Philo_Vance

17 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

A guy I know says the office cleaner at his work is called Mal Venas and nobody understands why he calls her Falklands. 

That is fucking outstanding. 

Black pud and fried bread are essential. 

I'm currently sitting in an MS Excel training course with an instructor named Chester Tugwell. 

4 minutes ago, Keith Houchen said:

Was meant to see Dropkick Murphys with The Interrupters supporting but that’s no more. But if Godspeed You! Black Emperor gets canned I think I will cry. 

I've only recently discovered Godspeed You! black Emperor. Would love to see them. When is it? 

Supposed to be seeing Snuff in Brum tonight and London Saturday, was gonna take my parents to the Brum one as they've loved them ever since I started listening to them as a teen, and an old mate of mine's now the bassist. All cancelled now cos a couple of the support act have covid and they've all been travelling together. Must be an absolute nightmare being in a band at the moment and relying on touring for income. 

21 hours ago, Statto said:

The Cadbury's vegan chocolate is really, really fucking good.

It is, but there's a bit of uproar that a few weeks before they launched it, they put dairy into the big standard bournville bar so it was no longer vegan friendly. Then sure enough shortly after, they launch some new special vegan bars which are more expensive. Fairly cynical move given that bournville has been vegan pretty much forever and there was no reason to put dairy in it. 

There's two or three that spring to mind..

Many years ago there was a pub near us that used to do a drink called the pigfucker. Mixed spirits with a touch of fruit juice, horrible and very strong and it made the gaff a destination for the worst kind of student. Like me and my mates. One night we bumped into a girl that we sort of knew, and she and I got chatting, got pissed and she invited me back to hers. Got back there, so far so good, she nips to the loo, and when she gets back to the living room I've let her two pet mice out of the cage. One's clambering around on me without a care in the world, the other one's disappeared under the sofa. After a fair bit of being told off and a bit of a struggle to get them out away, she and I went off to bed and did the deed, all fine and dandy. 

Then the next morning hit. I woke up with the mother of all hangovers realising that even if I left immediately, went home and got changed and sprinted to the station, I still wouldn't get to work on time. To compound things, I also needed a shit. Badly. So I've reached her bathroom, done a real hate crime of an explosive pebble dash job on her loo, then realised that there's no loo roll. At all. Managed to half clean my swampy hairy arse up with two tiny screwed up bits of tissue out of her bin. Went back to her room, thinking a: I'm late for work (had biiiig job anxiety back then) and b:even if I wanted to I couldn't go in for round two because I'm fucking minging down there. So I just shouted 'i'm off! See you around', gave her a little peck on the cheek and legged it. 

Used to see her around after that and she always just blanked me. Never had the guts to find out whether it was because of what I did to her bog or because I shagged her and ran. I imagine the latter. 

Next one was probably the most embarrassing at the time. After a period of being single, a female mate who works part time as a Dom offered to set me up with her friend. Her mate was cute and seemed nice the couple of times we'd met so I said yes. The girl and I message back a few times and she's telling me a time and where she lives and how she's really excited but I won't be able to stay the night because she doesn't like people staying over. She also told me to 'bring her something nice' with me. I was relatively inexperienced at the time and my brain put the odd messages together with the fact her mate was a dominatrix, and I concluded that she must be one too, and what I thought was a date was actually me accidentally booking an appointment. So I bottled it, text her that a family emergency had come up and went to the pub. Half an hour after I got there, she walked in. Turns out she genuinely liked me but now thought that I'd fucked her off because I didn't fancy her and was very upset. Couldn't explain why I'd really cancelled, and she never gave me a chance anyway. Off she went, never saw her again. 

And finally, a girl kind of attached to my group of mates in my local a few years ago had a proper go at a guy I know. Used to be a mate but he's a bit of a nutter and not terribly nice, especially around women so I keep my distance a bit. She gave him her number a week before but then he'd been absolutely pelting her with messages, 50 or 60 a day. So she told him to fuck off, very publicly, in the boozer. He got very angry and I got the job of calming him down. Genuinely think if I hadn't kept hold of his arm, he'd have swung for her.  She leaves pretty soon after, the atmosphere now being fucking horrible, and I get a FB friend request from her half an hour later while I'm at the bar and a message asking me to go round and see her. On the one hand the bloke was sort of a mate, but on the other, he was definitely in the wrong and I was single and horny, so you can guess what I did. About 3am I woke up needing a slash, asked her where her loo is. She responds 'it's through my son's room'. Right on cue a 4 year old boy walks in, picks up her vibrator off the floor and starts waving it around and asking what it is. 

I'm glad I'm married now and with any luck won't ever have to negotiate dating again. 

