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Random jokes from film & tv


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I know there was a one-liner thread ages ago but it disappeared and I don’t remember any of them.

What short, punchy jokes from movies and television made you laugh riotously? Context or character not required, if it takes more than two sentences it’s too long, if you have to explain the joke then it’s not what I’m after.

The thread is prompted by my favourite line from Anchorman.

Ron : Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?

Brick : No, too many people died last year.
 

What made you split your sides?

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The first 20 seconds of Lillith's first appearance in Cheers involves one of my all-time favourite jokes. The set-up gives so many options, but the punchline is just phenomenal. If you

Who are you and how did you get in here? I’m a locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.    Police Squad. 

I’m always staggered at how Arthur Matthews wrote the whole of Father Ted all on his own. 

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From Doctor in the House (1954), the operation scene.

James Robertson Justice: You! What's the bleeding time?

Dirk Bogarde: 10 past 10.

 

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"Ah, wood! Nature's metal!" - From the movie Mystery Team

One that is firmly stuck in my brain, but I have no idea where it's from and no amount of googling helps is:

"This chirpy fella's known as Roger The Table. Why? Because he tried to once. As I recall it was a snooker table."

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"That's for John Lennon, ya yankee fucking cunt."

- In Bruges 

It's Ray's dogged perception of the couple being American and eventual fallout. The whole thing breaks me. 

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22 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

From Doctor in the House (1954), the operation scene.

James Robertson Justice: You! What's the bleeding time?

Dirk Bogarde: 10 past 10.

 

Fantastic.

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13 minutes ago, Chili said:

It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.

Nigel Tufnel - This is Spinal Tap (1984)

Ffs I was just going to post the amp going up to 11.

”Why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here”

- Biff Tannon

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