Fictional Writing

[robbo9292]

Didn't know if this would be the right section to ask in because i thought with it being fictional writing it would be off topic, yet with the writing relating to wrestling i thought this would be the appropriate part of the forum. Please move to the right section if necessary.

 

Anyway back on topic, i've had to write a chapter so to speak of a fictional book for my media studies work and have came up with this: http://fav.me/d5681ul

 

now the main reason i've posted it is because 1: i like it and 2: i want peoples honest opinions.

 

So yeah please post your opinions on their if you have an account or on here.

 

Thanks,

Karl

[Arch Stanton]

So yeah please post your opinions on their if you have an account or on here.

Well, that's not a promising start.

 

John stood there behind the curtain waiting for his music to play in the gymnasium. As he was standing waiting Karl McMahon came and wished him look in their match.

 

Glaring linguistic error only two sentences in. You're going to get ripped here mate.

[robbo9292]

So yeah please post your opinions on their if you have an account or on here.

Well, that's not a promising start.

 

John stood there behind the curtain waiting for his music to play in the gymnasium. As he was standing waiting Karl McMahon came and wished him look in their match.

 

Glaring linguistic error only two sentences in. You're going to get ripped here mate.

 

to be fair, at least i can class it as a draft with an error like that as i don't have a draft version right now. So thanks for picking that up, along with the their haha

 

Also to point out this is my first time writing something like this, so as long as people pick up on stuff i don't mind

[Retro Red]

It reads like bad wrestling fan fiction if I'm truly honest. The actual Mary-Sue plot aside It didn't flow very well, and swung between real and kayfabe too much. someone like Woy would be able to better deconstruct it than me though, so I'll stop there.