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Burchill's Buddy

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Posts posted by Burchill's Buddy

  1. Nah he wouldn't come back here surely? I never got that desperate need to be on the UKFF vibe from him, the one you see with Hulky's returns, and if it's a forum full of people who know you're a rapist you'd presumably want to distance yourself. I'm assuming things never went further than him receiving a ban from the forum? Nobody turned anything over to the police or anything?

  2. Best of the Best 1 and 2

     

    Me and a friend of mine still say "You will eat, sleep, and shit competition!" to each other all the time. One of those films that everyone had on VHS along with Ice Pirates and No Retreat, No Surrender.

    I can testify to that, my Best of the Best VHS is still sitting nicely with my No Retreat, No Surrender, Double Impact and Bloodsport :thumbsup:

  3. Yeah, I went through a stage of messing with people like that on Gumtree. Often people would put up ads for flats that don't exist, trying to get you to put down a deposit (via Western Union) without having seen it. I replied to one saying I was interested and ready to make a deposit, but wanted to first make sure that it had a billiard room (this was a 1 bed flat in Cambridge by the way) and most importantly, a spunk-trench. unsurprisingly they came back saying that it did indeed have both of those. I tried to get them to take pictures but the trail went dead. Presumably they put spunk-trench into Google. I don't want to know what they found.

  4. Haha, cheers Gladders. It didn't really take all that long each time, the whole thing was over the course of about 3 weeks so it was just logging in a couple of times a day and replying. The photoshop on the apron and the logo were only 10 minute jobs really too. Hopefully they aren't still looking for me. I'd rather not be the first poster on the forum to be abducted and murdered by Nigerian scammers.

  5. Final part

     

    Hello Darling

     

    Thankyou very much for your picture, it is very clear and a good size and is acceptable to me. I should be able to get to the Western Union office either tomorrow (Monday) or Tuesday with your payment. But I have a big meeting Monday with Sir Alex Ferguson so it will more likely be on Tuesday, I hope this is ok?

     

    Regards

    Ji Sung

     

    Hello Mr Sung,

    Sorry i haven't been in touch,I got your mail,i must say it's a BIG RELIEF.My husband's state is getting a bit out of hand,but i will hopefully await your mail from western Union.

    I will have to call the shipping Agency to book down an appointment for tomorrow,so once i get the payment,Hopefully you will get the puppy by the end of the week.

    I am glad you liked the picture,Richard called to apologize.

     

    Hope to read from you tomorrow.

    Mrs. Cole.

     

    I decide to let Darling stew for a few days. For a laugh.

     

    Hello Mr Sung,

    Just got out of the hospital,and was prepared to go to the shipping Agency,but when i got on to read from you to give me the MTCN numbers,to my surprise,i didn't get an email from you.May i know what is happening.

    I really hope to read from you.

     

    Mrs. Cole.

     

    Time to break the bad news to her

     

    Morning Darling

     

    Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday, but I have some wonderful news! Remember I mentioned I had a meeting on Monday with Alex Ferguson? Well it turns out that he had seen me playing football and has signed me for Manchester United! This means I can give up the meat distribution game for good and play professional football for a living. Isn't this marvellous?!

     

    My contract with them starts next week, which will give me some time to pack away the things from the shop and move up to Manchester. Obviously this means I wont be needing the 12 puppies from you (good news for the puppies I guess seeing as they will get to live long and happy lives)

     

    I have attached a picture of myself with Alex Ferguson, and my brand new Ji Sung Park shirt. Are you a football fan Darling?

     

    Ji Sung Park

     

    I attach a picture of Ji Sung Park proudly showing off his new United Jersey and shaking hands with Sir Alex. Darling is not best pleased.

     

    Hell What!!!!!! what are you saying Mr sung,all my plans,my dreams,you fucked up in a jiffy,I must say that it's really heartless for you to do such a thing.but i beg you Mr park,could you send me a few pounds to aid my husband's health? Please Mr Park,i am really in need of money...........

