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Glenryck Pilchards

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Posts posted by Glenryck Pilchards

  1. Week 10 fixtures 

    UEFA Nations League

    Armenia 1-0 Gibraltar (Saturday 5pm)
    Bosnia-Herzegovina 2-0 Northern Ireland (Monday 7:45pm)
    Ireland 1-1 Denmark (Saturday 7:45pm)
    Luxembourg 3-0 San Marino (Monday 7:45pm)
    Netherlands 1-2 Germany (Saturday 7:45pm)
    Spain 0-0 England (Monday 7:45pm)

    Africa Cup of Nations 2019 qualifying (Groups B & F)
    Comoros 0-3 Morocco (Monday 1pm)
    Liberia 2-1 Congo (Sunday 5pm)

    CONCACAF Nations League
    Bonaire 0-5 Jamaica (Sunday 9pm)
    Puerto Rico 2-0 Martinique (Saturday 9pm)


    I hate to go all @Fog Dude on you Fog Dude but is it the Democratic Republic of Congo or the Republic of Congo?

  2. Week´╗┐┬á9┬áfixtures


    Fulham 2-2 Arsenal (Sunday noon)
    Leicester City´╗┐┬á2-1┬áEverton
    Liverpool 2-0 Manchester City (Sunday 4:30pm)
    Manchester United 1-0 Newcastle United (5:30pm)
    Southampton 0-2┬á´╗┐Chelsea (Sunday 2:15pm)

    Bristol City 1-1Sheffield Wednesday w/@MVP RULZ (Sunday 1:30pm) 
    Norwich City 2-1┬á´╗┐Stoke City

    La Liga´╗┐

    Alav├ęs 0-3┬áReal Madrid´╗┐┬á(5:30pm)
    Valencia 1-1┬áBarcelona´╗┐┬á(Sunday 7:45pm)

    A Primeira Liga´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐
    Benfica 2-1 Porto (Sunday´╗┐┬á´╗┐5:30pm)

    All games kick off on Saturday and at 3pm unless stated.


  3. I am currently travelling to the airport, so I can't do all the bells and whistles. So I am afraid it will be text only.

    We start at the Royal Rumble where Kevin Owens is running rough shot in the Rumble match. Out of nowhere a masked man all in black attacks Owens and dumps him out of the Rumble.

    The next night a full of fuck Owens demands answers on who this person is to cost him his chance to main event the Grandaddy of them all. KO is pacing around the ring then suddenly the lights go out. When the lights come back on again KO is KO'd with the masked man standing tall. He points to a V on the back of his jacket. [Cole] What could it mean? [/Cole]

    On the next SmackDown AJ Styles is facing Randy Orton in a WWE title match. As the match is coming to a close the masked man takes out the two veterans using a chain with a padlock at the end of it. Once again the mystery man stands over his victims and points to the jacket which now says V.K. 

    The following Raw Kevin Owens stands in the ring with a steel chair in his hand and dares the mystery man to come out. Instead Randy Orton music hits closely followed by AJ Styles' tune. They conflab in the ring agreeing they need to reunite for the common good. They are interrupted by a video of the masked man whose voice is distorted on the tron. "No one will stop us" he turns around and points to the jacket which now says V.K.M

    The three in the ring are pissed and frog marched backstage and went into Stephanie McMahon's office. "Where is he? What is this about?" they demand. Steph is none the wiser and has insisted she will make sure her Father is on Raw next week.

    The following Raw opens up with No Chance In Hell and Vinny Mac power minces to the ring. He says " I have nothing to do with this masked man and has no idea who it is. But one thing for certain is I am not letting an invader ruin my show. So tonight there will be a triple threat match between Owens, Styles and Orton to decide who will face the unknown man at Sunday's No Way Out

    In the main event Owens wins an epic battle but before he has time to celebrate the invader storms the ring and assaults the three energy deprived men with the padlock and chain. Standing over his victims he unmasks and it is.........


    Maxwell Redrum! (It is murder backwards)


    The following days there are interviews with Maxwell to find out his motivations. He reveals that VKM stands for Vegan Karma Movement. He has come to WWE for two things. To rid WWE of meat eaters and to destroy people with shit tattoos. 

    After destroying Kevin Owens at No Way Out, Maxwell goes under the ring and grabs a tattoo gun and covers over the bull on his arm. 

    The following weeks the Network relaunches WWE Inked. Where Maxwell does commentary over the video explaining how their tattoos are shit, whilst giving a recipe for a tasty quinoa and soy bean salad.

    So there you go. The UKFF's biggest heel is now the biggest heel in WWE




  4. Week 8 fixtures
    Premier League

    Arsenal 2-1 Watford
    Chelsea 0-2 Liverpool (5:30pm)
    Everton 2-1 Fulham
    Huddersfield Town 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur
    Newcastle United 1-2 Leicester City
    West Ham United 0-2 Manchester United (12:30pm)
    Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-0 Southampton

    National League North

    Darlington 1-0 Stockport County

    Serie A
    Juventus 2-1 Napoli (5pm)
    Roma 0-0 Lazio (2pm)

    All games kick off on Saturday and at 3pm unless stated. 

