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Random jokes from film & tv

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The first 20 seconds of Lillith's first appearance in Cheers involves one of my all-time favourite jokes. The set-up gives so many options, but the punchline is just phenomenal. If you

Who are you and how did you get in here? I’m a locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.    Police Squad. 

I’m always staggered at how Arthur Matthews wrote the whole of Father Ted all on his own. 

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From UHF

Stanley : What's wrong, George?

George  : You don't wanna know.

Stanley: oh... Why'd I ask? 


From Austin Powers 

Vanessa Kensington: I know I'm paranoid but I can't shake this suspicious feeling about you and miss Fagina

Austin: You're right to be suspicious, I shagged her! 

Vanessa: what?

Austin: I shagged her rotten baby, yeah!

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The early series of Not Going Out had a load of good one liners. My favourite:

Lee: You grew up in a cul-de-sac in Henley, what do you know about tragedy?

Tim: The Greeks invented it, Shakespeare wrote about it, the Bee-Gees sang it and Steps covered it.

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She said she'd be wearing a white chiffon scarf to help me spot her....Oh for fuck sake....



Phoenix Nights 'Robot Wars'

Brian Potter: That a robot, son, is it?

Teenager: Actually the term is automaton. The Cleaner’s multidirectional, it’s fitted with a twin-wizard blade mechanism at the back and it’s also got a triphammer device at the front.

Brian Potter: Have you ever kissed a girl?

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