Linus

I forgot the Miz-Sheamus match ever happened. Which is obviously a sign of how that feud is gripping the nation. BUT how good was Mizdow again? So. Over.

 

Re: the Cena turn. You must remember I haven't seen any WWE in the last 10 years or so, so I can't say I've seen him do this before. The way he sometimes plays up to the crowd that don't like him, does dickish things to the very over babyface, and is obsessed with revenge for something not that bad, are all slight heel clues. Like I say, though, I haven't seen it for a decade so it may jist be standard practice now.

So Raw started with the talky talky. Was there ever a time when this wasn't so? Not that it (always) a bad thing, but would it be weird now to go straight to a match?

Ambrose and Cena did their thing. Cena's showing a few more heel tendencies. I do think they're actually gonna go through with it, and damn the merch sales! Or maybe they'll swerve me. Damn you Russo!

HHH & Stephanie have a little bet on whether the two can co-exist as tag partners. And put them in with the feud no-one wants to see begin, Usos vs the Dust Brothers.

Stardust is clearly channelling Frank Gorshin as the Riddler, and that's a good thing.

Match was odd. Ambrose/Cena vs the Usos for EVER. Then we went to a break and the Dusts were in. No explanation how. They did some nice spots and all the faces did dives, even Cena. Yeah.

Cena pinned Stardust for the win (after Stardust had escaped from the Attitude Adjustment the first time, which was weird). Because the thing to get your tag belts over is have a non-tag team beat the champions and main contenders, right?

HHH didn't like losing his bet and so he made Cena versus Ambrose, with the winner getting Rollins at Hell In A Cell, as tonight's main event. A good decision.

Later, in hyping the main event, Lawler called it a "Pole On A Match", and Bradshaw corrected him, calling it a "Contract On A Match". Those guys.

Hey, isn't it weird to see HHH being this dastardly heel but wearing a ribbon & pink tie to support breast cancer awareness? I'm not saying he should campaign FOR cancer, or that I think it's a bad thing. Just another little sign of how wrestling has changed.

Oh, man, women.

You realise they're basically feuding over makefriendsmakefriendsnevereverbreakfriends, right? Because women. AJ got layla as a partner because she, the champ and babyface here, hasn't got any friends. Nobody in the back likes the top babyface. Women. Unfortunately, this feud means Alicia Fox gets ring time. Paige was doing some nice stuff on the apron, but nice stuff that would be brilliant in front of hundreds rather than tens of thousands where it was lost. Layla walked out on AJ (which AJ did last week, remember?) and AJ won with what was described as a shining wizard. And then, because she's the babyface, beat up her partner. Utter shit.

Randy Orton booked himself onto a PPV. Is it that easy?

Dolph Ziggler versus Randy Orton because reasons. It was an odd one. There was some great stuff but it was a little bit lost on the crowd (early) and me (whole match) because no-one cared about Ziggler. Orton was getting cheers and chants until Ziggler bumped enough to earn some begrudging praise.

I don't know what it is that is so bland about Ziggler. He looks like Jeff Jarrett without the technical skills. Someone here said that he bumps not sells, and that's about right. Orton, however, is a giver, and made Ziggler look a million dollars, giving him far more than he should, but still winning with an innovative RKO.

Oh, yeah, Rollins watched the match from the ramp, standing impassively, sucking heat out of the room. And then kerb stomped Ziggler because they're going to need an IC title programme for him when he's failed to headline.

Then Rollins fought Swagger. Again, reasons. Does nobody ever sit there and wonder, why are these people fighting? It's not tough to make matches that have storyline sense, or make storylines to fit matches you want to do. It's a lost art, it seems.

The match was okay. It was odd doing another balls-out contest so soon after one which the crowd were chanting, "this is awesome" at, but I guess these things are scripted in stone these days, and who knew Ziggler would have a great match? They tried a bunch of stuff, some of it worked, some didn't. Rollins blew a schoolboy. Haha, that's a funny sentence.

Rollins won with a roll-up and then Orton, who'd been watching from the ramp, RKO'd Swagger. Rollins looks so nothing next to Orton it's not funny.

Ah, Rusev versus Big Show, the feud that makes me wish for Ludvig Borga. Bradshaw said that 318 million native Americans would cheer The Big Show's victory. I'm not sure Bradshaw knows what a native American is.

Big Show DESTROYED Rusev early on. I mean, totally destroyed him. Then Rusev hit an outstanding standing dropkick out of nowhere and it swung back the other way, with Rusev softening him up for the "Accolade", which sounds like a fizzy drink. Show made a brief comeback, mainly because Rusev had a resthold on that looked no more perilous than a handshake, but Rusev camel clutched him almost into unconsciousness. Mark Henry hit the ring to encourage and then SAVE the Big Show, causing him to lose. Which protects Rusev somehow.