  5. I don't know if this is still the case ( I went in 2004) but there was plenty of scalpers hanging around MSG and Penn Station for a Knicks match. It maybe worth going down 20 minutes before tip off to see if you can get a cheap ticket, if not there are plenty of sports bars nearby to catch the game. 

  6. This thread inspired me to have a chippy tea last night from one of the oldest chippies on Teesside, Oxbridge Fish Bar.



    Don't let the name fool you as they are all thick cunts round there and probably have not been within 1 mile of a university. 

    Here is the menu:


    Not a fucking kebab in sight as it should be. The only exotic things on the menu are haggis and cheese savoury which I believe is Cheese Coleslaw sandwiched between two potato slices, battered and deep fried. I've never tried it but if anyone is intrigued I am happy to sample it for the benefit of the UKFF. 


    In the end I bought 1 Cod, 1 Large Sausage, 1 Large Chips, a portion of Fish Bits, 1 Large Mushy Peas and a can of shandy

    The wife had Cod and Chips:



    And I had Large Sausage, most of the Fish Bits (Young Pilchards and the hound had the rest) chips and mushy peas. Washed down with a nice cold can of Ben Shaw's shandy. 



    It was fucking divine. 

  7. Week 7 fixtures

    Premier League

    Arsenal 2-0 Everton (Sunday 4pm)
    Brighton & Hove Albion 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur (5:30pm)
    Cardiff City 0-3 Manchester City
    West Ham United 1-2 Chelsea (Sunday 1:30pm)

    Scottish Championship
    Falkirk 0-1 Dundee United
    Ross County 1-1 Inverness Caledonian Thistle

    German Bundesliga
    Eintracht Frankfurt 1-2 RB Leipzig (Sunday 5pm)
    Schalke0-2 Bayern Munich (5:30pm)

    PSV 1-1 Ajax (Sunday 3:45pm)

    Austrian Bundesliga
    Wacker Innsbruck 2-2 Admira Wacker (Sunday 1:30pm)

  8. Firstly I apologise for my tardiness. Little pilchard has been a git all week, so not had much time to formulate a storyline. Originally I was going to go with a bizarre love triangle between Snitsky, Heidenreich and Michael Cole, but there was a chance I would get disqualified as I could not make either three of them a face. Still I am not going to waste this picture. 


    Leave that to your imagination......



    • Book a Love Triangle storyline in a promotion of your choosing.┬á
    • Book an initial three month storyline.
    • Book a clever introduction for the third party who enters the picture.┬á
    • Book at least ONE face or heel turn in this scenario.┬á
    • Optional: Gender and sexuality! It's 2018 after all.


    Before I start I would like to add the caveat that I am the least romantic guy there is. When I first asked the wife out I lead with the line "Fancy a kebab and a fuck?" and twelve years later I can't get rid of her. 



    So cast your mind back to Money In The Bank 2017 and local jobber who got lucky James Ellsworth helped Carmella to become Miss Money in the Bank. This stirred the loins of the Staten Island Princess to no end, and gave the chinless wonder a massive kiss for his troubles.



    After months of chasing Ellsworth finally gets his girl. After the initial elation of winning the briefcase they have a "hooneymoon period." Doing everything that Carmella wants to do like shopping, clubbing and grooming dogs. 

    He has a stunner on his arm, he has a WWE contract, life could not be better... Or is it After a few weeks the blossom is falling off the rose in Ellsworth's world. He is basically a massive cuck, Carmella physically and mentally abuses him week after week. But James sees no better, until the night after SummerSlam and there is a snap WWE draft. The newest member of the SmackDown female roster is......



    Bayley's first match  on SmackDown is against Carmella and the hugger grabs the win after Carmellsworth have a miscommunication where Ellsworth does the old blind trip spot inadvertently tripping Carmella after Bayley reverses an Irish whip. 

    Backstage Carmella is furious with the Gollumalike.



    After Carmella gives Ellsworth her right hand, out of the shadows Bayley offers a hug to the crest fallen Ellsworth. 



    Before Ellsworth could feel the warm embrace of a Bayley hug Carmella drags her boyfriend away from the serial hugger. 

    Week after week Ellsworth has been letting Carmella down and the Money in the Bank holder repeatedly abuses Ellsworth. Bayley is always around the corner to offer hugs but keeps getting scuppered by Carmella. 

    At the next PPV Bayley and Carmella face each other with Ellsworth in the shark cage over the ring. Towards the end of the match Ellsworth escapes the cage and accidentally knocks over Carmella whilst reaching terra firma. 

    Ellsworth is stunned and does not know what to do. He looks behind him and sees Bayley with her arms stretched wide open. The crowd are chanting "Hug her! Hug her!" After seconds of hesitation he decides to receive the warm embrace of Bayley. But wait a minute.......



