HarmonicGenerator

Empire has done a list of The 50 Greatest American Indie Films. I've only seen 17; clearly I am not indie enough.

Oh, and GO TO HAMBURG. Seriously. Beatlemania is fucking MINT. I'd recommend heading there for opening time (10am I think) on whatever day you go - that's the time I went, and for the first half hour I had the place to myself. Everyone else was recovering from their Friday night, clearly. Also it was February and freezing cold which probably helped cut down the tourist numbers. But still, it meant I was free to be a total and complete fanboy without fear of embarrassing myself in front of others. GO!

I'm on it! I'm seeing the lads at the weekend and am going to suggest we get it booked in before the end of the year. We've already got to subject ourselves to a stag do in Benidorm (ack) at the end of August so a bit of cash is spoken for, but I still reckon we can make it over there pre-November as long as the self-employed lad gets a bit more work coming in. By the sounds of your descriptions, though, I'm tempted to pay for himself! Cheers for the recommendation

 

If you're having trouble convincing them, I'd go for a 'lads weekend' angle because, seriously, the Reeperbahn is the ULTIMATE Lads Night Out. Huge long street, all bars and sex clubs and stuff. It's like all of Amsterdam on one road. With the Beatles.

 

 

Unless you're counting voice acting, yes?

 

I know that you probably mean Thomas the Tank Engine, but he was great in The Simpsons. "P.S. Please forgive the lateness of my reply."

Tremendous article on Michele Bachmann. I'm scared.

[

Nice to see the Beatles love on this board for once. I'm off to bed now but will post some songs tomorrow, in the meantime, here's my favourate of all time

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PPWc_LUMrs&feature=fvst

 

everything about this song makes me smile, but mainly it's Ringo's drumming. It's so subtle, just ticking along, never taking over the song but completely making it. The change from the first verse to last, with a slightly different timing in the drums ( I think its about half a beat on the snare drum hit) is just beautifully done. I could listen to it all day.

I didn’t even need to click on your link to know what song you were talking about. It’s so simplistic yet so addictive. Like you, I could listen to it all day and is one of the many examples of why the clich

Looks good, but also, here's

I saw this thread over the weekend, but as I was away, typing my thoughts on an iPhone would have been an arse, so I've waited until today.

 

I LOVE The Beatles. I think Zeppelin are probably my favourite band, but if I was forced at gunpoint and told I could only ever listen to one band's output, I'd pick The Beatles.

 

Has anyone been to the BEATLEMANIA museum on the Reeperbahn in Hamburg? It is INCREDIBLE. A five storey tall museum near the Beatlesplatz that tells the story of the band, and it's one of the best museums I've ever been to. I wish I spoke fluent German so I could apply for jobs there. It starts at the top level with their Hamburg career, with loads of memorabilia, goes down into Abbey Road Studios (full replica) and into a room full of all the various merchandise they had in the early 60s, with a panoramic surround-screen room of the Shea Stadium concert. You go down through Strawberry Fields into the Sgt Peppers zone, where you can have your photo taken in the album cover. You progress to the Engine Room of the fucking Yellow Submarine and then down to the giant headphones where you can listen to the differences between the two versions of Let It Be at your leisure. Even the exit signs are brilliant - in German, 'Ausgang', in English 'Hello Goodbye'. YES. Here is the website. If you're a fan, GO. Two hours from Heathrow.

 

Mattyc on page 1 talked about how

I pretty much already knew all of their songs from memory without realising it

and that's true of me as well. I really got into them in teenage years, and found that as I discovered each album, somehow I already knew the majority of the songs, without ever having consciously listened to them. It's a weird feeling. They're kind of ingrained in the mind - you know The Beatles without even knowing you know them, and you hear a song and think, 'wait, they did this one as well?'

 

They've been part of my musical knowledge from a very early age, though - one of my first musical memories is in reception (age 4 or thereabouts) at school, and one of the teaching assistants keeping us busy by teaching us the words to 'Yellow Submarine'. Quite a few of the lesser-loved songs have got strong memory connections for me - for example, 'Octopus' Garden' always takes me back to painting my nana's living room walls for her.

