stiff with a clothesline, so Hunter stiffs him with a knee right after. Lesnar takes the gloves off, takes Hunter down and punches him in the back of the head. Again, this looks stiff as fuck. I miss when Brock first came back and was stiffing everyone. That was super fun. Outside, Lesnar puts Hunter in a keylock and then chucks him onto the arm onto the announce table. Hunter lies on the table selling the arm. His recently healed arm is now hurting once again, so I guess that’s the story of the match.

Triple H back in for some fiery punches but Brock cuts him off and slams him on his arm once again. Brock is looking very pink all of a sudden. I bet his blood pressure is through the roof. So Brock keeps working on the arm with kicks, continuously cutting off every attempt at a comeback that Hunter makes.

German Suplex from Brock, who’s now bleeding from the nose from one of these stiff shots. Or, his bright pink face has just started leaking blood. Both are equally as possible. Brock stomps on the arm some more. If you’re one of those smarky goofs who thinks working on a body part is the be all and end all of pro-wrestling then this is the match for you. Another slam on the arm. Hunter tries to fight back, they go outside, but then Brock whips Hunter arm-first into the steps. Brock drives Hunter kidneys first into the announce table. Brock climbs on the table and hits a jumping karate chop, I guess. The height he gets when he jumps is ridiculous given his size though. You can’t even see the table when they show the replay, he’s so high up. He’s such an athletic freak. I think his head touched a cloud.

e30ba-springboardbrock.gif?w=715 

“He’s not a Superstar, he’s a butt-kicker!” exclaims Michael Cole. What a weird thing to say. Either say ass kicker or just don’t say it at all.

So Hunter continues to tease comebacks but Brock keeps cutting him off. He then absolutely wallops Hunter with one of the stiffest clotheslines I’ve ever seen. Just fucking smashes him in the face. Sucks to be Trips. What’s worse is that, for all this stiff offense and all of Hunter’s selling, the crowd are mostly dead. Hopefully the crowd wake up when he mounts a comeback.

Brock throws Hunter outside again. Brock's face is now dark pink. How he’s never had a heart attack in the ring is beyond me. He’s the spitting image of Krang from the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles at this point.

7f8aee6eb6c5f86d79cf77c776de59f0aba6b31b  

Krang's got healthier teeth, though. The referee is not counting them out or DQ’ing Brock because Hunter has specifically asked him not to.  Hunter manages to mount some offense and throws Brock into an announce table stomach first. Brock starts selling his stomach, referring to the diverticulitis he suffered in the UFC, which is a clever story. Triple H comes in and hits a knee to the stomach. Then another. This is Hunter’s chance to make a comeback. It’s a good story but the fans don’t care at all. He hits about fifteen more knees to the stomach and it only gets the slightest reaction from the crowd. Spinebuster from Hunter. Pedigree is reversed, Brock goes for the F5, countered again and Hunter hits the Pedigree! Finally, the crowd make some noise. 1…..2….Kick out.

835de-meganutshot.gif?w=715 

"Shoryuken!"

Blatant low blow from Brock on Hunter. Ref wants to ring the bell but remembers Hunter didn’t want a DQ finish. Brock picks him up and hits an F5. 1…2…kick out. The crowd are finally into this. Brock is now a dark shade of red. His eyebrows look extra white because of how dark his face has gone. Like someone has drew a face onto a tomato with Tipp-Ex. Kimura locked on but Triple H breaks free by punching Brock in the guts some more. Another Pedigree! He turns him over for the pin…BUT NO! Brock reverses it into a Kimura again! Hunter is fighting for all he’s worth, punching the gut some more…..can he hold on?…..BOSH! Nope! Brock breaks his arm again and Triple H taps out. Brock wins by tap out. Brock celebrates, looking the same shade as his red shorts. Look at the state of him. He looks like he’s going to burst.

SSlesnar_crop_north.jpg?1345434475&w=630 

Triple H lies on the floor with a lifeless arm. EMTs are in to check on Hunter. Brock limps off, holding his stomach, but grinning. Triple H lies in the ring, sad.

SummerSlam-2012-Triple-H.jpg 

A doctor comes in to help but Triple H pushes him away, shouting, “get out!” A dickhead fan shouts, “Pedigree!” He’s got a lifeless arm, mate. I don’t think that’s going to happen.

