Dads After a Split with Partner

[aaron]

Signing the birth certificate doesn't give you any rights in the UK. You would need a parental responsibility order, issued by the courts.

 

I never got one. Don't really regret it either although I felt for years I should get it. They don't really help though.

Bottom line is that the mums can just do what they like so why bother fighting it? Better to spend your energies on making your times together happy ones instead of the rest of the time fuelling bitterness.

 

I'm babysitting tonight for cunt-faces. My wife's not happy, and I'm not too... but my boy is so it's all good.

[Turnbucklepads]

Cunt face? Man, is there anyone that really gets on with their ex?

Perhaps every now and then you have a one night stand type thing together Had these nights before with ex's and the sex always ends up 50 times better than when you were together.

[cdm316]

I split with my ex wife 8 years go (she had an affair) and for the first few months I worried about how much I would see my son and how I would cope with him living with another bloke. In that situation you can only hope that the guy he spends time with is a decent guy. Luckily for me my relationship with my son has always been great. This has meant that for the last 7 years my son has lived with me from Sunday night until Friday night. Now I know that I am in the minority but I was just want to let you know that it can happen.

 

It didn't happen without with some sacrifices though, as I didn't feel I could really tell the ex what I felt about her and I also gave up a lot of our possessions and took on all of the debt that we had. So while that was hard I got my boy which was what I really wanted.

[neil's bitch]

Actually from what i remeber in signing my daughters back in july 2010, they informed us that as of this year (i think either april/may), signing it gives the father equal rights as the mother. In terms of time, it was fairly recent it was fully implimented. any time before that and its tough titties for most blokes.

 

Acording to directgov:

 

According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsibility only if he is married to the mother when the child is born or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:

 

 

[aaron]

Nice info Bowyo. Big thumbs-up.

 

I missed the boat by about five years on that score.

 

Still, mums can do what they want so fuck it.

[Smegma Cake]

Well I jointly registered the birth of my daughter with me ex, we weren't married though. My lawyer seems to know what he's doing and I have to put my trust in him, because otherwise I'm clueless about how most of this works.

 

I get on with a few of my ex girlfriends, just not the one I had a kid with. I think that's the same for most people.

[neil's bitch]

Nice info Bowyo. Big thumbs-up.

 

I missed the boat by about five years on that score.

 

Still, mums can do what they want so fuck it.

Very true, sad to here you missed it by a little while, but i think more recently it comes down to circumstance.

 

For example, i have a little girl, if me and the misses split up: A) if i left, it would look bad on me (no home that i run/own) and im guessing id have alot less money. Also due to my work (working very odd shifts some early some very late) i doubt i would gain custody anyway. B) if she left, i would be running the home, she would have to move far far away (due to her parents living very far away), i may be more in favor.....but again because of my work hours, i may not get the child.

 

Its all very political, and unless you can prove there is some reason why the child shouldnt be with the mum (depending on your situation), its mostly still works in her favour.

 

Although on the plus side, i know of many fellas who are getting custody of the children these days, as i think the legal system recognises this to a certain degree that most dads just get screwed out of it. Either way i wouldnt worry a huge ammount, as my mum got custody of me (my dads circumstances where very bad...working nights/living with his mum etc), and im closer to my dad now than i ever would of been (i think anyway).

 

I suppose it eventually comes down the kisd perspective, my mum talked alot of shit about my dad, where as my dad simpley said "i thought she was the one for me, but sadly not", so either way i love my parents but i get on so well with my dad its unreal.

 

Also:

 

Well I jointly registered the birth of my daughter with me ex, we weren't married though. My lawyer seems to know what he's doing and I have to put my trust in him, because otherwise I'm clueless about how most of this works.

 

I get on with a few of my ex girlfriends, just not the one I had a kid with. I think that's the same for most people.

 

Aparently this shouldnt matter to much (as im nto married either), but if you did/have gotten married you need to have a new birth certificate made with all the new info on it, so im not sure if that factors into it, but aparently it doesnt matter as long as you were there.

[Kookoocachu]

Signing the birth certificate legally means you have as much right as the mother, but you only have to look at the crazy loons at Fathers 4 Justice to see that it doesn't always happen that way. I've yet to legally enter any proceedings to get access to my daughter, mainly because my lawyer says I'd have more of a chance if I was employed, which I'm not at the moment.

Doesn't matter if you're emplyed or not you will still get access. They're saying that because if you are unemployed you will get legal aid which doesn't pay them as much as if it was you paying them if you were employed. Custody, would be a different kettle of fish.

Nice info Bowyo. Big thumbs-up.

 

I missed the boat by about five years on that score.

 

Still, mums can do what they want so fuck it.

