Dads After a Split with Partner

[Turnbucklepads]

Well it's all done now. I've left.

Not sure how I feel really. Like one of legs has been cut off to be honest. In a lot of ways I feel relief, not sure why.

She said before I went that she thinks this is it for good. Although her mate called me and told me this morning that last night she was saying to her, she thinks she will regret it and want me back realizing she did love me all along, but she said I have had to be hard with Lee as I dont want him clinging to it, so I said thats it for good.

 

I know what I need to do, its gonna be so hard to do it. I musn't text or call. Will just make it worse. Stay strong.

[Ravenhill Promotions]

I didn't realise there was so many people on this forum in this situation.

 

I left my wife and four month old daughter about two years ago, I was given an ultimatum of family or business and I chose my business. So I guess i'm in a slightly different situation as I chose to leave. I'm also very fortunate that the mother of my child doesn't hold grudges etc and lets me see my daughter whenever I want to.

 

The only advice I can give you is to take the same road me and my wife took, and thats to always remember that the only thing that now matters is your childs happiness. Your child is your priority, not yours or your ex partners ego.

 

You chose your business over your family? That doesn't sound good. I don't want this thread to turn into a war of words, but that doesn't sound too good on your part. Whats the details to that?

I suppose I didn't word that right. However the gist of it is correct. Throughout our marriage I was always working (averaging 75 hour weeks), trying to build the business and provide a better life for my family. This got a bit too much for her, which looking back now I can understand. At the time I believed she was being selfish, and trying to hold me back. She wanted a 9 to 5 husband, and that just wasn't me. So when she gave me the ultimatum, in my mind it wasn't that I chose my business over my family, it was more I chose to leave a woman who didn't want me to progress in life or didn't support my ambitions. Some people frown upon that, and they're entitled to their opinion. Do I regret it? Not at all, I still see my daughter regularly, and i'm now in a far better position to provide for her.

[neil's bitch]

Sounds fair enough mr Ravenhill, to be fair i think we'd all like out partners to support us whatever we do, or else generally its just not cricket is it?

 

At least you see your daughter, and i bet your very close also! Well done for following you dreams ,also for making them work for youself and your family!

[Ravenhill Promotions]

Sounds fair enough mr Ravenhill, to be fair i think we'd all like out partners to support us whatever we do, or else generally its just not cricket is it?

 

At least you see your daughter, and i bet your very close also! Well done for following you dreams ,also for making them work for youself and your family!

Thank you. And definately, I think support for each other is almost as essential to a healthy relationship as love and trust is.

 

And fortunately, me and my daughter are very close, even though she's in the middle of her terrible two stage!! It just goes to prove you don't have to be a full-time dad to be 1) a good dad, and 2) close to your children.

[Loki]

What an interesting thread.

 

I remember about 10 years ago, maybe a bit more, my parents were remarking that a whole load of their friends suddenly started getting divorced. Loads of couples who'd essentially stuck together through various rocky patches for the sake of their children, then got to the stage where the children were off to uni and had flown the nest basically, decided that enough was enough.

 

And that was the way it was done for that generation - stay in a marriage even if they're not that happy, so as to provide a stable home for the children. Reading this thread though, it seems that's long gone. Firstly, plenty of people have kids outside of marriage, and secondly people seem to choose their own happiness first, and then try and work out how to best provide for the children afterwards.

 

Which begs an interesting question. Which is a better environment for a child - a single household with warring/miserable parents or divorced/separated parents and a life of split between households?

[neil's bitch]

Which begs an interesting question. Which is a better environment for a child - a single household with warring/miserable parents or divorced/separated parents and a life of split between households?

 

I might be able to help on this one! Again (sorry for mentioning about 15 times) im a kid (well 22 now) from a broken home as it were, and to me tis not really made alot of difference.

 

i personally am happier that they are both now happy doing whatever it is they are doing, then not being happy together. I was there for about 6 years whilst they were together and from what i can remeber there were more bad times than good, but again currently my mum has re-married (and at the age of 15 i got a sister after being an only child all that time! woo! that as well as gaining a step sister who is great also!) my dad was seeing a lady for about 12 years, (which gave me another sister around the same sort of time funniey enough), although since they have split....but he is seeing somebody again now.

 

Im very happy in my own life (run my own house, have a dog, long term girlfriend and baby daughter!) and am very happy for them in themselves also.

 

All i can really say is, instead of "caring more about there happiness" over a child, it kind of comes together. As when my parents where fighting, i didnt like it.....infact i wasnt happy then either. So (not that i was happy they split) but i was happy that they were happy afterwards.

 

Hope that helps!

[FUM]

As of today, I find myself in the exact same position. Not good.