So Triple H stands in the ring, looks for the sympathetic standing ovation, but instead gets loud, “You Tapped Out!” chants from the stupid fans who can’t even read a cue. Wrestling fans are the fucking worst. Stupid, Pavlovian knobheads. Triple H mouths, “I’m sorry,” and they finally get it, beginning to clap and chant his name. Fair play to Hunter, there. He did a great job of getting that bunch of spazzes back on track. He walks up the ramp all sad, doing his best to get teary, even shaking hands with a little kid and saying sorry to him. I don’t remember this at all but this is great stuff! He turns to face the crowd with tears in his eyes and the crowd give him a huge ovation, then he waves and the crowd get even louder. Fucking hell, this is good. The way he turned those, “You Tapped Out!” chants into this is a masterpiece!

vlcsnap-2012-09-25-02h14m11s95.png    

Michael Cole wonders if this is the end of Triple H. LOL. And then we get the closing graphic as Hunter walks to the back with his head down. The end.

Wow. This was super interesting to watch back. From what I recall, this was their attempt to save face after they stupidly put Cena over in Brock’s first match back. It did a good job of rebuilding Brock as something different and special, even if it didn’t make for a particularly exciting or dynamic match. It was mainly just Brock stiffing the shit out of Hunter, then cutting him off and breaking his arm as soon as his comeback began.

That bit at the end was honestly the best part of the match. The thick fans not understanding the story, then Triple H managing to completely manipulate the situation with a few phrases and mannerisms. Incredibly well done. So yeah, this was alright, but nothing other than the last bit with Triple H was anything to write home about. The whole first part of Brock’s run before ending the Streak is weird, watching back. Like they didn’t really know what to do with him or how to make it work. And then, by the time they did figure it out, everything was so geared towards building Roman (LOL) that it never really reached its potential. In retrospect, that mini Goldberg feud was probably the best part of Brock’s post 2012-WWE career. It was that perfect sweet spot where they knew exactly how to use him, yet weren’t focusing everything on how it might possibly affect Roman’s coronation. So yeah, watch those last few minutes if you want to see Hunter working the crowd beautifully or watch the whole match if you want to see Brock Lesnar’s face change colour like a Hypercolour T-shirt from the 90s. Any longer and I reckon he'd have turned neon.

Three (unhealthily dark pink) stars.

 

SummerSlam 2013
Contributor: RIDDUM_N_STYLE
Match: 
Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn vs AJ Lee/Big E Langston

This tag team match was set up as a result of events at Money In The Bank where AJ retained the Divas Title (thank god that belt has gone!) but later accidentally cost Doplh the World Title against Del Rio later in the night, leading to Dolph breaking up with her the following night. Later on that same Raw Dolph had a World title rematch which saw AJ cause a distraction, allowing Big E to run in and attack Dolph. Kaitlyn had her own rematch with AJ the following week, winning to earn a title shot later that week on Smackdown but was screwed out the title match by a heel turning Layla. The following week The Miz announced that AJ and Big E would face Dolph and Kaitlyn at Summerslam

For some reason there are four random people sitting in front of the announce table, I think they won a contest or something. Langston dominates the match at the beginning, doing his trademark cross ring splash before locking Ziggler in an abdominal stretch, he brings Ziggler over to the corner where AJ slaps her ex before Ziggler fights back and lands a drop kick on Big E then tags Kaitlyn in. Kaitlyn initially has the upper hand on her former friend until AJ counters a snake eyes attempt  with a spin kick before locking in a chin lock. Kaitlyn fights out of it but is knocked down with a flying elbow coming back off the ropes. AJ lands a pair of neckbreakers then jumps on Kaitlyn's back to lock in a sleeper, she tries to fight it as Big E looks on, probably thinking about pancakes, and manages to back AJ into the corner but is knocked down from behind. AJ sends her into the ropes and is taken down with a flying shoulder tackle, allowing Kaitlyn to make the tag to Ziggler. Dolph gets E down and hits him with a succession of low elbows but E kicks out of the subsequent pin attempt. E gets Dolph up into a backbreaker and drops him down into a pin that Kaitlyn break up, AJ runs in and sends her to the outside.

E shoulder charges Dolph into the corner but on the third attempt misses the target and runs into the post, an attempt to hit the ropes by Dolph is thwarted by AJ who gets hit with a huge spear by Kaitlyn. Dolph turns into a standing splash by E which gets a two. E pulls his straps down signalling he's going for the Big Ending but Dolph somehow wiggles out and gets the Zig Zag for the 3 at the 6 and a half minute mark. This would be the last time AJ and E would be paired together as AJ fires the big man the next night on Raw.

