Supremo

Chris Jericho has trademarked, “The Jericho Vortex.” Because of course he fucking has. All this time and effort to try to play into it and make it a meta character. Surely it’d be easier to just fuck off for a bit, like everyone wants you to? If he’d accepted this six to twelve months ago it’d already nearly be time for him to come back and feel fresh and exciting again. Someone should send him this on Twitter. Try and inspire him to take a break and achieve new goals. Not that it matters though. I’m more convinced than ever he’s trying to burn through his contract to go back to WWE. Any time away is more time he needs to pay back before his contract can expire. He’s probably already sniffed around Hunter about a Hall of Fame induction to get him back in the fold.

It’s something straight out of the school playground. “If you’re Champion of the World, then I’ll be Champion of the Universe!” You could see over Wrestlemania weekend that enough people want to get rid of the stupid, “Universal,” moniker though. Samantha Irvin didn’t even say it when announcing Cody was the winner. So typical of them to still use the word, “Undisputed,” though, when they’ve spent the last year pushing that there’s now two belts that are supposed to be of the same importance. Sounds quite disputed to me.

I didn’t rate this stuff when Bray was doing it, but could at least admit he had some interesting ideas, even if they never went anywhere or concluded satisfactorily. Bo Dallas, and now potentially Matt Hardy, continuing it? Ooof. My hopes are not high. Sami Zayn’s entrance was the stuff of legend. Reminded me of that time Eddie Guerrero did something similar. Do you think Kevin Dunn watches Raw tutting and rolling his eyes? Or does he sigh softly, admitting to himself that he’s a rubbish director who created dog shit television for decades. For a medium in which everyone fights in their underwear, I can’t explain the intangible nature of it. But every now and then, someone just looks like a Dad at the swimming baths. I love Sheamus, but unfortunately that’s exactly how I’d describe his new look. “Twenty five lengths? Think I’ve earned myself a KFC!”

Rhea beat everyone. Looked boss. Vacated the title without putting anyone over. Shawn Michaels truly teaching these rookies THE BUSINESS.

Danhausen to WWE is an interesting idea. Looking at Danhausen’s Twitter Likes the last week or so, that appears to be what he wants, too. He doesn’t seem to be particularly shy about supporting Punk over AEW in this never-ending war of shit. Can Bryan Danielson fine the roster for Likes? Or does it have to be Tweets? Checking Cagematch, Danhausen hasn’t been on AEW television for months, yet continues to wrestle independent shows, so something is definitely up. They’re actively opting to not use him. Fools. Maybe it’s best if they let him go to hang out and drink Pepsi with Phil on Monday nights. I don’t believe he’d be more successful there though. WWE has improved massively, and is far looser and more enjoyable these days, but I’d still have zero faith in WWE doing that type of comedy or character work. It’s a million miles from their style. I don’t even think Hunter would get it. Honestly, it might be Punk’s greatest crime. I love me some Danhausen. It’s a crying shame all this has led to him being in this weird limbo, not making me laugh on TV.

Literally this graphic from Collision. A genuine rush of excitement. Forget the Punk bullshit. He’s back to save the day yet again.

Max Holloway with the greatest finish I’ve ever seen. Phenomenal. They need to change that Islam vs. Dustin Title fight into a Triple Threat involving Max after this!