They can't do what they want unfortunately. If the court orders it, the court orders it. You could even be a murderer you will still have some form of supervised access to your child if you are on the birth certificate.

[aaron]

Mums can pretty much do what they want. If they ignore the court order, what happens then? They get told off?

[Kookoocachu]

Mums can pretty much do what they want. If they ignore the court order, what happens then? They get told off?

She could be given a penalty notice and be fined heavily. In the past mothers have even gone to prison for a couple of weeks and as far as I know they still do this in the states. Usually, because ignoring the court order puts the mother in a bad light with the courts, if the father was then to apply for residence/custody they may go in his favour providing there aren't any other bigger issues than a simple split. The courts would also be bringing her back every 5 mins which can be very expensive, have SS involved and other agencies.

[thefallenangel]

The age of the children hellps and their independance from the parents. If they are 11+ and can get a bus to the other parents house it shouldn't be a problem because the child can decide.

 

If they are young generally the father gets screwed over and it's a sorry state of affairs too which is appauling but the problem is for every bad mother there is probably an as bad father, you just got to hope the split is as amicable as possible and you don't end up on the wrong side of it.,

[Turnbucklepads]

I'm moving out tomorrow. The feeling in my gut is unreal. I am having to give up and awful lot. Sad thing is I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was love them both, and she agrees. The fact that I am having so much taken away is a sign that this world is so fucking cruel.

 

Relationship update: She says that if we decided to get back together today, she would regret it in the morning, as we would slip back into the problems that have been there all along. She says the only way (if there is gonna be) to have a future together is going to come from this split and her missing me. She says that what she really wants is to get back what she lost after I'm gone, and we get back together forever. Those were her words. She doesn't know if that will happen though.

She has told me to not just sit around and be sad, and that I need to go out and live my life again. Something that I have put on the back burner for years, for her and the family.

I've lost most/ all of my friends due to lack of contact, as I become a bit of a hermit when in a relationship. Silly, but I do.

First thing I need is a regular job, with regular money and the chance to meet new people. Getting off my extrememly depressed arse is another thing. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

[patiirc]

I'm moving out tomorrow. The feeling in my gut is unreal. I am having to give up and awful lot. Sad thing is I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was love them both, and she agrees. The fact that I am having so much taken away is a sign that this world is so fucking cruel.

 

Relationship update: She says that if we decided to get back together today, she would regret it in the morning, as we would slip back into the problems that have been there all along. She says the only way (if there is gonna be) to have a future together is going to come from this split and her missing me. She says that what she really wants is to get back what she lost after I'm gone, and we get back together forever. Those were her words. She doesn't know if that will happen though.

She has told me to not just sit around and be sad, and that I need to go out and live my life again. Something that I have put on the back burner for years, for her and the family.

I've lost most/ all of my friends due to lack of contact, as I become a bit of a hermit when in a relationship. Silly, but I do.

First thing I need is a regular job, with regular money and the chance to meet new people. Getting off my extrememly depressed arse is another thing. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

 

The more I hear from you about this, the more Iam concerned that you are getting royally fucked over. Each little thing that you put on here is you getting butt fucked by her in the name of your kid.

 

I appreciate that the kid is important, its just at the back of my mind there is a niggly feeling that she has a) met someone else and b) he will be on the scene pretty sharpish after you move out. ( the go and live your life comment is indicative of this, as she's moved on already or at least appears like it)

 

For example if things are amicable and there is space, why the hell cant you co habit as flat/housemates and be mum and dad for the sake of your kid? You dont have to be together together, and im sure all the not moving massive upheaval stuff would be better for you so you could move out at your own pace and not be forced out super quick. Something clearly isnt right in all of this I hope you arent being pushed aside for a new model.

[Turnbucklepads]

shes asked me to stay, and not go so quick. I am choosing to, as I think its only gonna hurt her feelings for me more. If there is ever gonna be a chance, then she needs to miss me.

She even said lastnight, dont go, we will work it out, and I said that isnt what you want to do though. She agreed.

[neil's bitch]

shes asked me to stay, and not go so quick. I am choosing to, as I think its only gonna hurt her feelings for me more. If there is ever gonna be a chance, then she needs to miss me.

She even said lastnight, dont go, we will work it out, and I said that isnt what you want to do though. She agreed.

Sad to hear, but at least your in the right frame of mind. i dont know the full score, but regardless of the situation you cant stay with somebody who can change there mind about something so "flippently" (is that the word?). Will she miss you when your gone, mostl likely, but if you think about it..........that may be the only reason she may want to get back together once you've gone.......because your not there anymore.

 

It may be tough, but it may be for the best just to try and move on alltogether. As they say never say never, but a fair ammount of time apart may be for the best.