Dads After a Split with Partner

[Hardy]

I am in a similar situation to a lot of people here I am trying to work things my wife I have 2 kids one who is my stepson and a younger child. My wife has told me she will try marriage Counselling as a last resort to save our marriage.

From experience of my parents divorcing when I was younger it can be a mess trying to sort things out

[neil's bitch]

if it helps at all, although i may of allready said it,much like others with split parents i saw things from both sides at one time, but if you keep calm and level headed it will get sorted, and you will see your children as much as possible.

 

i know it sounds easy, but if you keep as cool as possible, and sort stuff as it comes rather than "OH MY GOD! THE KIDS! THE HOUSE!", this stuff will get done. Again ive seen it twice personally, and anything like the house/money etc, is all "stuff" at the end of the day, and if you sort that as it comes, it'll get done. As far as children go, again just keep level headed, dont go shouting the odds, and if your looking for custody make sure you have the best situation possiuble, (IE your own place, decent living conditions, you work days rather than nights etc).

 

Just stay as calm/level headed as possible and it'll be sorted. Again sounds that simple, but in some cases it is. If your ex partner is still on good terms its easier, if your partner has gone slightley mental, if you stay calm.......it looks even better on you. So might not be worth much, but basically just be the best parents yous can during the mean time, and everything else will be sorted in its own time.

[Surf Digby]

I went through this three years ago. It was a pretty unpleasent split, but eventually we ran out of things to argue over, and I think she eventually realised that we've both ended up worse off for it. As such we get on pretty well now and can do things "as a family", even though we're no longer together.

 

When I first moved out though, I was an absolute wreck. I drove away from the house in such a state, knowing my daughter was upset and that I wasn't going to be there to comfort her, that it's a wonder I didn't crash and there were moments when I was approaching ref lights that I did consider shutting my eyes and driving straight through them. Having access is all good and well, but when there's 3 miles between you and your child instead of one wall, it's a horrible feeling and one that takes a lot of getting used to.

 

But are you through it now and no longer want to top yourself? How often do you see your daughter?

It wasn't so much a desire to top myself, just generally not giving a fuck should something happen.

 

For the most part, seeing my daughter hasn't been a problem. Unless one of us is away somewhere, I've never gone more than 2 days without seeing her.

[Turnbucklepads]

I went through this three years ago. It was a pretty unpleasent split, but eventually we ran out of things to argue over, and I think she eventually realised that we've both ended up worse off for it. As such we get on pretty well now and can do things "as a family", even though we're no longer together.

 

When I first moved out though, I was an absolute wreck. I drove away from the house in such a state, knowing my daughter was upset and that I wasn't going to be there to comfort her, that it's a wonder I didn't crash and there were moments when I was approaching ref lights that I did consider shutting my eyes and driving straight through them. Having access is all good and well, but when there's 3 miles between you and your child instead of one wall, it's a horrible feeling and one that takes a lot of getting used to.

 

But are you through it now and no longer want to top yourself? How often do you see your daughter?

It wasn't so much a desire to top myself, just generally not giving a fuck should something happen.

 

For the most part, seeing my daughter hasn't been a problem. Unless one of us is away somewhere, I've never gone more than 2 days without seeing her.

 

2 days? That's good. How does that work? You see her round your ex's? Does your ex have a partner?

[mikey]

Three things:

1. Was the child born in wedlock? If not, did you adopt the child at birth? Being on the birth certificate is not enough.

2. Have you moved out yet? If so, do not. Do not leave that house because in the eyes of the courts, you've walked out.

3. Are you a woman? Are there reasons for your going nutty back in 2008? Do you have issues abiut her leaving you?

[aaron]

I split with my boys mum eleven years ago.

 

There isn't any advice I can give mate, it's hard, always is hard, fucking hurts, and you live with it.

 

There is always a yin to the yang though. Not being around all the time has made me do the best I can with what little time I do get. I believe I'm a better parent for not being there and providing him a haven from his shitty home.

 

Six more years and the little fecker can buy his old man a pint!

 

But, yeah, it's gonna hurt but chin up because it'll never stop being magic when you're with your baby. And you can take plenty of pride for not running to the hills and still being around.

[MungoChutney]

Three things:

1. Was the child born in wedlock? If not, did you adopt the child at birth? Being on the birth certificate is not enough.

2. Have you moved out yet? If so, do not. Do not leave that house because in the eyes of the courts, you've walked out.

3. Are you a woman? Are there reasons for your going nutty back in 2008? Do you have issues abiut her leaving you?

 

Don't know about England but in Scotland The Family Law Act 2006 states that if a man is named on the birth certificate he has equal parental rights from birth. I got this from Families Need Fathers directly.

[Surf Digby]

For the most part, seeing my daughter hasn't been a problem. Unless one of us is away somewhere, I've never gone more than 2 days without seeing her.

2 days? That's good. How does that work? You see her round your ex's? Does your ex have a partner?

Yeah, unless I get asked to not go round for some reason, I just go round there. She has had a partner in the past, but currently doesn't.

[Kookoocachu]

Three things:

1. Was the child born in wedlock? If not, did you adopt the child at birth? Being on the birth certificate is not enough.