 

My favourite album is Sgt Peppers. I know this is akin to a Floyd fan liking Dark Side of the Moon or a wrestling fan liking Savage-Steamboat but it's such a good album. I love every single song on it. I also like Rubber Soul if that makes me seem trendier.

 

One of the most amazing things about them is the fact that no matter how you're feeling, The Beatles have a song that fits perfectly with your mood. Fallen in love? Something (maybe my favourite ever love song). Chilled out and content with life? Here Comes The Sun or Dear Prudence. Angry? Helter Skelter. Lonely? She's Leaving Home. Reflective? In My Life. And so on, and so on, I could go on for ages.

 

Sometimes you don't even know how relevant a song is going to be. I was never a huge fan of 'Yesterday' - it was good, but never a first choice. Then one day, about a week after my ex and I broke up (she dumped me. It was brutal.) I was driving to meet some friends and it came on the radio. The impact it had... that song was written about me, it had to be. I know it wasn't, really, but every word was right - it was exactly how I felt at that time. That, to me, is the mark of truly superlative songwriting.

 

I tried to make a CD of my favourite Beatles songs to put in the car. It ended up being 72 songs long - and that was me being selective. You know the moment at a gig where you hear the first notes of your favourite song, the one you came to hear? I saw McCartney last year and got that feeling about twenty times... I'm going to attempt to do as others have done and add a couple of links, and I will have to try really hard not to turn it into a 60-odd long list of links.

 

So, with that in mind, I'll try not to replicate songs others have linked to.

 

I Want You (She's So Heavy) - one of my favourites. I always stick it one when I'm frustrated. There's something about that riff that appeals to anger.

 

- does anyone else rate this as among their very best? It's a perfect fifties-style rock and roll love song. So simple, but absolutely gorgeous. Love it.

 

- there's so much going on in this one. The lyrics are among the best of the 'weird' ones, the time/key changes really work, and there's which is awesome purely for having Salma Hayek in a nurse's outfit singing the 'bang bang, shoot shoot' lines.

 

Speaking of Across The Universe, which I also love, there's

that cannot help but give me goosebumps all over the place. Stunning. The original version, of course, is just as stirring and moving. I think 'Let It Be' is one of those ones that's so well-known it's almost dismissed, but IT'S SUCH A GOOD SONG.

 

How do people rate the Love album from a few years ago? I really like it, there are some cracking re-arrangements in there. The best track, I think, is

I'd put this above the original. Seriously, I prefer it.

 

(This is partly because Eric Clapton almost ruined my enjoyment of the original by effectively claiming credit for its quality in his book (my personal interpretation of his words). Damn you, Clapton, you're good, but it's George's song no matter how many solos you did!)

 

And finally,

. How amazing is this song? When people talk about the best Beatles songs, quite often they'll look to the post-live era stuff of Sgt Peppers, Abbey Road, etc. But the early years have so many phenomenally crafted pop songs. Who couldn't love 'Paperback Writer'? Love, love, love it (love is all you need).

 

 

I'll stop now. But I The Beatles, and Frankie Crisp for making this thread.

I watched A Town Called Panic on Film 4 last night. It is MENTAL but in a brilliant, extremely funny way. It's one of the craziest things I've ever seen and I loved it. Look out for it in the listings because it's worth seeing!

Another solid issue, as is becoming the norm these days I even enjoyed RD Reynolds this month. Glad to see John Lister seems to be a regular fixture now, his work's always worth reading.

 

I enjoyed pretty much all the major features - but as I seem to say every month, the format could do with a shake-up as relates to the columnists at the back, and also the TV roundup, news and reviews sections seem pretty dull and by-the-numbers lately. One of the few things PowerSlam still does well is condensing the month's news and relevant TV happenings into an entertaining and well-written rundown.

 

I also thought the New Japan feature might have been more interesting if it focused in more depth on the implications of the US shows going forward, or maybe dealt more generally with the way Japanese promotions seem to be seeking to globalise recently, and the reasons for that (perhaps due to the drop in domestic business, increased worldwide exposure through the Internet etc.) There seemed to be a lot of listing of results/running down the events of each night, which I didn't find particularly interesting. These days I'd rather get thought-provoking analysis and opinion from a paper magazine - the facts are available at the drop of a hat online anyway.