Went to a punk show Friday night, tested twice a day since, hearing from friend after friend that was there that they were testing positive, and sure enough I've just flunked a lateral flow test too. Wondering if it's this new super transmissible variant, as it seems that almost everyone at the gig picked it up.

Mums seventieth birthday visit cancelled, plus a course I was meant to go on for work next week. The only good thing right now is that my new job allows me to work from home so at least I'll be getting paid still. 

I forgot to update in here, but I got the job. Now at the end of my third week and loving it so far. Seem to be a really good company, putting me through a load of courses, good atmosphere and nice people. I'm almost suspicious at how well it's going. Only downside is that I've gone from 30k steps a day in the old job to being deskbound here with constant cakes and snacks so I'll be the size of a house in no time. 

@Frankie Crisp used one of them to get Steve Bull to do a vid for my 40th. Like yours, he got all the little details in and it made my day. Absolutely top. 

2 hours ago, Merzbow said:

So who would win? Boabby has to be the odds on favorite but I'm going with Navid.

Navid all the way. Remember the football episode? He's a vicious bastard. I reckon Isa would be in with a shout too though. 

Second interview went great. They just need to run it past one other manager and make sure the MD is happy with my salary expectations, but I should hear back by tomorrow. I'm not going to start celebrating yet but they've made it sound very much like the job's mine if I want it. So for the first time in ten years I'll be working normal hours and coming home every night. Rather chuffed. 

Cheers to everyone who chipped in with advice on my interview. Came off my night shift, got about four hours kip and woke up in time to put a smart shirt on and have a coffee while I went through my notes. The interview went well, they said I said all the right things without prompting, and want to progress me, so I've got an in-person interview on Monday. The way they spoke almost made it sound like the second interview is just a formality, but of course I don't want to get my hopes up. 

Anyway, right now I'm off to another night shift on four hours kip. Wish me luck. 

After an up and down few years workwise, I've got an interview next Thursday. I'll be in between nightshifts in my current job and doing the interview via video call from a Travelodge. All a bit partridge. 

The job is appointed person for lifting operations for a fencing firm that do massive projects including hs2. After being granted the interview I noticed a second ad for the same firm as a more general H and S advisor, slightly better pay. 

The last few years I've been working for a firm that does projects for b and q and Wickes, from new store openings down to simple one night jobs. I've moved up as far as the site supervision level, occasionally involved with project planning and H and S monitoring. And for two years until January I had a stint for a housebuilder as a site manager, so I'm familiar with the relevant procedures and legislation to a fair degree, but the role would be a huge change for me. 

I meet all the criteria in the ads and they do state that training will be provided, but after some bad experiences in the past I'm worried that if I do get it I'll be chucked in the deep end. 

Any tips or advice much appreciated (never done a video interview before). If this goes well, for the first time in ages I'll be home every night and the new Mrs Vance will be very happy. 

On 6/11/2021 at 9:11 PM, Kamaras-Tash said:

Keith Allen in the front?

Oi!

Yeah, Sabre is getting absolutely roasted right now. Surely he's going to have to make some sort of statement soon. 

Duncan out of Snuff's other band Guns n Wankers are in London Saturday with Pizzatramp in tow. Anyone else heading to town for it? 

Used to get told I look like Alistair McGowan. I hate Alistair McGowan. 

I'm at my local in Hastings right now and there's a tap takeover event on. Twelve pubs across town each hosting a different brewery. The imperial, my local, has got cloudwater. I'm in heaven. The New England IPA is astonishing. Frankie Crisp will attest to how good this place is. Me and him saw out a day here, I was so drunk I went home and pissed on a rug. 

V sad about Kim Shattuck so been spinning the Muffs all day yesterday. 

6 hours ago, Accident Prone said:

The Get Up Kids
Boysetsfire
The Lawrence Arms
Murder By Death
McClusky
Scarling

Fucking wonderful to see them lot get a shout-out in 2019. MBD are big faves of mine and deserve way more recognition than they've gotten thus far.

I saw MBD in 2001 when they were still called Little Joe Gould. It's amazing to see the depth of their catalogue since then. I need to go back and listen to it all. 

My ma's just sent me a pic of some of my old computer games in her loft to ask if I still want them (for context, I'm thirty fucking eight. Of course I still want them) , and among them was an N64 game called Rakuga Kids that I'd completely forgotten till now. 2d beat em up, but with childishly drawn characters. I remember killing hundreds of drunk hours with it at uni, might have to give it a blast when I can get hold of it again and see how it holds up now. 

Beetle Adventure Racing on the N64 doesn't get the love it deserves. Really enjoyable.