Gus Mears

When and why did The Rock have an operation on his tits in the late 90's?? I never knew about his boob job before someone mentioned it in another thread.

I essentially just post on here every month for updates on shit Talksport adverts, but there are a couple of right bog-blockers on air at the moment.

 

"NICE ONE BRIAN, NICE ONE SON. FOR FAST TAX REBATES, BRIAN IS THE ONE!"

 

This ditty follows up a totally legit conversation between two pals who are at the football, talking about tax rebates of course. One of our protagonists manages to slip in a reference to how he works on a  building site. At least it makes a change from being part of "THE TRADE" like the people in all other Talksport adverts.

 

Another one has a landlord (with the obligatory Talksport Mockney accent) singing about painting his pub with diamond paint. Apart from the fact that they didn't bother to rhyme any of the words or make the words fit into any intelligible form. So it's something like:

 

"Chim chimney. Chim chimney. Chim, chim, cheer-ee

Paintin' me wall, with tha new Doolux diamon' paint, with me brush, la de da".

 

Also some gimp keeps telling me to "get my smart finger out" every morning, which sounds like an arrestable offence as far as I'm concerned.

Eubank vs. Eubank with the winner getting Chris Eubank as their Dad. Get Frank Warren on the phone now.

I like Secret Escape's lady, her old money charm and vaguely seductive voice. I would happily be the invisible 19 year old poolboy she's trying to seduce.

 

Ethical banking adverts. You're a bank. You don't give flying fuck about me as long as I don't go bankrupt. This new Lloyds one with Gary Jules' suicide inducing cover of Mad World is awful. I think the aforementioned one with hairy, plant-loving basement wanker is also a banking one. Because often when changing current account I get the uncontrollable urge to plant £500 of tulips so some pre-pubescent scrote can trample all over them.

What is there left for Phil to do? He felt overexposed as a character years ago.

 

I haven't been a regular Eastenders watcher since that glorious period when Phil became a smack addict over the weekend and they illustrated this by having him wear Michael Foot's donkey jacket and listen to The Who on repeat. Up there with flushing Ian Beale's bonce down the shitter.

 

I watched Maigret, the world's most boring detective, on ITV last night. Mr Bean was quite good in it and I enjoyed its total lack of violence. Can't be doing with anything to brutal on a Monday evening.

I think it will be a crashmat special. I can't believe they would let anyone jump off the newer cell through tables alone, it's fucking enormous.

I teared up more for James Martin's goodbye speech on Saturday Kitchen than for anything in ages. Hungover Saturday morning will never be the same for me

I love Eubank junior. Such an exciting fighter and I personally like the showboating. Blackwell was tough as old boots though, some of Eubank's uppercuts were brutal. Glad it got stopped when it did, Blackwell basically had a breast growing out of his head.

 

I think if Eubank gets his pacing right, he beats Saunders. The first fight showcased his relative inexperienced and although Eubank snr is one of my all time favourites, it's not helping having him play Bobby Heenan in the corner.

I really liked Boston. It was October and all the leaves were changing so it was beautiful. I went to Salem too. That was cool especially as it was nearing Halloween so everything had been ramped up.

 

I'm going to Ukraine in a couple of weeks. I've got a 2-day tour of Pripyat and the Chernobyl exclusion zone. I've always wanted to go so I'm massively excited.

Yeah, Salem is one of the places we're definitely going to. Couldn't believe how quick it was to get the Amtrak there. Pleasant difference from the 30 year old Tonka trains I'm used to.

 

That Chernobyl holiday sounds brilliant.

Not the first time we've seen Vader's eye pop out.

Booked a ten day holiday with Boston with one of my best friends for October. First time to the States and can't wait. Hoping that I luck out and am there during the same time as the Patriot's playing at home. Also fingers crossed a Donald Trump rally will hit town at some point I am there, what with it being so close to the Presidential Election. Not a swing state, so probably won't happen, but would love to be part of the modern day Nuremberg Rally, just to experience the lunacy.

My Dad, who is slightly less religious than Richard Dawkins, attended AA for a bit and did find it really helpful for a time Keith.