Thanks for the kind words, and the constructive criticism.

 

I admit that our TV reports section takes some reading in terms of length, but it's designed for people who haven't been following the TV and pay-per-view shows in much detail. We may end up running a poll to see if this accounts for much of our readership, as the last thing we want to do is tell all of our readers something they already know.

 

Regarding the NJPW article, it's simply impossible to tell what their next step will be on foreign soil - and that's assuming that there will be a next step. Since it was the first ever full show in North America, I felt it was worth covering in detail, especially since we had excellent photos from the events.

 

My problem with the TV reports is that they don't seem very balanced. By that, I mean that the majority of the results give you a recap of major events, feuds, and other developments - they serve as a good catch-up, and are basically objective and straight to the point. Except the TNA bit, which always reads like an opinion piece - the results and everything else are still there, but the amount of "...which was rubbish" comments, or words to that effect, after them seems much higher than in the respective parts on RAW, Ultimate Fighter etc.

 

I don't know whether the TNA bit is written by someone different, or if the person writing it just can't hide his dislike for TNA, but I've noticed it in a few issues now.

 

Haven't read much of the latest issue yet but the Randy Savage article was great. It was good in a way that it covered everything except his accomplishments in WWE and WCW, giving more room for lesser-known stories, his hirings and leavings of companies, Memphis etc. But if there was an intention to do a companion piece about the things everyone has heard of, that'd be good too.

I'm reading the book at the same pace I'm watching it on TV - slowly.

 

I tried to do that. Didn't work. Am currently halfway through the fourth book. Oops. They're very good, though. Woyzeck, just buy yourselves the books. Better that than some arse spoilering something for you.

 

I like how a lot of the summer solstice-related tweets today have taken the theme of "you know what this means - winter is coming". References are fun.

 

And so to conclude,

 

Final Harry Potter trailer

I may be in the minority on here but I cannot wait for this to come out. It looks incredible.

If it was released this morning, that might mean they're putting it on in cinemas in front of Green Lantern... it's almost enough to make me want to see Green Lantern, just in case they have this on first...

 

That looks incredible, can't wait to see the final parts of the last book put on screen.

 

In other news, here's the trailer for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo starring Daniel Craig. Loved the books, and from the trailer this adaption seems quite loyal to the original story.

It's quite loyal to the other The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo movie too.

 

Whoever it is, they've ruined the Immigrant Song, horrible cover version.

 

 

It's Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

I have no idea whether On Stranger Tides was any good or not because it was absolutely ruined for me by the 3D. Dreadful to the point where after half an hour of failing to tolerate it I just took the glasses off and put up with some slight blurring for the rest of the film. Adds depth? Fuck off, it sucks you right out of any ability to get into the film. I can barely remember anything that happened in that first part of Tides - all I know is that there were some bits that looked like they were in front of other bits.

 

Others I know have had the same experiences with other films - Voyage of the Dawntreader (which I haven't seen) and Thor (which I have) being two recent examples. I can't speak for Dawntreader, but Thor is one of my favourite films of the year so far, I loved it. But apparently the 3D destroyed any enjoyment of that as well.

 

I'm giving up on them. Unless they're some kind of super-special-ultra-made-for-3D type film like Avatar, or a fully animated thing where the 3D doesn't add anything but doesn't hurt either (like Up), I'm sticking to 'also available in 2D'.

 

There are other exceptions - Tron Legacy was great fun in 3D, because it was mega-all-CG-lightcycle-craziness, and it makes sense that The Grid would be 3D. What I respected about Tron is that for all the bits that took place in the real world, they kept it 2D. Only in The Grid did they add the extra dimension. There are certain types of films that work well with it - the new Transformers looks to be one of these (I thought Burton's Alice in Wonderland was too, but I appear to have been in the minority there). BUT IT DOESN'T WORK WITH EVERY FILM. It doesn't even work all the way through every film. At least 80% of Pirates should have been kept 2D (and, if watching without glasses was anything to go by, basically was anyway), and the 'real' bits of Tron would have been appalling if they were in 3D too.