 

SummerSlam 2014
Contributor: air_raid
Match: AJ Lee vs Paige (Divas Championship)

For SummerSlam 2014 I took a different approach. I went for the women's match to mix things up a bit because I suspect nobody else will do one [Otto’s note: Not quite raid!]. I don't think in general WWE's womens output is particularly popular on here, but I've had time for a lot of their matches for a while. And not in a pervy way. So I'm going for AJ Lee vs Paige. And to be honest this one's thin on the ground for matches I care to revisit and there's no interesting way to review 16 German suplexes.

Recap video of the two title switches on Raw serves to remind me of how they brought Paige in hot (botched PaigeTurner aside) but then immediately had her selling and jobbing non title to losers like Alicia and Tamina, no wonder she didn't get over. I remember the match being one that I told my casual mate "seriously, we'll watch the women's match, it's pretty good" but honestly I don't remember how I will have liked the dynamic - Paige was immediately more interesting after the heel turn but I could never take to AJ as the baby, she always seemed like a smug little cunt. I was invested in Paige on the main roster from the start, not just because INGERLUND but having enjoyed her matches in NXT, I wanted to see her succeed.

Paige skips to the ring like AJ and offers her a sarcastic handshake, then we're on. Standard brawling including Paige flipping out at some of her hair coming out then the first turning point - AJ tries a kick from the apron, Paige pulls her down into the electric chair and drops her across the guard railing, nice. Skips around the ring, slides in and skips some more. What a cow... I love her. Back in the ring Paige mounts the champ in a way you might call homoerotic but then gives her "frenemy" (according to Cole, ugh) a couple of headbutts. She errs going up top, AJ blows a sarcastic kiss before shoving the challenger to the floor then hits a clothesline off the top. That struck me as a big risk for a WWE women's match in 2014.

aj-lee-vs.-paige-divas-championship-matc 

Back in the ring AJ hits a Shining Wizard for a good 2 count but then walks into a crisp superkick. PaigeTurner attempt is reversed into the Black Widow but Paige outwrestles AJ twists it into the RamPaige (boom!) ... for a pinfall win, CLEAN AS YOU LIKE, to actually, a pretty decent pop.

_x19DA.gif

The new champ hugs the unconscious AJ, plants a kiss on her cheek, then skips around the ring. WHAT A BITCH. "Whack job" says Michael Cole and I get slight butterflies. Replays happen and Lee has woke up just in time to watch Paige wave then skip behind the screen, and at exactly 10 minutes from entrances we fade out.

The match was far shorter than I remember but completely sound from a wrestling point of view, and most importantly I was invested. I found Paige compelling to watch here, and wanted her to win quite badly in spite of the company booking the double turn the month earlier. AJ wasn't likeable and the poise and character work the challenger showed in this fun little match made her the obvious favourite in my heart. Fun easy 10 minute scuffle, will watch again.

aj-lee-vs.-paige-divas-championship-matc

OK, slightly pervy.

 

SummerSlam 2015
Contributor: Harvey Dent
Match: 
Neville and Stephen Amell vs King Barrett and Stardust

Ah, 2015. Obama was still in office, the Brexit mess was still a way off. It was a simpler time. We’re on the home stretch of this endeavour now and you’ve read a lot of these so let’s crack on.

We’re at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York City ending a six year stretch at the Staples Center in Los Angeles for the biggest party of the summer. A quick look up and down the card and I remember this being a pretty good event. Matches like Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker and John Cena vs Seth Rollins with daft John Stewart interference make this one of the more memorable SummerSlam’s of recent years. But let’s go with something a little different for this shall we? I’m picking Neville and Stephen Amell vs King Barrett and Stardust. Looking at this on paper, I know what you’re thinking. Celebrity involvement in matches is usually a recipe for disaster, eye rolling and embarrassment, but sometimes it can be fun. Where will this fall? Here. We. Go…

The set for the show is the now pretty standard LED assault on the senses so nothing particularly special of note to mention on it. Not even a deck chair. Michael Cole, JBL and King let us know Demi Lovato’s Cool for the Summer is the theme and available on Spotify before they send us to the hype video. Another awesome effort from the production team here, setting the scene in a comic book style, complete with 6o’s Batman stlye POW! sound effects. As the user name suggests, I’m a huge comic nerd so I love this. Stardust is adamant that Stephen Amell is actually the Green Arrow himself, Oliver Queen. It’s a silly story, but it’s a lot of fun.

