Paid Members Mike Castle Posted March 27, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 27, 2011 Yes, pats point is pretty right if you have no spine. Yup, not as though someone may have actually reported something that was going on, and wound up with the police totally ignoring what was reported and, because the girl didn't want to say anything about her parents hitting her, led to issues on their end after all right? Â Oh right... that happened to me. Â I'm all for helping people, but I'm no longer going to stick my neck out for people unless I know they want that help. Otherwise the wrong person can wind up in the shit, or the situation could be made worse. Â In this specific situation, the woman has to want the help, if she doesn't, no amount of calling the police, or social services, or anyone, is going to make a blind bit of difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostface1982 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Yes, pats point is pretty right if you have no spine. Yup, not as though someone may have actually reported something that was going on, and wound up with the police totally ignoring what was reported and, because the girl didn't want to say anything about her parents hitting her, led to issues on their end after all right? Â Oh right... that happened to me. Id take all the "issues" in the world if there was a slight chance I could stop a kid being abused. Â If you have even an inkling that something like that is going on and do nothing then your as bad as the people doing the abusing. Be it parents to a kid or a son to his mother. Â People are too quick to say "not my problem" nowadays. Â In this specific situation, the woman has to want the help, if she doesn't, no amount of calling the police, or social services, or anyone, is going to make a blind bit of difference.Who's to say she doesn't? Alot of people want/need help yet won't ask for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Mike Castle Posted March 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 28, 2011 Except it didn't stop the kid being abused, it made it worse for a period, and while she seems to be better (I don't talk to her anymore as her parents convinced her it was my fault that they hit her more afterwards, which says it all really), I have no idea if she actually is or not. It didn't help her, it didn't stop the abuse, the only thing that changed is that her parents were worse and the one person she felt she was able to talk to she instead felt betrayed her. Â The only people it benefitted were those who I was trying to report. Because it gave them more confidence in that they could do whatever they wished. Â As far as whether she wants the help or not. That would require approaching her first, offering her help and support. If the cops turn up and she says there's no issue. Well that's the beginning and end of it. You seem to be under the misunderstanding that one person making a call will mean the cops turn up, a full investigation happens, and she wont be in trouble anymore. None of that happens. All that will happen is the police will make a visit, ask her if there's any issues, if she says no, they'll leave and that will be the end of it. If the kid knows the police were called, he'll likely be worse afterwards as he'll know she's spoken to someone and start shouting at her for doing so. Which again would put the mother in a worse position than she was in before purely because someone spoke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostface1982 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I'd still take that chance rather than just ignoring it and hoping it all works out in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Halitosis Romantic Posted March 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 28, 2011 I think you know what you need to do  Fuck yeah! The Great Escape! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I'd still take that chance rather than just ignoring it and hoping it all works out in the end.  If you'd bothered reading my entire post rather than concentrating on the hilarious knee jerk, you may have had a point. Instead you have gone on some moralistic crusade and mentioned the likes of Baby P case ( which was highlighted and not ignored as you make out, just fuck all was done about it due to a fuck up on social services/ legal system part which meant the ability to take the kid into care was not met so social services couldn't take the child away. but you know it was all about it not being noticed or nothing don) to make some moronic point about fucking up peoples lives because it will make you feel better because you had 'done something' and are moralistically right no matter the outcome.  What I said from the bit you clearly didnt bother to read was  Remember you are largely getting this information 2nd hand and is distorted beyond belief by your birds relationship with her best friend and your relationship with her best friend (your girlfriend) So whilst it what information you are getting may make sense it may not be exactly accurate and certainly emotive. If you feel strongly enough to act, ring crimestoppers and suggest the domestic abuse from the minors pov if you can prove it is and has happened ( have you seen it first hand for example) and leave it at that ( do not mention to your bird you have done this either). This is one time where its not your fight so don't get involved has never been so apt, but if you want some kind of peace of mind or least proof that you care report it and leave it alone. or you may find that you quickly become the villain of the and end up being scapegoated for everything despite it not being anything to do with you  If you had paid attention to the OP it's the son battering the Mum and not the other way round. There are all kinds of issues at play there ( as highlighted including the correctness of the information) and unless there is 100 per cent proof that its all gone down like that you are messing with fire, and dont come whinging when you get burned.  I feel for all involved, but unless you are irrefutably sure, you will be doing more damage than good and may even make things worse ( an ex boyfriend of me mates tried to make her life a living hell, reported her to social for her kids and benefits and whatever, just to make him feel better. She was nearly committed ( the stress was unreal and she had a breakdown from it, despite not doing anything wrong) and nearly lost her home and family because of a whim by an embittered cunt, despite nothing being wrong. Worth it just because you have hunch or some kind of moral duty to interfere in other peoples shit.)  