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WE WATCH WRESTLING: and this is what we think


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Been watching and reviewing some shows lately, and couldn't see anywhere suitable to post them, so I thought I'd start a catch-all thread...


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DDT “SWEET DREAMS 2015”, 25/01/2015

Tokyo Korakuen Hall

2,000 Fans – Super No Vacancy Full House


What better thing to do on a lazy Saturday afternoon than watch some DDT? I haven't watched any in a decade so God knows who these people are. But it's DDT! Yeah!


* Road To KO-D 6 Man Tag Match: Gorgeous Matsuno, Gota Ihashi & DJ Nira vs Shuten-doji (KUDO, Yukio Sakaguchi & Masa Takanashi)


I do not know any of these people are. This was joined in progress. In less than a minute some guy in Yellow Trousers did a 619, a cross-armbreaker, and a sleeper. Busy. Hey, there's a morbidly obese Fatty in yellow pants. I immediately love him.


Some other guy who looks a Bit Like Onita ran into the middle of the ring and left a bottle of something. Yellow Trousers picked it up and went to drink it but a Skinny Guy stopped him. Booooooo.


Fatty and Kung-Fu Trousers had a forearm war. Kung Fu Trousers then kicked and slapped Fatty's fat but Fatty German'd him to death. Good fella. Then Fatty drank from the bottle. IT'S MIST! Another Skinny Guy ran in a covers Fatty's mouth before he can blow the mist but then he punched Fatty in the belly and the mist spurted out. Gold.


Skinny Guy I & Kung Fu Trousers double-teamed Fatty and kicked him front and back of his head. He fell down and Kung Fu Trousers did a top rope double knee drop onto Fatty's belly and he spurted mist, redundantly. Kung Fu Trousers made the cover for the win. Boooooooooooo!


Now for RESEARCH! Okay, Yellow trousers is Gorgeous Matsuno. Fatty is Gota Ihashi, which makes the other guy who looks a Bit Like Onita, and did nothing but leave the bottle, DJ Nira. Kung-Fu Trousers is KUDO, Skinny Guy is Masa Takanashi, and Skinny Guy II is Yukio Sakaguchi. I see.


RESEARCH! tells me that the mist bottle is the gimmick of the Brahman Brothers, who usually team with Matsuno. They're not here today, but will be back on the next show, teaming with Matsuno against Kung Fu Trousers and the Skinny Guys.


That was okay. It made me chuckle but it was pretty bad apart from that. DDT!


* Road to Iron Man Battle Royal (with Yasu Urano, Tomomitsu Matsunaga, Soma Takao, Shunma Katsumata, Saki Akai, Bernard Ackah & Hikaru Sato)


BERNARD ACKAH! I know who Urano is - he's the gay fella from NJPW, and I presume Sato is a WOMAN. Other than that...


This was also joined-in-progress. The Iron Man title was their version of the WWE's Hardcore title, defended 24/7, and won by all manner of crazy people and inanimate objects. I don't think the title was on the line here, rather a chance to go to the next show and fight for the title. Maybe.


The Woman was the next entrant as we joined the match. Some guys were already in the ring. She was very tall and very thin. She needs a sammich.


Some guy who looks like Edgar Frog from The Lost Boys kicked her in the face. Maybe she's a vampire? Hey, now they're all attacking the woman! The crowd are booing. Hey, she entered this!


A big black guy with HUGE YELLOW BOXING GLOVES entered the ring. I will make a racist assumption and presume he is BERNARD ACKAH.


Some guy in Blue Pants begged BERNARD not to hit him and instead offered The Woman. Bernard was having none of it. Blue Pants grabbed BERNARD's arm and made him clothesline The Woman and pin her. BERNARD wasn't happy. The Woman is eliminated.


Then Blue Pants offered more victims to BERNARD's takedowns. He accepted this time. Edgar Frog would NOT go down but Blue Pants helped and Edgar Frog was pinned.


A guy with Red hair and Red trousers tried to sunset flip Blue Pants (only with the flip, so just "sunset"?) but Blue Pants would not go down. Blue Pants called to BERNARD for help but BERNARD punched him in the face and Red pinned Blue Pants. Blue Pants is eliminated.