 

Although he did end up leaving eventually because of the religious connotations for what it's worth.

 

I've gone a fortnight without hitting the sauce which is the most I can recall since I started. This has been precipitated by being back on loony pills, but hey, I'm pleased either way.

I actually like GAD. He's quite good when he's on Boxing Matters on Boxnation. I'm not up to speed on his MMA stuff though. Beautiful mane on it as well.

 

 

Only if you're going as 'Operation Yewtree' to a fancy dress party.

I had thankfully never actually listened to anything perennial UKFF favourite GAD was on. That was until a few minutes ago when he was on Talkshite, shite-talking about boxing.

 

What an obsequious little wankstain he is. Lived up to every expectation. First off, the sound quality of his interviews was so bad he may as well have been recording while squeezing one out over his shit-box. Second, he tried to pretend he was best mates with everyone. He talked about this South African boxer and "how he'd taken him under his wing", yeah, sure he's delighted that he's got a floppy haired heffer wearing a Cena-suit on his side. Said interview was essentially audio fellatio, as GAD purred "It says you've got losses on you column. I Can't even begin to understand why".

Kebab flavoured. It's evidently the only kebab I'm getting anytime soon.

ONLINE DATING UPDATE!

 

I filled in the eHarmony questionnaire, which took approximately 19 hours. Turns out I have NO MATCHES within a 35 mile radius and I can't go back to increase the radius of search. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned my BNP membership, Chris de Burgh album collection, or profound love of dogging?

 

I'm off for a tommy tank, a cry and a Pot Noodle.

Right. After having spent the last four months in my new residence of bumblefuck Wiltshire, where the men are men and the women are men too, I have decided to sign up to an internet dating site. Anyone had success with these? Any advice on which one to go for and what to do? Does everyone find the intro questions as cringe-inducing as me?

 

I'm not doing Tinder. It's basically selling your knob like they do prime cattle at the Bath and West Show. I'll whack on some Hai-Karate, big up the Bryll Cream and head down the local Yate's Wine Lodge if I want that.

I wish I could get this on my phone. Sacrilege I know, but FM08 (the final one with just overhead dots) is my favourite. I had a world class regen striker from Senegal called Bruno Turnip, which is the best name ever.

Did you do the half marathon at Silverstone? I was there, popping my marathon cherry. Was a good day.

 

You're finish time was damn good. I was initially a little concerned on the lack of creative attire in general and was stressing it was going to super-serious with humourless cretins. Not so. Really great atmosphere and really encouraging guys and girls.

 

Disregard my 'good day' observation from above. Twas a great day.

I was doing the Bath Half. Different part of the country, but same supportive atmosphere. Even a fair few of the super serious runners came back out after finishing to support charity runners later, which was really classy.

 

Well done on finishing your first though. I've caught the bug for it now, think I'll do the Bristol one in September.

Completed my first ever half marathon earlier. Managed 2:30, which considering that I was running in a giant dog outfit (was doing it for an animal charity) and have a crocked knee, was mighty pleased.

 

You could probably spot my blisters along with the Great Wall of China from space now though.

Superb! Thanks for digging that up. Still makes me laugh.

That's top. My favourite is a Newcastle fan phoning in and saying something along the lines of:

 

"I was just thinking about you Mickey (Quinn), you know we haven't had it so good since then?"

 

At this point the bloke starts tearing up and the presenter goes:

 

"Awww, you aright mate?"

 

To which he replies, while openly crying:

 

"God....(sniff) he scored so many goals!"

 

Doesn't really do it justice, but would love it if anyone can find audio of that.

I was planning on doing "Is a 'Fray Bentos Pie' a Pie', but I'd need a War and Peace length essay to really address that issue.

I wish there'd been a better way to advertise and publicise fights when I were a lad — I can't find anyone that saw my shoot snap suplex, or the time I hit a wall-assisted enziguri on Andrew Scott. 

 

I can only think that the world would be a better place if more people had seen my picture perfect Scorpion Death Drop on Luke Rodgers outside the science block toilets too.

How much is it to become a paido? Do you just need to message Moo with a copy of the receipt still?