Devon Malcolm

I do really. I like cricket. thats why I'm here talking nonsense.

 

I just don't see how the current England team can match up and beat The Aussies this year. I have my doubts that the bowling attack can take 20 wickets, Strauss will probably forget how to declare again even if the front line batsmen do manage to build a big lead.

 

The Aussies might be weaker than previous years, but when all we can boast is Monty Panesar (god love him) and Ravi Bopara, things don't look great.

Who said 'all we can boast' is Panesar and Bopara? Why pick on Bopara, a man who has recently scored three test centuries in a row and looked really good in the 1st innings until he got a corking slower ball?

The fact is that you went on a knee-jerk reaction after 2 hours of play and England posted well over 400 as a result. The two teams are evenly matched and there is clearly no gaping chasm in class between the two teams any more.

Graeme Hick should be the No.3 for England.

They really fucked Hick's career by constantly carting him up and down the order and dropping him. If they'd have left him alone at number 3 and not arsed around with him he would have scored over 10,000 runs for England, no doubt about it.

No you're right I don't.

 

but if it weren't for KP, English cricket would be in a more sorry state than it already is.

If you don't know anything about cricket then why are you in here talking about cricket? And talking nonsense while you're at it?

Geoffrey Boycott's hatred of any shot that rises more than 3 inches off the ground meant he went on a right whinge about it. "A Dozy so and so" was one of the things he called KP.

 

Boycs is brill.

He's a big fan of Twenty20, apparently. SYNTAX ERROR.

Honours even today I thought. Yes KP did get out to a crap shot but he plays that way whether he is on 1 or 101 and he averages 50+ so leave him alone. He knew he had made a mistake.

Just after he came in the England team I'd have been the first to defend him. But the fact is that now he's far too good to be getting out playing ridiculous shots like that. You would practically never see Tendulkar, Ponting, Kallis, Mohammad Yousuf, Sangakkara and any of the other world's best batsmen even attempting such a crap shot. As long as he's doing things like that, he cannot possibly be regarded as one of the very best, and I say that as one of his fans. He handed the initiative back to the Aussies completely unnecessarily.

Boycs was swearing blue murder at him on TMS.

 

How does everyone else enjoy their Cricket? I use the Sky Sports pictures with TMS on my radio.

Same here, but only if they're in sync. I was going to listen to Sky today though until I found out Shane Warne wasn't going to be on until later in the series. Knackers.

Nice to see some love for Yoshi's Island. Fantastic game. Shame the DS version was so crap.

Great first day, that, really enjoyed it. Pretty good day for England, if they can get to 400 I reckon they could take this first test.

What a pillock Pietersen is though.

Setting Sun, if you were a bookie what odds would you give me for Kevin Pietersen to score a century?

Probably about 3-1 at the moment.

What a ridiculously woeful start to The Ashes 2009.

England have no chance of reclaiming them this summer.

2 hours' play gone. These matches last 5 days, you know.

Hilfenhaus is in form though. We've won the toss which is excellent, come on England!

He hasn't played a match all tour. His test record to date is crap. He really isn't.

England have gone with Monty, which I'm not terribly happy about. But the Aussies have dumped Clark and picked Hauritz AND Hilfenhaus! England absolutely have to get 450+ against this attack. If they don't, they won't have a better chance all summer.

Watched In Bruges the other night. Fucking brilliant, makes all that Guy Ritchie stuff look like a right load of unintelligent nonsense. One of those films that is endlessly quotable, but my favorit exchange was easily:

 

Ray: Harry, I've got an idea.

Harry: What?

Ray: My room faces out the canal, right? I'm going to go back to me room, jump into the canal, see if I can swim to the other side and escape.

Harry: All right.

Ray: If you go outside around the corner, you can shoot at me from there and try to get me. That way we'll leave this lady and her baby out of the whole entire thing.

Harry: You completely promise to jump into the canal? I don't want to run out there, come back in ten minutes, and find you fucking hiding in a cupboard.

Ray: I completely promise, Harry. I'm not going to risk having another little kid dying on me.

Harry: So, hang on - I go outside and I go which way? Right or left?

Ray: [upset] You go right, don't you? You can see it from the doorway! It's a big fucking canal!

Harry: All right. Jesus. I only just got here, haven't I? Okay, on the count of one, two, three, go. Okay?

Ray: Okay.

[long pause]

Ray: What? Who says it?

Harry: Well you say it.

I think In Bruges was the best film I saw in 2008. It's absolutely brilliant. Ralph Fiennes clearly nicked his performance from Ben Kingsley's in Sexy Beast, but that could never be a bad thing.

Skool Daze was one of the most annoying games I've ever played. It was as hard as HTBACB.

 

Bonus points if you know/remember HTBACB on the speccy.

Is that the one where you could eat shampoo?

Surprised there's nothing from the Spectrum or C64. Could it be that I'm just fucking old?

Me too

Is there a retro game thread somewhere? We could go there and cry over our tapes of Monty On The Run and Buggy Boy.

Well, this is going to be a pisser for the Aussies.

They might be forced to play Hauritz now. If not, then Hilfenhaus or McDonald are really not anything that England should worry about at all.