At this point I noticed that Edgar Frog was still in the ring. I thought he got eliminated? Let me rewind. Haha, what am I like? Blue Pants helped Edgar eliminate BERNARD, not the other way round. So The Woman, BERNARD, and Blue Pants are all out.


This left Red, Edgar Frog, and some guy with a natty ring vest and DNA on his arse. Which one is Yasu Urano? Is he in yet? Am I thinking of someone else? This is a confusing experience, not unlike an acid trip.


Not that I would know, of course. Honest.


Ha, DNA sunset flipped Edgar, who was front facelocking Red, and so Edgar suplexed Red. Nice spot.


Edgar Frog got kicked over the top rope. That left DNA versus Red. Red then broke the cardinal rule of battle royals that we all learned in Royal Rumble for the MegaDrive - don't run towards the ropes - and nearly got eliminated.


Then DNA kicked Red to the floor. DNA is your winner! At least I think he is, there's a lot of time remaining on this here mp4 file...


Some music hit, DNA is shocked! Some guy carrying a trophy and wearing a Blue Gi enters the ring! It appears the match isn't over. Oh, Blue Gi eliminated DNA with a half crab without even letting go of his trophy. Swank guy, that Blue Gi. There's still a lot of time left.


Blue Gi cut a talky. The crowd liked him. Whoever he is. I think he won. He made jokes I do not understand. Comedy is NOT a universal language. They cut to a Japanese man in the crowd in an afro wig. Now THAT was funny.


Okay, more RESEARCH! Edgar Frog is Yasu Urano, which means my next job is to look up who I thought Urano was.


TORU YANO! Easy mistake.


Tomomitsu Matsunaga is the guy in the Blue Pants, and Red is Soma Takao. The woman was not Hikaru Sato, she was Saki Arai, and she is the current champion. BERNARD is, indeed, the black fella. Shunma Katsumata is DNA, which means that Blue Gi is Hikaru Sato. Sorted.


Sato apparently said he would go on to the next show and win the Iron Man title. I believe him. Anyway, that was alright. Needed more Fatties.


* Road to Super TLC: Keisuke Ishii & Shigehiro Irie vs Daisuke Sasaki & Suguru Miyatake vs MIKAMI & Shuji Ishikawa


Everything's a Road To these days. I presume TLC means the same here as everywhere else. Though you never know.


MIKAMI is a name I remember from back in the day & I've been told Shuji Ishikawa is QUITE the fella. We'll see.


Guess what? Joined in progress. Hey, there's a guy with a turquoise Mohawk and matching turquoise & white singlet. He was kicking ass. A guy who couldn't be more of a Generic Japanese Indy Guy tagged in and hit a huge tope suicida onto Mohawk and his Pink Pants partner.


Back in the ring, Generic Japanese Indy Guy and the Pink Pantsner did some stuff and GJIG almost got a submission but Mohawk broke it up. MIKAMI and Ishikawa tried to do a double-team move where Ishikawa sat on the top turnbuckle and MIKAMI jumped off his shoulders, but MIKAMI kept falling off so Ishikawa double footstomped Mohawk instead. Ishikawa is a UNIT.


GJIG has a chair. Doesn't he realise Ishikawa is from Big Japan and therefore his actions will be futile? They wrestled over the chair and a guy with White Pants grabbed a ladder and put it over his head, spinning round knocking bodies down in a COMICAL fashion. Ishikawa KICKED him and he got hit by his own ladder.


Yeah, I think TLC is universal because Mohawk and the Pink Pantsner set up a table outside. They all traded MOVES~! and GJIG was sent through the table on the outside, arse first. Ouchy. Back in the ring Ishikawa pinned White Pants with a SUPRASHA MOUNTAIN!!!


Guess what? Research. Keisuke Ishii is the Pink Pantsner, which means that his partner Mohawk is Shigehiro Irie. MIKAMI and Ishikawa we know about, so Daisuke Sasaki is Generic Japanese Indy Guy and White Pants is Suguru Miyatake. Done.


These guys will go at it again at the next show, with the addition of Jun Kasai & Sanshiro Takagi. This was the best match so far. Nothing blown other than the MIKAMI/Ishikawa spot and it all kinda worked. Onwards!


