Slapnut

I heard a good one a few months ago. Bloke comes into the toilets and sits in the cubicle next to me, so I was already uncomfortable. Suddenly, his phone rings:

 

"What? You've just seen me come in here for a shit, why are you ringing me? Yes, the easter egg in the fridge is mine. Yes, you can have it".

I was in the gym yesterday when, out of nowhere, a fucking bird appeared and almost flew into my face. I almost threw the dumbbell I was holding at it. Being deathly afraid of birds, I plonked my weights down and decided that was enough exercise for the day, even though I'd only arrived 5 minutes earlier.

 

I'm terrified to go back now in case they haven't managed to get rid of it.

I'll be shocked if he doesn't turn up on Impact in 3 months time cutting a promo on his former employers.

I don't mind the Triple H thing as long as it's to do some stuff with babyface Seth without the baggage of an entire Authority angle. Surely they're not bringing that back. Surely.

 

I'm not convinced they were ever planning on getting rid of it for good, to be honest. To me, the main event of Wrestlemania always screamed "let's show Roman banishing the Authority, but we'll bring them back eventually". 

 

Stephanie barely left as it is.

 

I can't see past the Authority angle, completely unchanged, except with Owens instead of Rollins.

First ballor now steen (I refuse to call him Owens)

 

Do you still call it WWF too?

I may be the first/only person to say this, but I want Elias Sampson back. Him coming out singing shitey alt-country songs to uber heat had me pissing. Imagine him doing a song about Nakamura

I really like him. You often hear stories about crowds behing unable to hear certain wrestlers talk because they're getting so much heat, and I've always thought it's an exaggeration, but I genuinely couldn't hear a word he said at NXT in Dallas. Absolutely nuclear heat.

Brewdog is very hit and miss for me. I really like Punk IPA, Dead Pony and 5am Saint (basically, the ones they sell in Tesco), but some of their "specialty" brews like Jackhammer are absolutely disgusting and I can't possibly imagine how anybody can enjoy them.

 

Mind you, it's quite fun sitting and watching some of the heavily bearded and twirly moustached chaps who frequent the place sit and pretend to enjoy their poison water while pulling a funny face after each sip and taking over an hour to finish a third.

I can't shit if there's someone else shitting, so I'll hold it until I'm alone or until somebody uses the hand dryer.

 

There's an obese chap in work who has made a habit of sitting in the next cubicle to me no matter how many other stalls are free. I know it's him because of the heavy breathing from walking up the few stairs to get to the toilets, and then the utility belt he removes which takes forever. I swear one side of that belt has a different time zone to the other.

 

Anyway, once he's sat down he ruthlessly unloads. Absolutely no care in the world, just millions of plops and comically loud farts. If it wasn't so disgusting, it would be admirable.

 

Of course, when he anticipates it's going to be a particularly bad evacuation and sprays Febreeze before the poo, you'd better wipe up and leave pretty sharpish or your clothes will smell of his breakfast for the rest of the day.

With the Lesnar non-suspension, isn't it just the fact that he hasn't failed a WWE-run drug test and that whatever he failed for isn't banned under their wellness policy?

The Connor thing is obviously just a wind up, PR campaign though isn't it. It's not just wrestlers after all:

 

" And finally

 

UFC featherweight champion Conor McGregor jokingly said he would "slap the head off" Real Madrid forward Cristiano Ronaldo if they ever fought in the octagon. (BT Sport)"

 

Bell end

 

Why does that make him a bell end? You've just said yourself he's on the wind up.

 

Everything he's said about wrestlers and Ronaldo are nothing more than passing comments. It's not like he's genuinely trying to knock any of them out.

If McGregor wrestled he'd be a key candidate for the 'Wrestlers that stink' thread

Sorry, but I don't get this at all. Always looks like he scrubs up well, McGregor.

 

He's hardly Balls Mahoney, is he?

Aron Rex says Impact Wrestling officials have done what some people were afraid to do: give him a mic on live TV.

 

Except for all the times he's had a mic on Raw?

 

Aron Rex is the worst name I've heard in ages. It's far worse than anything that came out of the WWE Name Generator of the late 2000s/early 2010s.

 

Poor cunt wouldn't survive a day at my workplace. We have an Eastern European bloke who started a few months ago, and he's affectionately earned the nickname Borat. The other day I witnessed somebody not let him use the microwave unless he said "my name'a Borat".

 

Doesn't sound that affectionate tbh

 

 

 

Slapnut - that sound cuntish rather than 'affectionate'

 

It was described as affectionate by one of the warehouse staff who he works with. I don't think I've ever exchanged as much as a 'hello' with the bloke, so for all I know he could be crying himself to sleep every night.

Poor cunt wouldn't survive a day at my workplace. We have an Eastern European bloke who started a few months ago, and he's affectionately earned the nickname Borat. The other day I witnessed somebody not let him use the microwave unless he said "my name'a Borat".

Along the the Berenstain Bears, The Sex in the City one is the funniest example. I love the idea that people are so confident in their memory that they'll put one subtle mistake down to the entire universe shifting.

 

I too spent last night, as well as most of yesterday in work, looking this up. Thanks UKVD, you've given me a new obsession.

Well yeah, but Jarrett would probably beat Anderson Silva in his prime, so that's hardly a fair comparison.