 

But I have a feeling I'm wrong. Because 'also available in 2D' is slowly disappearing. In order to see Thor in 2D, my mates and I had to go at about 10.15 on a Saturday morning. For Pirates, we couldn't find a 2D showing outside of working hours. And it's only going to get harder. I know that 3D's sticking around - not just because of the extra money you can charge, and because of anti-piracy blah blah shit shit, but because people are ACTUALLY GOING TO THE FUCKING THINGS. I can't imagine this is entirely out of choice - surely by now enough people have seen enough 3D films to know the majority of them look shit and take away from enjoyment of the film. The novelty factor has well and truly gone, too. But if you go to the cinema, and the only showings you can see for your film of choice are 3D, of course you're going to do that, because you won't see your film otherwise.

 

James Cameron's claiming everything will be 3D in five years. I fucking hope not, is all I'm saying, but I have a feeling he'll be right. Watching Paul Merton's Birth of Hollywood (which I'd really recommend catching, except they took it off iPlayer this morning), in the third episode he talked about the advent of talking pictures. Did people have the same negative reaction to talkies in the 20s that I'm having with 3D? Those people must have eventually got used to them, and realised that from then on, every film was going to have sound in it... should I just shut up and do the same? I'm desperate to see the last Harry Potter film, and I'd love to see it on a massive IMAX screen, but I know that any and all IMAX showings will be in 3D, and I really, really don't want my enjoyment of the film to be ruined like it was with Pirates because of crappy 3D. So I'll scour the listings for 'also available in 2D', but sooner rather than later, even that might not be an option...

 

Is 3D really the future, and I'm just wrong? Help me out here.

May I just ask if anyone else is watching Paul Merton's Birth of Hollywood? Thus far I think it's been a cracker. I'll admit I'm constantly interested in old hollywood and films, and this has been very good. Paul Merton is a great narrator as well.

 

I came in here to raise the 'Birth of Hollywood' to you fine people too. It really is very good, after watching the first episode I couldn't find the second on Iplayer, until last night (which also had episode 3). I thought episode 2 was particularly fantastic, focusing on Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle and the trial that ultimately led to his downfall. Anyone unfamiliar with the case, or that would like a delving look into the origins of film, should watch this.

 

Well done Mr. Merton.

 

I did a university project on the Roscoe Arbuckle case, it really was interesting and like Merton said my research pointed to William Brady and Maude Delmont being the villians of the piece. Virginia Rappe was too messed up from a life of abuse and heartbreak to be anything other than a victim, sadly. I wished he had made this then as I probably could've done half the work I did and not spent so much on books.

 

I missed this on TV but have been watching it on iPlayer over the past couple of days based on the recommendations on here. I'd like to thank you all for bringing it up because I might not have watched if this thread hadn't reminded me. Excellent series - I know very little about early Hollywood, but it's absolutely fascinating and you can tell how much Merton loves the subject matter. The Arbuckle story in episode 2 was absolutely compelling and very affecting in places. Poor guy.

Final Harry Potter trailer

 

I may be in the minority on here but I cannot wait for this to come out. It looks incredible.

 

If it was released this morning, that might mean they're putting it on in cinemas in front of Green Lantern... it's almost enough to make me want to see Green Lantern, just in case they have this on first...

Having read the books iamtheman, let me tell you. Don't get attached to anyone

 

I've just started Book 4 (Feast for Crows?) and I'm finding this quality a bit of a double edged sword. On the one hand, it keeps everything nice and unpredictable - anything could happen at any time, and he's not afraid to make sacrifices in order to keep the story going. On the other hand, I think sometimes the inability to get attached to anyone can be detrimental - even just one character who you kind of know is 'safe' helps ground it and connect you more to the goings on... but anyway, that's just me. Great episode this week. People I know who haven't read the books all appear to be suffering from shock and traumatic stress after what happened.

 

 

I mentioned this in 'Comments that don't warrant a thread', but I've been watching lots of Horrible Histories recently. It's bloody BRILLIANT. Best sketch show there's been for ages. Fuck you if you think it's 'just for kids' - it's genuinely very, very funny.