* Road to Akebono Army vs Yoshihiko Army: Antonio Honda & Great Kojika vs Toru Owashi & Kazuki Hirata


Honda is ex-Toryumon, right? When they were doing that Italian Connection thing? And surely Kojika an old, old man by now? The other two? God knows.


This was not joined in progress. It was, however, joined in PROMO. Some guy with Gold Pants (and I'm so glad these guys all have different coloured pants) was saying stuff. Your guess is as good as mine.


Some music hit and out came an old man - Kojika - and a flamboyant, feather boa wearing dancing fat man - Honda. Oh, and they were accompanied by a blow-up sex doll, who I believe is Yoshiko, a former champion here.


Gold Pants and Honda started out. They traded holds until Gold Pants got the better of Honda and then put on Honda's magic disco glasses. They made him dance. Of course.


Kojika tagged in. He is very, very old. Gold Pants tagged out to Asian Tatanka, who called for a handshake and sucker kicked Kojika. The dick. Kojika launched a very slow, old man attack on Asian Tatanka. Kojika is 72 years old. Weirdly, he's not even the oldest man I've seen wrestle this year.


Honda tagged in and laid some punches on Asian Tatanka, who countered with a double nipple pinch. Ouchy. Asian Tatanka tagged out to Gold Pants as Honda was crying a man's tears of pain.


Gold Pants got a nearfall, and all the while the sex doll was staring on from ringside, dead-eyed like Mike Tenay. As the blow-up doll is Yoshiko, I presume that Gold Pants & Asian Tatanka are part of Akebono's Army? Does Akebono know?


Honda made a Ric Flair comeback and tagged in the old man. He runs (slowly) wild but Gold Pants kicked him in the balls. Asian Tatanka then punched Yoshiko in the face and her head snapped backward. The ref couldn't get it back on straight and looked distraught.


Honda woke up Yoshiko, who slapped him and choked him. Go with it. He then threw her into the ring and the heels caught her. She tilt-a-whirl headscissored Asian Tatanka, skittling Gold Pants as she did, and took Asian Tatanka down. Gold.


Kojika whipped Gold Pants into the ropes and he ate a big boot from Yoshiko (with an assist from Honda). Honda then put Yoshiko on the outside and she fell to the floor. He apologised.


Gold Pants stole Honda's glasses again and danced (the music comes on whenever anyone puts them on, you see), but Honda cut him off and then wore the glasses himself. He danced to the DELIGHT of the crowd.


Asian Tatanka slapped the glasses off Honda's face and teased putting them on himself but Kojika came in and smacked him. The crowd chanted for the old man to put the glasses on and.... HE DID!


DANCING OLD MAN! I legit LOL'd. The heels told the cameraman not to film it, like it was a dirty peep show.


DANCING OLD MAN was forearming everyone, even his own partner. He was lost in the dance. AND THE REF GETS A FOREARM! Kojika was having the time of his long, long life.


He dance chokeslammed Gold Pants and the Yoshiko Army wins! That freaking RULED.


Research: Toru Owashi is Asian Tatanka, which makes Gold Pants Kazuki Hirata. The glasses originally belonged to Hirata, but Honda stole them. The music that comes on whenever anyone wears them is MAGNUM TOKYO's music!


That match is going on the GOOD LIST.


* Road to Kazushi Sakuraba: Super Sasadango Machine vs Sanshiro Takagi


Now I do know Takagi. He used to do a Stone Cold thing. I liked that. And I'm guessing that Super Sasadango Machine - which is QUITE the name, by the way - will look like a Machine (the wrestling type, rather than the mechanical entity)


Yup, he was a machine. A green one.


He was wearing a title belt of some kind and plugged his laptop into the announcing desk before the match. This enabled him to load his own VERSUS screen onto the big screen, which has Takagi looking like a geek.


Haha, he loaded up a slide show and took a seat. I figured this might take a while. It

looked like he was going through his Road To Sakuraba. Whatever he's saying is funny. I am lost. But entertained nonetheless.


He talked about something called The Pro-Wrestling Cannonball Run 2014, The Movie. I would watch that. At some point this man will fight Sakuraba. I fear for him.


