CuckedByMenry

Elite Squad - "Two childhood friends decide to enlist in Rio de Janeiro's Military Police Department. After juggling college and their jobs with a corrupt police force, both make up their minds to try out for a Special Operations Squad whose mission is to take down the drug-lords that plague the city."

Loved it, probably the best film I've seen this year (despite it being two years old). Definitely worth a watch if you're a fan of City Of God.

Oh, as far as brutal film scenes go, it's got one of the most unforgiving.

C-4

The result was Candyman 3.

You just got fucked up.

 

I look forward to screwing with your evening in the future.

I took an interval in the middle. In other news; I hate you.

C-4

The result was Candyman 3.

I've just finished watching all the Critters movies, having started on Friday morning. The first is still as good as I remember it to be, as is the sequel, but watching parts 3 and 4 made me reminisce about the times when I didn't think they were shit.

While I'm at it, anyone fancy helping me choose a DVD to watch? Just pick any letter followed by a number between 1 and 10.

Watched Gremlins this afternoon as the torrential rain lost the Sky signal.

 

Even ignoring the horrid, unsharp, dirty print it was converted from, it's not aged that well. While there's some ambitious animatronic/puppet work in some scenes, in others it's shit and there's some sub-par stop motion.

The script is terrible, and the overly coloured (God bless the 80's) lighting makes it look like some scenes take place in a nightclub rather than the family home.

With the white hair and the snarling lip, Stripe comes across a lot like Billy Idol.

 

It's also quite bizarre in it's tone. It's as if they were trying to make a straight horror film, but halfway through realised it wasn't working and so chucked a load of comedy into it.

From a story point of view, it defies logic. Billy Peltzer is the "hero" of the film, but the writers make him a pussy. The hardest person in the film at fighting the Gremlins is Billy's mom. When the Gremlins first hatch, she puts aside her initial shock (and nausea from being subjected to Johnny Mathis) and takes on three straight away. After killing those by means of blender, knife and microwave, SHE GOES HUNTING FOR THE OTHER TWO! That's right, Billy's mom is fucking hard as nails. Even when blindsided by the one hiding in the tree, she still holds her own until Billy can claim his singular direct kill in the film, beheading the little fucker with a sword WHILST HIS MOM HOLDS THE FUCKING GREMLIN FOR HIM.

 

Kate is also far harder than Billy. Billy has a fucking sword and can only kill one Gremlin with his mom's help, but Kate takes on a whole bar full of drunken, rowdy Gremlins using only a Polaroid camera equipped with five, single-use flashcubes (ask your parents, young 'uns). She's also the one that holds the door shut when escaping the cinema so Billy can look for something to prop it shut with. Oh yeah, big man Billy. Cunt.

When running from the bar, a Gremlin pops it's head up from within the engine of a car. Billy runs away, but Kate stays to face it and slams the bonnet shut on it's head.

 

Who kills Stripe at the end? Fucking Gizmo. Billy, you're fucking shit.

 

I still do enjoy this film, as it's one of THOSE films from my childhood and was considered a pretty big deal at the time, but it's looking like a bit of a damp squid these days. On the plus side, I still feel my pre-pubescent crush on Phoebe Cates was completely justified.

I love Gremlins, but I do agree with Billy being a bit of a bitch. I'd always thought that Billy knocked the entire gremlin into the fire, and that the effects team done a shoddy job of showing the whole of it burning.

You may very well love this.

I watched Franklyn over the weekend. It might have been down to me being shattered and a tad sidetracked, but I didn't think much of it. Liked the idea though.

Sam Riley (of Control fame)

Ah! Knew I'd seen him in something else.

My Name Is Bruce - My name was bored. I read one line of plot before watching this, which was as follows:

"B Movie Legend Bruce Campbell is mistaken for his character Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy and forced to fight a real monster in a small town in Oregon."

A good idea done badly, and not even in a "So bad it's funny" way. The general feeling was that it was a film for Bruce fans, but for these 90 minutes I wasn't one. I'm all for low-budget films but this was too cheap for my liking, and the monster was arse. I laughed once, I think.

The Midnight Meat Train - Really enjoyed it. Good story, a decent fight or two and some nice gory parts. I don't usually say this about films but I also really liked how some of the scenes were shot. As for Vinnie Jones, he was rather awesome.

You utter shit.

Caught Trasnformers 2 on Sunday, and really enjoyed it. Quite a few reviews slate it for being self-indulgent: what the hell did they expect when it's based on a cartoon about robots that fucking transform into cars and planes and fight eachother?! The storyline for such a film is never going to be Oscar-material, so don't expect a masterpiece and just enjoy it for what it is.

