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Some Advice


Tequila_Boy

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So firstly, I know this isn't the greatest of places to ask for such advice, but with your combined 'knowledge' I have seen some pretty helpful advice on here.

 

Now then basically, I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma. Heres a bit of backstory:

 

Woman and Man have Son and Daughter.

 

Man moves out and runs off with younger more attractive colleague leaving Woman alone with little money

 

This effects Son and Daughter

 

Son is 14 years old and is refusing to go to school. Mother is now facing jail for his truancy and social services are threatening to take Son into care as he is being 'neglected'. Daughter is suffering severe depression and Man is moving to Scotland and is saying, "Fuck it all, not my problem"

 

 

The problem I have with this is that my girlfriend is the the best friend of Daughter. Through this relationship I know things that I shouldn't. I know that the school has said that the mother should make her son go to school. However, I also know that Son is quite a bit bigger than his mother and anytime she tries to tell him to do something he attacks, he pushes her to the floor and hits her. He knows that she faces going to jail but he really does not care at all.

 

I know this through my girlfriend, however I'm not supposed to, and I'm fairly sure that it's not something that the mother is particularly willing to share with the school and social services. I would also point out that she is a school worker and if she were to gain a criminal record her entire career would be over.

 

 

I was wondering what people would do if they were int his situation. Despite the fact I'm not a family friend and to be honest I have limited contact with the daughter I can't help feel really aggrieved by the situation and I feel I have a duty to do something to basically help this poor woman out. Apparently she's been off work for the last 2 weeks because all she has been doing is crying, she's having a complete breakdown essentially and there is no support structure for her there as Social Services think she is neglecting this child who is Domestically abusing her.

 

I honestly feel I should do something such as inform the school or the local Social Services, but as I'm not meant to know this information (my missus would go nuts at me, her friend would go nuts at her, and I doubt the mother would like it particularly getting out, despite the fact it needs to) I'm not sure what to do. I really badly feel that I need to do something as it's something that's making me quite angry as its a horrible, unfair situation and it seems the people that matter have the wrong end of the stick.

 

Your thoughts would be appreciated

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Talk to your girlfriend, and convince her to go with you to the school/local Social Services, and explain the situation. It's better that your friend and her mother go nuts at her/you and refuse to speak to you both than the mother goes to jail.

 

Alternatively, find out if there's anyone else that can help. But definitely, definitely, talk to your girlfriend as a first step. If she's any kind of friend, she'll be up for helping.

 

Also, give the National Domestic Violence Helpline a call. If nothing else, they may be able to advise anonymously.

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Go give the son a kicking. Sounds like the twat needs it.

 

More helpful response: the situation affects different people in different ways. Although the son's behaviour may be caused by the situation, it's definitely not an excuse for it. There are other ways to handle it and relieve his anger. I would be tempted to call the social services and tell them he needs some sort of councilling to discuss his issues, bring them out to the surface, and alleviate any anger or resentment he has. He won't be the first child to have a parent abscond for a younger model and won't be the last, he needs to know this.

 

Not much was said on the daughter, how old is she and how is she coping?

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So firstly, I know this isn't the greatest of places to ask for such advice, but with your combined 'knowledge' I have seen some pretty helpful advice on here.

 

Now then basically, I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma. Heres a bit of backstory:

 

Woman and Man have Son and Daughter.

 

Man moves out and runs off with younger more attractive colleague leaving Woman alone with little money

 

This effects Son and Daughter

 

Son is 14 years old and is refusing to go to school. Mother is now facing jail for his truancy and social services are threatening to take Son into care as he is being 'neglected'. Daughter is suffering severe depression and Man is moving to Scotland and is saying, "Fuck it all, not my problem"

 

 

The problem I have with this is that my girlfriend is the the best friend of Daughter. Through this relationship I know things that I shouldn't. I know that the school has said that the mother should make her son go to school. However, I also know that Son is quite a bit bigger than his mother and anytime she tries to tell him to do something he attacks, he pushes her to the floor and hits her. He knows that she faces going to jail but he really does not care at all.

 

I know this through my girlfriend, however I'm not supposed to, and I'm fairly sure that it's not something that the mother is particularly willing to share with the school and social services. I would also point out that she is a school worker and if she were to gain a criminal record her entire career would be over.

 

 

I was wondering what people would do if they were int his situation. Despite the fact I'm not a family friend and to be honest I have limited contact with the daughter I can't help feel really aggrieved by the situation and I feel I have a duty to do something to basically help this poor woman out. Apparently she's been off work for the last 2 weeks because all she has been doing is crying, she's having a complete breakdown essentially and there is no support structure for her there as Social Services think she is neglecting this child who is Domestically abusing her.

