SuperBacon

I've been laid low the past couple of days with a sickness bug passed on by my thoughtless little children, where I've exploded from both ends, and lost so much weight none of my jeans fit...but I do look good naked for once because heaving has brought on some abs...

 

Anyway, I digress...during this time I've had some pretty feverish dreams but also its brought out a lot of flashbacks to my youth for some reason...and I felt compelled to share this with you all...

 

Remember house parties? Course you do. One of your mates stupid fucking parents go away and you tear the shit out of their house for a night or two. House parties were great. First beers, first spliffs, first sexual encounters...for some.

 

I date this at around 2002 I reckon for reasons that will become apparent, so I'm 17, height of my being a little shit, being kicked out of college, drinking and getting stoned. I'd fancied this girl for ages...absolutely ages, since maybe year 9. We're at a house party, I've had my usual couple of Carling and set two shots of Aftershock alight in my mouth (what a lad) and she's putty in my hands. I'm playing some banging tunes (Slipknot and DMX probably) and we're getting on well.

 

This is it Bacon my boy...this is it, 3 years of groundwork is paying off. Suddenly...the alarm on my watch goes off...its 10.30pm...I stop chatting to her and say "oh I'll be back in a bit, just gong upstairs for a while". Forlornly she looks at me departing up the stairs and says "Shall I come up in 5 minutes" and I barely acknowledge her as I say "Yeah if you want" not really giving a shit.

 

Why am I leaving to go upstairs at 10.30? Well gang, it just so happens that The Premiership on ITV is starting and I just can't miss Andy's Tactics Truck love. (This is how I've been able to slightly narrow down the date, and can't believe this shit ran for 3 years). I find the bedroom, build a little spliff and sit down to enjoy the shittest highlights programme ever. I fucking hate Bergkamp and I hate U2 even more but bloody hell when Bono screeches "Toooouuuuccch me..." Whilst Dutch Dennis does that absurd little turn against Newcastle...well even as a Spurs fan it turned me gooey.

I can only imagine she came upstairs to find me, looked in, saw 17 year old me preferring to watch that than get off with her and left, as she went home with Chris Sweeting, never spoke to me again, and I realised this weekend in my fevered, lucid dreaming/flashback state that this episode in my life was responsible for me not getting laid until I was 22...among with a few other 'soft' mishaps along the way...

Thanks for listening.

Bloody hell Gus, that lot sounds demanding and rewarding.

 

Ok, I've just finished Bill Bryson's Notes From A Small Island, and now want to read everything he's ever done, as I just think his style is very endearing. Yeah, it's not particularly taxing but there you go. We all need a bit of light relief every now and then.

 

So for non fiction at the moment, I've just started Football, Bloody Hell-Biography of Alex Ferguson by Patrick Barclay which I've just worked out is the fifth book I've read on him.

 

Also, in and out of World On Fire about the American Civil War, which is interesting but taxing.

 

For fiction, I'm re-reading The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach which is fucking great. A real Great American Novel of the last 10 years.

 

 

It's 2 hours 45 mate. Regardless of whether you like it, you have to say it's a pretty impressive feat...

I'm not denying it's an impressive achievement in filmmaking, but it doesn't matter a jot to me if it's boring as hell.

I get that, and like Chest I can also see why people found it boring. Not once was I bored at all, and I actually thought the pace was good throughout. Also, it hit hard when I saw it, perhaps due to the personal situation I was in at the time, and know how much your frame of mind/mood whatever changes your perception of a film.

 

Still think it's great though. He's never going to top Dazed & Confused but still...

 

 

Did he do that??? I thought that was your man Denis Dugan or some cunt like that. That was alright too, in fairness. I watched it with me wee lad a few times and it is what it is as a movie.

 

Tape was shit. Utter pox, D-Mal, but then I watched that in a half lit indie cinema full of people with my ex who ate horrifically loud amongst a barrage of cunts who were all taking notes and drinking chablis.

I'll bin that, then, your taste is about my most trusted round here.

 

I wouldn't ever consider watching Boyhood, it sounds like absolute hell even before I take into account the 6 month running time.

It's 2 hours 45 mate. Regardless of whether you like it, you have to say it's a pretty impressive feat...

Fucking Linklater these days, D-Mal. I just couldn't...I can't take to him and his turgid shite.

Although I loved A Scanner Darkly. And Dazed and Confused, when I was 14....

I love you...but you're wrong. Boyhood is incredible. Anyone who says otherwise is silly.

I really liked Gone Girl. Thought it was dark and disturbing, love me some Affleck too. Pike is always excellent, that character would be great in bed...that's literally all I could think of watching her in that.