Incredibly, this show is a week away! It’s a real achievement to have a card that looks this good on paper and yet somehow nobody is really talking about it. Wrestlemania overshadowing it hasn’t helped, but neither did airing that stupid Punk stuff last week. Completely distracted the conversation. Fingers crossed they’re over this Punk bullshit and we get a big, hard sell for the go-home week. It won’t have the emotional resonance of the Sting retirement, nor will it have the crowd size of Revolution, but otherwise this looks like another banger show. Tony’s an idiot with a lot of flaws, who can’t help but get in his own way, but the man sure can put together a pay per view! Samoa Joe (c) vs. Swerve Strickland for the AEW World championship Toni Storm (c) vs. Thunder Rosa for the AEW Women’s World title Young Bucks vs. FTR in a Ladder match for the AEW World Tag Team championship Kazuchika Okada (c) vs. PAC for the AEW Continental title Julia Hart (c) vs. Willow Nightingale for the TBS title Bryan Danielson vs. Will Ospreay Adam Copeland, Mark Briscoe & Eddie Kingston vs. House of Black (Malakai Black, Buddy Matthews & Brody King) Will Danielson and Ospreay break Meltzer’s scale? What’s the highest Dave’s gone? Seven stars? Eight? Could be looking at a tenner here, lads! Will this be Swerve’s big coronation? Or will Hangman return to cost him again? Feels like now or never. And what state will Hangman be in if Swerve wins the World Title? I imagine Page showing up with a wild, unkept beard, like the Hardest Geezer returning from Africa. Weeks stuck at home, obsessing? He’s gonna be a mess! Cheese completely off his cracker. Genuinely terrifying imagining what Cash Wheeler will do in a ladder match. He’s been burning through his bump card like a maniac ever since he got arrested. Wrestling like a man who’s accepted he might go to jail at some point, so no longer cares about holding anything back. Should be a spectacle. When was the last AEW ladder match? I can’t remember. It’s been long enough that this actually feels novel and special. Should be great, provided the whole thing isn’t undermined by CM Punk chants. Hoping The Bucks win. Cannot be arsed with another boring FTR reign. You assume Okada will have an epic with Pac. You’ve got to justify that 4.5 million dollar salary that’s definitely real! Adam Copeland vs. Malakai Black in a singles TNT Title match would have been more interesting, but it’s been obvious for the longest time that Black has no interest in stuff like that. If the lazy prick must burn through the rest of his AEW contract in Trios matches to save his body for Papa H, at least we get the bonkers team of Copeland, Briscoe and Kingston. Between those three teaming up here and Copeland doing a Mixed Tag with Willow, this is exactly the type of mad stuff I want to see Copeland doing. Crazy match graphics you never thought you’d see. Matches you can’t even imagine in your head. Great stuff. Quietly, Copeland is turning into one of their best signings. I’ll be rooting for Willow. Adore her. Still worried they’re going to turn her heel to feud with Mercedes, which might end up winning next year’s Wrestling Observer's Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic. Hopefully they don’t add too much else. Chances of Jericho somehow managing to get on the show and stinking it up? Rarified air of a man in desperate need of a massive fuck off. Trios match to unite the ROH and AEW Six man titles? Ideally, this is the end of The Acclaimed. An act way past its sell by date. Give me a big singles push for Anthony Bowen. One of the best sellers in the whole industry. Caster can get in the bin. I wonder if we’ll get a Moxley defence of the IWGP Title? Maybe against Takeshita? Seems to make sense given the ongoing feud between BCC and the Don Callis Family. So yeah. Thoughts?

Matt Riddle acting the tit, going full Austin Aries, no-selling his loss, and high-fiving fans as he danced out of the arena was interesting. Has he managed to fuck up his New Japan deal already? I mean, it was always cursed to begin with, but that's record time! Man's a Grade-A whopper. Glad this means he likely won't be at Forbidden Door.

That's the joke.

I know there’s a difference between real age and WWE TV age, but it’s still funny Tama Tonga is considered the younger generation when he’s three years older than Roman Reigns. Also, I don’t really want to spoil anything for anyone, but Tama Tonga is rubbish. Do not get your hopes up. Plus, no video package for him, so obviously the worst thing ever. How are we supposed to know who he is?!

I worried WWE would go on an MCU-style skid after Wrestlemania: Endgame. Tama Tonga turning up did nothing to quell those concerns. A Ms. Marvel or Hawkeye plunge in quality. Solo and Tama Tonga now running The Bloodline? Absolutely stinks of Horace Hogan and Stevie Ray. On the plus side, this is the most beautiful image ever created by mankind. Hang it in The Louvre. I prayed for this and it happened. *Calmly nudges some CM Punk T-shirts off a table to conclude this post.

