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Lockdown Confessional


Frankie Crisp

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25 minutes ago, King Coconut said:

Many Germans still call these Nigger Kisses.

I was told by someone that a big pair of tits is referred to as "super dickmanns" or "dickmanns" in a sort of "get these invoices to Ingrid, you know Ingrid the blonde with the super dickmans" after the tunnocks style treat. 

I don't know if it's true but I certainly hope it is. 

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1 hour ago, PowerButchi said:

Am I the only fucker who doesn't like Waffle the Wonder Dog? 

It's all about Do You Know. Get the kids primed and ready to enjoy How It's Made. In the past I've convinced my nephew How It's Made was Do You Know. 

 

Also, Maddie Moate is neat. 

Naaa. Other then the mum being a sort, it’s a load of shit. The more I’ve watched it, the worst it’s got. Which is almost how I’d describe Topsy and Tim

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One exceptionally sad and pathetic thing I keep dwelling on is the lack of human contact. I’d give anything for a fucking hug off someone. I literally haven’t even been within 2ft of anyone in 8 weeks and it really sucks (2ft not 2m because people in the supermarkets are arseholes). I’m not generally a huggy person anyway but even that hand on the arm during a conversation or a tap on the shoulder for attention is a craving. I had a really shit day a couple of weeks ago and just drive for 20 minutes bawling my eyes out - not because of the shitty day but because there was no comfort at the end of it. It’s really shit.

Edited by Monkee
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2 minutes ago, Monkee said:

One exceptionally sad and pathetic thing I keep dwelling on is the lack of human contact. I’d give anything for a fucking hug off someone. I literally haven’t even been within 2ft of anyone in 8 weeks and it really sucks (2ft not 2m because people in the supermarkets are arseholes). I’m not generally a huggy person anyway but even that hand on the arm during a conversation or a tap on the shoulder for attention is a craving. I had a really shit day a couple of weeks ago and just drive for 20 minutes bawling my eyes out - not because of the shitty day but because there was no comfort at the end of it. It’s really shit.

Keep going Monkee. Not long hopefully :)

I saw a mate earlier as I was going to get the girls and he was running past and we had a good old chat for about half an hour (two metres apart!). Was only about old football shirts we'd both been looking at and wine he's drunk, but it was lovely. 

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The last couple of weeks I have been buying movies like a madman online (17 in all!!), owing to the fact that outside of the local Asda and Home Bargains, there isn't anywhere open to physically buy. The full shameful list goes as follows:

Hell Comes To Frogtown

The Monster Maker

Brain Damage

The Return of Dracula

Topaz

The Trouble With Harry

Suspicion

Saboteur

Family Plot

Nightmares

The Love Witch

The Beast With 1 Million Eyes

Tales That Witness Madness

The Dr Goldfoot Collection

When The Wind Blows

Ghoulies

The Day The Earth Caught Fire

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I started off getting pissed every day I wasn't supposed to be in office working, but then one morning got called into office unexpectedly and was fucking dying hungover, I had a shower and everything before going in, but could still smell the beer sweating out of me. After doing what I was called into do, I went and sat in the disabled toilet for 40 minutes trying not to puke but ultimately ended up having to jump off the bus home and puke into a hedge. So I knocked the weekday drinking on the head totally after that. Besides that I've been watching crap old TV on Youtube (latest find is a 90's BBC docuseries called X Cars about undercover police in Manchester who drive hot hatchbacks and have Max Power posters up all over the station) and episodes of Always Sunny I've watched a million times before.

I also emailed a mobile bike mechanic about getting my bike fixed, but he wanted some ungodly amount so I just bought a puncture repair kit and cheap pump in Aldi and did it myself. That was on Saturday, and I still haven't bothered cycling it. I've no attention span for anything anymore I've found.

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