    Bayley low-blows Ellsworth. Turtle head is stunned writhing in pain in the middle of the ring. Carmella has a wry smile on her face whilst Bayley stands tall over Ellsworth. Bayley helps Carmella up and instead of a hug they both kiss passionately in the middle of the ring and high-tail it to the back and become the most dominant female couple in 'Sports Entertainment' today. 



    Sorry it went a bit Mills and Boon at the end there. 

  9. Week 6 fixtures

    Premier League

    Bournemouth 1-2 Leicester City
    Chelsea 2-0 Cardiff City
    Everton 3-1 West Ham United (Sunday 4pm)
    Huddersfield Town 1-1 Crystal Palace
    Manchester City 4-2 Fulham
    Newcastle United 0-1 Arsenal
    Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 Liverpool w/@Briefcase (12:30pm) 
    Watford 2-1 Manchester United (5:30pm)
    Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-0 Burnley (Sunday 1:30pm)

    Ligue Un
    Toulouse 1-2┬áMonaco 7pm´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐

  10. At one of my former jobs we kept a black book of funny names that we came across. Ones that spring to mind are:

    Max Gold

    Hugo Prime

    Iva Fuchar-Bell

    Dr Din Dong

    A girl from the street I grew up in recently married to become Harley Marley.

    There was also a near miss when my friend Catherine decided to call of an engagement a few years ago. If she went through with the marriage she would have gained the surname Founde. I was planning on putting posters on lampposts saying "Cat Founde, ring this number"

  11. Week´╗┐┬á5┬áfixtures

    UEFA Nations League

    Denmark 2-0┬á´╗┐Wales (Sunday 5pm)
    England 1-1 Spain (7:45pm)
    France 1-0 Netherlands (Sunday 7:45pm)
    Liechtenstein 1-1 Gibraltar (Sunday 7:45pm)
    Northern Ireland 2-1 Bosnia-Herzegovina (2pm)
    Scotland 1-0┬áAlbania (´╗┐Monday 7:45)

    Africa Cup of Nations´╗┐´╗┐┬á´╗┐qualification Group F´╗┐

    Kenya 0-2 Ghana (2pm)

    CONCACAF Nations┬á´╗┐´╗┐League

    Montserrat 0-2 El Salvador (11pm)
    St Kitts & Nevis 1-+ Puerto´╗┐┬áRico (Monday 1am)´╗┐´╗┐´╗┐
    US Virgin Islands 0-5 Canada (Sunday´╗┐┬á9pm´╗┐
  12. The nosebleed starts early this season!


    Week 4 fixtures

    Premier League

    Burnley 0-1 Manchester United w/@ultimo the great (Sunday 4pm) 
    Cardiff City 0-2 Arsenal (Sunday 1:30pm)
    Chelsea 3-1 Bournemouth
    Leicester´╗┐┬áCity 1-3┬áLiverpool (12:30pm)
    Watford 2-2┬á´╗┐Tottenham Hotspur (Sunday 4pm)

    Scottish Premiership
    Celtic 2-0 Rangers (Sunday midday)

    La Liga
    Celta Vigo 1-2┬áAtl├ętico Madrid (3:15pm)
    Real Betis 2-3 Sevilla (Sunday 7:45pm)

    Second Bundesliga´╗┐
    Dynamo Dresden 0-2┬áHamburg (´╗┐Midday)
    St Pauli 1-2 Cologne (Sunday 12:´╗┐30pm´╗┐

  13. Premier´╗┐┬áLeague

    Arsenal 2-0 West Ham United
    Bournemouth 2-2 Everton
    Fulham 2-0 Burnley (Sunday 4pm)
    Huddersfield Town 0-0 Cardiff City
    Manchester United´╗┐┬á1-1┬áTottenham Hotspur (Monday 8pm)´╗┐
    Newcastle United 0-2 Chelsea (Sunday 4pm)
    Southampton┬áw/@´╗┐Vegeta┬á1-2 Leicester City┬á
    Wolverhampton┬á´╗┐Wanderers 1-2┬áManchester City (12:30pm)´╗┐

    Serie A
    Juventus 2-0┬áLazio (5pm´╗┐)
    Napoli 3-1 AC Milan (7:30pm

  14. Week 2 fixtures

    Premier League

    Brighton & Hove Albion 0-1 Manchester United (Sunday 4pm)
    Burnley 1-0 Watford (Sunday 1:30pm)
    Chelsea w/@TildeGuy~! 1-0 Arsenal (5:30pm) 
    Everton 2-1 Southampton 
    Leicester City 3-2 Wolverhampton Wanderers
    Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 Fulham
    West Ham United 2-1 Bournemouth

    German Cup First Round
    Erzgebirge Aue 0-2 Mainz (5:30pm)
    Hansa Rostock 0-3 VfB Stuttgart (7:45pm)
    Kaiserslautern 2-1 Hoffenheim (2:30pm)

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