Glenryck Pilchards

A filthy fucking liar by the looks of it. I thought his garden looked a bit big... 

My colleague woke up yesterday morning to find a frozen Steak Bake left in his garden. 

Patties are different on Teesside. It is a slice of fish in between two potato slices battered and deep fried. Nothing beats a SPAM fritter though. It is just an explosion of salt in the mouth. 

There is a takeaway in Stockton called Mystic Bites. Apparently it gets good reviews but the name puts me off something rotten.

2 hours ago, Tommy! said:

 

CHOCOLATE TITTIES!

I thoroughly enjoyed the League of Gentleman specials, but it did feel rushed at times and finished abruptly. I think if they did 2X 1 hour specials rather than 3X 30 minutes would have paced it out better.  

I am still howling at Pamela Doove's new role. I had to pause the TV for 5 minutes to try and recompose myself. 

8 hours ago, Pier Six Brawler said:

RIP Ricicles.

Good fucking riddance. It is a rancid cereal.

You need to drop the t. The podcast is called Something to Wrestle with.... Bruce Prichard

Sounds like a right nightmare @SpursRiot2012 regarding your season ticket it might be worth contacting Wembley/Spurs ticket office about your situation. They may temporarily move you to the disabled/ easy access section of the stadium. You then will be able to use the lifts rather than the escalators and stairs.

I had a dream the other night where I was in a café/restaurant and my grandad walked in. I thought to myself 'Oh fantastic, he has been bad on his pins recently' Out of nowhere a big fuck off snake chomped at his leg and blood was pissing everywhere.

The snake then turned its attention on me and I backed up on to a condiments table. It was edging closer to me so I was moving further back on the table and then....

BANG!

I woke up on my bedroom floor landing right on my arse. My immediate thought was I can't believe I have just fucking fell out of bed. I look to the bed and my wife who was breastfeeding was looking at me with a puzzled look on her face. I nodded at her, jumped back into bed and promptly fell back asleep hoping she would think she just imagined the whole episode. Didn't work.

The main event was certainly a spectacle. At one point I thought there was going to be a broken cell bump as they seemed to be just working the right hand side of the cell. 

It will be interesting to see what they do with the New Quebecers in the coming weeks.

Last night I had the pleasure of sitting next to Dexter Fletcher in a poker tournament at the Hippodrome Casino at Leicester Square. He called me a Lumberjack Bastard 

The other guy is American comedian and poker commentator Joe Stapleton. 

Barry from Eggheads spilt coffee on me and complained about his soggy biscuit at the Dickens Inn at Middlesbrough.

Ax and Smash are two of the 51 wrestlers currently in a legal battle with WWE. So more than likely down to that. 

You have to feel for Heath Slater. He gets his first ever 1 on 1 victory at a PPV after seven years in the company and we never got to see it. 

11 minutes ago, The British Bushwacker said:

So we bumped into Shaun WIlliamson, aka Barry off Eastenders in the pub last night, he seems a genuinely lovely bloke

Please tell me you are living the gimmick and you are the one in the left?

52 minutes ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

I just had a look at your account. Do you play pro poker or something?

Not quite a pro, I would say I am more of a winning amateur. I prefer to play tournament poker opposed to cash and you can only make a living by playing cash. I have done alright for myself though, last year I won a MicroMillions tournament on PokerStars last year for $4,300 for a $4 stake with a field of 30,000 entrants. I worked it out that I have total winnings of £20,000 since I turned 18. The problem I have is the moment I win something the wife has already spent it so I can't build on my bankroll.

Before my baby arrived I played at my local casino once or twice a week, I will be lucky to play once a month for the foreseeable. 

My Twitter is @beanyuk I mainly use it for poker related stuff but I would like to follow you funny fuckers on Twitter.

So 8 days into fatherhood and it has had its ups and downs. The wife seemed to get the baby blues earlier than normal and I was worried she was tramuatised after a long labour and emergency section. It was compounded due to the little one struggling to latch on to breastfeeding which frustrated her even more. Thankfully with assistance from a nipple shield the nipper is guzzling away like no tomorrow. The wife's mood has improved greatly apart from a couple of cutting barbs at my direction, but things have been going smoothly since the weekend.

The only issue I have at the moment is when I change the baby's nappy he decides to do his best impression of the Bellagio fountains. Three times he has done it today and I am getting sick of smelling of Sugar Puffs. I am amazed at the power of his stream it is going at least three foot in the air. I don't think I can manage that! 

Any of you experienced parents got any tips to suppress the piss? 

2 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

Congratulations! You're not both white, right? I've never seen a full head of hair on a white baby before, I'm curious as to whether it is even possible.

As far as I know I am at least sixth generation English on my maternal side with some links to Norway, Ireland and possibly William of Orange. And I am at least seventh generation English on my paternal side. 

The wife has English ancestors dating back to the 16th century so we are as English as a full breakfast. However every time I go to Turkey the locals start chatting to me in Turkish. There is definitely a hidden Mediterranean in my bloodline somewhere 

Mother is doing well and we are hoping to be home this afternoon.

After a 16.5 hour labour and an emergency C-Section Glenryck jr was born on Sunday at 12.49 pm two weeks late, but he was worth the wait. Weighing in at a colossal 9lb 8oz Matthew James is the most amazing thing to happen to me and my wife. I can't wait until they both come home. 

When I heard the news this morning that Joe won, I thought what a main event it will be at Summerslam between Joe and Lesnar. Then I discovered that they will be facing each other at Great Balls of Fire. How on earth are they going to do a promo with a straight face?

Mornington Crescent. 

Alberto has just posted on Instagram saying they are getting married on Wednesday, complete with a rant about people harassing them and trying to keep them apart etc.

Ending it with "go f... yourself hatters" (sic)

What is his beef with Luton Town fans?

Can we get the topic title changed from Agatha Christie to Mills & Boon?