 

Found out recently that David Fincher was one of the Assistant Cameramen on Return of The Jedi.

Forgot to mention as well, Series 4 of Braquo. You all need to watch Braquo, as it's amazing. Top 10 for me of all time. Go and watch Braquo please.

 

I've been watching American High School: A Year In The Life. Based in a predominantly black school in the South of the States, they had full access for a year and it's great. Heartfelt, inspirational and sad, well worth a watch.

Where is this on?

Iplayer

I was taking a casual stroll through the bay of pirates and something caught my eye, new episodes of Gilmore Girls! I knew they were coming but didn't expect them to be out so soon.

Just watched the first episode with the wife, excellent as always and Lauren Graham, fucking hot as ever.

 

I've been watching American High School: A Year In The Life. Based in a predominantly black school in the South of the States, they had full access for a year and it's great. Heartfelt, inspirational and sad, well worth a watch.

I take it Bernie Mac isn't in this one?

 

 

 

I've got a sense of humour thank you very much. Just know he wouldn't call me a nob to my face, and IF he did he'd be put asleep.

Because you're a tedious cunt?

You don't even know me

Well it's definitely not Edge.

This gag has been overlooked, and I wanted to say bravo...

Possibly, but I've just recognised her as the Salon owner that Miche works at in People Just Do Nothing!!!

 

BANG, LYRICAL BLOW TO THE JAW!

Pat, I worked at the Council with a trans guy. Maybe pub sec with all their "equality and diversity" criteria might be the route to go mate?

According to Google she was David Brent's p.a. in The Office, the one he headbutted! She looks really different (better) now.

Ah that's a mans game, that's why they shouldn't get involved...

Speaking of which Chest, any burger places in London that you'd recommend? I love a nice burger and there are so many places in London that it's hard to decide which ones to try. Patty & Bun is very nice.

Honest Burger is OK, but I had an amazing one from a pub called The Blacksmith and the Toffee Maker, Clerkenwell way.well worth seeking out buddy

I've just warmed trough 4 McDonalds Double Cheeseburgers from last night. Gluttony

Fat cunt, fucking hell.

Super excited for Prophets of Rage. Chuck D & B Real performing PE & Cypress tunes backed by RATM. It's a dream collab for me.

No Zack though...as much as I like PE and Cypress, I can't think of anything worse than them screaming over Bulls on Parade.

 

Sorry, I'm still bitter. Rage were the greatest band and live band ever and I'm still gutted they're gone.

Seriously tempted by Download Paris now, as well as Groezrock.

 

I swear I've seen Slayer at Download 52 times...oh and coming from someone who loves Rage (and I mean fucking LOVES Rage) Prophets of Rage are absolutely shit.

It shows how out of the loops I am with literature but I had no idea Franzen had a new book out! That's one item on the Christmas list anyway.

Been out for about a year now I think

For what it's worth, I really rate Schama, anyone who can make a subject accessible for all is alright in my opinion and I have enjoyed most of his books and series...and he retweeted me once so...

 

Currently finishing off Down and Dirty Pictures by Peter Biskind, highly recommended if you're into your 90s independent cinema, and just finished Purity by Jonathan Franzen, which I loved. Not as much as The Corrections obviously but still the best fiction writer around.

 

And, as I always do in times of crisis, got High Fidelity on the go, for what must be the 40th time. It makes me hopeful, which is why I read it when I'm feeling shit.

Really wanna see AJ vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania. AJ going for a Pele kick and getting caught and tombstoned would be ace.

Surely going for the flying foreman and being caught would be better??? That would look excellent. Agree though AJ-Undi would be great...

I've got to see Braun Strowman take a Canadian Destroyer one day

I can now think of nothing else...this has to happen for my life to be complete

Everybody here must have had "Kes" for English. It must illicit the same type of feeling for everybody. "Of Mice and Men" too, but the middle 90s film version of that with Gary Sinise is actually quite decent.

Excellent. Loved Malkovich in it and of course I did the voice everytime I read out loud in class.

 

Shout out to Lord of The Flies too, but the film version is rubbish...plane spinning into the sea??? We'll just hold a picture in front of the camera and turn it...

Have you had both ends trying to evacuate themselves simultaneously yet, so that you have the mentally traumatic decision of which goes in the toilet and which goes on the floor?

 

That's always fun.

Shit always in the toilet you loon! That's what the bath/sink/shower/salad bowls for

Blink 182 may have accidentally revealed themselves for Download 2017.

They tweeted "see you at @downloadfest" with a link to the UK event, which was promptly taken down.

Jokes, think they might have got bit confused as they're actually playing Download Paris along with SOAD and Linkin Park...a mirror for the UK?