Okay, my top 15:-

15) Grand Theft Auto 3 (PS2)

14) Rainbow Islands (Arcade)

13) Rastan's Saga (Arcade)

12) Doom 64 (N64)

11) Flimbo's Quest (C64)

10) Championship Manager 97/98 (PC)

9) Smash TV (C64 / SNES / Arcade)

8) Super Mario World (SNES)

7) Tetris (Gameboy)

6) Prince Of Persia (Gameboy)

5) Goldeneye (N64)

4) Bubble Bobble (Arcade)

3) Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2)

2) Super Mario Brothers 3 (NES)

1) Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (PS2)

But because most of my favourite games are retro ones, I've probably forgotten loads. I'm already regretting leaving out Parodius (SNES), Creatures (C64), Park Patrol (C64), Robocop (C64), Revenge Of Shinobi (Megadrive) and practically hundreds of others.

Only Rashid will play test cricket out of those.

 

I think that we should win pretty comfortably, probably 3-1. The only slight problem in the first test will be Prior's keeping. As already mentioned, he's fine standing back, but if there are two spinners in the eleven, then he'll struggle stood up. Swann should have a field day against the Auzzie left handers.

 

Flintoff's batting is the only other worry, he shouldn't really be batting above Broad at the minute. No first class hundred since 2005 tells its own story.

Possibly, but there are a batch of finger spinners coming through as well such as Rafiq, Liam Dawson, Wainwright and others. Our stocks are certainly a lot stronger than theirs.

I wouldn't have Broad at 7 yet. He will certainly be good enough in a couple of years' time but the reason perhaps that he's doing so well with the bat right now is that there is relatively little pressure on him at 8. Bump him to 7 and suddenly a lot of runs are expected of him. Batting at 7, Flintoff can concentrate on bowling more, which is his stronger suit.

What, no Windows Solitaire?

I prefer Pinball.

I think the main problem with such a poll was the lack of arcade games on it. Games like Robocop, Smash TV and Parasol Stars would have made my list but I guess they will miss out because few of us are rich enough buggers to have them in our homes.

Good article about Australia's current spin bowling problems.

You would have expected Australia to be producing lots of spin bowlers right now as I would have expected loads of kids to have been inspired by watching Shane Warne to be coming through the system now. Doesn't seem to be happening now.

In fact, Warne's effect seems to have been far more positive on English spin bowling - there are plenty of young English leggies coming through - Rashid, Munday, Lawson, Beer, Waller, Borthwick - and those are just off the top of my head.

Also I am very glad to see GTA:SA in here. Easily my favorite GTA. I love films like Boyz N The Hood and couldn't care less about films like Scarface so I really connected with and enjoyed the storyline and characters. The world is just huge though. For me there was nothing better than cruising through the countryside in a lowrider with "Today was a good day" by Ice Cube on the radio or being chased by the police through the desert while blaring "Freebird". Just an amazing experience.

Completely agreed. Initially I was really daunted by San Andreas because everything in Vice City and GTA3 had been so compact and you could reach everything pretty quickly. Now here was a game where it could take you about 10 minutes to get from one place to the next! But after a while I grew to really love that part of the game and I loved the countryside and desert parts of it. Sure, it had its flaws - the needing the gym stuff could be pretty shitty if you're stuck in bloody Whetstone or something, but I loved it every much as Vice City but for different reasons. It's just a shame that it's probably too big to be able to spawn a San Andreas Stories.

As for Mario 64 ageing, I don't think it has at all taken on its own merits rather than comparing it with the obviously advanced likes of Galaxy and Sunshine. I think it's got one of the very best learning and difficulty curves I've ever seen on a game as well.

I think Prior's improved as a keeper and certainly warrants his place in the side. On keepers, anyone who saw Brad Haddin during the England Lions match and some of his performances against South Africa would know he's no Gilchrist with the gloves either, so teflon gloves could be a problem for both sides.

I actually doubt the Cardiff pitch will turn that much, I reckon they've probably tried to rectify that. Which would be stupid, obviously, as it's in England's best interests to have one that turns square as Hauritz is bobbins. I'd say that Swann will play as the lone spinner and that Onions will get a place. I might have gone with Sidebottom instead of Onions but they both are good selections.

I'm still unsure on the English Cricket Team, but having said that the Aussie's are not the team they once were.

Pleased about Harmison, everyone rave about Anderson but to me for at least 3 balls in an over he needs radar to find the stumps! Monty Panesar is also a joke now. he is crap with the bat, cannot field and only has one variation of swing the oposition have now found him out.

I think the reason Anderson has had such a good twelve months is because his control is far better now. He can swing the ball genuinely both ways at 90mph and he's now free of injury. I think he should have a huge part to play in the series.

Panesar should have shown signs of development and improvement by now, but he shows none. England should move on and use Rashid if they are looking at two spinners, plus the fact that Rashid is a genuine all-rounder and a good fielder.

The squad for the first test has been announced.

No Harmison, which is good. He has been bowling well but then he always does - then he pulls on an England shirt and no-one has the slightest idea where the ball will end up. Panesar shouldn't be in there, he's in dreadful form, but hopefully they will go for one spinner.

I'm predicting another 2-1 to England with Stuart Broad as man of the series and Ponting to resign as captain at the end of it.

A few stand up comedians, mostly obscure. Shazia Mirza was a fucking dullard, Andrew Lawrence was really shy, Norman Lovett was funny and very friendly. I also met Edwina Currie when I was in Sainsbury's once. Well, I say 'met', I just mostly wanted her to go down the egg aisle so I could take the piss out of her but she didn't. Also, my wife saw her and her daughter yelling at staff in Mothercare for not giving them a refund for something. I also once saw Beppe off the Womanising Circuit duck into Stationary Box after some schoolgirls chased after him and screamed.