Impeccable comic timing

[Bydo]

I was inspired to start this thread just as a certain song played on my iPod. It reminded me of the time that, once, at rassler training, someone was about to perform a pretty dangerous variation on a suplex. The trainer stopped the manoeuvre with an emphatic 'HO HO HOOO!'

Then, from the back of the room, quick as a flash, another trainee sung 'It's Magic!'

It slayed me. And continues to.

 

These are more than 'you had to be there' moments; instead they show an absolute, one moment in time display of comic genius that may never be truly replicated. I have one or two others, but I need a laugh, and thought I'd open the floor!

[Halitosis Romantic]

I have too many to recount, but a couple of my favorites are:

 

1 - My wife and I were in the emergency room a couple of weeks ago (her grandpa had bad stomach pains, and had to be admitted), and we were trying to cheer each other up. She'd grabbed my iPhone stylus, and wouldn't give it back, and started talking about how she was more evolved, and that's why she was able to grab it. She laughed at me, and said, "It's like... survival of the fittest. Darwin... Darwin". She lost her train of thought, so I finished her sentence with, "had a beard". Then, I left a couple of beats, and continued, "like your mum". Now, I never use the "like your mum" comeback, so it was an instant knockout.

 

2 - My friend's girlfriend back in University broke her ankle, and was on crutches. I went down with her and some other folks to do laundry, and something happened that amused me, so I laughed. "You laugh like a girl!" she said, so I ostentatiously moved just out of her reach, and retorted, "well, you look like a man". Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

[FLips]

I was at a New Year's party where my very first Ex Girlfriend turned up absolutely plastered, because she knew I'd be there and "couldn't handle it".

 

So she turned up and immediately made a scene by throwing up in the garden and being a general turd. I was in the Kitchen with a few mates and she burst in ranting about Ant and Dec's "We're on the ball" for no reason. She went on and on for a good five minutes until she saw about 4 of us stood staring blankly at her and she went "I'm making a dick of myself aren't I? to which my best mate replied in a split second "you're on the ball there, love".

 

She had by far the biggest mental breakdown I have ever seen to this day. She practically collapsed to the floor in floods of tears as the lot of us pissed ourselves laughing. She stormed out of the house and walked over a mile home in the freezing cold, her poor mate who she came with having to go with her despite us all knowing her and getting on fine.

We were still laughing about it long after she left.

[Philo_Vance]

The only one, tragically, I can bring to mind at this moment, was years ago. Was sitting in my local, which sold Kronenbourg, Fosters, and Carlsberg, lager wise. A big fella, dripping in burberry and gold chains has swaggered into the place, hand in his tracksuit bottoms playing with himself, walked like John Wayne up to the bar, looked at the T Bar, and, wanting a pint of Stella (to reiterate, they didn't stock Stella), and pretty much yelled at the barmaid 'Oi, Darlin', how much is a pint of Nelson Mandela?'.. To which I piped in 'It's free, innit'. Barmaid laughed, he didn't get it and I'm pretty sure I narrowly avoided a kicking.

[Tommy!]

In 1975 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded, I found myself in a last minute rush for the one remaining seat with a tall, good looking man with collar length hair, it was the70's. Buckaroo.

 

When I sat down on the chair I look up and realised it was non other than Peter Purves, he was at the hight of his Blue Peter fame. He said "you jammy bastard" and quick as a flash I replied "don''t be blue, Peter".

 

Needless to say I had the last laugh.

[JNLister]

I can do the opposite.

 

Flying from the somewhat unimpressive Exeter Airport, as I was checking in, the woman at the desk was telling her colleague that she hadn't wanted to say anything, but the guy she'd just served was Marc Almond.

 

Quick as a writer making a cliched reference to a flash, I piped up "I hope you didn't ask him if he was carrying any banned fluids."

 

This witty interjection earned me a wry knowing grin as I handed over my passport.

 

Then a very dirty look. As, thanks to the effects of a foil wrapper and static electricity, she handed back the unused condom which I'd just mistakenly palmed off to her.

[Gordon_The_Gopher]

Just yesterday I was doing the floor walk in my office when I happened upon a conversation regarding the new, needless to say attractive, girl in the office. The younglings were discussing how "hot" she is and one of the gentlemen had proclaimed his affections. Noticing my appearance at the scene, a female colleague spoke up - "I bet you'd like to get in her knickers too?". Allowing just a split second to pass I retorted with "I'm pretty sure they would be too small for me..." and turned to walk away.

 

With that, everybody laughed.

[Magnum]

In the Crescent pub in Salford a few years back, we were having a pint on the rickety tables near the entrance to the pub when a heavy wooden sign on the wall announcing the guest ale prices clattered to the ground. Quick as a flash, some bearded wag pointed to the fallen sign and correctly described the scene with the words 'Sign felled!'. Me and my Canadian mate laughed, though I'm not sure how many others got it.