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Favourite Simpsons Quotes


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[Homer's edited interview on "Rock Bottom"]

 

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting on / her / sweet can... / so I grabbed / her / sweet can... / Ohhhh, just thinking about / her / can... / I just wish I had / her / sweet, sweet / s/s/sweet can...

 

Godfrey Jones: So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?

 

(scene shows a still video shot of Homer looking lustful)

 

Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further!

 

(the frozen image of Homer begins to slowly zoom in)

 

No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me! Get back! Get back! M-Mr. Simpson! NOOOO!

 

(The screen freezes on the screaming Godfrey)

 

TV Announcer: Dramatization. May not have happened.

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Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?

 

 

Homer Simpson: [stares blankly for a few seconds] Can I have some money now?

 

In a similar vein:

 

"On the Itchy & Scratchy CD-ROM, is there a way to get out of the dungeon without using the wizard key?"

 

"What the hell are you talking about?"

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Homer: Kids, I wanna give you some words to remember me by, if something happens. Let's see...er...Oh, I'm no good at this.

[Lisa whispers into Homer's ear]

Homer: Bart, the saddest thing about this is I'm not going to see you grow up...

[Lisa whispers into Homer's ear]

Homer: ...because I know you gonna turn out well, with or without your old man.

Bart: Thanks, Dad.

Homer: And Lisa...

[bart whispers into Homer's ear]

Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...

[bart whispers into Homer's ear]

Homer: ...that you're adopted and I don't like you.

Posted

Some more awesome-ness from "Who Shot Mr Burns?"

 

Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?

Moe: No.

[buzz]

Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.

[ding]

Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go.

Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.

[buzz]

Moe: A date.

[buzz]

Moe: Dinner with friends.

[buzz]

Moe: Dinner alone.

[buzz]

Moe: Watching TV alone.

[buzz]

Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.

[buzz]

Moe: ...Sears catalog.

[ding]

Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.

[buzz]

Posted

"There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman."

 

small_lardofthedance.jpg

"Willie: Eek! I mean, ach! I mean ... what are you doin' here?

Homer: Uh, buh, buh, we're new foreign exchange students from ...

uh, um ... Scotland!

Willie: Saints be praised, I'm from Scotland! Where do ya hail

from?

Homer: Uh ... North ... Kilttown.

Willie: No foolin'! I'm from North Kilttown! Do you know Angus

McCloud?

Homer: Wait a minute! There's no Angus McCloud in North

Kilttown! Why, you're not from Scotland at all!

Willie: Ach, don't be daft. I was born and rai ... [notices the

hose] Hey, what the? [gasps] My retirement grease! No!

You thievin' grease bandits! I'll kill ya! [Homer and

Bart make their escape through the ventilation ducts] Wait

up!"

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"This is a rock show not the bleedin.... splish-splash show."

 

6500191_1.jpg

 

"Goodnight Springton. There will be no encore."

 

What an amazing cameo that was.

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Homer's contribution to a break-up letter:

 

"P.S. I am gay."

 

 

---

 

 

And a phone call:

 

 

Moe: Moe's Tavern.

 

Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass, first name Hugh.

 

Moe: Hold on, I'll check... Hugh Jass! Hey, I want a Hugh Jass! Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!

 

Hugh Jass: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.

 

Moe: Telephone.

 

Hugh Jass: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.

 

Bart: Uh, hi.

 

Hugh Jass: Who's this?

 

Bart: Bart Simpson.

 

Hugh Jass: What can I do for you, Bart?

 

Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta back-fired, and I'd like to bail out right now.

 

Hugh Jass: All right. Better luck next time.

 

(hangs up)

 

Hugh Jass: What a nice young man.

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Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern....Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

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