John Matrix

9 minutes ago, wordsfromlee said:

I'm not watching him do it any amount of times. I'm usually in a cubicle wondering if it's him out there or if Rocky has bought his slabs of beef out of the freezer and into the gents.

Thank you for this.  Had a shit week and that’s tickled me no end.  

I can’t tell you how relieved I am by the numerous accounts of slow motion widdling amongst the, ahem, senior members of the board.

Turn 40 in August and for the last few months I’ve become acutely aware of of how long it takes to get started, often resorting to turning the tap on to get proceedings underway, but fuck me, honestly, once it eventually gets to work, it’s like Bullet-time my flow.  

I have fond memories of my late teens, early 20s, of urinating with such force I could’ve brought unruly protests to a close - thank god for Netflix, I can binge a fucking box-set in there these days.

oh, and I’m a wiper, though not so precious about it that I’ll hunt down a slice of communal piss rag to dab it off with.

Just now, Mr_Danger said:

Drawstring wheelie bin bags in the regular sized bin are the best. No matter how hard the twats (rest of family) who don’t have to take the bins out try they can never overfill them!

The struggle is real my man.

”Just doing some shopping, what size bin bags do we need again?”

”Fif-ahem Eighty Litre should be big enough babe”

2 minutes ago, johnnyboy said:

I started buying premium white goods after 40.  My old Hotpoint I could hear coming home from work if it was on a spin.  I can be making a cuppa and not know that the Bosch is on.

I love this mate.  You know what my luxury item is these days...

Drawstring bin-bags.  Ooh yes!  

I’ll be 40 years old in August.  

No idea how that happened, or how I’ve lasted this long to be honest.

A few years ago, I set my heart on visiting the Schwarzenegger museum in Austria, but with COVID still well and truly kicking, that feels like something that can wait.

Then, earlier this week, someone told me that Martin Kove was booked for the Liverpool Comic Con in November, and a few days later his son Jesse contacted me on Instagram to say he was travelling there too, and that it’d be great to meet up.

They've since announce Mike Barnes (KK3) Bobby, Darryl Vidal and now Kyler from Cobra Kai, and so whilst I’ve never been overly into the idea of conventions and I think the queuing alone will finish me off, I’m seriously considering going - the opportunity to hand over some of my printed artwork to the cast seems too big to miss out on.

Now I don’t know about you lot, but if you are going to travel several hours to visit Liverpool, there’s surely only one other thing you could ever possibly want to do...that’s right, go for a pint with 2 x Gladiators champion Eunice Huthart.

So yeah, since it’s all likely to go rapidly downhill from here, figured I may as well mark the occasion in style eh?

Anyone got any exciting tales about life after 40 they’d like to cheer me up by sharing?!

16 minutes ago, Egg Shen said:

updated card/poster. Christ, its gonna happen isnt it😐

I didn’t even spot Anderson at first, I thought I’d missed all the talk about Josh Koscheck crossing over...

I realise this is in poor taste and will gladly take any deserved flack as a result, but after seeing this photo of Lex Luger yesterday I couldn't bring myself to agree with Missy and recognise what a significant feat this is, as I was far too distracted by the fact that Lex Luger appears to have morphed into Bradley Walsh.

This is amazing.  Dunno if this kid is supposed to be happy, or shitting himself after this...

Hey guys, anyone familiar with, or use these guys for any content?

https://www.mmatv.com/

If so, any thoughts? Looks fairly legit to me, but keen to know if anyone has used them before?

1 hour ago, DEF said:

It was also cut to get an R rating by the MPAA. I've not checked out the Disney + version but it could well be the R rated Theatrical cut. The uncut Directors cut has been out here on bluray for years.

Conversely, having grown up with the theatrical cut, I find the complete scene to look and feel rather odd, partially because of mental muscle memory, but also because the re inserted shots look like something out of a low budget horror and just feel tonally, quite strange.  

On 3/25/2021 at 3:33 PM, Statto said:

https://prowrestling.fandom.com/wiki/WWF_European_Tour_1994_-_Peterborough

I was recalling correctly that MoM were the champs!

Just utterly flabbergasted to learn that the WWF came to fucking PETERBOROUGH of all places!!  And by Peterborough Arena, would that have been the East of England Showground?  Or...god forbid...the Wirrina!?!

On 3/24/2021 at 9:53 AM, Statto said:

in Peterborough

....say what now?!

So, being very time poor, at lunchtime today, I opted for the microwaveable burger and chips we received as a substitute item, but could not be arsed to return.

If that sentence hasn't already repulsed you, it looked like what I can only describe as a monkeys brain which had been flattened and grilled using a Corby trouser press.

1 hour ago, Carbomb said:

So that's what @John Matrix looks like

I wish mate.  Always shit myself when I see that name appear :D

Absolutely PISSING myself at Charlie Olives.

1 hour ago, Keith Houchen said:

Was it Common As Muck where she got a good backscuttling on a sofa?

