Linus

Hey, it's that NXT show I like!

Show opens with Finn Balor's name up on the screen, like he never went home from last week. He comes out to a massive pop, which is what NXT are good at doing for their debuting stars.

He cuts a talky saying he's the future blah blah blah and Tyson Kidd does not like this. He comes out with his wife and says that Balor lacks respect. Burn. Justin Gabriel comes out, too, because reasons. Gabriel and Kidd are about to attack Balor, and teach him a lesson I guess, when Itami's music hits and he makes the kind of save.

A ref turns up and the announcers say that Regal has made this a match. Well, if it's good enough for Dario Cueto...

This is a showcase for Balor and Itami without weakening Kidd too much. They let Gabriel get bits in, too, but who gives a fuck? They do the dives, the slaps, the kicks. Finish is the double corner kicks, and Balor pins Gabriel after a fallover double foot stomp. This was a good, if nothing, opener.

Backstage, Adrian Neville is talking to Not Renee. He's Jimmy Nail, he really fucking is. Well done on that. It's the same things we've heard forever. Then Zayn talks to Not Renee and says the same things he's been saying for weeks. Hey, when he wins the belt tonight this will change, right?

Hey, it's Sasha Banks! She's fighting Alexa Bliss tonight, and they have a great little match. Banks is such a great heel, and has some great submissions. I heart her. She wins with the Bank(s) Statement and cuts a promo on Charlotte, calling her "Ashley". Ooooooh! Meanwhile, Becky Lynch stands next to her and looks useless and plain.

We got another match! It's Lucha Dragons, wearing their t-shirts which you can buy at the merch stand thankyou very much, and they're against everyone's favourite half-jobber team of Buddy Murphy & Wesley Blake! Blake & Murphy's NXTtron is embarrassing - like a Windows 95 screensaver. I like their dubstep music, though.

This was the best I've seen the Lucha Dragons work, and half of that has to be down to Blake & Murphy, who worked their cocks off getting into position for dives and such. Dragons win when Sin Cara aborts a roll-up into powerbomb, and then sentons for the pin.

Hey, it's main event time! They do the big title intros, which is cool, and makes the title mean something. I don't need to describe this - you've seen these guys work and they do all of their usual stuff. If you like it - and I mostly do - it's great. Zayn gets a near fall with two Germans and an exploder. Nice.

Finish is when Neville goes up for the Red Arrow and misses, "hurting" his knee. Sami hesitates, and the ref throws up the X. As we know, this means a legit injury, so the match is stopped, right? Only no, because while Sami is concerned for his pal, Neville rolls him up for the win.

Terrible finish. Nonsensical. I know they have to keep the switch for Takeover but this was awful. Ho hum. Sami looked heartbroken as we went off the air.

A Decent Show.

I'm interested to see how it plays out then. I figured, with him being a bit "odd", that this seemingly straight role would be an ill fit. Intriguing.

I don't know much at all about Harper. But what I do know makes him an ill fit for that angle. Am I right?

Hey, it's Raw. From England!

I remember back in the day when we used to watch the WWF. Id' like to say it was when I was a kid, but I got into wrestling late. I didn't have time for wrestling when I was a kid, because where I was from we had to grow up fast: I had kids and a mortgage by the time I was 3. I kid! Aaaaanyway, back in the day, when we used to watch the WWF, they would occasionally come over here, and we'd get shitty shows that meant nothing, and all we wanted was something - anything - to make our shows meaningful. A title change, anything like that, but we got bupkis.

Now you young punks get actual episodes of Raw, live* (*not live) from England! But you still get punked, because they also run house shows on the same night, and half the crew isn't there, and they'd never do that to the good people of Spitbowl, Arkansas. Yeah, it's Raw, but it's not really Raw, is it? Still, I'm sure it'll all work out...

Hey, it's John Cena! He came out and did talky. Fans did not like him because England. He said he'd found two men to fight by his side - Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. Why they chose not to shoot a vignette for the MASSIVE signing of Swagger I don't know. He wants Ryback.

