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UKFF Battle Rap 2012: THE FINAL


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So you know how to use google! Doesn't make you a smarty

You're still getting fucked more than a young girl at a bunga party

I'm the Ukff Chuck D, you're the UKFF's Dappy

A pretender to the throne, bend over for Papi


If we were both called David, a popular name for boys,

I'd be the Michelangelo and you'd be the White noise

You are rubbing sticks together, I'm nuclear fission

A fucking paint by numbers competing with a Titian


You've done well to get this far but for me, this is too easy

My rhymes are so pure gold, they'll be exhibited in the Uffizi

I admit, battling me is a very hard task

But you're rhymes are wetter than the whole city of masks


Your rhymes contain more cheese than a store full of ricotta

Prepare to be sparked out by the rapping Jake LaMotta

It's been fun battling with you but you'll only get to play once

It's the dawning of a new era, the birth of Keiths Renaissance

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You started off quite eloquent, but now you're ranting life Alf Garnett

You think it's great but it's pitiful, like Kendal Mint Cake's barnet

Trying to be all cultured with references unhurtful

You only know some artists names through Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


Your poetry is as empty as your Fine art thread

Still, good idea to step to King Keith to boost your forum cred

But I do rhyming skill like Caravaggio does dark

After the burn I put on you, you'll be less seen than Ally Clark


Did you enjoy Lucha Future that happened last June?

Bet you looked as stupid as Feste's pantaloons

You seem to stick to a structure, I'm more a libero

The freedom in my art will have you weeping like Pierrot


I'm sculpted from finest marble, you are a ruptured hemorrhoid

You have the charm and wit of Kidderminster's Mr Boyd

Go stare at your Art GSCE cert, on your wall at home

As King Keith takes his rightful place, on the Battle Rap Throne.

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Well fuck me sideways, you two are wonderfully prompt. Since you've both posted three, voting will commence now, once again in the form of replies in this thread.

Yeah, trumpet blowing time.


I was delighted that we were both online at the same time, well after I'd fucked off for a week. It was spontaneous and direct. Loved that we just went at it, like, oh I dunno, a battle rap on a wrestling forum.


Props to harmgen and of course to Stug Menry for putting this thang together. I've really enjoyed the whole thing and, with a few exceptions, the entries have brought at least a smile to me. Thoroughly entertaining stuff from start to finish.

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This is a really tough one to call. Houchen was more... UKFF.. in his raps, his sense of humour and delivery has an off topic vibe about it. Harmonic Generator is someone I've never really noticed as a poster before but his references, structure and rapping ability are superb.


So, I go for HG.


Also: No man who has seriously rocked a mullet post 1990 can diss my haircut!

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