My only memory of Common As Muck, is it’s where I learned the phrase ‘hand shandy’.

1 hour ago, Keith Houchen said:

Was it Common As Muck where she got a good backscuttling on a sofa?

My only memory of Common As Muck, is it’s where I learned the phrase ‘hand shandy’.

We all know what they are doing, and yet still...sometimes, we give in.  I'll be honest.  Bit disappointed...

37 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

This was beautiful.

 

The visual hadn’t even kicked in and I was pissing myself.  One of my favourite things ever to have happened.  Thank you for a much needed pick me up

I started this thread when my anticipation for the new season was peaking and with every intention of diving head first into the discussion, then, a week ago we began self isolating due to a positive test at my sons nursery, and now as if my general depression, anxiety and SAD weren’t kicking me in the bollocks hard enough, I’m so fucking burnt out juggling the whole home schooling thing then working nights to make up the day job hours, I have a million unanswered texts, emails and notifications, but I need to take a break and ditch the devices for a bit to de-clutter my brain.  

As I type this, I have the faintest slither of battery remaining at which point I’ve no intention of sticking my phone back on charge until Tuesday when our quarantine period lifts - I’m on the verge of tears as confirmation of our youngest sons early needs assessment has come through, I highly expect that he may be autistic and so I’m just about finished off.

...and then...

One last glimpse at my Instagram account, a quiet day.  One like.  One follower....

Will sound fucking pathetic the above considered, but I can’t tell you what that’s done for me today.  Crying my eyes out for a totally different reason now, especially given he only follows about 30 people, most of which are cast and crew.

On 1/4/2021 at 5:02 PM, John Matrix said:

I absolutely understand the concerns of people in the teaching profession re the level of risk they are being exposed to and I sympathise entirely

But having seen first hand what 14 weeks out of school did to my 4 and 5 year olds at the time during the last and first 'proper' lockdown - during which we, their parents, took every step possible to minimise their risk only to eventually concede and return them to school and childcare placements when it became clear that the toll it was taking on their mental health was every bit as significant as the physical risks we'd been trying to protect them from - if there is any safe way for them to be at school, then I would champion that cause to the hilt.

They didn't suddenly turn in to dinner mashers, or start defecating on the rug, but their mood became very erratic, they were highly sensitive and unpredictable, leading to lots of outburst and conflict which their daily 30 minute walk around the block failed to alleviate.  As parents, trying to juggle home working with home learning, they inevitably suffered from a lack of one to one time, and increased screen use either to give us some respite, or to carry out otherwise paper based or physical assignments from home.

The less they had to do, or perceived they could do, the less they wanted to, to the point where my son, who's a bit of a hair twiddler when he's tired/bored, gave himself a fucking bald patch such was the amount of time he spent lethargically sprawled out on the sofa sans motivation.

I'm not at all comfortable with this new narrative that we need schools to be providing 'childcare' - the nature of what we expect of our child's school provision hasn't changed one bit - but neither has our dependence on children attending so that we can work to earn and provide a home, heat, food and clothing - we simply cannot do the latter, without the former which is why any sort of lockdown, other than the 'whole world on pause' type, freezing bills, rent, mortgages (which should then rightly be extended to business owners), will continue to expose people to risk for absolutely fuck all long term gain.

As it stands, at 4:30 today, my wife (who works in a school office) has just been informed that her school will only be opening to key worker children this week - imagine how many families/parents are expecting to return to work tomorrow and will now need to make alternative arrangements, meanwhile our childrens school is ploughing ahead and re-opening tomorrow, but has written to us just now to hedge its bets ahead of the PM's announcement this evening, all because the poor sods haven't got a fucking clue, nor mandate, to take any concrete action.

Whichever way you slice it, there is a group of people who will have to suffer as a result of this incompetence and i'm not suggesting for a second that Teachers should in any way, suck it up - but I think there is an argument to be made that they provide a service every bit as important as our healthcare professionals, that similarly, cannot just be turned off or comprimised - still, it's all absolute fucking madness when you consider the bat farmers of Wuhan are up and about living life to the fullest eh?

So this ended up being a pretty fucking moot point as we’re now all self isolating after my youngest’s bubble at nursery has had a positive test.  My lad is showing no symptoms, yet, but likelihood is they wouldn’t surface for another few days yet, which is why my piss is well and truly boiling the more I’ve looked into the rules today, which suggest the lack of symptoms is leverage enough for my wife and elder two to return to work and school tomorrow.

Absolute fucking codswallop!  If we know one of us, and by extension, any of us, have been exposed then it’s lock the fucking door time, which is what we’ll do so some poor fucker else isn’t struck down during the latent phase.

Send positive vibes folks - the kids’ll be alright but I’m struggling as it at the minute and I fear I’ll be searching for the nearest multi-storey by the end of this!  I shouldn’t trivialise, but it’s all I’ve got at the mo!

A day like today calls for...

This, as well as being an absolute belter, feels like a VERY appropriate anthem for today..