Ryback comes out, and Cena starts to make his pitch. But uh oh, it's the Authoritah! They've got a new member, too - Mark Henry - and they want Ryback on their team! What's a boy to do?

Cena called HHH and Stephanie "a pair of wankers", which was funny when Married... With Children did it in 1987, and made another plea to Ryback. Ryback noted, quite correctly, that Cena didn't sign his cheques, and DESTROYED him. He then walked off, not really committing but we assume that's him in.

Hey, it's a match! Since Jack Swagger decided to join John Cena, although we never got to hear it from his lips so I dunno, he's got to face Seth Rollins. I want to like Swagger, I really do. But he's such a dumb hoss. He didn't used to be like this, back in FCW. Perhaps he's getting dumber and dumber every year? Maybe soon he'll be at the level of a 3-year old, and then regress even further to someone who enjoys TNA? Rimshot!

Anyway, Rollins won with a kerb stomp, and then kerb stomped him again for good measure. That's Swagger out of the Survivor Series, because two doses of an ordinary finisher will do that now. *Shrug*

Ambrose did a talky vignette where he built his feud with Wyatt. It was good. They will fight at Survivor Series.

Backstage, Kane acted like an ass to Ryback. In that he, quite properly, reminded him that he was in charge and that the relative rookie should follow his lead. Ryback did not like that.

Oh, it's women. Actually, this wasn't too bad, probably because they just had a match and didn't have to worry about any spots to further any angles. It wasn't great, but watchable. At least because watching Paige makes you question why you find Vampiro attractive... Paige won.

Backstage, Stephanie asked Lana if Rusev had made a decision. She got mad with Lana's flim-flam and told her they'd scratch Rusev's back if he scratched theirs. Or something.

Hey, it's a Russian thing! Apparently Rusev has so impressed President Putin that a goon read out a 20-word statement to that effect. Effort!

Rusev will face Sheamus now, it seems, in a re-match from the bit after Raw that didn't air on my TV. It... wasn't good. I'm not sure what it is but they never clicked. And it went on FOREVER. I had to Duggan it and it still lasted longer than Once Upon A Time In The West. Sheamus's hair got really sweaty and looked really odd. Rusev, it occurred to me, could pass for a Samoan. That's how good a match it was. Terrible. Rusev won by count-out - FUCKING COUNT-OUT - after interference by Noble & Mercury. Rusev is a monster!

Backstage, Stephanie caught up with Lana & Rusev again. She demanded an answer. Rusev said yes.

It was Seth Rollins's turn to interrupt Ryback's endless warm-up routine. He admired Ryback's physique like Scott Malbranque admires his. Bit gay. He told Ryback that he shouldn't listen to Kane. He should listen to Rollins. Ryback did not like that.

Christ, it's Los Matadores. I thought I hated the women more than anything on this show but Los Matadores are slowly overtaking them. No fannies, I'm guessing. They're fighting Miz & Mizdow who, of course, have a midget with them. Because that's where we are now.

The crowd LOVED Mizdow. Miz cleverly played on that to get heel heat. Good lad. Miz's team won with shenanigans. Crud.

Backstage, Dolph and Cena are going over their odds. They've lost Swagger so it's just the two of them. Cena offers Dolph a way out. Dolph does not take it.

Hey, it's that Dolph guy we just saw! He's out to face Mark Henry, but before Henry comes out the Luke Harper's eyes vignette flashes in and out and Dolph looks confused. As well he might. Henry comes out and he and Dolph fight. But not for long because Henry gets MAD and grabs a steel chair for the DQ. He was about to slam Dolph onto the steel steps - which by now should fail a workplace risk assessment - but the Big Show comes out and wrestles them off him. He then announces he's joined Team Cena.