Is this McGregor the same fella that kayfabed himself out of a headline slot in the biggest MMA PPV of all time? Hmm.

 

Yep, and likely kayfabed his way to UFC 202 being the biggest MMA PPV of all time rather than 200.

"Beam me up Scotty" was never said in Star Trek.

 

That's not quite the same though, nor are the other commonly misheard film/TV quotes like "life is like a box of chocolates". The Mandela Effect is when a group of people distinctly remember a specific event happening differently, like the people who distinctly remember Nelson Mandela dying in the mid 80s to the point there they all remember his funeral and the riots that followed (even though it's obvious they're just thinking of someone else). A misheard line is exactly that, misheard.

 

What I don't understand about the people who think Mandela died in the 80s though....how have they not heard about him on the news since then? And who did they think shook Francois Pienaar's hand at the '95 Rugby World Cup?

Is anybody aware of fifth housemate from The Young Ones? It's one of the popular ones commonly discussed on the subreddit.  I've not seen a single episode of The Young Ones (shocking, I know, but it's on my Netflix to-watch list), but I know there are a fair few fans on here.

 

Basically, there's a "ghostly" figure in plain view in most episodes that not many people seem to have ever noticed:

 

 

 

It's even in publicity shots:

 

 

Young Ones fans - have you noticed him/her before? From looking at pictures, it's hard to understand how anybody could miss that, yet there are news articles all over the place written by people who have failed to notice this.

Blood hell, have you been on the subreddit for this? It's batshit mental.

 

"Ever since discovering the Mandela effect, I've been feeling weird. I googled it all day yesterday and have been reading Reddit posts today. Last night, I was half asleep and suddenly jolted after having a weird vision (the jolt happens sometimes). It just happened again, I was half asleep and jolted because a weird image popped in my mind. It was of a giant teddy bear with glowing eyes running across the beach. Someone please tell me I'm not going crazy and it's just anxiety. I've been healthy. my entire life, but I don't know why I'm feeling weird. The thought of me going crazy is running through my mind every second.”

 

"It will probably get worse before it gets better. Denial, confusion, anger, acceptance. I think it goes something like that and then it keeps cycling. 

Dangerous part for your sanity is starting to imagine Effects where they don't really exist, and looking for them actively. You truly can drive yourself crazy. 

I thought about it deeply and constantly for literally about a year. I finally had some epiphanies and was able to come to peace with it all. It still interests me to no end but it no longer drives me crazy because I just accept that it's happening, I don't care if anyone believes me, and I know that it doesn't matter in the end because I can't change it anyway. 

Once you go through all that you gain an appreciation for life that I never had before. It has fostered an extreme amount of spiritual growth and knowledge that I am certain I wouldn't have achieved otherwise.”

 

I can't tell if people are just taking the piss or not, but I like to think they genuinely believe this is a real supernatural phenomenon and we're all in an alternate reality.

I've just listened to Bobby Roode's music 5 times in a row and I got chills every time. Best theme in wrestling right now, easily!

Big team reshuffle at work that nobody wanted happened today and naturally I got moved to the worst team with nobody I know. I'm fucking livid.

 

What's the thinking behind companies doing that? When I worked at EE, they reshuffled the teams for seemingly no reason other to shake things up. I was in the same position as you where I was left in a team full of strangers after building a rapport and some good friendships with the people in my previous team. Luckily I got a new job the week before the shuffle, but it seemed like an odd, polarising thing to do.

Besides delivery, what extra charges should I expect to pay when purchasing something from the U.S. WWE Shop?

Usually just by signing up with agencies who will email you whenever they have work in your area that you'd be suitable for.

 

https://www.universalextras.co.uk is a good place to start. 

Having a bit of a head vs heart moment here. I've been offered some TV extra work but they want me to be clean shaven for it (why I'm not sure, I've done this exact role on the same show before and they encouraged me to keep my beard), so I turned it down. Partly because since I've had a beard (going on 12 years now) I've always said I would never go without one, partly because fuck the hassle, a whole number of small reasons really. I think about the money and how it'll grow back pretty quickly, but that makes me feel like I'd be selling out, and I don't want to change who I am for a job. I'm still thinking about calling them back and saying I've reconsidered, but I'm still on the fence. I'm kinda making a pros and cons list, money is the only pro I can think of as yet, and for as much as I'm thinking fuck being a sellout, it's still making it a hard call for me. I know I'm being an idiot here by saying no but when it would involve going against my principles, I still kinda feel like I'm in the right.

 

This is probably one of the deepest trains of thought anyone's ever had about whether or not to shave.

 

I did some TV extra work about 18 months ago when I was unemployed.  I had to travel to Swansea and back for it (about an hour each way, travel expenses not included) and got told when I arrived that they had to cut my hair or I'd have to go home without pay, so I begrudgingly agreed.  They gave me this shit haircut, and then I proceeded to stand around outside in the freezing cold for 9 hours.  My car broke down on the way home and, like a dickhead, I didn't have breakdown cover so I paid £70 for emergency breakdown recovery.  The car cost £60 to repair, so if you include my travel costs the entire day cost me about £160.  I only got paid £90 for the fucking work, and it didn't arrive in my account until 3 months later.

 

I'm not saying your experience will be similar, but I definitely blame the haircut.