Gus Mears

I've been umming and arring over getting a Kindle pretty much since launch. I really should get one with the amount I read, but just can't forgo having a physical copy of a book.
 

I think it's because one of my aims in life is to have enough money to have a library in my house one day. I think I'll have to give in soon and get a KIndle, they're too good. Otherwise I'm going to end up like my weird Uncle Brian who insisted on playing everything on his 4-track until the late 90's and is one of the three people left in the country with a black and white TV Licence.

There is an outstanding book barn within driving distance that I frequent. It does everything for a quid and does this to the boot of my car.

Also echo Scott Malbranque's love of the Rusty Sherriff's Badge earlier in the page. Love me some Viz. Fond memories of nicking my old man's annuals on a regular basis.

I would echo that it's best to avoid sleeping pills if possible if you're prone to addiction. I ended up (thinking) I was dependent on them after I was prescribed a load last year and had real trouble weaning off. Sorry to hear that you're having a shitter, Keth. Probably telling a fish to swim here, but daily exercise has been the only thing barring booze that has knocked my sleeping pattern into something close to shape.

Don't mind Lee, will probably give a listen to Galloway, despite despising him, solely based on the recommendations in here.  Why the fuck have they hired the even cuntier Ross for breakfast though?  Him vs. Alan Brazil is like deciding which bollock I would like to have lopped off over my morning cup of tea.

Brazil, 'Midnight Jazz' Nick Robinson and the EU Boot Band, Grimshaw, Evans, Moyles and Paul Ross. Urrrrgh. What a twats gallery that is first thing in the morn. Radio 3 or long wave French stations it is.

 

 

I've finally tapped out on TalkSport after hearing Alan Brazil proudly declare that his morning show had "110% of you daily recommended intake of BANTER!!!!" the other day.

 

Surely any banter is more than enough banter?

Not for us thrill seekers who can't get insurance due to a previous conviction, buy our tools at great trade prices and listen to the Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast it ain't.

I can only get my fix through Ray Wilkins reviewing the Brit Awards or Alan waxing lyrical about his recent beano to Montpellier.

Oooooh, I'm up for this. I've finally tapped out on TalkSport after hearing Alan Brazil proudly declare that his morning show had "110% of you daily recommended intake of BANTER!!!!" the other day.

Hopefully this will have something on for the morning commute that's better than Brazil, Chris Evans, Shaun 'I'm dour and from up north' Keavney or Nick 'I'm less dour, but still from up north" Grimshaw. Even Radio 4 in the morning has gone to shit recently with approximately 59 minutes of EU Referendum chat per 60 minutes of broadcast time.

The Hive Heating advert almost caused me to crash into a lamppost on the drive home.

I was listening to TalkSport and it came on. I went to reach down and turn the volume down and my scarf inexplicably got wrapped around the handbrake. I was trying to get free and when I eventually did, found myself careering leftwards towards said lamppost.

Don't think Sheila's Wheels would have gone with "well, it's a proper shit advert" as justification for keeping my no claims bonus.

I remember YAMMA! I think, anyway.

Was that the one where the ring was shaped like a frying pan?

Is Giant Silva still alive? I'd love to watch him vs. Kimbo.

Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania, inside Hell In a Cell sound like something shit that I would have booked on Here Comes the Pain. Maybe they can call up one of my CAWs to special ref? I'm sure that 'Massive Sexy' Brian Pineapple or circa 2002 Alan Shearer would love that gig.

What the fuck do you do with Kimbo? It's actually going to be tough to find anyone shit enough to be defeated by him with any name value.

UKFF Breakfast Bash 2016. You too can watch people you barely know gobble a full English. Critics are calling it this years Prune Juice Sunday Shitathon.

Was the tea strong enough to grow you a spare set of balls? Was it served in a polystyrene cup?

Kenny Omega is probably my favourite wrestler in the world at the moment. About 50% of that is due to his boner-inducing leather jacket though.

Fucking Byron Saxton.

I never thought that anything would have me yearning for the nuanced analysis of Jonathan Coachman or Todd Grisham, but this cunt does.

Has there ever been a more boring WWE announcer? Rob Bartlett was less dull and Mike Adamle was great value for a laugh. Byron Saxton has all the get up and go of a eunuchs man mallet. I hate him.

Really pleased with how my vindaloo turned out considering that I was popping my curry cherry and went off-piste with the recipe. Tasted better than the one from the local Indian and cost about £10 less. My innards are already screaming bloody murder though.

I'm going to clear out my colon and attempt to make a vindaloo for the first time this evening. First time I have tried to make one and looking forward to the challenge.

I come from a long lineage of high functioning alcoholics and it's a daily struggle, which in fairness I'm better at winning than I was a few years ago.

I'd class myself as a habitual binge drinker as opposed to what you would think of as an ordinary alky. I don't need to drink every day to function, but a bare minimum of once a week I'm getting white girl wasted. I've gone a week without drinking anything only twice in the past five years and those couple of weeks were pretty close to each other and largely caused by lack of money.

The crux of the problem for me is that I find life incredibly boring without booze some of the time, coupled with long term anxiety issues. It's not like I have nothing to do either. I work, I go to the gym, I play piano, I read voraciously, I cook every day, I'm learning to speak/write Russian etc. etc.. But if I'm at home and have nothing to do for a couple of hours in the early evening then a bottle of wine or two makes everything infinitely more interesting.