I wondered why Parkinson's James Brown didn't have his Parkinson's cape only to find out when reading a recap it was Kofi Kingston not Xavier Woods. I am a racist.

Backstage, Sheamus joined Team Cena. Yay?

Oh, more women. I thought, what with it being a split crew, we might be spared and just have the one match, but, no, it's AJ Lee and her thirteen year-old boy's figure versus Brie Bella. The crowd did NOT care for this. The only thing that stopped tumbleweed blowing across the screen when Brie got up on the turnbuckle and shouted, "BRIE MODE!", was the fact that we don't have tumbleweed in England. AJ won. Nikki was not happy.

Now it was Mark Henry's turn to interrupt Rybacks' warm-up. Because it's gone so well so far. Henry joked with him. Ryback did not like that.

Hey, it's Adam Rose! He's fighting Tyson Kidd who doesn't get an entrance because jobbers. Ha, is that Nikki Storm as a cavegirl rosebud? I'd let her club me over the head. Which would be exactly how it would go down. Aaaaanyway, it's Rose versus Kidd but you know what's coming. Yeah, that fucking Bunny. I've really turned on him now. He causes Rose to lose and Rose kicks him in the belly. Angry, sweaty Rose looks like Raven. I smell money. Rose and the Rosebuds dance backwards to end the spot. Odd.

Backstage, the Authority were talking shit about Ryback, who heard them. Ryback did not like that.

Hey, it's Bray Wyatt! He's doing a talky vignette about Dean Ambrose. This was good.

It's main event time, Ryback versus John Cena! Ryback has the best of this because he's a monster. A proper monster, not like Rusev who wins on count-outs apparently. Ryback was about to win when Kane interfered, booting Cena for the DQ. Ryback did not like that. Rollins got between Kane & Ryback and got a punch for his trouble. Kane then booted Ryback. Okay, he's not a monster.

The Authority beat up John Cena until Sheamus's music hit and he ran down. They killed him and resumed putting the boots to Cena. Big Show's music hit and he ran down, one-punching Noble and Mercury, the goons. He got taken out by Henry but Ryback was back by now, taking out the Authority and stomping off to the back. Cena recovered and applauded Ryback, who looked like he couldn't give a shit.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler was delivered, unconscious, to HHH and Stephanie. By Luke Harper. Who said he was a team player. Ugh.

A Terrible Show. The crowd didn't help, and I don't know why some of them were even there, but they were delivered a helping of shit, so I don't know. It's weird, because I've been liking Raw lately but this? Nah.

It wouldn't be impossible to turn him around, just use Bray Wyatt to "fix" him into using his real name

I endorse Loki's review. But you really shouldn't Duggan through the women - that match ruled. Balor is angry with the Ascension because they beat up his friend. Again. And again and again and again.

Aww, man, I forgot something from the last Observer I read. That a "Chris Klucsarits" was looking for local wrestling schools to start training

Still reading through the Observers from 1992 - the current lot I'm reading have seen the debuts of Great Sasuke & Super Delfin (in those gimmicks), and Rey Mysterio Jr & Psicosis - and, of course, it's all about the WWF/WCW. Got me thinking, of the current top American (and American-based) stars, who is "WWF" and who is "WCW"?

For example, Cena could go either way, as a Hogan-esque WWF character or a Sting-esque WCW one, but I'd err on the WWF side. Whereas Cesaro is pure WCW, in a Barry Windham-style. Anyone?

 

Kind of, but with the timescales intact. So if they start with, let's say, 1982, they show the weekly TV shows that aired that week in that year. The next episode is a week later, no skipping!

So the network launches with just the TV shows from 1982... And doesn't reach the attitude era until about 2030.

 

No, you can still have all the shows On Demand, or even in special "seasons" of their own on the schedule, but a certain block of the weekly schedule would be dedicated to a chronological match forward through wrestling history.

They're talking about footage that was leaked of the live debut, where his name did transform from Devitt to Balor on the screen. The broadcast show didn't show this. It was on youtube but I just had a quick look and couldn't find it.