Gladstone, Butch and Ian all have account disabled status. Looks like it's them.

 

It's the entire pCc. Something to do with the Rapture.

I much prefer books, but I've found a happy medium with my Kindle - I use it for books I either (i) don't mind not having on my shelf, (ii) don't have space for on my shelf, or (iii) are really cheap.

 

For example, the other week I bought On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers (the new Pirates film is based on it). Book:

Hi folks,

 

The new issue of FSM is now in all good newsagents, and from http://www.fightingspiritmagazine.co.uk/subscribe.asp.

 

As always, this month's magazine is stacked with news, reviews, columns and features, including an examination of WWE under the management of Triple-H; a first-hand account of everything that took place across WrestleMania weekend; an interview with Wade Barrett; Sting's crazy start to 2011 in TNA; the most in-depth breakout of the wXw 16 Carat Gold tournament anywhere; how the British Wrestling Coalition is improving life for UK-based wrestlers; how the NCAA tournament spawned stars of pro wrestling and MMA; and a detailed look at the UFC's purchase of Strikeforce.

 

I hope you'll consider picking the magazine up, and offering your feedback in this thread.

 

Bought the magazine on the strength of this post. The only article that didn't appeal to me on first glance was the Sting one - but I'm currently halfway through it and it's pretty interesting. It's the first issue I've bought for about three months (last one was the one with Orton on the cover) and I think there's a noticeable improvement even from then.

 

It's good that FSM's trying to keep as up to date as possible - the WrestleMania features were great as the event's still fresh in the mind - but it's a shame that news in wrestling happens so quickly, it's impossible to keep up completely. I mean, it's been, what, two or three weeks, and already we've had Edge retiring, Sin Cara wrestling his debut matches, the official press release about the rebranding, and Kharma's vignettes... I'm guessing an Edge feature is in the works for next month.

 

Two little nitpicks: It's a shame there are still spelling errors - they're all ones that wouldn't come up on a spellcheck ('the' in place of 'they', 'Trash' instead of 'Trish', and the second of those had better not have been intentional!) but an additional round of proof-reading wouldn't go amiss. I'll do it for a bit of cash . I also echo the thoughts on Apter and Reynolds - I get that Apter's a bit of a nostalgia trip but I'm just not interested in what Reynolds goes on about for his half a page. I can see the efforts to be more balanced and objective - the opening HHH article has a good go at covering the positive and the negative - but occasionally, smarkism creeps in (e.g. the TV round-ups. RAW: summary of events. SmackDown: summary of events. Impact: TNA SUX!). It's getting there, though, and the HHH article was a good read.

 

Looking on the positive, though, I bought the issue not out of habit but because just about every article/feature/interview appealed to me, and it's made for a nice Friday night crashed-out-on-the-sofa read. So two thumbs up there

 

If you're taking requests... I'd really like if there was an article on how to go about planning a trip to WrestleMania - info on what travel packages are, how to book and when to make plans, and so on. I know there are a couple of threads about that subject on here (which I am planning to read soon as I'm keen on trying to persuade my friends to go to Miami next year) but a handy feature in print that consolidates all the various info would be something I'd be very interested in reading. I'm sure others would feel the same. Just a thought, anyway.

Which means that...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Picture may be NSFW. Or for sane people. Be aware.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

1

James Corden

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

(He's the one on the right)

 

What's he famous for?

"It's SMITHY! He's so HILARIOUS!"

 

And you think he's a twat because...

Selected views from voters:

 

air_raid_crash (ranked him #6): "What's worse, the fact that this tub of guts has attained fame, success and a load of cash despite being fat and not funny? Or the fact we have to hear about it? Looking at his smug fat face on that quiz of his, usually when surrounded by one or two ACTUALLY funny people, damn near makes me want to rip his throat out. The first episode of him and Horne's shite was so full off 'I'm fat, LOL' remarks, I actually wondered if that's the joke. Laugh at the chubber, people! Worst of all, he seems to get far more crumpet than I do. Come off it ladies, it's not because he's funny or a 'nice guy.' Nice guys get nowhere unaided. It's because he's ON THE TELLY... Watching him sleaze on the fitter of the ladies he has on LOTO makes me throw up in my mouth a little... Untalented jammy unfunny fat twat."

