CAREBEAR LUVVA

On 10/25/2022 at 1:05 PM, David said:

Anyone seen Terrifier 2 yet?

Yeah. It's far too long, some of the acting's a bit "stage school", and it all goes a bit too wacky at the end (if there can be such a thing as "too wacky" when dealing with an ultraviolent supernatural clown), but Art is fucking fantastic, the main lass is superb and there's a fair few decent laughs amongst the excellently-done carnage. It's absolutely tremendous fun, as long as you're able to overlook a few flaws. Delighted that it's doing so well in the US. Hopefully the sold out Blu-ray will convince the higher ups that a UK cinema release is needed. I'd love to see the reactions of a room full of people, especially if it's at a big multiplex or something where there's a higher chance of being in there with a load of unsuspecting "normal" people who might not quite know what they're letting themselves in for.

I was wanking.

There's no visual novel aspect to it at all. You start off with a couple of arcade machines, and manage the launderette to earn money to buy new cabinets. More cabinets = more customers = more money = more cabinets. Eventually you can sack off the laundry side entirely and just focus on running the arcade. All the machines are fully playable, and all have a set of goals which increase the popularity of the machine so that it makes even more money. There are also daily goals which give you currency to buy upgrades, like a helper to empty the machines or slow down time so you can spend longer playing the machines each day. The first few hours are an absolute slog, and I found that I lost interest after buying all the machines and completing all of the goals that I was interested in (some of the games are really good fun but others just aren't fun enough to bother with), but the 5 or 6 hours inbetween were great fun. Wait til it's under a tenner, I reckon.

Wait til you find out there's a 20-disc box set being released next month...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eurotrash-DVD-Antoine-Caunes/dp/B0B7QDV8CP

From the videos I'd watched on Youtube of these orchestral gigs, I was expecting at least a choir and loads of fancy outfits and stuff like that. Just something to look at, really. It felt like a really stripped-down version of what's been done elsewhere, which was a bit disappointing. The stage was tiny so I'm guessing there probably just wasn't room for them to have been able to do very much. They'd definitely mentioned there would be "projection mapping" on the massive telescope though, which didn't happen. Loads of people seemed to bugger off when it got dark and things didn't really kick off in the way that you'd imagine a big name headlining the last night of a festival probably might have done. If there was a bit more stuff going on I think the crowd might have been a bit more engaged, which would have helped the general vibe a lot. It felt like standing in a very busy Waitrose where 90% of the customers were off their tits.

2 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

Maybe because they were specifically Bjork shows and not a festival appearance. 

This was definitely the problem with last night. I'd definitely go to see her again if it was just Bjork, so everyone knows exactly what they're getting. I'd probably prefer it to be a full electric/electronic thing as well, in all honesty. Not that the orchestral thing was bad - it was really fucking good - but she's got enough lively stuff in her catalogue that would be amazing to hear done "properly".

Just got back from seeing Björk do an orchestral gig at Jodrell Bank. It was good and everything, but the lack of crowd-pleasers in the first half of the set meant that a lot of people seemed to get quite restless. The crowd quickly realised she wasn't just "doing the hits" and that she wasn't even doing recognisable versions of the songs she was actually playing. A complete lack of drums all the way through meant there weren't even any beats to at least nod your head along to, so the majority of the crowd just started talking amongst themselves. One particularly vile bitch soured the mood for everyone nearby when she very viciously kicked off at a couple of gay lads who dared to give each other a quick kiss, but she was dealt with by a chant of "you're a cunt" which didn't quite fit the lovely string section who were going full pelt at the time. The show would've been amazing in a nice concert hall or something, but a field full of pissed-up 50 year olds shouting at each other and spilling their pints over childrens' heads definitely wasn't the right place for it. There weren't even any nice lasers or light shows or projections on the big telescope that the headliners on previous days of this festival have had. Bit of a dud, unfortunately.

Thinking about it, I've only seen Björk live once before and that was shite as well. It was a "secret" gig in Manchester in about 1998. She turned up at 1am in a sweltering nightclub so packed that you couldn't even get a drink or go for a piss, did 6 brand new songs that nobody knew on a stage that was at floor level so nobody beyond the first 2 or 3 rows could even see her (apart from a bit of hair bobbing around when she jumped up and down), then she buggered off. I love her lots but fucking hell, zero out of two isn't a great track record, is it?

Had a few hours on Hell Pie this evening. It's pretty much an old-school 3D collectathon along the lines of Banjo-Kazooie, Conker's Bad Fur Day or maybe Super Mario Odyssey (if a more modern reference might be needed). Just wandering around looking for specific items with a bit of combat thrown in, lots of special abilities to help you explore, loads of NPCs saying all kinds of weird / rude things, and there are a few levels-within-levels where the platforming side of things really picks up. It's got a very crude sense of humour though, which may well put some people off. It's all penis monsters, Nazi turds, lots of farting, that sort of thing. Completely absurd, very filthy, excellent world and character design, controls well, looks and sounds pretty great, much more well-made and accomplished than expected, love it loads.