Kind of, but with the timescales intact. So if they start with, let's say, 1982, they show the weekly TV shows that aired that week in that year. The next episode is a week later, no skipping!

Stuck for something to do for half an hour earlier I watched a random Memphis TV show from 1985. Brilliant stuff, of course. But it set me thinking that what the Network should be doing is programming weekly TV, in regular slots, and you watch as it unfolds, like it was intended to.

Hey, it's that NXT show I like!

They did a package about Sami Zayn's Road To Redemption, which sounds like he's done some bad stuff rather than just lose a few matches. Tonight's he's fighting Tyler Breeze, of 2001 WCW style.

They build slowly, with lots of simple wrestling, and Breeze acts like a massive cock. Sami just smiles his Seth Rogen smile. It's really all Breeze early on, and the story is Zayn kicking out of pins. Breeze hits a neckbreaker that, because Zayn gets air for it, looks like it might actually break someone's neck. Nice, if scary.

The finish is Zayn hitting an exploder into the turnbuckles out of nowhere, followed up by the Helluva kick for the pin. This was a Good Match.

Backstage Renee Young (which is a great nickname for her) talks to Adrian Neville about Zayn's road to his title. Neville is happy for his pal but says it doesn't matter because he can't win it. There's being confident, and there's being a cock.

Hey, it's Dash Wilder! Party liaison? Kidding, he's a tough guy. He's fighting Tyson Kidd, who's lost the heat he had a few months ago. Barely a "Natty's Wife" to be heard. Sad.

Wilder gets enough to show he's an old school hand but Kidd controls this, and gets the win with the sharpshooter. Wilder reminded me of Buzz Sawyer. Which isn't a bad thing.

Haha, it's a Marcus Louis vignette, doing a crazy talking to himself thing. He does good crazy, the bald fool.

Backstage Renee Young talks to Sami Zayn. He says he wants Neville NXT week. Renee says she'll sort that. Good girl.

Hey, it's the women! Yay! It's Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch versus Bayley and Charlotte. Team Surname versus Team No Surname! Becky comes down singing along to her theme. At first I thought it was her singing it on the tape, but then realised it was a deep man's voice and so far too high-pitched for Becky. Rimshot!

Lynch and Bayley start out, and Bayley gets some fire early but it's the bad gals who soon take over. Charlotte is jonesing to get in and beat up Sasha, which is odd because her motivation is that Sasha got Becky to beat up Bayley. *Shrug*

Charlotte gets in and Sasha won't. So Charlotte beats up Becky a lot. There's a chase round the ring before Charlotte gets double-teamed and the heels take over. Bayley is in and it's back to facetown. Becky is taking some punishment here. Sasha is a bad friend.

Finish is when Becky tries to yank Charlotte off the apron, and fail, but Sasha succeed in knocking her to the floor. Bayley rolls Sasha through for the pin, but Sasha rolls it through herself for the tights-assisted 1-2-3. A Very Good Match, with Charlotte built as a monster. Charlotte versus Sasha will be good.

Backstage Renee Young goes to see William Regal in his office, who Alzeimers his way through a promo in deciding that, yes, the title match will happen NXT week.

Hey, it's the main event (I guess?)! The Ascension come out and bore the world with their demand to have Hideo Itami something something. Itami comes out and introduces his friend - Finn Balor! It's Prince Devitt, and the crowd knows it because they're really good at this kind of thing.

The announcers talk about how reknowned Balor is, really getting him over, and he and Itami basically destroy the Ascension. Balor should have his make-up, hopefully he will down the line, but this is a team I wouldn't mind jumping right now to the main shows. Hopefully they'll stick around on my NXT show for a bit.

A Good Show.

WWF was in a weird position because they kind of acknowledged Flair's titles for WCW but couldn't go as far as ever recognising them as being worth anything, because that would lend credibility to their rivals. So any feud built on anything other than you saw on WWF TV was impossible to get over.

