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The Daily Mail Dictionary


The King Of Swing

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http://www.angrymob.uponnothing.co.uk/daily-mail-dictionary

 

Just felt like posting for a bit of fun.

 

Some personal favorites.

 

A-levels: a) Exams passed only by attractive 18 yr old girls. b) When those from the working-class or of a dusky complexion get three A grades in sciences & maths this proves the exams are useless and not worth the paper they're written on... however, when a minor member of the Royal Family gets two D's in Art History and Poetry this shows how incredibly clever the upper-classes are due to their superior genes.

 

Assault: carried out either by evil scum hoody youths, or by otherwise law abiding middle class people on evil scum hoody youths. In either case, the evil scum hoody youths get away with it.

 

British Telecom: Before 1997 this was a stunning British success story which showed how Queen Margaret's privatisation policies would lead to cutting-edge business practices and healthy profits for shareholders. Since 1997 they've ripped off the public and raked in huge profits whilst providing a terrible service.

 

Career woman: Bitter thirtysomething female who stole a job off a hardworking man thanks to Feminazi employment policies. All career women are unhappy because they have yet to reproduce and so spend their spare time experimenting with perversions such as Sex & the City DVDs and lesbianism. Due to rampant promiscuity most career women will be unable to have children - which serves them right.

 

Clinical Depression: a) Fake illness of choice for chavs when they claim sickness benefit. b) Imaginary complaint usually affecting career-women who simply can't do a man's job so pretend to be sick instead. c) Real illness affecting 80% of the downtrodden middle-classes who pay all the taxes in this nation yet get nothing back from the state.

 

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Things that give you cancer....

 

 

AGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-44...ast-cancer.html

AIR POLLUTION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ild-cancer.html

AIR TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ancer-risk.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-...ent-fliers.html

ALCOHOL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14...ancer-risk.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...s-wine-day.html

ALLERGIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ancer-risk.html

ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-55...-soy-sauce.html

ARTIFICIAL LIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ancer-risk.html

ASBESTOS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11...ung-cancer.html

ASPIRIN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ancer-risk.html

BABIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15...ast-cancer.html

BABY BOTTLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...nfertility.html

BABY FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ncer-alert.html

BACON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ncers-grow.html

BARBECUES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-32...ancer-risk.html

BATH WATER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-43...ked-cancer.html

BEEF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-39...ast-cancer.html

BEER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ate-cancer.html

BEING A BLACK PERSON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ate-cancer.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...hite-women.html

BEING A WOMAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...en-smokers.html

BEING A MAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ncer-women.html

BEING A SKINNY GIRL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ast-cancer.html

BEING SOUTHERN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ast-cancer.html

BISCUITS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-...oods-avoid.html

BLOW JOBS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...oat-cancer.html

BRAS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-18...ra-bad-you.html

BREAD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ancer-risk.html

BREAST FEEDING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ast-cancer.html

BREAST IMPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ncer-scare.html

BROKEN HEARTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-45...arly-grave.html

BUBBLE BATH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...-bath-safe.html

BURGERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...es-burgers.html

CAFFINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...babies-DNA.html

CALCIUM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10...esearchers.html

CANDLE-LIT DINNERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...l#ixzz0dufFps6a

CANNED FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...s-tin-cans.html

CARBOHYDRATES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ast-cancer.html

CARS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ild-cancer.html

CEREAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...rite-foods.html

CHEESE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10...ars-spread.html

CHICKEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-42...rted-foods.html

CHILDLESSNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnis...told-fault.html

CHILDREN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...-new-study.html

CHILDREN

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