Then the BABYFACES ganged up on Rusev, two on one, and the HEEL swallowed his fear, made peace with his demons, and attacked them, only to be PUNCHED unconscious. This feud!

During this match my attention wandered a bit and at times it was hard to differentiate between commentators. Cole and Bradshaw have such a similar tone to their voices that it sometimes seemed like one commentator arguing with himself. Which is a GREAT idea.

What's worse than a women's tag match? A women's SIX-man, that's what. And for extra crapness they managed to bring in another, charismaless woman to stand at ringside.

Jesus, it was dreadful. To accurately describe it would demean me as a writer and you as a reader. Brie Bella won for her "team".

Bray Wyatt is a scary man.

Okay, the main event was good. It was odd because you'd think it would be a simple thing, climbing a pole, and there were lots of times when either man, but particularly Ambrose, could have. BUT. This was also a main event on a flagship TV show, so they had to do STUFF~! And it was good stuff, too. Yeah, I'm digging these two. I want heel Cena down the line for another go.

Anyway, Ambrose got the contract, which means he gets Rollins. I hope he kills him. And Cena gets Orton. Which will be one to watch because both are teasing turns.

A decent show. BRING ON SMACKDOWN!

Fantastic gesture by Ricky to do something in memory of $tew on future shows - no better way to pay tribute to his work and enthusiasm.

 

Lovely piece in the Observer, too. Would that we all do something worthy of that!

 

And OB, I'd be down for contributing to a final Real In Memphis video review. I'm sure the others would, too, even those of us who no longer watch much or any wrestling.

I know Phil Rippa is still reviewing stuff, ironically NXT. I'll go and have a looksee.

So much love for the man. It really gladdens my heart. I've been half-heartedly saying to Lister that we need a RIMup again, and that we didn't do anything about it makes me sad now, but also determined to actually do it. We can talk about $tew and watch wrestling. He would have liked that, I think. Maybe not the talking about $tew bit.

Sometimes if you hang around long enough you become "retro"...

Yeah, I watched NXT again. I liked it, mostly.

Hey, it's Tyler Breeze. They're doing this thing where he's announced from different places, the idea being that he's this playboy who's seeking the party lifestyle. This week he's from Helsinki, where it's cold and dark and the suicide rate is really high. LET'S PARTY!

You know what I like about Mojo Rawley? He's old. I like old wrestlers. The territories were full of them - indeed, you could rarely work on top if you were under 40. Except Mojo's not actually old, he's only 28. But he looks 48. That's what STAYING HYPED does for you.

I feel for Mojo. I came into NXT after he was something. And now he's nothing. Bull Dempsey - who's disappeared for a few weeks, weirdly - killed him, and now Tyler Breeze, the tribute show HBK, has done, too. Match was okay. Weird ref stoppage, though.

Enzo & Cass do comedy! Steve Regal's office door at the Performance Center is a fire door. That must be odd for him. He was not amused by Enzo trying to get laid. Now THAT's getting old. Enzo got Carmella a try out after she did, like, four moves. But those four moves were better than any woman has done on Raw this year. Carmella did not want to cuddle Enzo. That makes me sad. It made Cass laugh.

Hideo Itami beat Viktor and the crowd did not like it. They didn't not like it, either, they just didn't care. It was, like, they love Itami but couldn't give two shits about The Ascension and are showing their disgust at the Ascension's evil by ignoring EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS. Itami looked like he knocked himself silly with a missile dropkick, and then Funaki got beaten up by Khonnor and those poor Japanese people are not having a good time of it. Where's REDACTED? This is getting old.

YES! It's the Vaudevillains. And, YES!, they're fighting Enzo & Cass. Adrian English did the highest standing legdrop EVER in this. Seriously, you have to see it. The Vaudevillains are seriously great. They do not have that traditional wrestler build, though, so *shrug*. Vaudevillains won, which makes me sad but also happy. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL.

Hey, it's women. On Raw or Smackdown this would be a terrible thing, a war crime almost. But on NXT, oddly, the women work. I can't imagine what happens between Florida and New York that makes them forget how to work - some weird roofies?

It's Becky Lynch - who is WILD - against Sasha Banks - who is CLASSY. They have a good little match, nothing special but telling a decent enough story. Sasha won with her new finisher, which is called the Bank(s) Statement. The S in parenthesis is mine, added for pedantry and accuracy.