Hey, it's that Raw show again!

I Duggan'd the entire first segment because some jerk told me it was all about the network, and I don't care about the network. I barely have time to watch 7 hours of wrestling a week, and I can't imagine wanting more than that, even if it is free! BUT! Vince McMahon said some other stuff, out of nowhere like an RKO, that if the Authority lose against Team Cena at Survivor Series they will have to disband. That gave it fresh impetus, although it's a bit one-sided. HHH and Stephanie did a great job of being unconcerned to Vince's face and panicking when he'd left.

Hey, it's Dean Ambrose! He's fighting Cesaro again because *shrug*. It was a little sloppy early on, but not bad as it went. It helps that these two are mostly new to each other, I guess. The lights went out and when they came back on Bray Wyatt was sat in his rocking chair, with some awesome facials. Cesaro bled hardway and the ref grabbed some rubber gloves. Ambrose did not. They went to a commercial and his head was a bit better, so they must have done some off-screen magic or something. Ambrose won with the double-arm DDT. A Good Match.

Ambrose went to attack Wyatt up on the ramp after the match but the lights went out again, and Wyatt was gone. His chair was still rocking, though, and instead of this being eerie it just made me look for the fishing wire. I am a bad fan.

HHH is either an optimist or stupid. He called Randy Orton to be on their team for Survivor Series. He has been watching lately, hasn't he?

Hey, it's Mizdow! And three other blokes. Miz fought Jimmy Uso, as if you care. The only thing of note was a babyface, Jay Uso, superkicking a heel, Mizdow, and the crowd LOUDLY BOOING. Good job, crowd.

Hey, it's another match! I'm declaring Raw "match night" tonight, because there are matches. Sheamus took on Tyson Kidd, and as always it's a non-title match. Sigh. Ehhh, it was alright. Kidd got the win by countout when both men were brawling outside and Kidd pulled his wife in front of him when Sheamus was about to hit him. This allowed him to scramble in the ring for the count-out win. I think we're supposed to hate Kidd for this but if wives can't be used as human shields, then what use are they? Sheamus kicked Kidd after the bell because babyfaces.

Oh, and they announced that Sheamus would defend his title against Rusev AFTER Raw. Lucky Network people.

And another match! It's Dolph Ziggler versus... who? The whole Authority came out and offered Ziggler a slot on their team for Survivor Series. They told him he could have anything he wanted (I'd suggest a haircut) and he said he wanted them gone, so I guess he turned them down. Stephanie, who was very booby tonight, asked Dolph where Cena was. Good question. If I had a team to recruit, I'd be turning up for work.

Aaaaanyway, the match will be Ziggler versus Rollins, for the Intercontinental Title. This was Okay. It wasn't so much a match as a series of MOVES but most people don't seem to care about that, it seems. After some shenanigans from Noble & Mercury, Seth was on the verge of a win, but TEAM PLAYA Randy Orton appeared and RKO'd him for the DQ. If I didn't already like Randy Orton he'd be right on the Good Boy list for his actions here. I am a mark.

Backstage, HHH & Stephanie are shocked and angered. Orton is told that he will get Rollins tonight and once it's over it's over and they can be friends again.

There was a Luke Harper bit which was a bit weird. News.

Titus O'Neil was in the ring, so I hope he's done stinking up my NXT show. He said some stuff and Ryback came out. Yeah, Titus is next. Titus got some offence early on, which is too early to be giving anyone anything against Ryback, but *shrug*. Ryback won. The Authority were backstage watching and looked impressed.

The Big Show was talking to Renee Young backstage. He said some stuff and marched off to fight Mark Henry.

Mark Henry beat the Big Show in the latest match on Match Night. You've all seen this match before - the last time I saw it Show was wearing a Union Jack leotard and top hat, and Henry was wearing a smock and had a a beard and was white and Scottish. It sucked. The Authority were again impressed with Haystacks.