Roman Reigns. Beltless loser. Seth Rollins. Beltless loser. Can’t even do a poxy run-in. Jon Moxley though? IWGP World Heavyweight Champion. First and only man to ever win WWE, AEW and New Japan World Titles. Brilliant. The one true ace of The Shield. Top move by New Japan. Definitely enough for me to start watching regularly again. Also quite funny that Mox isn’t even in AEW at the moment, enjoying his Easter Holidays, and yet the moment more Punk bullshit kicked off he still ended up with a World Title around his waist. Like a prophecy. Life finds a way.

Say what you want about Tony, but it is funny that every time he fucks up he always has a four and a half star match in the back pocket to offer as an apology. This should absolutely rule.

Funniest thing about the footage is that in an attempt to prove CM Punk slightly wrong in his recollection of the fight on the MMA Hour (I think he throws one punch more than he described with Helwani), Khan has accidentally proved Punk’s assessment of Tony as a boss to be one hundred percent accurate. Tony is too nice to be a proper boss and he doesn’t run a tight ship, all of which is clearly evident in the clip. Two guys with heat are arguing right in front of Tony’s monitors for a solid twenty seconds or so and he doesn’t even attempt to break it up before it escalates. Probably sat there shitting his pants. There also appears to be approximately ten to fifteen people doing fuck all around them, like idle Sims characters. Any boss with any type of spine would either step in or get one of the dozen useless pricks under his employment to do something. It’s laughable how long nobody does a thing. Won’t someone do something already, before Chris Hero starts crying?! I’ve got more time for Tony than most. When AEW is clicking it’s my favourite pro-wrestling TV show of all time, and I dread to think what this industry would look like if he hadn’t decided to bring his e-fed to life. Fuck me though. This idea of him being an internet shitposter with more money than sense has never felt more fitting. He’s that type of internet wrestling fan who’s so desperate to win the argument and get the last word that he can’t even see when everyone has given up and stopped caring. Massive props to my man HOOK though. Didn’t break kayfabe once. Pure bedlam, fists thrown, dweebs fearing for their life, and HOOK couldn’t look less bothered. Just watching, completely aloof, probably day dreaming about grabbing a pack of Monster Munch when everyone calms down. But yeah, on the subject of HOOK, the Vortex claims another victim. Rather leave the territory than keep working with the Wetherspoons Dementor! At this point, WWE are going to have a bunch of lads coming in at the same time, similar to the Radicalz, only it’s exclusively wrestlers who couldn’t be arsed with Chris Jericho anymore.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they have their worst shows of the year when they’re obsessed with throwing mud at the competition and reacting to criticisms on-air. What next? Are we going to start calling out losers like Bully Ray and Bischoff during the live broadcast? They’ve done the impossible. They’ve made me prefer to see Dean Ambrose in WWE than Jon Moxley in AEW. I’d have burst with excitement if he’d came out in the Shield gear at Wrestlemania. After this show, I wouldn’t wish for a Mox return to Dynamite any time soon. He’ll lose his mind with this bullshit. I wonder if WWE would have thrown a bad wig on him, the same way they originally did with The Undertaker when he turned up with the shaved head.

AEW trying to DMCA everyone and stop them sharing the footage on Twitter was easily the most interesting part. Like they realised instantaneously how fucking stupid this whole thing was and how it wasn’t the massive gotcha they expected. Trying to get the toothpaste back in the tube the second it comes out. Everyone warned you. Honestly, the only person this nonsense will benefit is Drew McIntyre, who’ll almost certainly reference it in the coming weeks, adding extra zeroes to the contract he’ll eventually sign with WWE.

Chris Hero nearly crying was the best part. Probably realised that filling out an incident report would delay him getting a Nando’s.

Stone Cold was on the Truck of Destiny. No other explanation required. Anyway, I can’t get over it. The most useless character in decades. One weekend. I’ve done a complete 180. Salute this man and the sacrifices he made for all of us. Not the hero we deserved, but the hero we needed. Thank you, Seth. Clap clap, clap clap clap. *I’m fully aware he’ll likely ruin it and be back stinking up the joint his first night back.

