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Random jokes from film & tv


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The first 20 seconds of Lillith's first appearance in Cheers involves one of my all-time favourite jokes. The set-up gives so many options, but the punchline is just phenomenal. If you

Who are you and how did you get in here? I’m a locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.    Police Squad. 

I’m always staggered at how Arthur Matthews wrote the whole of Father Ted all on his own. 

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"Thank you, Carlene, your entire life is garbage"

Rosa Diaz, being my ringtone since 2014.

Edited by Shy Dad
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From Alan Partridge's Scissored Isle:

Alan's interviewing some lad who scavenges from bins and skips, and is quite impressed that he has a nice kitchen

Lad: "My wife's a lecturer"

Alan: "Aren't they all"

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"So this place is some kind of rehab cum spa?"

"Rehab, yes. We had to shut down the cum spa. Clogged plug holes, unwanted pregnancies, that sort of thing."

(A Touch of Cloth)

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Double post.

So, more from A Touch of Cloth, which was variable but had silly gags I enjoyed a lot:

Inspector: Any more out of you, and I'll look at the duty roster and have you cut from the same.

Cloth: But, sir, I - 

Inspector: CUT FROM THE SAME, CLOTH!

Edited by Chris B
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>  He was deranged, he was... lunatic. He didn't seem to like me very much. He had threatened to kill me in public.
>  Why would he want to kill you in public?
>  I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

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31 minutes ago, Chris B said:

Double post.

So, more from A Touch of Cloth, which was variable but had silly gags I enjoyed a lot:

Inspector: Any more out of you, and I'll look at the duty roster and have you cut from the same.

Cloth: But, sir, I - 

Inspector: CUT FROM THE SAME, CLOTH!

You've reminded me of this classic that occasionally just pops in to my head and makes me laugh -

Edit: oh. That's annoying. It's 'your cock up, my arse' from Thin Blue Line.

Edited by Chest Rockwell
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1 hour ago, Devon Malcolm said:

 

Didn't have to watch to know which line. It was beautiful, had me laughing out loud the first time I heard it.

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