Main event was Titus O'Neill, slumming it on the best show on the WWE network, and Sami fricking Zayn, who regular readers will know I absolutely adore. Bowling shoes in places, but it worked well enough. Titus won and was then going to BRUTALISE Sami but Adrian Neville made the save, ensuring that his terrible beard got at least 20 seconds on the show. THIS FEUD MUST CONTINUE!

Ahhhhh fuck. Fuck it. I'll be pouring a tiny shot of eye-watering saki for my homie in rememberence of RIMups past. Fuck it all.

Actually, I looked it up. Taped in Glen Falls, NY. Myers was from - and worked in - Maryland. Odd.

That's Rich Myers, regular enhancement talent at the time. I can only think they were maybe in his hometown or somewhere he was working, and Bam Bam put him over a bit as a favour to repay making him look good before?

I'd go even further and have him win it and re-name it the US-SR title, a reminder of glorious Soviet times. Lana could join them on commentary and whenever they said US title, she interjects with SR to keep it real.

I can't understand a vote for UKIP being a protest vote. Unless you're protesting against "them" coming over "here", in which case carry on, you daft racists.

This is my favourite at the moment...

 

http://www.revisionism.nl/Moon/The-Mad-Revisionist.htm

 

Think the Moon landings were faked? Of course they were! BECAUSE THERE IS NO MOON.

Welp, that's me told! I thought they 1) looked awful and 2) were useless in their non-Lego-ness, when everything else in the whole world has an actual Lego version. I accept I'm alone in this and will deal with the mental scars that brings. Carry on!

Why would anyone buy those fake Lego things? Why???

And that's half the problem right there. It's a half-assed Hollywood superstar gimmick left over from the smalltime promotions of the 1980s. It does nothing for him or us.

I don't mind Ziggler in the way that I resent some of the guys taking up TV time but he has the worst gimmick. It's Val Venis levels of bad and until he can jettison it he'll be stuck where he is.

Back. Yeah.

FFS, these women suck. Emma is awful. Like, what is she? Is she supposed to be shit? I can't imagine her setting out to be anything other than that because the alternative is sweepyface depressing. She's like that one girl who's a bit hot but gets too drunk too often and loses anything she ever had. Paige disapponts me. Alicia saddens me. AJ just annoys me. I totally should have Duggan'd this.

 

Luke Harper is something something.

The Miz beat Sheamus in a match that would have been too long on a PPV that was running short let alone a prime-time TV show. The     ONLY things worth a damn were how over Mizdow was with the Brooklyn crowd (and the brief look on his face when he realised it), and the guy in the front row with the flat cap and the great facial expressions. Has Sheamus been treading water long?

I'm ashamed to say I did Duggan the cancer bit. I have no idea who that lady was and shamefullly don't care. WEAR PINK & GIVE MONEY, THOUGH!

Kane & Orton & Rollins versus Cena was one long meh, notable only for Kane fucking up two - count 'em - TWO clotheslines. Day one in training. Seventeen years in. Christ.

Then Ambrose came out with a hot dog cart and it got all slapstick and fun. Oh, and HHH and Stackedphanie McMahon made a match for Hell In A Cell - Cena versus Ambrose, and then Cena or Ambrose versus Rollins. This feud must continue~!

 

This was a better show than last week. Because that sucked. This only mildly sucked. I expect a continual rise in quality. OR ELSE (I'll stop watching).

 

Last week, and the week before that, the Big Show buried Rusev so badly that he can only have taken a shit in Vince's bag or something. This week, instead of getting the Gaint to do it, they brought in THE ROCK~!. Yeah, that THE ROCK~!. Apart from saying that Lana was gorgeous - and he's not wrong, right kids? - he spent 15 minutes making Rusev look like a massive geek. They could have used him to give a rub but what would be the point when the Big Show has already destroyed him? Instead a man who doesn't wrestle much anymore came out and farted on a guy who is supposedly in tip top shape and ready to destroy. Rusev should chat to Summer Rae about future endeavours.
 

 

Completely disagree with this. Rusev getting his arse handed to him by the Rock or even Bigshow on Raw won't harm him in the slightest. He's the man that gets it done when it matters. Its all well and good being able to knock him out of the ring or even KO him, but if he keeps winning whilst the crowds want him to lose so bad, then he'll be fine. After he loses......well that's another story.

 

I'm not so sure, but I'm a long way out of modern booking. His wins should mean nothing when he's being treated like a chump.

Yeah, I'm back. I watched Raw again. Feel free to skip my childish thoughts...

Seth Rollins (with his beautifully manly arms on show - okay SM?) said some stuff. It's hard to listen to him. His voice has no bass. I realise I am alone in this, in not buying him as a main eventer, and that's fine. It's just... you know.

