Edinburgh Fringe

[Devon Malcolm]

Those are pretty crap, apart from the Tim Key and Tim Vine ones. Didn't Paul Daniels win the award for the crappest gag?

[Bettencourt]

Not really sure what there is to get? I don't think it's a particularly funny gag but it's pretty simple.

 

People are often said to have died "doing what they loved". The person who died loved doing heroin and he died doing heroin. I don't think there's any more to it than that.

 

So it isn't really a joke then? It's just a statement. Would be like me saying "My friend died doing what he loved... skydiving" or "My friend died doing what he loved... motor racing."

 

Not substance to that joke at all.

[Devon Malcolm]

So it isn't really a joke then? It's just a statement. Would be like me saying "My friend died doing what he loved... skydiving" or "My friend died doing what he loved... motor racing."

 

Not substance to that joke at all.

 

Wuh...?

 

Heroin's not a bloody hobby or profession, though, is it? That's where the distinction lies for the gag. Blimey.

[Bettencourt]

Wuh...?

 

Heroin's not a bloody hobby or profession, though, is it? That's where the distinction lies for the gag. Blimey.

 

You try telling that to the dealers and junkies.

[Dead Mike]

Wuh...?

 

Heroin's not a bloody hobby or profession, though, is it? That's where the distinction lies for the gag. Blimey.

 

This. The funny comes from the expectation that the reveal will be an accepted, everyday activity as opposed to hard drugs. Not many people cite Heroin as an interest on their facebook profiles.

 

The Nick Helm joke won the competition & rightly so IMO. Cracking stuff.

[textonly]

7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

 

That's my favourite from this year's list.

 

Last year's shortlist if anyone cares to compare...

 

1. Tim Vine: I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

2. David Gibson (as Ray Green): I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.

3. Emo Philips: I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.

4. Jack Whitehall: I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

5. Gary Delaney: As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

6. John Bishop: Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.

7. Bo Burnham: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

8. Gary Delaney: Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

9. Robert White: For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.

10. Gareth Richards: Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub.

 

#2 is still brilliant, and #8 feels like a cleverer version of that heroin joke.

[textonly]

Oh, and the full shortlist for the worst joke...

 

1. Paul Daniels: "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'."

2. Tim Vine: "Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy."

3. Vladimir McTavish: "The Lockerbie bomber put Lockerbie on the map, well he nearly took it off it too."

4. Josh Howie: "I've got nothing against the Chinese. Don't get me Wong."

5. Card Ninja: "I went to see this show and the guy said 'Hey kid do you like magic?' And I said 'Yeah!' So he asked if I wanted to see a trick and I said 'Yeah!' So he said'think of a number, times it by two and if it's odd...' Oh no, he's a MATHmagician!"

6. Tom Webb: "Due to the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles."

7. Nathan Caton: "Postcode wars? That sounds like a really s**t BBC game show."

8. Andrew Bird: "My wife's eating for two. She's not pregnant, just schizophrenic."

9. Mark Olver: "During my first murder I was like a dyslexic having my back teeth removed... losing my morals."

10. Andrew O'Neill: "A song for the colour blind: 'And I think to myself ... why did I become a bomb disposal expert?'"

 

I have to admit, Tim Vine's made me laugh more than his joke in the 'best' list.

[Wrasslin]

That's my favourite from this year's list.

 

Last year's shortlist if anyone cares to compare...

 

1. Tim Vine: I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

2. David Gibson (as Ray Green): I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.

3. Emo Philips: I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.

4. Jack Whitehall: I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

5. Gary Delaney: As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

6. John Bishop: Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.

7. Bo Burnham: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

8. Gary Delaney: Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

9. Robert White: For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.

10. Gareth Richards: Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub.

 

#2 is still brilliant, and #8 feels like a cleverer version of that heroin joke.

 

Gary Delaney is brilliant. One of the few one liner comedians I actually like.

[Devon Malcolm]

Gary Delaney is brilliant. One of the few one liner comedians I actually like.

 

Yeah, number 5 is great. He's still no Steven Wright, though.

[Dead Mike]

Gary Delaney is one of the most consistent acts in the country IMO, never seen him have a bad gig.

[Wrasslin]

Gary Delaney is one of the most consistent acts in the country IMO, never seen him have a bad gig.

 

I've supported him once in Milton Keynes and once in Bedford and he tore the roof off both times. Particularly Bedford who had not been the most giving crowd up until that point.

[Dead Mike]

Supported him in the sense that it was his show & he picked you as support or it was a normal night & you were diong an open?

[Wrasslin]

Supported him in the sense that it was his show & he picked you as support or it was a normal night & you were diong an open?

 

Bedford was an open. Milton Keynes (Technically Newport Pagnell so I'm told) was a paid slot.

 

He didn't pick me for either of them, sorry should have made that a bit clearer.

[Dead Mike]

It's alright. I got a gig request email once from an act who claimed he'd 'supported' both Jason Manford & Sarah Millican. He'd actually done 'new stuff' at the Store on a Sunday when Sarah was also trying stuff out & was doing an open at a gig where Manford had also turned up & done an unannounced set.

[Wrasslin]

It's alright. I got a gig request email once from an act who claimed he'd 'supported' both Jason Manford & Sarah Millican. He'd actually done 'new stuff' at the Store on a Sunday when Sarah was also trying stuff out & was doing an open at a gig where Manford had also turned up & done an unannounced set.

 

Aye, don't think it really counts if they just happen to turn up at a new material night or whatever. I'd only consider it a support or even having been on the same bill with if they were always booked to perform and the event was sold on the basis of them being there.

 

Back when i was running an open spot night I had a guy e-mail me and say he'd done the Comedy Store . . . in Birmingham. That was an e-mail which didn't get responded to.