He had pie charts and graphs in his slideshow. Shunma Katsumata from earlier on got in the ring. He looked bored. Machine did not care.


Oh, Katsumata stared doing pratfalls in the ring, seemingly under the direction of Machine. Every time he took a bump the crowd rose to their feet and said, "uhno!", or something. Japan!


Backstage, Takagi cut a serious promo but some dude opened a door and it knocked him over. The crowd laughed. Poor Sanshiro.


GLASS SMASH! FIRE! Yes, Takagi still does the same entrance. Albeit without the 3:16 vest, and this time he was holding his poorly head.


So we had a match. After 10 minutes of this mp4. And Machine was wrestling in his belt. And slowly running the ropes. It's like this match exists on another level.


Takagi teased a 619 but slapped on an STF instead. That can't have happened before.


It was all Takagi but he got upset and complained to the ref about Machine's over-selling. META. Takagi went for the stunner but Machine pushed him off and he slipped on a BANANA SKIN that Yatsumata threw into the ring.


Machine got a nearfall with a roll-up but Takagi kicked out and hit the stunner. He ran the ropes and got tripped by Yatsumata, and turned to remonstrate, which gave Machine another chance at a roll-up.


HE WON! The Road To Sakuraba continues! He's going to DIE! Poor Sanshiro.


Super Sasadango Machine and Kazushi Sakuraba will fight on February 15th! YES!


Research indicates that the power point presentation which I erroneously thought was a slideshow because I AM OLD, indicated Machine's chances of winning against Sakuraba. He estimated them at 0% but then upped it to 25% should he beat Takagi. He did, so it is. He's still going to die.


* DDT EXTREME Championship Match: Akito vs Makoto Oishi


My Road To Watch This Show continues with the next match, the DDT EXTREME Championship Match!


I do not know these men. I will do my RESEARCH before the match this time. AKITO is our champion. He has an odd haircut. Oishi is our challenger, he has a swank half-skirt. AKITO's shorts are split up both sides. Fashion over function.


There was some nice matwork early on. Sweet lord, this was an actual wrestling match.


Oishi had AKITO tied up in the ropes but there was no rope-break, presumably because this is the Extreme title. That's an interesting - and refreshing - take on "extreme".


AKITO sat down in the centre of the ring, and dared Oishi to come at him. Oishi wavered but did. AKITO gave that up as a bad idea.


The first MOVE~! didn't get hit until after 6 and a half minutes of the match. This was aces so far.


AKITO locked on a WACKY LUCHA SUBMISSION! Oishi escaped and went back to this match's narrative - hurting AKITO's knee. AKITO then decided to go after Oishi's knee. That made my knees hurt.


Ooh, AKITO locked on a Figure Four, Oishi reversed it. There was no rope break, of course, so they just Figure Four'd themselves out of the ring. That'll break it, I suppose.


If this was taking place in the US or UK the hall would be full of THIS IS AWESOMEs because it was, indeed, awesome, in a really unusual way.


Oishi got a nearfall with a stunner and a chokeslam, and turned the kickout into a kneebar. AKITO made the ropes but with no rope break he pulled himself up and reversed it into a sharpshooter. Oishi made the ropes but this just allowed AKITO to bridge and Oishi tapped.


AKITO is still your champion! That was pretty sweet. Recommend.


AKITO offered his hand to Oishi after the match and Oishi shook it. Then he spat in AKITO's eye. Dick.


Research tells me that the champion gets to choose the match stipulations, and so AKITO chose No Rope Breaks. That's a great idea for a title. AKITO will fight the mysterious X on February 15th...


Hey, it’s our main event!


* Saitama Super Arena Prelude! Special 6 Man Tag Match: HARASHIMA, Konosuke Takeshita & Tetsuya Endo vs Kota Ibushi, Daisuke Sekimoto & Yuji Okabayashi


I know two of these men! Again, I will do RESEARCH before this match! HARASHIMA used to be Hero! back in the day. I remember him. Endo is a YOUNG PUNK! 23 years old! Takeshita is a YOUNGER PUNK! 19! FFS! I AM SO VERY OLD!


I know Ibushi from recent New Japan, and I know Sekimoto from ancient Big Japan, but Okabayashi is new to me. Turns out he's a Big Japan guy, too, but a recent one. I'm told they're having quite the resurgence, especially in the Strong Style.




