Scotland

 

Loved Dana Brooke in the scrubs, apparently I have a nurse fetish and never knew.

I think that was the moment a lot of people realised they have a Dana Brooke fetish. Absolute filth.

Apollo Crews is the cure for insomnia.

 

Nonsense, that young man has got superstar written all over him, maggle. 

He'll be yodelling next. 

Yeah, get him crushed. I knew he was finished after an early face off with Jericho on Smackdown, his face looked like he'd been stung by a bee, possibly an allergic reaction to Chris Jericho or something, which is more than unfortunate. If you're going to be world champion you need a decent dermatologist. 

I love that the announcers almost didn't notice.

 

"That's Tatanka isn't it?"

"Probably, maggle"

 

I clocked him right away and I thought the same thing "That's Tatanka". Normally when an old timer shows up I either think "Great, Stone Cold is here" or "For fuck sake, not this cunt again" so just noticing somebody happened to be there was a Wrestlemania first for me. 

Merchandise sales might be sluggish at best, but Jimmy Yewtree is definately somebody we'd all love to hate (apart from the post mania Raw crowd, they cheer the ones they normally boo, maggle). 

 

A lout (a white lout obviously) interrupting a segment where we honour our troops. His music can hit during a minutes silence, he can hit a veteran over the head with a poppy wreath and a squaddie can come in and spear him to a massive pop. Everyone would love that. 

I think there's mileage in an act called "The Junior Doctor". Naturally he starts off as a babyface but as he goes up against the Authority the crowd start to turn on him. I'm not sure how accessible it would be for the types that are happy to sit in the pub all day watching re-runs of only fools and horses, but the Guardianistas would be all over it like a Quinoa salad. 

No Cowboy hat this time though. Zack must have broke it when he aggressively tore it off his own head and threw it on the ground to stop himself from looking like a twat. Shame he looked like a twat though. Another reason to dislike Zack the cunt, imagine doing that to your old man on the grandest stage of them all. Come on Zack, not in front of the boys. 

"That's what's so unique about this butlins crowd, they are having fun Maggle."

If it were a normal Raw it would have been excellent. Expectations are so high for this show though that the usual standards don't apply. At least it wasn't predictable. No Bayley, Joe or Balor, instead we got an advert for Puerto Rico and Apollo Crews. Who would have thought AJ and Natalya would be number one contenders? I just worry that somewhere in that office a lack of work/life balance and job security has cultivated an environment where weaknesses and shortcomings aren't properly addressed, and if somebody is inclined to look at why Raw wasn't universally well received the conclusion is that the show was too unpredicatble, and that audiences don't want that. 

 

Zack Ryder is such an insufferable phoney, that grin looks like he's wearing a mask on the bottom half of his face but his horrible, spiteful little eyes tell the real story. I hate him and I hope he gets fired, they'd be better off getting his dad in. It's little wonder entitled bores like him and Ziggler will never go anywhere fast. 

 

Enzo and Cass where better than I thought they'd be. I worried their schtick would get old fast but if Enzo's able to do what he did on Monday more weeks than not he'll be a star. Zayn is starting to grow on me a bit as well. 

I think i'd take my trousers off if we saw that sleazy walk to the ring this monday. I hope Kanye West doesn't start sniffing around for a cut but that intro sounds an awful lot like "Hell of a Life". 

Add me to the Nakamura fan club, that was sensational. In an age where polished turds like Ziggler could be replaced by holograms somebody that looks like they are spontaneous and going with the flow is a breath of fresh air. He's kind of all over the place, but he's one of these stars you can't stop watching such is the level of confidence, character and charisma. The guy carries himself like a million bucks, and I bet he'd be able to get most crowds onside pretty quickly.  This is all just before he's started dishing out the punishment as well. 

 

It wasn't as bad as it looked, if it was Zayn would have looked far less steady on his feet but there was definately a bit of mustard on that, you could see Zayn getting more physical as the match went on and that element of reserve and caution was less evident which appeared to me to be something Nakamura was bringing out in him. I think he'd make an excellent shitbag as well, you could just see him ruthlessly giving an AJ Styles a good beatdown on behalf of the gaffer. There's real promise here, and gives us something to look forward to. 

Jericho looked utterly mortified delivering that "two front teeth" pish, and rightly so. In my years of watching Wrestling that has to be up there with the most cringe inducing things i've ever seen, it was horrible. On his podcast with Cena on the network Jericho coined the phrase "poopy Cena" to describe an aspect of Johns work that essentially stinks the house out. I don't know what term you could use to describe Jericho when he's in "he's behind you" mode but it's the worst face patter in the business just now. I actually enjoy his more intense, serious moments, his stare down with Styles on Smackdown was top notch as stare downs go. Y2J the entertainer is unwatchable though, which is a shame as all things considered I should really be looking forward to seeing him. 