     

    i really wish to hear from you.

     

    Mrs. Cole.

     

    Hi Darling

     

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fuck up your dreams in a jiffy. But as I am now a professional footballer I no longer have any use for 12 dead puppies.

     

    However, now that I am playing for Manchester United I will be earning a considerable sum of money,

  6. Part 4

     

    i have someone that could help,but to clear all doubts may i see a picture of you,hold up a sign manmeat Ltd,i want you to see how hard it is for me over here.Once you do that,i will ask a relative from my husband's side to get the picture and forward it to me.

    I would love to hear from you.
    Mrs. Cole


    Sure, why the fuck not. I have Photoshop, a corner desk at work and some time to kill. I find a picture of two Asian butchers and Photoshop the Man Meat font onto their aprons.

    manmeatltd.jpg

     

    Hi Darling

    Of course, here is a picture of myself and my business partner in our shop. I am on the right of the picture. As you can see we are wearing our branded Man Meat aprons.

    I look forward to seeing your picture soon Darling.
    Ji Sung


     

    Thanks for that,i will sure ask a relative from my husband's to get the picture taken,although he is still a student,but i will ask him to get the picture for me with a cardboard saying Mrs. Cole sells Puppy meat to Mr Ji sung Park, As soon as he sends it to me i will forward them to you.

    i would be sleeping in the house today,i will go to the hospital and sleep over there.

    How soon will i get the money so i will go to the shipping company and register the puppies?

    Mrs Cole.


     

    Hi Darling

    I'm glad you liked our picture, and I look forward to receiving yours. The cardboard sign must say "I sell puppy meat to Ji Sung Park" - exactly those words, you dont need to mention your name. It doesnt matter who is holding the sign at this point so there is no need to mention a name.

    The shop where I can make Western Union payments is open today so I can get the money to you straight away, as soon as the picture arrives. I'm not sure how long they take to process though as I have not used Western Union before.

    Ji Sung


     

    how am i sure that after getting the pictures you will send the money,i will need something to trusth you on.I don't mind you sending me a few hundred pounds,then after seeing the picture,you will send the rest.My Husband is really sick and i don't have money to treath him.So please Mr.Ji Sung,i don't mind having a few hundred pounds from you,i promise and swear on my husbands blood to send you the picture my self.

    I need your help.
    Mrs. cole


    Urgh, You're really starting to piss me off now Darling.

     

    Darling

    Why must we go over this again and again? I have sent you a picture of myself and I didnt ask you for any money did I? - It's a simple picture why are you making it seem so difficult?

    Once again I will tell you, I have �3000 waiting here to send you once the picture arrives, until then you will have nothing else from me. I fear you are wasting my time and I am very close to cancelling this deal completely and going with a supplier that my partner is currently speaking to. Can you get the picture to me by tomorrow or shall we call this whole thing off now?

    Ji Sung.


     

    Now,now Mr Ji sung,i will mail him now,i hope to read from him.Sorry for the time wasted.I will get to you as soon as i get the mail.And the puppies are doing great,since you never asked how they are doing.

    Mrs. cole


    Why would I ask how they are doing? Anyway this goes onback and forth for a few more boring Emails until I get the following, glorious mail

     

    Hello Mr Sung,
    I just got a mail from school young man,telling me he is a friend to Richard 'My husband's nephew',He said he just snapped the picture in front of the school hostel this morning,I just wrote him saying thanks.
    I attached the picture,May i know when you can be able to make the pyment so i can register them for shipping.I was told it would take them 3 to 4 days to get to you,So after coming from the shipping Agency,i will ask them to scan the invoice from there,then i will send it ti you including the tracking numbers too.

    Get back to me.
    Mrs. Cole


    IMG-20160422-WA0000.jpg
    The money shot.