 

I honestly feel I should do something such as inform the school or the local Social Services, but as I'm not meant to know this information (my missus would go nuts at me, her friend would go nuts at her, and I doubt the mother would like it particularly getting out, despite the fact it needs to) I'm not sure what to do. I really badly feel that I need to do something as it's something that's making me quite angry as its a horrible, unfair situation and it seems the people that matter have the wrong end of the stick.

 

Your thoughts would be appreciated

 

If Ive read that right, its not yours or even your girlfriend's problem and one level it has got completely fuck all to do with either of you. On the other there appears to be a sense of injustice regarding the mothers situation.

 

What Ive found is getting involved where you arent involved and are effectively busy bodying in other peoples business will only end up with a load of shit coming your way when there is no need to even be in that situation.

 

Remember you are largely getting this information 2nd hand and is distorted beyond belief by your birds relationship with her best friend and your relationship with her best friend (your girlfriend) So whilst it what information you are getting may make sense it may not be exactly accurate and certainly emotive.

 

If you feel strongly enough to act, ring crimestoppers and suggest the domestic abuse from the minors pov if you can prove it is and has happened ( have you seen it first hand for example) and leave it at that ( do not mention to your bird you have done this either). This is one time where its not your fight so don't get involved has never been so apt, but if you want some kind of peace of mind or least proof that you care report it and leave it alone. or you may find that you quickly become the villain of the and end up being scapegoated for everything despite it not being anything to do with you

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The kid needs sorting obviously if he's violent towards his own mother now then there is a very good chance he will be abusive to his wife and kids in the future.

 

If he does gets sent to foster care there is a good chance it will come out there to it's unlikely in that situation he'll be able to keep his temper in check.

 

If you do want to do anything just report it anonymously at least that way it will get looked into without coming back on you or your GF

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So firstly, I know this isn't the greatest of places to ask for such advice, but with your combined 'knowledge' I have seen some pretty helpful advice on here.

 

Now then basically, I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma. Heres a bit of backstory:

 

Woman and Man have Son and Daughter.

 

Man moves out and runs off with younger more attractive colleague leaving Woman alone with little money

 

This effects Son and Daughter

 

Son is 14 years old and is refusing to go to school. Mother is now facing jail for his truancy and social services are threatening to take Son into care as he is being 'neglected'. Daughter is suffering severe depression and Man is moving to Scotland and is saying, "Fuck it all, not my problem"

 

 

The problem I have with this is that my girlfriend is the the best friend of Daughter. Through this relationship I know things that I shouldn't. I know that the school has said that the mother should make her son go to school. However, I also know that Son is quite a bit bigger than his mother and anytime she tries to tell him to do something he attacks, he pushes her to the floor and hits her. He knows that she faces going to jail but he really does not care at all.

 

I know this through my girlfriend, however I'm not supposed to, and I'm fairly sure that it's not something that the mother is particularly willing to share with the school and social services. I would also point out that she is a school worker and if she were to gain a criminal record her entire career would be over.

 

 

I was wondering what people would do if they were int his situation. Despite the fact I'm not a family friend and to be honest I have limited contact with the daughter I can't help feel really aggrieved by the situation and I feel I have a duty to do something to basically help this poor woman out. Apparently she's been off work for the last 2 weeks because all she has been doing is crying, she's having a complete breakdown essentially and there is no support structure for her there as Social Services think she is neglecting this child who is Domestically abusing her.

 

I honestly feel I should do something such as inform the school or the local Social Services, but as I'm not meant to know this information (my missus would go nuts at me, her friend would go nuts at her, and I doubt the mother would like it particularly getting out, despite the fact it needs to) I'm not sure what to do. I really badly feel that I need to do something as it's something that's making me quite angry as its a horrible, unfair situation and it seems the people that matter have the wrong end of the stick.

 

Your thoughts would be appreciated

 

If Ive read that right, its not yours or even your girlfriend's problem and one level it has got completely fuck all to do with either of you. On the other there appears to be a sense of injustice regarding the mothers situation.

 

What Ive found is getting involved where you arent involved and are effectively busy bodying in other peoples business will only end up with a load of shit coming your way when there is no need to even be in that situation.

That attitude is exactly why this country is a fucking shithole at the minute.

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That attitude is exactly why this country is a fucking shithole at the minute.

 

i agree with you!

 

somehow or other, someone needs to report this, even anonymously. That is why it is possible to report suspected crimes/incidents like this.

 

If it turns out you have been mis-informed, so what? Then there will be no outcome & the police/council will just have been doing their job in following up an enquiry.

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That attitude is exactly why this country is a fucking shithole at the minute.

 

i agree with you!

 

somehow or other, someone needs to report this, even anonymously. That is why it is possible to report suspected crimes/incidents like this.