 

Bryan is the only guy in years where i've cared whether he wins or loses. When he won the big one at WM30 I cheered like my team had just scored a last minute winner. At my age with decades of viewing behind me, as cynical as I am in this era to elicit any kind of emotional response is remarkable and to actually support a guy to that extent is something I didn't think would happen and can't see happening again. I'm gutted this has happened, he's my personal all time favourite and i'll miss him. 

They might as well. He couldn't look less like a drifter, it just looks like River Island have had a sale. Orlando has some pretty restrictive vagrancy laws, so they're giving us a hipster dressed up in gimpy accessories. It's a terrible look for working in a call centre, never mind this caper. 

That was me as well. I don't see the problem with it. If you're going to have a name like Yawn Fro-beard, chuckleheads like me are going to go for the low hanging fruit every time. 

The Pink Crustacean of the Wyatt Family. Stick a pair of black trunks on that and a promising midcard run beckons. 

Lesnar against Prawn Strawman would be a lousy attraction and it would stink the house out, but i'd watch Lesnar Bob Holly the useless lump after seeing the petrified look on Strawbeards coupon at the rumble, it reminded me of the time he threw that chair at the Miz. As for Taker/Snowman though, they'd genuinely be better off with one of the Uso's masquerading as Fake Yokozuna and going over Taker with the Hulkster stepping in to finish the job (with Takers blessing of course). Would get one of the Uso's on the Mania card if nothing else. 

HHH's promo on Raw was worthy of the occasion. It was spectacular, with some excellent lines. 

 

If we're heading towards anything other than HHH/Reigns in the Main Event of Mania i'd be extremely surprised. To be fair, as feuds go they've done a reasonable job of giving it a decent build up over the past few months. I think the negative outlook concerning Romans future as a star is a bit unwarranted and it's more than unfortunate. I don't think he's going to be the man, but he's most definately already a star on a level above most of the rest. Despite everything that's happened he's an established main eventer, and you're a long ways from being "fucked" if you're closing Wrestlemania 2 years on the bounce. There's a lot of focus on what he isn't as opposed to what he is, and i'd gladly take 2 or 3 more full timers at his level over the rest of the shite they're trotting out just now. The project has been poorly handled, but it's not a disaster like Ryback for example. 

 

What to do with The Undertaker though. In some respects this probably being his last Mania in his home state is as much of a disadvantage as it is an advantage. On one hand, his last match would sell itself, but you'd need a strong opponent for a big moment like that they are struggling for someone that could cut it. If it was just another appearance like the Wyatt match last year there are options all over the place. They'll need someone that belongs in the role. Cena or Sting would have been ideal, and i'd buy the idea of HBK getting closure by coming out of retirement for one match only to retire the Undertaker, even if it's been done. It's anyones guess just now, his brother in a career v career match in Texas is an option albeit a poor one. It's probably more meaningful than most of the alternatives though. 

The current storyline with Becky and Charlotte has been the best thing in the divas division in recent memory, it's currently my favourite thing on the show. Usually the Divas are immediate fast forward fodder but from start to finish this feud has been excellent. Its everything wrestling should be, and it's been perfectly executed. Charlotte plays an excellent bitch, and Becky draws great sympathy, her Flair insult was a great line well delivered. It should result in a feel good win at the Rumble, hopefully it's not just build to a Sacha face turn to face Charlotte at Mania though. 

 

Good stuff. 

I collected the characters from the 80's/early 90's so I had the Rockers, but I never had HBK. This meant I couldn't superkick Marty then chuck him through the barbershop window as Shauns feet were stuck together.

 

I also ended up with El Gigante from WCW. He made his debut as Giant Gonzalez and was the top heel in my collection because he wasn't a Hasbro. To this day he's still an outcast inside a farmfoods bag in the spare room. If he's worth a couple of quid he's getting punted, and if I hadn't set the ropes on my ring on fire with a tealight during the "pyro" at a "PPV"  in the 90's there'd be one last retirement angle before he goes. 

 

 

 

 

You don't pit Batman against the Incredible Hulk or The Joker against the Riddler, why? because it makes no logical sense.

The whole planet is creaming themselves over Batman vs Superman right now, though.....

Apart from captain planet, he feels left out

 

He's not bringing pollution down to zero either, he didn't even make an appearance as a delegate at the Paris Agreement. 

The very next week after losing the belt in dramatic fashion he was chuckling with delight at ringside when one of his pals got the upper hand during a match. It was a bit like your house burning down and being pleased because you've found a fiver in a pair of trousers that have been donated to you because all your clothes caught fire. He's resilient and a glass half full kind of guy if nothing else.