 

BiffingtonClyro (ranked him #1): "What can I say about James Corden? He is a vast slug on the patio of British 'entertainment'... Why is he on television? Why?"

 

BigJ (ranked him #3): "Can we please have a count of how many times these 3 words have been used to describe him in everyone's nominations: unfunny, fat and cunt? Thanks."

 

El Nicko Loco (ranked him #5): "The thread is absolutely tailor made for him."

 

Gladstone Small: "I think Scott Steiner said it best when he said, 'James Corden is a fucking unfunny fat useless cunt.'" [NB: Scott Steiner did not actually say this.]

 

jimufctna24 (ranked him #1): "Never has a man so unfunny got so much attention..."

 

Kay Burley Upskirt Formerly Surf Digby (ranked him #1): "I could simply leave this as 'because he's James Corden'. The latest pudgy faced tosser who got some middle aged women feeling sorry for him (or rather, a character he was playing in a fictional TV show), [and] assumed that this meant he was popular... Took on the mantra that being fat and loud automatically makes you funny. He's this generation's Lisa Riley."

 

Magnum: "Inexplicably omnipresent, and not just because his fucking belly covers the breadth of the country... James has undergone a meteoric rise over the past year due to his mastery of the rare talent of being fat... effortlessly combining this with the difficult skill of being loud. Really, is it any wonder the nation's kids aren't arsed about exercise or healthy eating when a big round belly is now a ticket to fame and fortune?"

 

matbro1984 (ranked him #9): "As unfunny as he is fat. Which is a lot."

 

Mr. Seven (ranked him #10): "He'll probably romp this. Not funny. Never was. Never will be. The poster-boy for the Banter Brigade."

 

Rave (ranked him #3): "Never has somebody done so little and got so much. He is not funny in any way and his 'comedy' is just the same thing over and over, I'm fat and loud, I'm fat and loud. Yes, you are! You are also a massive cunt!"

 

Rave on Jimmy (ranked him #2): "Fat twat."

 

Seph (ranked him #1): "While I've consciously decided to avoid anything he's in, as he's routinely billed as the star attraction with his million chins, I'm pulling the Doug Williams card and putting him at the top to give my list some credibility (

And the winner isn't...

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

2

Katie 'Jordan' Price

(2009 ranking: 1. Down 1)

 

 

What's she famous for?

I don't know if she needs to be famous for anything anymore. She's just famous.

 

And you think she's a twat because...

Selected views from voters:

 

air_raid_crash (ranked her #5): "We're talking high quality twat now. I really don't get her at all. How much more [of] a career can you milk out of a career with a short shelf life that should have finished years ago?... What probably annoys me most is that I regularly... used to spaff over her, and probably helped line her pockets and build the foundation of her 'empire'. What the fuck is that all about? Why the fuck is it women that buy her books and watch her shit on telly?... 'What Katie did next' - who the fuck cares?"

 

crawlingwest (ranked her #8): "I still would though if she didn't talk."

 

El Espanacas (ranked her #8): "Do I really need to explain myself?"

 

Nexus (ranked her #6): "It sickens me that there are little girls who grow up wanting to emulate her. What, exactly, has she done that's worth emulating?... The fact she kept Alex Reid in the spotlight as well means that she deserves to be on this list. I despise everything that she does. She's always in the papers, or on the TV, and she doesn't ever do anything worthwhile."

 

patdfb (ranked her #7): "Has multiple TV shows and is shown up to be some kind of personality despite being a charisma vacuum. Its not hard to hate someone who apparently gets so much public attention... Apparently in some quarters this is seen as being a driven and independent woman. Horrendous!"

 

Rave (ranked her #2): "I hate this ugly bitch with a passion!"

