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Thoughts on this situation please


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So the other night I get a call from my sister who is an single mother, the police had been called round as her neighbour had accused her of child abuse, after her child had a tantrum. Obviously my sister is totally innocent, her child is prone to tantrum, like a lot of 3 year olds and was having a meltdown.

 

The police seemed satisfied that everything was okay, as the child is really loved and comes from a great home. She is now worried that everytime she tells him off, or he was fall over then the police or social services would step in.

 

I've advised to take law action: both to find out next steps, and also defirmation of character as this neighbour has accused her of something completely without fondation.

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So the other night I get a call from my sister who is an single mother, the police had been called round as her neighbour had accused her of child abuse, after her child had a tantrum. Obviously my sister is totally innocent, her child is prone to tantrum, like a lot of 3 year olds and was having a meltdown.

 

The police seemed satisfied that everything was okay, as the child is really loved and comes from a great home. She is now worried that everytime she tells him off, or he was fall over then the police or social services would step in.

 

I've advised to take law action: both to find out next steps, and also defirmation of character as this neighbour has accused her of something completely without fondation.

 

Wasn't that the thing that Sheriff John Bunnell did after Worlds Wildest Police Chases?

 

Anyway, let me get this straight: the neighbours child had a tantrum, so to de-stress the neighbour accused your sister of being a nonce, which prevents her from telling her own child off?

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Anyway, let me get this straight: the neighbours child had a tantrum, so to de-stress the neighbour accused your sister of being a nonce, which prevents her from telling her own child off?

No, I think he means that his sister's kid keeps having shitfits and the neighbour got fed up/worried about the racket coming through the walls and phoned po-po about it.

 

mQb, Can your sister not stop the child having mad tantrums all the time? At the risk of sounding a bit Flaming_June, I'd generally take the side of the neighbour in situations like this. Parents shouldn't be letting their kids scream their head off all over the shop for no reason, and it's a nightmare to live next door to a family where the parents do that. The only viable options for dealing with it are never say anything and quietly rage, move house, or try to stop it carrying on. What options does the neighbour have for trying to stop it other than reporting it somewhere? She can't knock on the door with a "SHUT THE LITTLE BASTARD UP" warning and a roundhouse kick to the temple.

 

She also might hear a child screaming and crying all the time and actually be concerned for its welfare.

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So the other night I get a call from my sister who is an single mother, the police had been called round as her neighbour had accused her of child abuse, after her child had a tantrum. Obviously my sister is totally innocent, her child is prone to tantrum, like a lot of 3 year olds and was having a meltdown.

 

The police seemed satisfied that everything was okay, as the child is really loved and comes from a great home. She is now worried that everytime she tells him off, or he was fall over then the police or social services would step in.

 

I've advised to take law action: both to find out next steps, and also defirmation of character as this neighbour has accused her of something completely without fondation.

Why is that obvious?

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Anyway, let me get this straight: the neighbours child had a tantrum, so to de-stress the neighbour accused your sister of being a nonce, which prevents her from telling her own child off?

No, I think he means that his sister's kid keeps having shitfits and the neighbour got fed up/worried about the racket coming through the walls and phoned po-po about it.

 

mQb, Can your sister not stop the child having mad tantrums all the time? At the risk of sounding a bit Flaming_June, I'd generally take the side of the neighbour in situations like this. Parents shouldn't be letting their kids scream their head off all over the shop for no reason, and it's a nightmare to live next door to a family where the parents do that. The only viable options for dealing with it are never say anything and quietly rage, move house, or try to stop it carrying on. What options does the neighbour have for trying to stop it other than reporting it somewhere? She can't knock on the door with a "SHUT THE LITTLE BASTARD UP" warning and a roundhouse kick to the temple.

 

She also might hear a child screaming and crying all the time and actually be concerned for its welfare.

 

Good Times.

 

I don't think you can take legal action against someone for something like that, I'm not sure though.

This must happen alot though if the police were called.

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I have to say the neighbours got a point. You know your sister is totally innocent, but your neighbour may not know that and if a child is constantly screaming, then I'd call the cops to make sure it wasn't being beaten/thrown down the stairs/force fed blu-tack as well. If your sister was out for the evening, had a babysitter round, and the kid was abused by the babysitter, you'd be thankful to the neighbour. Your sister should sit down with her neighbour, thank him/her very much for caring about the welfare of her children and explain the situation, apologising profusely for the noise that is made and try to make friends in the hope that the neighbour understands and helps.

 

Remember, another scenario is that it's entirely possible that the neighbour just rang the police and said "the kid next door won't shut up and it's becoming a nuisance" and when the police mentioned possible child abuse that's from their previous experience of similar cases and your sister has attributed it to the neighbour when that wasn't at all the case.

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So is the main concentration on the childs welfare? Or 'revenge' on the neighbour?

 

Trying for defamation of character (because you hear a child screaming) is hardly a reasoned or rational response.

Try and imagine what it would be like if the roles were reversed.

 

On first reading, it does look as though this situation could be sorted with 1 normal conversation between the 2 neighbours. Explaining the view from both sides, how it sounded etc.

 

Law action(?) would be like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut and in my opinion not very helpful. Especially as they will assumingly continue to be neighbours for a short while.

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If the roles were reversed I'd be going round to see if everything was okay/seeing if they needed help support etc long before I rang the police accusing people of abuse without foundation.

If I heard a child screaming blue murder for a prolonged period of time, I'd wonder about the stability of the adult who would potentially answer the door if I knocked on it. They could be a weeping mess of frustration and helplessness, or they could be an unhinged psychopath. For that reason, I'd let the professionals deal with it.

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If the roles were reversed I'd be going round to see if everything was okay/seeing if they needed help support etc long before I rang the police accusing people of abuse without foundation.

 

Unfortunately it's not the 1950's anymore, and a lot of people wouldn't take kindly to that sort of thing. I know a lot of neighbours I've had in the past would've twatted me straight in the nose if I'd tried anything like that. I wouldn't blame the neighbour in the slightest for getting a third party to intervene.

 

Seriously, the ball is in your sister's court now, and how she reacts is going to have a long term effect on her life. If she rises above any anger she has towards the neighbour, and thanks them, or even just ignores it, her life would carry on as normal, and all will be good. If she gets angry and starts threatening the neighbour in any way, even non violently, the neighbour is gonna start thinking there's something to hide and it could lead to a dispute. I've been in neighbourly disputes before, and they're not good for anyone.

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I think it kinda depends on how mental the kid goes and how often.

 

But if she's really not an unfit mother then she has nothing to worry about. People get this idea in their heads that child protection services will just sweep in and take your kid for whatever tiny reason but the system can't cope with the volumes and the people who will come around and asses your fitness as a parent see some pretty horific shit on the reg.

 

 

And as rockbus has said, neighbourly disputes are always a fucking nightmare. She should avoid getting involved in one if she can.

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Unfortunately it's not the 1950's anymore, and a lot of people wouldn't take kindly to that sort of thing. I know a lot of neighbours I've had in the past would've twatted me straight in the nose if I'd tried anything like that. I wouldn't blame the neighbour in the slightest for getting a third party to intervene.

 

I disagree, this myth that people are suddenly a lot less reasonable nowadays has led to the police/emergency services getting called for all types of situations that can easily be resolved yourself .Obviously if you kick the door yelling the neighbour will likely respond in a similar manner but 99% of the time people will want to avoid confrontation & if you approach any situation in a reasonable & polite way then very few people will react badly. I'd react a lot worse if someone called the filth than just popped round cause' they were concerned.

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