Overheard snatches of conversation

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

Sometimes in life you can be walking along minding your own business and you can just hear a line or two of conversation that makes you wonder what the rest of the conversation could possibly have been about. 

Today I was at the cash and carry, and as I am returning my trolley I hear from the other side of the half pulled down roller door

"I'm 31 years old and I've only just figured out why they call it a japs eye" 

That made me laugh more than it should to be honest, but it did also make me wonder how the fuck that comes up in conversation to begin with. 

So what have you overheard that made you laugh, wonder what was going on or both?

 

[Grecian]

Walking behind two female students on my way to the office once and heard one of them pretty much shout 'I wouldn't mind, but it was my fucking cucumber!' 

[WyattSheepMask]

“What are you taking Plaster of Paris on holiday for?”

[Arn Anderson's Darb]

I once got on a bus and sat down in front of two old women, and one of them said (in a strong Yorkshire accent which is very out of place to where I live)

"and if you don't know the difference between a Lindy hop, a Jitterbug and Jive.... well what are you doing?"

[unfitfinlay]

"Aye. I want a real man. No one that's going to kick my door in and nick my stereo because he wants *attention*"

And.

"My Grandson said 'God's real eh Gran?' I said 'Is he fuck!"

[lars85]

Once heard an old lady dragging what I assume was her grandson out of a crowd saying "Come on, Nanny needs to try for a poo"

[Glenryck Pilchards]

Back in 2002 I was touring a local college as a potential venue for my sixth form education.

I walked round a corner and there was a lovely young couple where the male said to female " 'Ere! Can I Twang yer bra?"

That question has been etched into my brain ever since 

[The Maestro]

About ten years ago when I was living in Coventry I overheard an angry mum ask her son who was playing up "what have I told you about that?" to which the child responded "bring on the wall!!" in the most excited tone possible. That really made me chuckle lol.

[ReturnOfTheMack]

Getting off the train a woman stumbled off the train, pissed as a fart, and told her mate 'fuckin hell that made me tampon fall out'

 

Overheard in Tesco one teen mum talking to another.

'I had that baby blues me'

'Me too, in America they call it postmortem depression'

[garynysmon]

2 hours ago, unfitfinlay said:

"My Grandson said 'God's real eh Gran?' I said 'Is he fuck!"

She's my new hero.

[Tommy!]

"Loz is alright, but he's got a cock like a saveloy" 

[Divorced Dad]

Couple of junkies stood behind me in the queue at Tesco discussing the difference between bees and wasps. 

"Bees collect stuff from flowers and take it back to the gaffer. Wasps don't do that" 

[Joe Blog]

Two lads walking out of a arena. One looking quite upset.

Upset lad "can't believe Paul did that"

His mate "Snapping a perfectly good pen, what a cunt."

[Suplex Sinner]

Glasgow to Paisley train. Circa 2014. Late shift at work, heading home and invariably it's me and two wee neds in the carriage. 

They're obviously getting it on so I try to ignore them, turning up my iPod and finding myself consumed with interest in the "what to do in the event of a fire" poster.

In between songs:

"F*cks' sake Sheena is that a sh*te nugget!? Ya clatty midden."

"Serves you right for fingering my farter ya prick I've not been!"

So many questions. Will never forget it.