Barrett is out first with his cape and crown before Stardust’s music hits. Cody Rho… erm, Stardust prances out, also in a resplendent cape, and he’s more animated than a Matt Groening project. Cody’s work as Stardust was always fully committed and he gives this his all. Neville is out next, also with a cape (sense the theme?) before being followed by Amell in his Green Arrow hood and, ironically, no cape (yes, I know the Green Arrow does not traditionally wear a cape). For those of you who watch Arrow, you’ll know Amell is hardly a slouch in the physique department and he looks in impressive shape here for a non-wrestler.

Neville and Barrett start us off with some slick chain wrestling infused by Neville’s infectious athleticism as he takes down Barrett who makes a tag to Stardust. Stardust, jumping in, is screaming that he wants Amell, who obliges and springboards in. Stardust shoves Amell down and Amell reponds with a nip up and a big boot to the gut of Stardust. “Let’s go Arrow” chants can be heard around the arena and Amell takes over with a hip toss and an Arrow pose.

Stardust has had enough and tags in the Cosmic King. Barrett takes down Amell and attempts to wear him down. The Arrow fights back and tries to use his speed and an impressive leap frog to evade Barrett. The King gets back on top and brings Stardust back in, cutting the ring in half and isolating Amell from his partner. Frequent tags now as the Green Arrow continues to take punishment while Stardust shrieks with delight. A quick enzugiri to the back of Stardust’s head buys Amell some time; he reaches Neville for a tag who explodes into the ring with speed as Barrett also tags in. Neville is incredible to watch as he flies around the ring taking out both opponents. The Man that Gravity Forgot hits a second rope corkscrew moonsault on Barrett and sends both of his opponents flying to the outside.

Neville is looking for a springboard but Stephen Amell stops him, gives him the nod and takes to the top rope. The Green Arrow himself flies from the top rope to the outside, crashing down into Stardust and King Barrett with a cross body bringing the crowd to their feet.

Amell slides Barrett back in and Neville springs up to the top rope. Neville soars down with the Red Arrow, it really is a move you have to see to believe. 1….2….3, it’s all over. The Green Arrow and The Red Arrow defeat Stardust and the Cosmic King as we go to the slo-mo replays. We take a look at that Red Arrow one more time as the guitar solo comes crashing in to Neville’s theme.

This was great, one of the top celebrity involvements in WWE for my money. Stephen Amell showed he had something to contribute and added to the stellar work put in by 3 of the more underrated WWE superstars of recent times. At just over 7 minutes it was the perfect length, had a good build up and a fun story and felt like a good side attraction for a big show. *** from me.

Edited by Otto Dem Wanz
Link to comment
Share on other sites

SummerSlam 2016
Contributor: Keith Houchen
Match: The Miz vs. Apollo Crews
  

We’ve all had one of those nights out.  You’re with a partner or a really close friend and you end up meeting someone who your partner works with or is friends with that you don’t know.  You let them lead the conversation to keep the night going because you don’t know what to say to this person you don’t know.

Then, just as things are going swimmingly, you hear your partner utter those dreaded words.  “I’m just going toilet, back in a minute”

It’s just you and them, there is no escape. You have to keep the night ticking along because it’s been going so well lately.  It won’t take long until they’re back but you don’t want any awkwardness, this is just a bit of filler until the night can carry on.  The Miz goes on the attack from the very start.

You try to avoid conversations about their job because they’re in a pub, they don’t want to talk about that, do they?  Maybe they do? Decisions, decisions. Crews goes for a sneaky roll up for the two count. Ask them how their day has gone, that’s nice and neutral and pushes them to lead the convo, yeah that’ll do. Miz applies a rear chinlock then scuttles round to keep the pressure on with a front facelock.  

They tell you their day has been OK, they haven’t been up to much though.  It looks like it’s down to you to keep the conversation going.  Sod it, you mention that you understand they work with your partner, are you in the same department? They say it’s the same floor but different team, but it’s all open plan anyway. Crews breaks the facelock and uses his power to throw Miz into the corner.  He runs in to hit Miz with a Stinger Splash but Miz jumps out of the rings. Miz pulls the feet of Crews away and the apron breaks his fall.  Miz throws a downed Crews back into the ring.  Miz is perched on the top turnbuckle as a Groggy Apollo gets to his feet.  Miz launches at Crews but Crews hits his flying foe with a dropkick.  You forlornly glance over at the toilets in the hope that your partner has finished and is heading back, Crews covers but no. Kickout at two. The excruciating pleasantries continue. 

