Moments of amusement

[DCW]

I had to go to court yesterday cos one of my lads was getting sentenced. While waiting for his case they were dealing with the lads arrested the previous evening to see if they get bail or go in on remand. The prison officers and the police we're all sort of giggling when they brought the next lad out from the cells. 

The court clerk shouts ' now, we're dealing with Mr. Off.' The judge asked for the name again from her and she explained that he'd no ID and the only name he'd given when lifted was 'Fuck Off' so thats what he was being called on the charge sheet. Judge goes 'Yes alright. Fuck Off, are you applying for bail?'. How he kept a straight face I do not know.

[Keith Houchen]

Probably one for The Daily Shithouse but I was in a queue of traffic. In the middle lane and the inside lane was closing up ahead so people were trying to nudge over. Only doing about five mile and hour and I let someone in, much to the chagrin of the couple behind me. I could see then tutting and shaking their heads in my mirror. A few feet further down and I let another car filter over. Cue the woman driving beeping her horn and shouting something. I did what anyone would’ve done in the circumstances and waved at them as I let another car in. She made the wanker gesture and he looked fummin bab. 
 

As soon as the opportunity arose, she quickly moved into a gap in the outer lane, beeping furiously and gesticulating wildly as they passed. For some reason me smiling and waving at them as they passed seemed to infuriate them further. Still, that was nothing compared to look on their faces a minute later when I blew them a kiss as I passed them because their lane had ground to a stand still. 
 

Cheered me up no end, that has. 

[BigJag]

I had a similar situation on my way home yesterday. Traffic was slow.  I left a largish gap to the car in front, as I was approaching a yellow cross hatch box.We were in single file traffic. The gap would have closed very quickly. Idiot behind me decided he'd cross into the oncoming lane. Overtake and squeeze into the closing gap in front of me. Around 10 seconds later I would filter left and he would have to wait third in line at a red light. I gave him a wave as I cruised past the nitwit.

[RIDDUM_N_STYLE]

Watching The Batman in the cinema yesterday, during a scene that I had seen being shot outside St Georges Hall in Liverpool, there was an amusing, to me anyway, editing error as during an overhead shot of the crowd there was the visible presence of a MerseyTravel bus stop that used to be located outside the venue before it was removed during the butchered and ongoing roadworks being done on Lime Street 

[Sphinx]

On 3/11/2022 at 11:23 AM, jazzygeofferz said:

West Didsbury,obviously.Who wants to live with those oiks in East Didsbury. Even then West Didsbury is the poor man's Withington.

All sorts going on on Burton Road. Withington's the step up from Fallowfield.

[Jazzy G]

In the shop just now buying big roll for Mrs Jazzy's uncle. The old fella in front of me in the queue puts his basket on the counter: full to the brim with cans of booze and a copy of Mayfair sat on top. 

[Keith Houchen]

Oh sorry, didn’t realise that was you, I’d have said hello otherwise. 

[Jazzy G]

You probably didn't realise it was me out of uniform. You won't have been able to see me properly. 

[waters44]

The old social faux pas thread is archived now so thought I’d post this here 

A friend of mine runs a beauty parlor  from her house and she posted this on Instagram which really cracked me up.

She had a new client come in for a treatment which involved covering her face with a mask. As my friend put the mask on this ladies face she was supposed to say “Prepare to relax” but for some reason said “Prepare to die” instead!

[Cousin Jim Bob]

My nephew loves playing football, he plays for his school team and a local team on the weekends. He isn't very good but none of them are really at his age. 8 years old.

 

His weekend team are especially rubbish, as is there coach. Who spends most of their games staring at his phone. They have lost every game this season like 6-nil. Going along to a few to cheer him on I noticed how crap the refs are. They never give out cards for obvious fouls. So last week instead of having a kick about with him at the park. I started training him in the dark arts of football shithousery. He is a midfielder so lots of chopping legs out, sweeping back legs, pulling shirts, feigning injuries etc, basically if the other team got in his half he would do something sketchy.

 

So yesterday against a team at the top of the table, who beat them 5 nil a few weeks ago. They won 1-0 from a scrappy goal of a corner. My nephews display of shithousery was epic. It was man of the match worthy although they didn't give him an award. The highlight was smashing some kid who was through on a 1 on 1, then falling down and holding his face like he had been shot. He was timewasting, fouling and ruining any chance of a decent game breaking out from the first minute. I was so proud. We took the whole team to McDonalds after for a feast to celebrate.

[Mr_Danger]

Just read this on our workplace WhatsApp chat.
 

[air_raid]

Maybe better for the shithouse thread but I get the best laugh of my day when I get an arsey email from a customer asking for an update on the status of their order and I get to reply that the status is that they still haven’t paid for it so nothings happening.

[Tommy!]

I get a bright spot in my working day for something similar but it's internal;

"you haven't done X, that's not good enough" 

"I was told not to do it in the leadership alignment last week" 

"which idiot told you not to do that, they clearly don't know what they are doing" 

"you" 

 

Amazing how often it happens before people learn not to have that conversation in a team call or meeting. 

[ReturnOfTheMack]

So at work I'd been at an ashes scattering appointment. On my way back I was walking through the cemetery, dressed all in black (including a dress coat), carrying a spade in one hand and a scattering urn in the other. A woman approached me and asked if I worked there.

 

Honestly, if I'd have said no I can't imagine how she'd have reacted.

[air_raid]

A while back I read a meme about that because the Range logo adjacent to "The (next line) Range" on the storefront is O shaped and orange coloured, it makes the sign look like it says "The Orange" and I can't unsee it, so every time we drive past the shop it makes me smile.