 

Seph (ranked her #3): "Not as steadfast in my decision to put her top as I was last term, mainly because every piece of media she wants to be seen in prints a competely different story - 'She's having trouble with Alex!' 'She's stringing him along!' 'She hates Peter!' 'She can't get over him!' 'She has a new boyfriend, it's forever this time!' She's a Reality Life, no more, no less. And [the fact] that with one breath she despises it and [with] another she willingly courts it when it suits her shows you can't trust her opinion on anything. The only way to stop [this] is to ignore her, something that will likely never happen."

 

The Maestro (ranked her #1): "The epitome of what is wrong with modern day celebrity and society. Every single day she's either in the papers, news or television without ever doing anything other than slating Peter Andre or Alex Reid. Who are another pair of enormous twats."

 

TUFCfan (ranked her #1): "An annoying woman whose only talent is self promotion. Has a horrible, grating personality."

 

Uncletrunx (ranked her #5): "She's now starting to look like a two armed version of 'Sheeva' from Mortal Kombat..."

 

Was she voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes. Fun fact: Price was the only celebrity to receive at least one nomination for every number between 1 and 10.

 

And so to summarise, Katie 'Jordan' Price is worse than...

Almost everything.

Coincidentally there's a programme on BBC1 at 10.35 tonight called 'See You In Court' about celebrities suing people.

 

EDT: Except it wasn't tonight, in reality, it must be on another night and I heard wrong, but the ad definitely exists.

Thanks for the eagle-eye modding neil. The list entries themselves don't need cutting anywhere, do they? If so, please censor away.

I've always thought it was a bit weird that footballers would play games like Fifa. I know my job is much more boring than 'playing in the Premiership' but I wouldn't want to go home from work, stick the PS3 on and then play a game of what is essentially my job... it's the same with Shelton Benjamin and the SmackDown games, I suppose. Do soldiers play Call Of Duty?

So, with just the #1 and #2 spots left to claim, who will be top of the list?

 

Certainly none of these lot, because here is Everyone Else Who Got Nominated Who Haven't Been Mentioned Yet!

 

Adrian Lewis, Alex Bruce, Anne Robinson ("Whose career is on borrowed time? Whose jibes at contestants have gone beyond even the most impotent of daytime-TV-friendly putdowns to become the most limp, pathetic sentences spoken on any broadcast media? Who, like so many flotsam-jetsam WWE almost-weres, peaked as a celebrity when being dwarfed by The Big Show? It's time to vote off the weakest personality." - opcws), Chris Ashton, Damien Hirst, Eamonn Holmes, Gabriele Marcotti, Gary Neville, George Michael, George Passmore (of Gilbert And George), Heston Blumenthal, Holly Willoughby, Jack Shepherd (from Coronation Street), Jamie Oliver, Jeremy Clarkson ("I truly hate Jeremy Clarkson and anyone that likes him." - The Maestro), Jessie J, Jessie Wallace, Jim Davidson, Joe Swash ("OK, who the fuck is this little twat? No, really? I have a hard time abiding any Cockneh WANKAH that forces their jibber-jabber down my throat via the box, but this bell end does my nut." - air_raid_crash), John Cena, Josie D'Arby, Kay Burley ("Good lord. what a vile, obnoxious, wretched excuse of a person... Ill-founded opinions are not uncommon, but this fuckwit seems to spew them out at a staggering rate... I would love to continue, but she'd only interrupt me." - Waterboy), Kelly Brook, Lawrence Dallaglio, Lily Allen, Mark Chapman, The 'name check crew' (but particularly Tinie Tempah), Peter Dickson, Perez Hilton, Prince Andrew, Ricky Ponting, and Sarah Ferguson.

 

 

 

The list from #30 to #3 is as follows:

 

30. Ricky Gervais

29. Jack Whitehall

28. Liam Gallagher

27. Russell Howard

26. Simon Cowell

25. Bono

24. Jeremy Kyle

23. Chris Moyles

22. Davina McCall

21. Steven Gerrard

20. Robbie Williams

19. Adrian Chiles

18. Dappy

17. Katy Perry

16. Michael McIntyre

15. Jedward

14. Louie Spence

13. John Terry

12. Kerry Katona

11. Frankie Boyle

10. Lady Gaga

9. Jamie Redknapp

8. Nick Clegg

7. David Cameron

6. Wayne Rooney

5. Cheryl Cole

4. Justin Bieber

3. Ashley Cole

 

 

Two spots, two celebrities. Any guesses?