They’ve been at the company for a while, but not as long as your partner. However. They’ve always got on and have a lot in common.  Sadly they don’t tell you what these commonalities are.  Miz staggers back into a corner and get hit with the Stinger Splash, as he gets to his feet he is hit with a cross body.  Crews kips up to complete lack of reaction.  You notice Ocean Colour Scene are playing on the jukebox. Perfect.

How long does it take to go toilet?  They must be having a dump or something, feels like they’ve been gone as long as a crazyshady post.  They ask what you have been up to this week and how your work is going?  A quick exchange of offence, Miz sneaks behind for a full nelson.  He is trying for the skull crushing finale but Crews is too powerful, he manages to break the hold and takes a split second to hit an enziguri.  Miz hits the deck, Crews goes for the standing moonsault but Miz raises his knees to counter.  Both men are down.

 There it is, the awkward silence, its too late and too rude to look at your phone, as it would mean taking it out of your pocket.  You both look towards the toilet door when suddenly the lad behind the bar with the shit tattoos comes over to the table and asks, “Are these empty, lads”. You both laugh nervously as you proclaim them emptier than a CM Punk promise to pay your legal bills but you both enjoy the break and revel in the human contact.

With both men back on their feet, Miz has Crews in a corner.  He goes for a splash of his own, but Crews utilizes his power by catching Miz and throwing him over the top rope. They start telling you a story about the office prick, it’s a story you have already heard but you let them carry on regardless, in fact you welcome it.  Miz clambers back into the ring, Crews goes for the splash but Miz moves out of the way, Crews whacks his head into the empty corner, Miz is on him like a flash, hitting the Skull Crushing Finale You hear a door creak and it’s your partner returning from the toilets. Miz gets the three count and this one is over. They were only gone for 5:45 but somehow it felt longer.

Sorry about that, there was a bit of a queue.  Hope you were ok while I was gone, let’s carry this night on now!  Oh I see you’re empty, can I get you guys a drink. “NO I’LL GET THEM” the pair of you say in unison.
 

SummerSlam 2017
Contributor: air_raid
Match:
Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman vs Samoa Joe

So, I also drew last year's show..... huh. Well, logically if these are posted chronologically then this will go last? So.... I suppose I'd better go for the MAIIIIIIIIIIIIN EVENT!!11 ... which is Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman vs Samoa Joe and fuck me, hasn't time stood still since this show. Seems like yesterday I was seeing that Rusev did a pointless squash job and Jinder was going over Nakamura and thinking "Why the fuck do I still bother?" So let's see why.....

The build video features Reigns claiming he's the only man that can beat Lesnar for the title (a half dozen chances have left this statement unproven), tensions between Lesnar/Heyman and Kurt, aynd worked-shoot references to Lesnar's interests outside WWE. THIS SHOW IS 12 BLOODY MONTHS OLD. Have I accidentally tuned in to this year's show a few days early?? Oh boy.

giphy.gif 

Entrances get modest reactions except "The Big Dog" who gets nuclear heat. Honestly, if they just went with it, the presentation would be so much more palatable. Booker actually acknowledges it to my astonishment saying "Probably the most hated superstar in 2016" then Graves immediately tows the line by saying "He's not hated, he's controversial." Utter bollocks. Cole points out "for the first time in WWE history" the U title is being defended in a Fatal Four Way... which is meaningless because the belt is only two years old at this point. I'm almost hating myself volunteering for the thread at this point because (microcosm of my fandom klaxon) bell to bell this will probably be fun upon second viewing but the overall presentation is going to be dreadful. To further my point Booker mentions Brock only having a "25% chance of holding on to that championship" making a mockery of Cole/Graves earlier conversation about Braun being the probable favourite, and displaying a clear lack of understanding of how sport AND probability work.

Basic bitch brawling starts with a few suplexes from Brock to Joe and Reigns. Lesnar and Braun need two attempts to meet face to face, drawing a "Yes!" chant when they do, massive boos for Reigns and Joe when they break up the first.

599a4db9c90f7.jpeg

Brock HURLS himself into the corner then takes a ludicrous bump over the top rope to make Braun look good and the Barclays pops big. No doubt Braun should be the man right now, RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Outside, Joe puts Lesnar in the Coquina Clutch then Reigns spears him through the guard rail complete with plastic sound effect, Joe smacks Reigns with an STJoe onto the commentary table which doesn't break, then Braun shoulder tackles Joe so he goes FLYING over the tables - the best bit of the exchange, I'm hugely desensitized to the railing stuff from Roman at this point.