Anyway, Cena made him powder. Into the crowd where Ambrose was comedy~! Good stuff. Ambrose and Cena both look like they own the arena. I like that.

Anyway, HHH and JESUS CHRIST WILL YOU LOOK AT THOSE TITS Stephanie came out and announced the main event. All I could think, apart from the tits, was how pissed off I'd be if I were Orton, having to do all the shitwork for Rollins. Kane? He should be glad anyone still remembers him.

Dolph Ziggler and the Usos beat Cesaro and the Dust Brothers in a seriously who cares about either of these programmes match? Ziggler had the belt with him - or at least a belt - so Repo Man v2.0 isn't coming in like I thought. Sad face.

Adam Rose and the Rosebuds were used to try and get Kathy Lee & Hoda over. They failed. Brutally. You can't shine shit.

Bo Dallas somehow agreed to fight Mark Henry again. This is such an odd angle. It seems as though they're going for a double turn, with Dallas refusing to give up and coming up with fluke wins because of that, and Henry beating up a guy much smaller than he is, for no other reason than he's a bit sad. I have absolutely no confidence that they'll follow through on it, or even what they'd do with a babyface Dallas. A heel Henry could help on that side of things, since they're woefully short, but he's been killed by Rusev who... well, we'll get to that later.

Ambrose and Cena have a good tawky tawky. Cena looks like he's morphing into an action figure. Ambrose looks like he's too warm. Ambrose decides to go to Coney Island. He got on a subway train and nobody reacted to him. *shrug*

Oh God, the women "fought". For reasons, which I think they explained but I zoned out, Brie had one arm tied behind her back. Her left arm. Her working arm. Yeah. She still won. Sucks to be Summer Rae. Oh, Nicki has a great ass.

Miz & Mizdow did some comedy. Kane did not think they were funny.

Jack Swagger is a hoss. Before I drifted away from wrestling for a while, one of the last things I did was put together a mixDVD, and it had one of his Florida matches on. I liked him then, but he seems very empty now, like Mike Tenay's dead eyes on every episode of TNA ever. I bet every one of you could book him better than he's being done here.

Tyson Kidd is not a hoss. But he is better on Raw than he is on NXT. *shrug* A wise man once said, "Don't let 'em book your marriage", and Tyson would have done well to listen to that shit. Oh, how odd is it that he's not allowed any more title shots in NXT but he is on Raw when all of the other contenders aren't? Swagger won.

Edge & Christian did BreedTV.

Roman Reigns did the worst interview since someone kicked someone else's leg out of their leg. Seriously, this was awful. Worse than the Superman punch. I'd say watch it, but it's so bad it's not even worth that. Dud.

Talking of... remember how I liked the alligator last week? Turns out I'M A FUCKING IDIOT. Torito vs Mini-Gator made every divas match on Raw ever look like Misawa-Kobashi 01/20/97. Utter drivel, and the crowd let them know. Michael Cole - Michael Cole! - look embarrassed afterwards.

Last week, and the week before that, the Big Show buried Rusev so badly that he can only have taken a shit in Vince's bag or something. This week, instead of getting the Gaint to do it, they brought in THE ROCK~!. Yeah, that THE ROCK~!. Apart from saying that Lana was gorgeous - and he's not wrong, right kids? - he spent 15 minutes making Rusev look like a massive geek. They could have used him to give a rub but what would be the point when the Big Show has already destroyed him? Instead a man who doesn't wrestle much anymore came out and farted on a guy who is supposedly in tip top shape and ready to destroy. Rusev should chat to Summer Rae about future endeavours.

But THE ROCK~! How good was THE ROCK~!? I was just reading an obit of Curtis Iaukea - always up to date, me - and it was said he had that ability to command all the attention in the room whenever he walked in. I guess we know where THE ROCK~! got that from.

THIS WILL CONTINUE.

172!

 

 

 

 

Who the hell are some of those???

Tried PM'ing Mark Sloan but his mailbox is full...

 

How much are tickets on the door for wrestlestore in Bedford in a few weeks? Ta.

Hidden because spoilers...

 

 

 

And what's more, the reason TNA aren't using their champion is hilarious. And sad. But mostly hilarious.

Can't see a separate thread for it but, boy, is Smackdown a sucky show. Absolutely nothing of any consequence on it. Is that how it always is these days?

 

One thing did make me chuckle - John Cena talking about how he can't let what Rollins did go, with "Rise Above Hate" on his cap...

With NXT I'm trying to avoid any backstage tittle-tattle, and just enjoy it as a wrestling show. Luckily, it's pretty well-booked, which makes it easier to soak in.