Up to now, two hours and fifteen minutes in, this had been a Good Show because no women. Idiots ruined that, didn't they?

Backstage, Renee spoke to Brie and Nikki got mad. Then Erick Rowan sexually harassed Renee, the dirty rapist.

Christ, it's a women's match. It's Emma, who didn't even get to do her stupid intro on TV, versus Nikki. It was passable. I don't know if that's because the women are getting better or because I'm numbed to the pain. Nikki won. Oh, AJ was doing commentary to absolutely no benefit to anyone.

James Brown is coming to the WWE. I think. James Brown with a magic cloak of Parkinson's, by the look of it. If you saw it, that will make sense. If not, ENJOY!

Hey, it's Zack Ryder! No, me either. He's a Tweeter, apparently. He was killed by Rusev, because apparently everyone is working twice tonight. Now here's a thing: Rusev has had heat put on him by quite a few people. Ryback, since his return, hasn't. So why not switch their opponents tonight if Titus had to have some offense? Or am I thinking too much?

The Authority had been watching Rusev and Stephanie asked Lana if he'd be on their team. Lana, the filthy minx, told her she'd get back to her.

Sigh, it's Los Matadores. It's Fernando, like anyone cares which one it is, against Stardust, because reasons. Miz & Mizdow were on commentary and got involved in the match, and it's leading to Miz & Dow versus the Dust Brothers. MORE TAG TEAMS PLEASE.

Haha, after the break, they announced that the Dust Brothers, who just saw off the Usos at the last PPV and have been feuding with Los Matadores, and now Miz & Dow, will face... the Usos! On Smackdown! In a steel cage for no good reason! FFS!

Hey, it's the main event!

It's Randy versus Rollins, and they have a decent enough match. It's sloppy early on, and full of MOVES, but better than Rollins's earlier match. HHH did a great job of looking like a disappointed father watching his two boys fight here. It ended in a clean win for the lesser talent who'd already had one match. Weird. Anyway, Randy was not happy but looked conflicted. He asked HHH what he should do (WWHHHD?) and HHH told him to suck it up and move on. He shook hands with all the Authority - even Rollins, who was being disingenuous in his humility. RKO for that!

The Authority then tried a beatdown but they're such a bunch of goons. They did, eventually, get on top, but only after Orton had nailed HHH, and Rollins kerb stomped Orton on the table. Orton bled. If it was hardway, then that's two in one night. If not, then I like this new, old direction.

Stephanie was upset with Orton, HHH was conflicted. She told him to do what's right for business, which apparently means killing an employee. Who are they, Richard Branson? (I'm not sorry).

Now the HHH of ten years ago would have been the one to finish it, and I was convinced it would be a pedigree that would do the job, but he told Rollins to finish it and walked off, looking so sad. Rollins kerb stomped Orton on the steel steps and the show ended.

A Good Show but the lack of a babyface save for Orton rankled, especially given Ambrose was so mad at Rollins only 8 days ago.

After, Rusev beat Sheamus for the US title because we're fucking hotshotting everything now.

Yeah, the FFW button was named the Duggan button. When TNA started, we renamed it the Douglas button.

Hey, it's that NXT show I like!

Sami Zayn looks like Seth Rogen. This is a good thing if, like me, you like Seth Rogen. Sami Zayn is dressed like a hipster douchebag. This is a bad thing, if like me, you hate hipster douchebags. He said he will win a match. Titus O'Neill said Zayn wouldn't, or something. They're going to fight again.

Hey, it's a Tag Team Battle Royal! It's Enzo & Cass, Blake & Murphy, Dillinger & Jordan, the Vaudevillains, and The Ascension. I'd rather see all these teams than another Dust Brothers versus Usos match.