Sure does come in handy! I did use it on the vintage car, but I didn't even pick up on the underside of the canopy being highlighted. The flashing wasn't visible without crouching and looking up at the tiny bit that hung over the windscreen, and I didn't even think to look around there because I assumed the "body" of the car would only refer to the sides / front, so my attention was focused elsewhere. Stumped me for absolutely ages. Massive "oh for fuck's sake" moment when I finally found it!

Found that missing 1% on the body of the car. It was above the sodding front window! I hadn't even looked around there, because I would've considered that area to be either the windscreen or possibly the underside of the canopy. Madness.

Yeah, I know it's the body of the car that's stuck at 99% but I've been all over it about 300 times now with no joy.

Yeah I've been using right on the d-pad a lot. I swear there's absolutely nothing left on this sodding car. It's absolutely gleaming and nothing shows up when I press the highlight button. There'll be a tiny bit of muck tucked away somewhere, probably hidden behind something else so it's a bugger to see/get to. Fucked if I can find it though.

The vintage car is an absolute bitch to wash. Took absolutely fucking ages. It's almost done, except the body is showing 99% clean and I can't for the life of me find any more bits of dirt to finish it completely. Think I'm gonna sack it off and move on to cleaning the skatepark. Maybe go back to the car when I've bought a more powerful washer or something.

Bit disappointed that the nozzle modifications are just cosmetic. It'd be good if they added a few arcadey powerups or something, so like you could maybe get a modification that fires two jets at once for extra coverage, things like that. I also think they missed a trick by not adding some animations when you complete a level, perhaps showing people enjoying the garden you've just cleaned and having a mildly amusing You've Been Framed-style accident or something.

Beautiful. Let's get this fucker finished before bed time then.

I got 36% of the way through cleaning the back yard before having to give it a rest because my finger was starting to hurt from holding the trigger for to long. Really enjoyable game though. I like that there's no music so all you can hear is the sound of the water. Very much looking forward to modding all the different nozzles and buying some fancy cleaning fluids. 

Reminder for the handful of maniacs who might appreciate it - Powerwash Simulator is available on Game Pass (Xbox and PC) at 4pm today!

Edit: the Xbox PC app apparently might be showing eastern USA time rather than UK time, so the game might not show up until 9pm. Absolutely livid.

It really is something else. Like, it looks shit in the sense that it's pretty much definitely going to be a rotten film, but it also looks shit. I've seen 16 year old media students come up with better CG and green screen stuff than this. Also, it really irks me that the list of Rob Zombie films at the beginning (where they do the "from the director of..." thing) isn't in chronological order. It's not even in the order of how well-known / recognised any of the films are with the general public (which would surely go Halloween, Devil's Rejects, 1000 Corpses). It's all just nonsense. Shite.

Yeah dunno what the problem is with that. They look well tasty.

Fucking delighted with this news:

I treated myself to Autobahn Police Simulator 3 last night because I'm a big fan of rubbish games. APS2 was awful so I had high/low hopes for the third one, and it hasn't disappointed so far. Among about a hundred other issues, it looks and plays like a PS1 game dressed up (barely) in PS3-era graphics, the slightest bump will send your car flying into the air (often impaling itself on some scenery on the way back down, which there's no escape from other than using fast travel to return to the police station), the voice acting is some of the worst I've ever heard, dialogue often only just about makes sense, I'd picked up every single collectable within about half an hour because I couldn't (and still can't) figure out how to actually progress the story (or if there even is a story), and the opening "special mission" makes you sweep cow shit off the motorway. It really is quite something!

Bugger fannying about slathering gel all over the place when moist wipes do the trick just fine.

The climbing and platforming ruined Doom Eternal for me. There's far too much of it throughout the game. That and the Marauders, who are the least fun enemies ever created. Doom 2016 was way better.

Mate, calm down 😂

Really fancied a go of the old 360 game "Prototype" this evening. I checked the backwards compatibility list and was disappointed to see it wasn't on there, yet it's possible to download both Prototype games from the Xbox store for £20 each. So it exists and is available for purchase on the Series X, but I can't put the disc in and play it. Bugger paying £20 to download something that I already own a copy of. I don't think I've come across this situation before. Infuriating stuff.

17 minutes ago, Gay as FOOK said:

By my count you're about another four decent blocks away from the best Celebrity Big Brother line up in history. 

One more for the roster...