Pull the other one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smeg_&_The_Heads Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I would still say it needs reporting look at it this way if it's true and the kid is a fuck up who is abusive to his mother then something may be done about it on the other hand if it's BS and he's is wagging school and she is an unfit mother who doesn't give a damn then he will be taken off her abd put somewhere better for him. Â She is going to jail now so that will be stressful enough plus it's unlikely she will keep her job and they were having money problems before all of this and if she goes to jail for child neglect that will close many more doors plus if word gets out that it is child abuse she's been sent down for then she will get abuse from everyone so I don't see how any more damage could be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Mike Castle Posted March 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 28, 2011 I would still say it needs reporting look at it this way if it's true and the kid is a fuck up who is abusive to his mother then something may be done about it on the other hand if it's BS and he's is wagging school and she is an unfit mother who doesn't give a damn then he will be taken off her abd put somewhere better for him. She is going to jail now so that will be stressful enough plus it's unlikely she will keep her job and they were having money problems before all of this and if she goes to jail for child neglect that will close many more doors plus if word gets out that it is child abuse she's been sent down for then she will get abuse from everyone so I don't see how any more damage could be done. Except you're forgetting the important part here.  Regardless of what the OP knows/doesn't know, it makes no difference whatsoever if the cops come knocking and she says there isn't an issue. At that point all the police can do is say "You can come to us if there is an issue" and leave it at that. That doesn't prove she's an unfit mother who's letting him wag school, nor does it prove he's abusing her. But what it does do is create further issue for the mother and more grief.  As I've said before, the ideal thing is not to go contacting the authorities, but to try and speak to the mother quietly. Let her know that she has people who are there to help her and support her on a more personal basis, and direct her to speak to the police herself, offering to go there with her, or be there with her when they come over. She needs help, that much is obvious, but calling the authorities at this stage is likely to create issues, not solve them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostface1982 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 If you'd bothered reading my entire post rather than concentrating on the hilarious knee jerk, you may have had a point. Instead you have gone on some moralistic crusade and mentioned the likes of Baby P case ( which was highlighted and not ignored as you make out, just fuck all was done about it due to a fuck up on social services/ legal system part which meant the ability to take the kid into care was not met so social services couldn't take the child away. but you know it was all about it not being noticed or nothing don) to make some moronic point about fucking up peoples lives because it will make you feel better because you had 'done something' and are moralistically right no matter the outcome.I made no mention of Baby P, so stop dribbling. If you had paid attention to the OP it's the son battering the Mum and not the other way round. There are all kinds of issues at play there ( as highlighted including the correctness of the information) and unless there is 100 per cent proof that its all gone down like that you are messing with fire, and dont come whinging when you get burned.It makes no difference what way the abuse is going. Id still report it. Burned or not. Worth it just because you have hunch or some kind of moral duty to interfere in other peoples shit.)Again, better than burying your head in the sand incase you get some sort of comeback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I made no mention of Baby P, so stop dribbling. It makes no difference what way the abuse is going. Id still report it. Burned or not.  Again, better than burying your head in the sand incase you get some sort of comeback.   Fair enough, reading back it was some one else. Sorry.  I'll go and lick some windows for good measure.. Windolene is the best, not of this home brand stuff!  Re the abuse, I shall run through this very slowly with a gobful of windolene.. 'Hmm Lemony'  1. It's the OP's Girlfriend's best friend's account that this is going on. It's not direct from the source, the OP afaik hasnt seen it with his own eyes and the information can be wildly distorted by family/friend/lover loyalty, to the nth degree. What we get here is now 3rd hand information. It may be right, it may be completely off the scale depending on what onus has been put upon it given the levity of the situation and how each person relaying that information pans out. If the girfriend and the daughter are so worried about it, why havent they done anything? They dont seem overtly that bothered by it  2. Its not about doing nothing, "where's some Castrol? Would finish this off quite nicely, Burp" It's about not using a fucking lump hammer to crack a walnut, and is something that really isnt getting through to you here. Its about using a bit of discretion and getting things done. You dont have to have a t shirt writ large saying "I R MARTYR" for going out of your way ( how brave, darling) To solve their situation.  Instead of looking at it in Stereo and causing no end of grief when it clearly is unnecessary. Sometimes the same thing is much more achievable without all the fan fare and fuss. This appears to be from your response to me and to others the thing that is being completely missed by yourself  It isn't doing nothing, far from it. It's just not being brash and loud about it to achieve the same aims. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostface1982 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I am brash, loud and direct. It's how I get things done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Mike Castle Posted March 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 28, 2011 Except in the cash of the OP it doesn't get things done. If you're lucky the mother might suddenly pluck up the courage to speak out when the cops turn up. What's much more likely to happen is either she says nothing, the cops go, and nothing happens. Or she says nothing, and the son goes nuts about how she's spoken to people and why were the cops called etc. Â Talking to her privately is much, much better than expecting the real world to play out like some fantasy story where a simple call to the authorities fixes everything right up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostface1982 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 To be honest I don't care how he goes about it. Ignoring incase of backlash isn't the way to go though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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