Post of the Year 2010 Now Online

[Dillkid]

I don't know how this works but this made me laugh a lot, so I nominate it, it's from the post a picture of yourself thread.

 

I have a girlfriend...

I do, you know. She even has the kind of bumholes that I like. Dark pigmented...none of this pink balloon knot nonsense...

Dang it! I was just going to post that!

 

Seconded anyway...

Thirded

[Baz Windham]

I'd like to third NEWM's Nick Cotton Pic, gave me a genuine laugh. It was the Allo Ma that got me

[Duke]

I think you missed the point, the whole second paragraph of my post was written in religious nutjob Lumberjack mode, while squeezing in all teh "anti smark stuff" to piss Zing off, which given how much he's been mentioning me lately is clearly rorking. I was trying too hard though.

 

I'll second the Triple A post.

You're vastly over estimating the emotional response I need to have to a post to respond to it. That being said, saying I'm one of those guys with a stopwatch that think shelton benjamin should be wwe champion is barking up the wrong tree there champ

[Green]

TripleA's Platform Review #3

 

Next up in a hopefully long line of reviews is another member of the "Rubbish in 3D" club. What started as a highly challenging, almost flawless 2D sidescroller became riddled with rubbish 3D controls, terrible sidekicks and spin-off games. Thankfully a new 2D game is being released soon that returns the series back to it's roots, and I couldn't be happier. So here i'll take a look at the game that started it all...

 

Rayman - PS1, PS3 Store, PC, Sega Saturn, Jaguar

 

 

Rayman is a story of a limbless man who's home and friends are under threat from a mysterious figure, appropriately named "Mr Dark". He's captured and caged all of the Electoons and spread them across the various areas in Rayman's world. Rayman must rescue the Electoons and stop Mr Dark.

 

The game looks stunning, especially for a 1995 game. In my opinion it looks better than a fair amount of 2D Sonic and Mario games. It uses 65,000 colours and you'd be hard pressed to find a better looking and more colourful platform game on the PS1, 2D or 3D.

Each area (Dream Forest, Band Land, Blue Mountains, Picture City, Cave of Skops and Candy Chateau) all look original and stunning. The forest flourishes with trees and rivers, wild fruits and wild animals, whereas the Cave of Skops is full of jagged stalactites, volcanic rocks and dangerous spike pits. It all looks so good, and hasn't aged a day.

 

There's two things you can say about Rayman which cannot be argued against. One, it's extremely hard. The game spikes in difficulty after about 4 levels and doesn't get any easier throughout. I couldn't get any further past the 3rd area till I was 20. The levels are hard, the boss fights even harder, and you can't even fight Mr Dark unless you've rescued every Electoon. This is a solid platformer. The second thing to say is that the game is hard, but through no bad faults. The game controls perfectly. It's responsive, easy to use, and has excellent level design. The D-Pad moves Rayman, O is run, X jumps, and X again lets you hover for a while, and [] is Punch. The Punch is your main way of attack and can be charged to reach further, with powerups also available for collection. The powers Rayman uses are collected gradually through the course of the game, he starts with only a basic jump. Punching, grabbing ledges, hovering, and sprinting are given to you by Betilla the Fairy and each one comes with a small practice level to become adapted to them.

 

If you ever die in this game, it won't be because the game is cheap, or glitched or badly designed. It'll be because you mis-timed a jump, or did something wrong. That is what adds to the replayabilty and "never give up" attitude you'll get whilst playing this game.

 

 

The music in this game sounds great, but blows it's load on the early levels and becomes forgettable the further in you get. It also suffers from odd editing, where the music will fade out mid-level leaving you thinking it could have been something much better if extended. Band Land and Dream Forest are choice picks, also the last boss has pretty threatening music. One good thing the game has though is sound effects. Fun twinkles and cartoonish punching effects amongst other things make the sound stand out. The end of level jingle (Rayman spins round, and shouts "YEAHHH!" with a jumpy little tune playing) is also memorable.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM_5oQ_kAtY - Dream Forest

 

This ultimately looks like a simple game for kids, but it is far from it. Your kids would never be able to complete this. They'd enjoy the first few levels and then the novelty of dying over and over would wear thin and they'd give up. For this reason I can't really recommend it for anything under possible mid-late teens. It's not Mario or Sonic in terms of playability, unless your child is a gaming god. Older players will definately enjoy the challenge though.