"THIS IS AWESOME" chants New York right before Braun gives Brock a running powerslam onto one of the tables which folds up perfectly and neatly under the impact. Buying the jeopardy here for Brock even if it's terribly early going. "Yes!" chant again. Drive By from Reigns to Braun, elbow suicida from Joe to Reigns, then Braun just lobs one of the big commentators swivel chairs at both of them before an exclamation point of another running powerslam onto Lesnar to compact another table. This got really fun quite quickly. Braun tips the last table over onto Brock, triggering a clutch of refs, agents and paramedics to come out. Lesnar does a stretcher job which I hate for the predictability - people lose multi-mans flat on their back outside the ring under a pile of wreckage, but never once they're escorted to the back. Barclays buy it though and sing Hey Hey Hey Goodbye, presumably buying that WWE might write Lesnar out without asking him to job first... like I think could happen Sunday. The commentators argue about the rules for how a winner gets determined if Brock can't continue, making all three of them sound thick as shit.

brock-lesnar-wwe-summerslam-2017.jpg

Braun hits both remaining opponents with the steps, throws Roman into the ring followed by the steps but they're his undoing as Reigns sends him out of the ring by clouting him. Joe gets a pair of nearfalls on Reigns with a schoolboy then the atomic drop, boot, senton combo but Reigns recovers with a Samoan Drop. Michael Cole "For the (Universal Championship)" count : 1. Joe evades a spear and locks in the Clutch but Braun breaks it up, hits a double chokeslam and gets a 2 on Reigns. "For the (Universal Championship)" count : 2. He's rolling here, ugh.

Brock comes back down and shit is on. He knocks Braun out of the ring then suplexes each of the others like the inconsequential matter they are. Lesnar goes for the Kimura on Strowman which seems to be doing little, but Reigns takes the chance to wallop Braun with a Superman Punch, then one for Lesnar, then Joe. Spear to Brock for 2 because Fuck your finish. Joe puts Roman in the Clutch but Braun breaks it up with a JOHN WOO!/shotgun dropkick then plants Joe with the powerslam which you almost buy for a finish but Brock pulls the ref out. Boo. Superman Punch to Lesnar on the floor then to Braun in the ring for 2 - "For the (title)" count : 3. Spear attempt meets a boot, powerslam on Reigns but pin broken up by the champ. Desperation attempt at an F5 is reversed into a powerslam attempt but Reigns spears Strowman who rolls out.

F5 attempt to Reigns is broken up by Joe who puts Lesnar in the Clutch but the Universal Champion digs in and plants him with an F5, broken up by Reigns. Three Superman Punches, then he shapes for a Spear but Lesnar intercepts with the F5 - the first Reigns has absorbed in this match - for the sudden three count! Fuck you Roman! ... I kinda knew it might be the finish because Cole didn't say "For the" anything.

Lesnar-SummerSlam-2017.jpg 

Graves talks about Lady Luck being on Lesnar's side which I don't get at all, Booker rightfully disagrees but then says "Brock Lesnar did not phone it in tonight guys" .... like..... what the fuck is that supposed to mean???? Pseudo shoot, smark-pandering bullshit line. Cole mentions "the mark of a true champion" of Lesnar coming back out to fight and I'm so confused... isn't the bloke a heel, the asshole who doesn't turn up often and was threatening to leave, who I'm supposed to want Roman to dethrone??

Fun little match, enjoyable carnage from bell to bell, didn't outstay its welcome, although tough to properly enjoy due to the tone deaf booking and insufferable cobblers from the three wallies at the (lack of) commentary desk. Microcosm klaxon. It was good, but I can't imagine choosing to watch it again because I'm so out of love with the current product I have barely any warmth for anything on main roster men’s matches from the last three years apart from some of the ones involving AJ, Hunter and oddly enough, Goldberg. The SMASH SMASH stuff all four of these guys can do, especially versus each other, is enjoyable, but so often the matches are framed in a way that stops me investing. Roll credits.

hqdefault.jpg 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Enjoyed this thread a lot more than this year's actual SummerSlam.  

Got to show special love to Supremo's 50 Shades Of Brock and Houchen's post on 2016 is now one of my favourite things I've ever read on here. 

Really great read thanks to all involved.

Edited by wandshogun09
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...