The announce team stress that the way to win the Battle Royal is to work as a team, which nobody then does. There were lots of near-eliminations, which is annoying more than dramatic. I sense this may be an NXT I do not like. Dillinger & Jordan and Blake & Murphy are both eliminated by The Ascension, but not in a way that helps anybody get over.

The Vaudevillains then leave the ring under the bottom rope, but no-one notices so it's lost on everyone. The Ascension then make Enzo look like a jobber dick and win the Battle Royal.

EXCEPT~! Hideo Itami comes out to distract the Ascension, which proves how stupid all three of them are - them for constantly getting distracted by him and him for constantly getting beaten up by them, two on one - and The Vaudevillains get back in the ring and dump the Ascension out for the win. They are now the #1 Contenders to the Lucha Dragons tag team titles.

After the match, Itami runs in and, after some brief offense, gets destroyed by the Ascension again. FIVE WEEKS IN A ROW. Idiot.

Hey. it's Emma. I still don't get it. She's fit but obviously mental, and not in an interesting way. She's fighting Carmella, who isn't a patch on Enzo & Cass, charisma-wise.

I love women's matches on NXT but given how this show is going - and how green Carmella is - this may change. Yeah, it's not great. Emma does her best, bless her, and then has to do the job to an admittedly great-looking submission. Crowd couldn't give a shit.

Hey, it's Justin Gabriel! I don't know much of his work - he seems to be wheeled in to be a kind of super-jobber. He's up against Bull Dempsey, who's lost a small amount of weight since the last time we saw him. This is a good thing because fat heels are Good, but wobbly fat heels are Not Good.

It's back and forth stuff, but Bull wins with the flying headbutt.

Bayley is sad that Becky Lynch turned on her. But, unlike Itami, she has friends and will bring Charlotte to fight Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch next week. That should be good. I mean it.

Hey, it's Baron Corbin, who still doesn't step over the top rope. He's facing the anonymous Tony Briggs, and the crowd counted from the bell to the pin, and got to 20. He has something but I'm not sure what it is.

Marcus Louis beat Sylvester Lefort, in a revenge match because Lefort's cowardice (read: Frenchness) caused him to lose his hair. Louis looks awesome as an angry bald man. I like him. Lefort looks like he smells. I do not like him.

Itami has finally realised he needs some help against the Ascension. He'll have it next week. Thank Christ.

Hey, it's Sami Zayn! He's going to fight Titus O'Neil, who gets to stink up main events on my show for ever, it seems. Go back to Main Event!

Last week, Adrian Neville and Titus had a match, which was good in the brawling parts and bad when they went to anything else. This is just mostly bad. Sami won with an Exploder into the corner, and the Helluva Kick to Titus's stupid face. I liked the finish.

Then WCW's Tyler Breeze came out and told Sami Zayn he has to beat him next. Or NXT. I'm fine with that.

This was the first episode of NXT that's been a chore to watch. Two bad matches, and three average ones. Stop that.

Hey, it's that Raw show! I was actually looking forward to seeing Raw today. I guess that means they dangled enough from the PPV.

Show starts with the Authority in the ring. They talky talky and bring out Seth Rollins. He was awful here, and I don't know what he's going for. Oh, except Cena. He's going for Cena. Tonight. Rush much?

Hey, it's Randy Orton! He's not very happy. He's blaming his loss to Cena on Rollins kerb stomping him and he's not too happy about the Authority being all ass-kissy to Rollins. He went for Rollins but they got split up. HHH told him they weren't doing this tonight. Orton disagreed and RKO'd Rollins dead. HHH looked like a disappointed father.

Dust Brothers versus Big Show & Mark Henry. We got a new feud! Well, kinda, because this was telegraphed to be the break up of the Show-Henry friendship-partnership thing. Dust Brothers retain the titles when Henry turns on Show after Show had it won. Henry's all heelish over this but I think he has a point. Show worked hard in this. Tag titles further diminished. By the way, are closed fists legal in WWE now?

Hey, remember how bad that Roman Reigns interview was a few weeks back? Someone doesn't because they did it again. Terrible.