2. Have you moved out yet? If so, do not. Do not leave that house because in the eyes of the courts, you've walked out.

3. Are you a woman? Are there reasons for your going nutty back in 2008? Do you have issues abiut her leaving you?

 

Don't know about England but in Scotland The Family Law Act 2006 states that if a man is named on the birth certificate he has equal parental rights from birth. I got this from Families Need Fathers directly.

This is true for all of the UK, the only way you can have PR taken away from you is if you do it yourself, or consent to another person adopting your child. The court can always make this decision for you though, for example if you're a shit.

[Turnbucklepads]

When I signed the certificate, the guy told her (as if I wasnt in the room) "are you aware that this gives Mr. X as many rights to the child as yourself" to which she replied "yes".

So seems I do. She has called up and changed all the details over to her on her own now so it's all becoming more real. And I am very scared. I feel so scared I don't know what to do.

There isn't a lot I can do. She says she wanted this to work more than anything but she says years of me being a pain (which I am) has put a barrier up and she no longer loves me in that way. She says she loves me but not like she should her partner. That hurt as I adore her still.

She says that who know what will happen in the future and she feels she may live to regret it, but for now it has to happen. I'm devastated.

[neil's bitch]

When I signed the certificate, the guy told her (as if I wasnt in the room) "are you aware that this gives Mr. X as many rights to the child as yourself" to which she replied "yes".

So seems I do. She has called up and changed all the details over to her on her own now so it's all becoming more real. And I am very scared. I feel so scared I don't know what to do.

There isn't a lot I can do. She says she wanted this to work more than anything but she says years of me being a pain (which I am) has put a barrier up and she no longer loves me in that way. She says she loves me but not like she should her partner. That hurt as I adore her still.

She says that who know what will happen in the future and she feels she may live to regret it, but for now it has to happen. I'm devastated.

I know it seems very scary, but just try and calm down a bit. A much as this seems a HUGE deal, i need to stress that as a child from a split relationship, alhough my dad has missed a bit of my life because of it, both me and my father are very very close, i would dare say closer than we would of been if they would of stayed together, so for that reason alone i would say to try not to worry.

 

Just look at it calmly, if she is taking the house (depending on how this works out) then start looking for lodging, manage all your own personal bills (phone/gym etc) and make sure yo uare not paying for anything that is in her name now. Bar that again, i know it seems bleak, but if she has picked this way to end it, then sadly it looks like you may have to "Face the music" as it seems and accept it. That doesnt mean move on or whatever, but just to have your own time and try and get your stuff together.

 

If it gets to much, talk with some friends/family and maybe also see a doctor, depending on how you feel. I know you are focussing mainly on the kid maybe having a "step father" but again as a guy who has come from these sort of things, all i can say is it doenst effect me alot.....i know who my parents are, and im happy they are happy with there respective partners. So again, just forcus on sorting yourself out for now, and talk with your partner about access to the child when possible.

 

As condesending as it may sound, just chill out a bit. ( and im not trying to be mean or sarcastic, i really mean it, try and relax.....take a walk, and get your mind into gear). In all seriousness just focus on being the best parent you can be.

[Ravenhill Promotions]

I didn't realise there was so many people on this forum in this situation.

 

I left my wife and four month old daughter about two years ago, I was given an ultimatum of family or business and I chose my business. So I guess i'm in a slightly different situation as I chose to leave. I'm also very fortunate that the mother of my child doesn't hold grudges etc and lets me see my daughter whenever I want to.

 

The only advice I can give you is to take the same road me and my wife took, and thats to always remember that the only thing that now matters is your childs happiness. Your child is your priority, not yours or your ex partners ego.

[Turnbucklepads]

I didn't realise there was so many people on this forum in this situation.

 

I left my wife and four month old daughter about two years ago, I was given an ultimatum of family or business and I chose my business. So I guess i'm in a slightly different situation as I chose to leave. I'm also very fortunate that the mother of my child doesn't hold grudges etc and lets me see my daughter whenever I want to.

 

The only advice I can give you is to take the same road me and my wife took, and thats to always remember that the only thing that now matters is your childs happiness. Your child is your priority, not yours or your ex partners ego.

 

You chose your business over your family? That doesn't sound good. I don't want this thread to turn into a war of words, but that doesn't sound too good on your part. Whats the details to that?

[Smegma Cake]

Signing the birth certificate legally means you have as much right as the mother, but you only have to look at the crazy loons at Fathers 4 Justice to see that it doesn't always happen that way. I've yet to legally enter any proceedings to get access to my daughter, mainly because my lawyer says I'd have more of a chance if I was employed, which I'm not at the moment.

[Turnbucklepads]

Signing the birth certificate legally means you have as much right as the mother, but you only have to look at the crazy loons at Fathers 4 Justice to see that it doesn't always happen that way. I've yet to legally enter any proceedings to get access to my daughter, mainly because my lawyer says I'd have more of a chance if I was employed, which I'm not at the moment.

 

Out of work and fighting to see your Daughter. You sound like you're in the dumps too mate.

Feel for ya.