 

Overall the game handles perfectly, sounds above average, looks great for it's age and provides a massive challenge. The levels are varied and tough, the boss fights range from simpe to exceedingly difficult, and if you're like me, you may never reach the end of it without an extra lives cheat and a password to unlock the last boss without collecting everything (I did play all the actual levels though, so I never skipped any levels or anything like that).

 

Pros-

 

Bright and colourful graphics

Perfect controls

Varied and fun levels

Great challenge for fans of Platformers

 

Cons-

 

Too hard for the target audience

Soundtrack doesn't reach it's full potential

Stupid rule demanding 100% completion before last boss is available

 

For fans of platform games, this is a must. Not only will it provide you with a more than decent challenge, but you'll know you can do it eventually and that it isn't just the game being cheap and screwing you over.

 

 

 

 

-------------------

 

Next up - Spyro The Dragon (keep your suggestions coming )

I'd like to add this nomination from Triple A. He's just started doing these platform reviews and they're a pretty enjoyable read. I love Rayman too.

[Duke]

I probably did say something about worshipping mother earth but this was a couple of years ago and I've only become seriously interested in religion when Michael Jackson died as this was the first death that i've had to deal with in my life.

I'd like to add this from KrAzY. If you're wondering why this is funny, read it again and remember, he's serious.

[FLips]

I probably did say something about worshipping mother earth but this was a couple of years ago and I've only become seriously interested in religion when Michael Jackson died as this was the first death that i've had to deal with in my life.

I'd like to add this from KrAzY. If you're wondering why this is funny, read it again and remember, he's serious.

 

If he's that interested in religion now, he should know that Paedophiles don't go to heaven. Sorry Krazy

[PowerButchi]

I probably did say something about worshipping mother earth but this was a couple of years ago and I've only become seriously interested in religion when Michael Jackson died as this was the first death that i've had to deal with in my life.

I'd like to add this from KrAzY. If you're wondering why this is funny, read it again and remember, he's serious.

 

Fuck me ragged, that's barmy!

[patiirc]

Can I nominate this post by Jimmy Rammstein from the Kenny McBride Religion Thread

[tiger_rick]

I liked this one-liner in the "Alex Shane breaks his silence" thread

 

The vuvuzelas in South Africa have had longer bouts of silence than Alex Shane.

[Rave on Jimmy]

I liked this one-liner in the "Alex Shane breaks his silence" thread

 

The vuvuzelas in South Africa have had longer bouts of silence than Alex Shane.

 

I'll second this.

[Loki]

It was a good watch. I feel for michael benoit

I don't. He was the one that let the mad cunt sit in his room doing squats and obsessing over wrestling all day as a teenager. If he'd gone "Dillon, get the fuck outside and make some friends" just once, it could've all been avoided.

 

By the same token Im not gonna feel sorry for your dad when you finally get caught with child porn on your computer.

 

I use very thorough Internet history-cleaning tools. Plus my dad's dead, so he won't be able to whinge about his failings as a father in documentaries.

 

Great flattening of an attempt at a putdown. Nice one Pity.

[tiger_rick]

The Matt Hardy gags are a bit old hat but this one is a beauty.

 

Why Matt Hardy bothers to continue to stay in WWE is beyond me (well apart from his big paycheck i suppose)

Because he enjoys being famous, and if he were in TNA, everyone would forget about him and the only time he'd get recognised is once every few weeks when someone in the supermarket would say "Didn't you used to be a wrestler?" or "Don't eat that until you've paid for it."

[Jimmy Rammstein]

Loki tells it to the moaners straight. This is less of a nomination and more of a general tribute to those who are pig-fucking-sick of the folks on here who would rather piss and moan about wrestling than actually watch any.

 

I AM easily pleased. I don't care about ratings, I don't care about whether Dixie is or is not a money mark (she's not), I don't care about all the smarky, Meltz-said-it bullshit that you care about.

 

Is it fun? Yes. Is there some good in-ring action? Yes. Do I want to see next week/PPV? Yes.

[Andy Shoes]

I wouldn't mind being tucked in by that!

 

Cheers,

 

Howard.

 

From that thread about the lad shagging his fit mom

[Quentin]

Everyone saw it in the picture thread. You're just trying to gain some attention because some fairly good looking girl isn't repulsed by your hideous face/head/hair/gut combo. Fuck off.

 

http://ukff.com/index.php?showtopic=120666...p;#entry2167523

 

Amen.