The thing that has saved me in many respects is the fact that I get truly cataclysmic hangovers. Have done since that fateful day when I decided to make a 'shitmix' out of my stepdad's Bailey's and sloe port many years ago. Fucking hell, the fact that I continued drinking after that was my first tipple probably indicates I have a problem!

Oh yeah, sign me up to the 'if I have 1, then I'm partying like Oliver Reed' club. Good luck to everyone else in here too.

The great thing about Marty Scurll is that he never voted for Margaret Thatcher, or wore tights with the Iron Cross on.

Other idiots - Andy Goldstein and Jason Cundy.

 

Goldstein's the typical cockerneeee ManYoo supporter and his presenter profile is smug and even has some nepotism thrown in for good measure, and Jason Cundy is like fellow Chelsea fan Jim Lovetoy, only he used to play the game. He literally knows nothing about football out of Chelsea, and doesn't even pretend to care about it either. Talksport? More like TalkBigFour

When I first started listening to Talk Sport, they had an advert for Goldstein's and Cundy's Sports Bar that I assumed was a piss take (this was until I realised all of the adverts sounded like this).

It consisted of a bunch of crashing sounds, with Goldstein and Cundy taking it in turns to make noises that I can best describe as a cross between Phil Daniels at the start of Parklife when he goes "OOOOOOOOIIIIII eurrrrg, nobbbbs" and the sound that the voiceover man off Bullseye made when saying "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN SIX!".

Cundy is legitimately one of the thickest people I have ever heard on the radio though (and this is coming from a Chelsea fan). Not even in an Adrian Durham, heat baiting, kind of way. He's just a complete and irredeemable moron.

Yeah, I don't really know why I subject myself to Talksport either. As Daaaaaad! said, the only one I vaguely like is Colin Murray and I'm working (sans radio) whenever he is on. I end up with 'Alan Brazil's BIG BANTER BREAKFAST!', Durham making statements like 'Newcastle fans. You should be thankful Joe Kinnear came back to your club. He had a great record' (I think this actually happened). Or an evening with eveybodies favourite thin skinned, dogging, wife-beater, Stan Collymore.

Fragrance adverts are indeed woeful. The current one with a in his mid 50's Johnny Depp poncing about in a desert and wearing eyeliner is especially wanktastic.

I don't want to see any middle aged blokes wearing eye liner unless they are appearing in Rocky Horror, or facing Bray Wyatt at WrestleMania.

Anyway.

TRADE POINT! TRADE POINT! COME ON LADS, GET THE VAN, TRADE POINT!

The Betting Men.

If I ever become a Betting Man, then I hope I get hit by a bus.

First there is The Professor, who appears in an advert with his moderately attractive girlfriend. Instead of, you know, talking to her, The Prof. instead spends his time attempting to work out if Derek Pringle is going to get five-for in the next England test. He's the intelligent one in the group. Twat.

Generous John 'first in the bar, last in the cab' (?????). His gimmick is that he's black, like Ernie Ladd in the 70's. Because Ladbrookes wants to show that it welcomes sad, middle aged men from all ethnic backgrounds. John does get some rare 'Betting Men Cool Points' however, as he is seen at one point with a box of chips. I'm a fan of chips. This is the level which constitutes as cool for a Betting Man.

Then we have Mr.Brightside. He does Neil's dance off the Inbetweener's. Everybody looks at him like he's a plebeian. TOP BANTER!!!!

Gut Truster is a corpulent shortarse who tries to get hot tips at the racetrack by wanking off horses. Because "When you know, you know, you know?" (no, I don't).

Finally, the forgotten betting man who has a name like 'Daredevil' or something. He tries to do Rooney's bicycle kick on the 5 a side pitch and breaks his collarbone. Good.

I thought you were supposed to aspire to be like people in adverts? Or that they were meant to show what a cool good or service they were in possession of. WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE LIKE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE? They are all about 30, all single, all skint and all thick. The Professor is the coolest one out of the group, as he is at least seen with another human being who isn't one of the Betting Men. This ad campaign has now been going on for 3 FUCKING YEARS!!!

 

 

I know I posted a year or so ago about my undying hatred for adverts on Talksport, I'll try and find a few more recent ones later today (spoiler: they are still shit).

 

 

As a loyal listener to Talkshite I am in full agreement. Cellco, it's where the trade go. Fuck off.

 

My Dad used to be a wholesale ironmongery salesman and flat out refused to sell to Cellco for a number of years, due entirely to that advert.

My current worst ad is the one for Virgin internet or whatever where the mum uses the internet to bond with her daughter over an inspiring selection of great women like Paloma Faith. Ugh.

 

Totally agree on that. It's the usual 'right on' cuntery that emanates from Branson's corporation from the top down. Equating Billie Holiday with Paloma Faith (which they try to do) is so far off the mark. The former being one of the first female black artists at a time when being a female and black singer in the States made you more likely to be lynched than famous. The latter being Paloma Faith, who is best known for being thick as pig shit and singing "It's the world in onions" during the World Cup.

I know I posted a year or so ago about my undying hatred for adverts on Talksport, I'll try and find a few more recent ones later today (spoiler: they are still shit).

Anyone here got experience in doing a half marathon/full marathon? I'm signed up to do the Bath Half this year for charity, it's towards the end of March and I have started serious training for it since the turn of the year. I'm hoping to do a time as close to two hours as possible and am managing to run 4/5 miles at a decent pace without keeling over, which is nice. I'm in pretty reasonable shape, but haven't done anything like this before and some Viz Top Tips would be appreciated as I'm cacking myself somewhat about it.