 

If it turns out you have been mis-informed, so what? Then there will be no outcome & the police/council will just have been doing their job in following up an enquiry.

 

Do you even know how much stress and shit that can cause? Unless your certain or have seen it with your own it can make bad things horrendous. One of me mates is a social worker and sees this kind of shit everyday, start meddling with someone elses shit without proof and the whole thing goes to shit because someone got the wrong end of the stick.

 

Yeah, its just as simple of doing a few things isnt it. Work in an industry where you teach or you need police checking and then you are pretty much fucked by that one report. Worth it if your hunch is wrong?

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That attitude is exactly why this country is a fucking shithole at the minute.

 

i agree with you!

 

somehow or other, someone needs to report this, even anonymously. That is why it is possible to report suspected crimes/incidents like this.

 

If it turns out you have been mis-informed, so what? Then there will be no outcome & the police/council will just have been doing their job in following up an enquiry.

 

Do you even know how much stress and shit that can cause? Unless your certain or have seen it with your own it can make bad things horrendous. One of me mates is a social worker and sees this kind of shit everyday, start meddling with someone elses shit without proof and the whole thing goes to shit because someone got the wrong end of the stick.

 

Yeah, its just as simple of doing a few things isnt it. Work in an industry where you teach or you need police checking and then you are pretty much fucked by that one report. Worth it if your hunch is wrong?

Yet the alternative, where a woman who is potentially being threatened and beaten by her own son, gets sent down because the horrible little cunt won't go to school is all rosy in your eyes?

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pat's point is actually pretty right though. What if you, or a friend of yours had a false report made about them doing something, it would affect their job and get them suspended, perhaps even fired, and then their name could be dragged through the mud, perhaps setting off possible mental issues they might have. All because one person got false information and called the police off the back of it? Would that be totally right and fair if nothing had actually been done?

 

On the other hand, if the Mum doesn't wish to make a statement against her son, even an anonymous call wont change anything. The police cannot act without her being willing to go with it, if she says nothing is happening and her son doesn't hit her etc. Then the police cannot do anything as there's nothing to act on. Then once the police have been and gone, and possibly spoken to the little shit in the meantime, he gets more pissed off because of it, and becomes worse. How would that help?

 

The only real way to help the woman is to talk to her and convince her she needs to speak to the police and get help. Anything else could easily lead to more trouble.

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pat's point is actually pretty right though. What if you, or a friend of yours had a false report made about them doing something, it would affect their job and get them suspended, perhaps even fired, and then their name could be dragged through the mud, perhaps setting off possible mental issues they might have. All because one person got false information and called the police off the back of it? Would that be totally right and fair if nothing had actually been done?

 

On the other hand, if the Mum doesn't wish to make a statement against her son, even an anonymous call wont change anything. The police cannot act without her being willing to go with it, if she says nothing is happening and her son doesn't hit her etc. Then the police cannot do anything as there's nothing to act on. Then once the police have been and gone, and possibly spoken to the little shit in the meantime, he gets more pissed off because of it, and becomes worse. How would that help?

 

The only real way to help the woman is to talk to her and convince her she needs to speak to the police and get help. Anything else could easily lead to more trouble.

Yes, pats point is pretty right if you have no spine.

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That attitude is exactly why this country is a fucking shithole at the minute.

 

i agree with you!

 

somehow or other, someone needs to report this, even anonymously. That is why it is possible to report suspected crimes/incidents like this.

 

If it turns out you have been mis-informed, so what? Then there will be no outcome & the police/council will just have been doing their job in following up an enquiry.

 

Do you even know how much stress and shit that can cause? Unless your certain or have seen it with your own it can make bad things horrendous. One of me mates is a social worker and sees this kind of shit everyday, start meddling with someone elses shit without proof and the whole thing goes to shit because someone got the wrong end of the stick.

 

Yeah, its just as simple of doing a few things isnt it. Work in an industry where you teach or you need police checking and then you are pretty much fucked by that one report. Worth it if your hunch is wrong?

 

Yeah I mean what if you think a kid is getting abused but don't want to report it just in case you maybe wrong it's not like it matters just ask Baby P

 

pat's point is actually pretty right though. What if you, or a friend of yours had a false report made about them doing something, it would affect their job and get them suspended, perhaps even fired, and then their name could be dragged through the mud, perhaps setting off possible mental issues they might have. All because one person got false information and called the police off the back of it? Would that be totally right and fair if nothing had actually been done?

 

That is true it's not like this woman will go to jail lose her job and most likely never get a job in the same field ever again.

 

What about the daughter as daddy is not on the scene it's likely whilst mum is in jail she will either have to go to live with other relatives and if there is nobody the social services deems suitable she will be put into care (unless she's over 16) if she is and the son has to stay with her then he will turn his aggression to her if he hasn't already

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