John Matrix

For clarity, I’d like to assure @Chris B that my remark, re looking as though he was about to read a list of his organisations demands, was solely due to the lighting and dramatic backdrop.

...the thick Irish accent is an unfortunate coincidence, and was in no way meant to form part of that observation.

Thoroughly bloody wonderful that, gang, and not to put him on the spot, but @Chris B offered to host next week...and he boasts a paid licence, ark at her.

I should have asked, but I did screen shot the first chat, just to prove that we weren't all wanking and shitting, if anyone's got any reservations over me sharing that, let me know and it'll be straight to the recycling bin.

Thanks again folks, haven't smiled like that since yesterday.

Sorry, we hit the 40 minute zoom limit, but all popped back especially to say hello to you @Monkee

Ten mins to go folks, give me a shout if you want in.

You can download Zoom on your phone chief.

Everyone who's been in touch should have a link waiting for them now, i've got sod all on tomorrow, so you can message me right up to the start if you have a change of heart and want to join in.

I haven’t forgotten about this gang.  Mad busy day, I’ll set up and share the link with those of you who’ve DM’d me later tonight.
 

You in, @Keith Houchen?

2 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Ralphy, I've written you a birthday haiku.

Broken biscuit man 

Fighting cows on long walks yeah?

Loves South Park gifs, joy!

Happy birthday pal.

Inspired by @SuperBacon, I’ve gone with a Limerick...

There once was a lad from West Brom.

On biscuits he’d constantly nom.

He’s really quite nice,

but he’ll jack up the price

on that Regal book with an aplomb.

I’m really glad to see this thread bumped, as I’ve recently fallen rather head over heels for Jerry Seinfeld after stumbling upon Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on Netflix.
I could just listen to him dissect the art form all day!

Always knew of Seinfeld, but it was lost on me at the point it was fairly big here and I always dismissed it as that fairly typical US sitcom at a time when id rather be watching the likes of Bottom or Red Dwarf.

I just finished the documentary which charts his return to stand up after the show ended which was a cool watch apart from the inclusion of the Orny Adams stuff - what am irritating human being!!!

I’m planning to get through his various stand ups on Netflix over the next week or two, but where could I watch the show?

Tell you what lads, i'll set up a zoom call for 12:30 on Friday afternoon - if anyone's up for joining, send me a DM and i'll share the link with you.

Vests encouraged, nobs should remain firmly tucked away.

I’m up for this lads!  Happy to host an’all if that helps!

Only snag is that it’d be a pointless exercise if after the kids come home, so if anyone’s up for a virtual lunch break or something, count me in!

3 hours ago, stewdogg said:

Just got sent this on WhatsApp. Maybe Donald can help out with future cup draws?

 

 

As a Peterborian, that’s quite the fucking thumbnail!  On par with this...

13 hours ago, wordsfromlee said:

 

The fucking cricket bat...

* double post *

Not especially funny this, but on the nose, and sharing specifically because I see this stock image used a LOT, and I always, instantly think its a photo of @Ralphy

EDIT.  I knew i'd had a similar reaction to that photo before...

Excuse the double post, they were three months apart.

Been having a fairly lousy time of it of late, and honestly, it’s pathetic, but I can’t tell you what Cobra Kai landing on Netflix has done for me, it’s like it was created in a lab, specifically to please me.  I love it, and it’s also helped me rediscover my love for the original films too - with freelance design work on its arse due to COVID, I’ve fallen down a real rabbit hole, and creating Karate Kid/Cobra Kai fan art has given me a serious hit of seratonin when I needed it the most.

Anyway, I knocked this up over the past couple of night, and it’s on track to surpass my infamous tweet about John Fashanu’s willy as the best performing thing I’ve ever put on the internet.

1 minute ago, Chest Rockwell said:

And also the last page of this thread 😉

Although tbf @jazzygeofferz flubbed the embed....

OH bollocks.  Soz.

See also, EAT CLEAN.

On 10/11/2020 at 12:08 PM, Hannibal Scorch said:

 

This might be my favourite thing that has ever happened.  I did not see that coming at all, pissing myself out loud and there's no one here to enjoy it with.  Remarkable stuff.

I’ve not seen the username in about ten years, but I’m also not au fait with all the various changes, is @Pyrotechnik still knocking about?  
 

First UKFF’er I ever met at International Showdown and an absolute gent to boot...for a Raiders fan.

3 hours ago, neil said:

Sorry mate, thats awful, but I'm howling reading this. Especially the punchline.

Glad to be of service chief.  I think the dent in my helmet has just about righted itself now, thank goodness.

This is the only place I could share this sort of anecdote, and why I pray no one in my personal life ever discovers this account.

A little insight into parenting no one ever wants to give you, cos their kids are fucking perfect..

Friday night, my six year old wakes up in the night from a coughing fit, and despite being, and I swear, three foot from the toilet doors, proceeded to vomit a cocktail of hot chocolate and mince all over the landing floor, destroying skirting boards and doors as it ricochet everywhere upon contact with the laminate.

Saturday afternoon, my four year old emerged from the toilet caked in shit up to his forearms after attempting to wipe his own bottom.  He’d snuck upstairs and not told anyone he needed a poo.  The clean up operation was like nothing ever before it.  The fingernails... my lord.

Saturday evening, his “just dangle his pish over the rim” technique came back to haunt us, and our bathroom was transformed into one big piss filled shallow end.

This morning, my two year old shat.  I knew he’d shat, but it was before 7am and so I promised myself that I’d change him when the alarm went off, but alas, he saw to it that I’d never see that lie in, by serving me up two scoops of mother nature’s finest, reaching into his drawers for a right good root around.  Honestly, I’m laid in the same room as I type getting him off to sleep and despite a comprehensive search I can’t be sure there’s not a smear somewhere I’ve missed.

This afternoon, we get an encore from the four year old and yet another massive piss reserved for the floor tiles and then, to top it all off...

I was sat in the chair resting my eyes a couple of hours ago, when my two year old, who’s teething hard right now and has a thing for gnawing on my trackie drawstrings, misjudged things somewhat and took a massive bite of my foreskin.  It’s still tender.

Congrats @Chest Rockwell!  Look forward to your next update and hope it isn’t “14 hours and three overpriced canteen sandwiches later, and not so much as a twinge!”

On a personal note, I think there’s a few of you, if you have a child with autism or on the spectrum in some capacity and wouldn’t mind answering a few questions, please could I ask you to DM me?

Thanks in advance.

I haven’t watched any wrestling in ten years maybe, despite reading all the goings on in here every day religiously.  There’s sod all that so much as peaks my curiosity these days, I think I YouTubed Warriors return and the Goldberg/Lesnar match, but anyway, I digress..

Clip just showed up on my Facebook feed, and The Hurt Business looked the fucking bollocks marching up to 8 or 9 of those Retribution lot.  Aren’t they heels?  That was the biggest face move I’ve ever seen.

10 minutes ago, Chest Rockwell said:

I've heard anecdotally in some areas that if you just rock up they'll be able to test you and have time and capacity, but it's an IT issue with the booking systems. I don't know myself but if you're desperate it may be worth a drive around....

That’s what the same media outlet were reporting, but 119 were insistent you wouldn’t be seen without an appointment, so it was flip of a coin, you know?  If he doesn’t got the Rona, so I really want to spend the day in the vicinity of a load of other people who think they might!  It’s dilemma after dilemma.