And we enter the Top 3.

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

3

Ashley Cole

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

 

What's he famous for?

Football, being married to Cheryl.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

"Obviously people choosing footballers hints at rival club biases, but Ashley Cole's twattishness surely transcends football now, doesn't it?" asks Mangum, before continuing, "you barely need to know who he is to realise that you hate him, and even if you don't know his name, a glimpse of his weasel face or the sound of his whiny voice should be enough to provoke you to violence. A year characterised by his... dummy-spitting persecution complex has just ended with him shooting a bystander [NB: it should be noted that this has been reported as being accidental], an act made even more twattish by the fact he's a 30-year old man fannying about with an air rifle as if he were a 14-year old ASBO or a paranoid farmer. An utter abortion of a human being, but in his defence he is a decent full-back, so I suppose it's only fair that he's a multi-millionaire who gets to shag Playboy models."

 

The Natural, who ranked Cole at #2, calls him "probably my least favourite footballer today, if not ever, which is saying something. Hell, he transcends that to be one of my least favourite people I've ever seen in the media. I can't stand this arrogant fucker. A twat of the highest order." El Espanacas, who ranked him at #7, considers Cole "the prime example of the spoiled modern day footballer. He has not got one single redeemable feature about him."

 

Mr. Seven, who ranked Cole at #6, ponders: "Kinda worrying that the Chelsea back-line boasts the two most awful 'humans' in the modern game but there you go. Again, where to begin?... it's his sheer gall and arrogance in his misdeeds that makes him worthy of bile. Refuses to apologise for any indiscretion, carries himself like some kind of victim and has the intelligence of a door. Cunt."

 

Finally, air_raid_crash, who ranked him at #2, developed an unfortunate case of Ashley Cole Tourettes and concluded, "cretinous overpaid sleazy arrogant odious little fuckhole twat."

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Ashley Cole is worse than...

Getting shot. In the balls. Twice. Without even the satisfaction of knowing who did it, and no possibility of revenge. In the middle of nowhere so you have to walk miles for help. And you're naked, and you don't know why. Because you have amnesia. And your wife left you. Probably for the mystery person that shot you. In the balls. Twice. You remember that bit. But nothing else.

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

4

Justin Bieber

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

 

What's he famous for?

Creation and dispersal of the deadly virus known as Bieber Fever.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

It appears that there are not many Beliebers on the UKFF. "It would be easy to admit that hatred for young Bieber is down to jealousy," says Kay Burley Upskirt Formerly Surf Digby, who ranked Bieber at #3. "Someone so young, so talented, enjoying the fruits of his labour. But he's not. He's an incredibly average singer, who enjoyed a privileged upbringing, before being launched on YouTube with a worked backstory... It doesn't end there, though... he's adopted the... attitudes [of] referring to himself as a 'player', and expressing his belief that rape 'happens for a reason' [NB: having googled this, it does seem that Bieber may have really said this in an interview with Rolling Stone. Hopefully he didn't mean it in the sense of 'people deserve it'...]. Listening to his debut album, in which the (then 15 year old) child sings songs where he's pushing for a girl to surrender her virginity to him leaves a sour taste in the mouth. Another case of someone with money thinking they have a value to society, with an ego completely unjustified."

 

LariatTom, who also ranked Bieber at #3, admits that "until a few months ago, I didn't even know what a Bieber was... Now I'm vaguely aware of what he is, I dislike him. No child should be that popular... Oh, and his haircut is shit." Seph, who ranked him at #4, ticks items off a checklist in his rant: "Ubiquity? Check. Annoying pre-pubescent voice lasting well beyond bollock-dropping? Check. Utterly retarded opinion about a contentious issue...? Check. Emo hair cut? Check. Autobiography well before you've actually achieved anything with staying power? Check." Meanwhile, The Natural indicates that ubiquity rears its head once more in the case against Bieber, calling him a "pint sized tosser who