Put Night Two on as background viewing today whilst I worked. I’d forgotten the mad moment when they advertised the Wrestlemania documentary, “Behind the Curtain.” Hunter and Rock talking about, “calling an audible,” and, “pivoting,” the storyline when the crowd turned on The Rock. All well and good, it looks like an interesting documentary, but airing the trailer on the actual pay per view itself was crazy. Jarring as fuck. Like in the middle of the Loki finale Tom Hiddleston suddenly pops up, talking about where they wanted the story and characters to go.

Is it likely a dumb idea to air this footage? Yes. Does it make them look super petty and low-rent. Yes. Is it important that we set in stone how Punk recalled the incident on the MMA Hour, in order to determine how full of shit he is? Also yes. "Jack came back from his match, I was the next match, and I've got people with me. "I walk up and I'm like, why do you insist on doing this dumb internet shit on TV, and he was like 'well if you've got a problem do something about it and I'm like come on man, I'd kill you, what are we doing. "I thought I was doing the responsible thing, I didn't punch anybody, I just choked somebody a little bit. Samoa Joe was there, told me to stop, then I quit. "I turned to Tony, I said this place is a joke man, you're a clown, I quit. "I went to my room, Joe and Jerry Lynn got me and lets just go out there and kill it. I was just too fired up and I'm fired up now, I'm probably going to regret talking about it."

Yokozuna sent The Undertaker to heaven thirty years ago. Anoaʻi family had it coming.

People mocking the Seth character for everything that happened over the weekend reminds me of people who were complaining that Daniel Garcia and Mark Briscoe kept losing in the Continental Classic. This weird, outdated idea that WINNING means PUSHED and LOSING means BURIED. It’s just not the case anymore. It’s not 2006. You can tell interesting stories and create engaging characters with losses, just as you can wins. There’s room for nuance in pro-wrestling. Seth has won clean for a year straight and I’ve felt nothing for him. In one weekend he’s been smashed to bits, had his pathetic run-in immediately shut down, limped out of the arena with a massive black eye, lost everything, and he feels like an absolute hero. It’s the most interesting thing he’s done in forever. The first time some of his sixty nicknames actually worked. He was the visionary who saw the path to victory. He was the architect of Roman’s downfall. He did outsmart him. Put some respect on this lad’s name. The Bloodline doesn’t fall without his sacrifice. I thought this was cool. Almost certainly wasn’t done on purpose, and was most likely just everyone getting into position for the final shot, but I still hope they one day air it on TV. It’s arguably the most poignant moment of the weekend. Roman stumbling away defeated, all his previous rivals running past him to celebrate. Not a single one of them acknowledging him. We never got Sami Zayn beating him in Montreal, but we got the next best thing. Sami completely ignoring him to go celebrate with the goodies. Get fucked Roman. We won.

The closer it comes to this airing, the worse it seems. WWE are coming off a hugely successful event, featuring many of the things that used to set AEW apart as a revolutionary brand. Back to basics pro-wrestling. Big, hot angles. Huge, cathartic moments. Smart, intertwined story beats. To climb back in the mud and start throwing shit is so tragic and lame. Like when your ex has moved on and is in a new happy, healthy relationship and you’re still slagging them off on Facebook. Did John Cena teach us nothing, Tony? Rise above hate!

I’ve watched the main event back about five times now. It’s absolutely perfect in its ridiculousness. The ultimate crescendo. They nailed it. I do worry though. In the same way this was WWE: Endgame, you wonder if it’s going to end up like the MCU, where there’s no way to follow it and everything pales in comparison. Once you’ve done everything with everyone, where can you really go? For all the talk of this being the new era, it might end up being the Disney Plus Era, where everything peters off. That might have been their Mania X-Seven. Another similarity with the MCU post-Endgame; they’re one report away from having their own version of Johnathan Majors as Kang, where they place all their eggs in one basket and then it blows up in their face. Hunter, Nick Khan, Bruce Pritchard and now Stephanie McMahon. None of these people need to be on TV, so it feels like a huge, unnecessary risk to parade them about given the storm that could be coming. Get on this though. Never has a man been more Fed-bound. Probably counting the days left on his contract. The only thing I can ever imagine getting him this happy in AEW would be if Chris Jericho announced his retirement.