Christ, it's women. AJ Lee versus Alicia Fox. Paige is good on commentary, better than she is in the ring here. Paige is all PMSy about her friendship with Fox, and turns on her giving AJ the win. AJ is just a cipher at this point. It's all about how women can't be friends because they're bitches. Sigh.

In a brilliant segment, John Cena does talky talky, and then Stephanie offers him a place in the Authority. They're both awesome here. Cena declines so HHH comes out. When Cena declines again, HHH makes a traditional Survivor Series match for the PPV - Team Authority (which, at the moment, is 2 men) versus Team Cena, and wishes Cena luck in finding anyone to team with him. Jeez, it's not like he's Hideo Itami - he does have friends!

The Usos, fresh from stinking up the Dust Brothers, pour their smell all over Miz & Mizdow, who is comedy enough to save this. Usos win using a twin switch, which is undermined by the "hurt" twin immediately being fine. Mizdow deserves better than this.

Cena and Ziggler are talking! They shake hands!

After the break, Kane tells Ziggler he saw him talking to Cena. Ziggler does not deny it. Kane tells him he will beat him up. School!

Hulk Hogan did some nice things for the breast cancer survivors.

Bo Dallas has issued an open challenge. He may bo-lieve, but he's an idiot. Hey, it's Goldberg! I mean, Ryback! Apropos of nothing, honest, I'm reading old Observers at the moment, and it's in the thick of the steroid era.

Ryback kills Dallas, undermined slightly by Dallas getting some offense in. Fuck parity! I am underwhelmed by my first sight of Ryback.

Hey, it's Taz with AIDS! Cesaro needs to ditch the robe and towel. He's fighting Dean Ambrose because reasons.

Ambrose cuts a promo on Wyatt and then proceded to hit Cesaro lots and lots and lots with the microphone. Cesaro must have cummed in someone's cereal because he's being buried left, right, and centre now.

Ambrose calls out Wyatt, but Wyatt does not come. Instead, he appears on the big screen and said he & Ambrose were the same man. Hmm...

Oh, no, it's the Bella twins. Nikki beat Naomi after some very, very minor interference from Brie. A Bad Match. If this 30 days doesn't end with Brie getting to like being evil and out-evilling Nikki then I will demand my time back.

Dolph Ziggler fought Kane as punishment for talking to Cena. Only Kane 2K14 is a shit enforcer, and Ziggler won. I had to Duggan parts of this, it was too long and too bad. Rollins then attacked Ziggler, and Cena made the save, after what seemed like an eternity.

He demanded the nonsense main event started immediately but Rollins still went to the back to come straight out again because *shrug*?

They had a Good Match, almost PPV-style, which I guess with Raw being 3 hours is now what Raw main events have to be. Hey, do you remember when it was Raw Is War, and the second hour was the Warzone?

Cena was about to win when Kane interfered for the DQ. Rollins's goons got involved as well, and then the entire roster ran out to brawl in the ring, weirdly. Cena cleared the ring and stared down the Authority, who had retreated to the ramp. A Fun Show.

I'd like to say "have sexual intercourse with Sunny" but I'd probably go and watch Misawa in his prime instead.

It wasn't smelly at all! There was a small girl getting right in the faces of the heels, though. That was good.

In other news, I read an April 1992 edition of the Wrestling Observer last night which had Tammy Sytch - Tammy fricking Sytch - in the reader's pages, asking for photos of Chris Candito (sic). She gave her home address! Time machine???

Well that was worth a tenner of anyone's money. Good job fellas! Next stop, True Grit I think!

Marty Scurl is a great villain.

Martin Stone just killed Lion Kid. Children distraught, smarks happy.

wrestlingstore in Bedford. Having a ball so far!

Dan Head and Andy Simmonz have a great, long match, with plenty of audience participation. I've obviously not seen these lads for a long time - they've got ringcraft to spare.