Ah, the preview video before the match told me Endo & Takeshita are a tag-team, feuding with Sekimoto & Okabayashi. And HARASHIMA is the DDT champ, with Ibushi chasing him for the belt. These men will meet in respective battles on February 15th!


Sekimoto is fucking hench. An absolute HOSS.


Ibushi & HARASHIMA did some WRESTLING to start out, then Endo & Okabayashi tagged in. I feared the match would take a different path from that point.


Actually, "feared"? EXPECTED & DREAMED. Okabayashi is a big fat, bald KILLER. Endo looks like he would steal your lunch money.


Haha, Endo put a sneaky chop on Okabayashi and then got it back in SPADES. Takeshita tagged in and he wanted Sekimoto. Cocky folly of youth. Takeshita made the same mistake Endo did and Sekimoto DESTROYED him with chops and headbutts. Ibushi and Endo then brawled in the crowd. Hello Korakuen Hall!


Endo got a battering. Ibushi kicked him to death, then Sekimoto chopped and choked him. Then Okabayashi went to town. I would have felt sorry for him but he has bad hair.


Sekimoto then tried to break him with a crab while Ibushi & Okabayashi stopped any

interference. He made the ropes. FIGHTING SPIRIT!


Endo made a dropkick comeback and Takeshita wanted the hot tag! He got it and ran wild on Sekimoto! He hit a crossbody for a near fall! YOUNG PUNK ON THE RAMPAGE! Oh. Then he got killed by Sekimoto and Okabayashi.


Incidentally, I like that Takeshita, main eventing a 2000-seater sellout, is wearing Nike trainers. He tagged back in and tried to trade chops with Okabayashi. Again, the folly of youth. Takeshita got a hope Dragon suplex but was then clotheslined out of his skin.


Then HARASHIMA! tagged in! And ran wild on Ibushi! But wow! Ibushi did a standing moonsault but landed with his knees on HARASHIMA's chest. For a nearfall.


Then they had a forearm war! And then Ibushi kicked HARASHIMA square in the chest! HARASHIMA dared him to kick some more! He did! Dare! Kick! HEART PUNCH! from HARASHIMA! Kick! HEART PUNCH! Kick! HEART PUNCH! Kick leg caught - HEART PUNCH! HEART PUNCH! HEART PUNCH! DRAGON SCREW! That ruled.


Sekimoto had Endo in an Argentina backbreaker, and Okabayashi had Takeshita in one. Ibushi lined them up and went to the outside... springboard double foot stomp. That was underwhelming.


The heels did a lovely bit of triple teaming on Sekimoto, and that led to a crazy sequence with Sekimoto and Endo & Takeshita. Pinfall victory for the hench fella with a herking German.


That was pretty good. Really enjoyable. I now like all these guys. After the match, Ibushi offered a handshake to HARASHIMA, who countered with a scissors gesture. Ibushi changed to rock, so HARASHIMA changed to paper, and they went on with Ibushi always getting the upper hand. The man with the afro wig from earlier stepped in - he's in charge, apparently - and promised great matches for SAITAMA SUPER DDT 2015, on February 15th.


So, yeah, that was a decent show. So weird that little DDT is so big now. I guess we can all dream, eh? SWEET DREAMS!

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Quick bit of info: Toru Owashi/Asian Tatanka is ex-DragonGate/Toryumon - he was part of the super-heel Aagan Iisou faction who all suddenly got fired in real life back in 2005. He was always pretty shit - started off as a promising power/big-man wrestler, but didn't improve at all.

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It'd be good to have an idea of what/who you're talking about when you review this sort of thing.


Skinny guy, fat guy etc just smacks of 'this was shit and I just wanted to publicly slate it'.



Erm, except I loved it?

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DDT is the very definition of sports entertainment. Super Sasandango Machine's power point presentations are tremendous. Before cashing in some kind of MITB style title shot he takes the time to explain why he would be the perfect choice as DDT's next champion (or as he puts it "Cash Cow") and how using his finisher 3 times will accumulate enough HP damage on the champion, HARASHIMA, for him to win. You can't argue with his logic.



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