    But how will Darling react when a shocking twist puts her deal in jeopardy? Final part coming in a bit.
  7. Part 3

     

    Hello Mr Sung,

    i am sorry to say that we don't have scanners here,those pictures i sent you were taken 2years back.but in other to gain your trust,i will have to go deposite some money over at the shipping agency.via KINGS EXPRESS.and after that, i will have to ask them to attach the invoice and i will send you the orginal invoice.and signed orginally by me.Let me know if you want me to do that,and let me know if i can trust you,cause i will have to spend a whole lot of money today.

     

    Yeah, bollocks are you getting off that easy on the picture....

     

    Hello Darling

     

    an original invoice would be nice but it is not neccessary, we trust you on that part now but unfortunately the one thing we do need is that picture. I understand you have a problem with your scanner but there are many other ways you could get the picture to me. Borrow a friend's scanner or use one at an internet cafe or library, or do the same but with a digital camera. I dont really mind how you do it but unfortunately until you have completed that part of the deal we can go no further in this transaction.

     

    As I have said, the money you invoiced for (

  8. Part 2

     

    Greetings Darling,

     

    I was put in touch with you by a mutual friend of ours (Pastor Willy) who told me it may be possible we could do some business together

     

    Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Ji Sung Park and I am the co-owner of Man-Meat Ltd in London. We specialize in selling rare and hard to find meats from around the world and recently we have lost one of major suppliers from the middle east. Consequently we are now running very low on several of our most popular meats and this has put us in a little trouble. Pastor Willy told me that you may be able to supply me with puppy meat, is this true? We are able to send money in most forms including credit card, cheque, postal order, Western Union or Moneygram.

     

    Please get back to me as soon as possible so we can discuss this further. Do you supply any other forms of meat? - If you like I can mail you a list of other rare animals we are currently short on.

     

    Ji Sung

     

     

    Hello Mr Ji Sung,

    I was told earlier today by the pastor, Pastor Wilson,where i worship that i would get a mail from you about puppies,Well i am a great lover of Dogs so have a quite number of puppies,Mostly Yorkshire Terrier,May i know the range in Ibs you are wanting so i may how many of such i have. And tell me secondly how much you are willing to pay for those babies.

     

    And may i add that you can send me the list of rare animal meat you short on,maybe i can help get them for you.

     

    Get back to me.

    Mrs Cole.

     

     

    Hello Darling

     

    Thankyou for getting back to me so soon, I am glad you are such a great lover of dogs, but I hope this doesn't morally prevent you to shipping them to us. You do realise we are selling the puppy as meat and not as a pet yes?

     

    Anyway Darling, to business. For good quality puppy meat our payment is

  9. Man Meat Ltd - Part 1

     

    Hello Dear Brother and Sister in the Lord My name is Pastor Willy Brian,Pastor Willy for short. I just came about your email address through an email surfing Affiliated with the US chamber of commerce,Am having a little problem which i will like to share with you.I am from Sisters of St Benedict am on a christian mission out of the country and i came went along with my female Yorkie terrier puppy. After a while i notice that the weather hear is not good for the puppy and i have not been able to take care of her the way i do because of my Mission Job. She is home raised vaccines and health guarantee.. all i need is someone that is capable adopting her and take care of her the way i always do so if you feel you can take care of this little angel for me please do send a reply back to me and i will email you her picture I hope to read from you.

     

    Remain Blessed

    Pastor Willy

     

    Greetings Pastor Willy

     

    Thankyou very much for your Email about the Yorkshire terrier. My name is Ji-Sung Park and I am the co-founder of Man Meat Ltd - one of the largest meat packers and stores in south London. We have recently lost one of our larger distributors of good puppy meat and we would be most interested in buying this Yorkie from you. We were wondering is this the only puppy you have or is it possible you could get hold of more to ship onto us? Our usual payment is

  10. Cheers. One day I'll remember the login details for the Man Meat Ltd Gmail account I set up to do that one and I can post the entire conversation.

     

    *EDIT* Yes, fucking yes. I wrote a nice long Email to Google with what little information about the account I could remember and I've managed to get back in. I'll attempt to copy and paste it in this thread.

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