A question for anyone that's seen it:

Due to my friend talking about how watching Bolt had him feel as though a pair of hands came out to either side of his head, I was expecting something similar. However, It definitely boosted the already-superb animation and I'd certainly go to see another 3D film.

I didn't have them on funny, I just didn't think anything really popped out bar a handful of scenes.

Drag Me To Hell: Not as amazing as it's being pimped out to be, but still one of the more superior horrors of recent years and it does enough to sway you from angering any gypsies.

Coraline: I really didn't see much popping out at me in terms of 3-D. When I said this to a mate, he said I need to look out for it, which I though was redundant what with needing to wear the stupid glasses to watch the thing. 3-D aside, it begins a tad slow but is quite decent once it gets rolling. At times it felt more like a feature length episode as opposed to a film, but a good one at that.

Wanted - A decent enough time-killer, and McAvoy's slow-motion calls of "I'm sorry" raised a laugh. As if Morgan Freeman's voice wasn't awesome enough, he even makes swear words sound innocent.

Superhero Movie - Not as dreadful as I expected and it actually made me laugh a few times, although I'm in no hurry to watch it again.

From Dusk Till Dawn - Would've loved to have seen this and not known anything about it beforehand. Still one of my favourite films for memorable lines, including this peach:

"Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!"

Crank: High Voltage: If they gave an oscar for mindless fun, this would win it. Unconventionally brilliant and not one dull moment. Anyone who enjoyed the first one should definitely catch this.

 

Hell yes, saw it thursday and thought it was great. Many a high five was hit, it was hilarious, fun and action packed and just total ridiculous fun.

 

I also saw I Love You, Man last night and thought that was great too. Paul Rudd should be more famous, hes hilarious. Would be a great date movie if anyones taking the mrs out this week and its much funnier than Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

 

Really? I love Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Must give this a bash.

 

I will NOT be watching Crank 2. I enjoyed the first one right up until he jumped out the plane and made a phone call. That went beyond the ridiculous fun part, it was just stupid.

 

But thats the whole point of films like that. Thats why they're so enjoyable.

 

I'm off to see Let The Right One In tomorrow night. Sounds pretty good, but I've not heard much about it bar the official blurb and some good looking review scores.

Got to say though, the surviving the fall from the helicopter is a bit shit.

 

It looks like a crazy arsed film and will probably give it a look when I can. Got "Notorious" last night, the Biggie biopic and haven't watched it yet but will be giving it a view when I get home from work, anyone seen it yet?

He dies.

Not seen it but I've heard it's OK. I wasn't a fan of his but the adverts for it made it intriguing for me. Will probably catch it when it's on Sky.

As for the helicopter fall, I agree it's damn right ridiculous but as KFR42 said, that's why it's so enjoyable. Chev Chelios is pretty much a borderline supehero. Who fucks in public.

Crank: High Voltage: If they gave an oscar for mindless fun, this would win it. Unconventionally brilliant and not one dull moment. Anyone who enjoyed the first one should definitely catch this.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: The same version that elegia watched. It was definitely an interesting experience, and a handful of the CGI parts were quite funny. I'd say it was good overall, although I felt it could've done with something more.

I met Timmy Mallett once. He's a short-arsed sour prick.

 

IMMEDIATE EDIT DUE TO FLASHBACK:

 

Oh, and I met Jon Tickle once too. That was an interesting moment.

And the universe didn't implode?

I was thinking something similar.

Freaky, I'll give you your weight in jewels if you sneak into Jon Tickle's funeral (when the day eventually comes) and slowly emerge from behind his coffin making ghost sounds.

Eric & The Hostiles - Pay The Price

Otherwise known as a very short-lived Charlie Haas entrance theme.

It was a press meeting as part of some drive to improve hospital cleanliness that Sharron Davies was spearheading, for some reason which wasn't apparent, and wasn't explained very well by the lady herself.

Tee hee!

I just watched Street Fighter: The Movie.

You so could have kidnapped Lucy Porter. It's good, but it's not right.

This may get the envy bug from one or two on the forum (I've read the unconventional hotties thread ) but... Lorraine Kelly.

 

It was ages ago in Dundee. She was doing GMTV from there and got pissed in the Union either the same day or the weekend after (I drank/smoked a lot - it's hard to recall). It's hard to recall as it was years ago (and the stuff in brackets) but she was absolutly brilliant and handled her drink like a true Scot; in extreme doses.

Jammy Twat

She could well have...