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Random jokes from film & tv


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The first 20 seconds of Lillith's first appearance in Cheers involves one of my all-time favourite jokes. The set-up gives so many options, but the punchline is just phenomenal. If you

Who are you and how did you get in here? I’m a locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.    Police Squad. 

I’m always staggered at how Arthur Matthews wrote the whole of Father Ted all on his own. 

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Blues Brothers find out they're playing at a rough county bar:

Elwood:
What kind of music do you usually have here?

Bar landlady:
Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western

Austin Powers massaging Felicity Shagwell's back:

Austin: How does that feel, baby?
Felicity Shagwell: Mmm, lower.
Austin: (in a deep voice) How does that feel, baby? 

 

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"You ain't half the boy Nate was! You ain't even half the boy that the top half of Nate was after you cut him in half!"

- Walk Hard

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15 minutes ago, tiger_rick said:

What do prefer, Rodney, AstroTurf or Grass?

I dunno, I never smoked AstroTurf.

Similarly;

If I got into my car at 9 in the morning, it'd take me until 2 in the afternoon to drive around my land.

Yeah, we had a car like that once.

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55 minutes ago, Abe_Knuckleball_Schwartz said:

Paulie- “That’s why dinosaurs don’t exist no more!”

Goomar- “Wasn’t it a meteor?”

Paulie- “They’re all meat eaters!”

Chris- “METEOR, METEOR.”

Carm: Jackie Jr took her to the city to see Aida.

Tony: I eat her? 

Fucking lose it every time. 

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13 minutes ago, Pork Pie said:

Paulie: He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.

Christopher:
His house looked like shit.

One of my favourite episodes, simply for the fact that, while tracking that guy in a frozen New England forest, Paulie loses his shoe, and later he and Chris start falling out, which leads to this cracking line:

Christopher: I'll leave you behind, ya one-shoe cocksucker.

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